Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I saw this as one of the responses to a thread in this message board..... to a woman wondering first of all about some guy striking up a conversation with a woman at the gym. And was gauging his level of interest.....since she apparently didn't have a problem with it...she was just trying to figure out if the guy was interested in her. Apparently and obviously this woman didn't think he was creepy<shrug> If that's the case, I guess I'm guilty of being a straight, heterosexual male then, either that or a "so-called creepy guy". Depending on who you ask. I admit it, after years of having a member ship at the gym, and having gotten to know people after being there a time....call me "creepy" That the gym is somehow a "Sancturary". It's remarks made by women like this that really do themselves a disservice in the dating world. Probably a bra-burner as well. I wonder if women who make these kinds of statements are actually lesbi and/dyke OR a misandarist OR, has selective misnadrism (only likes it when an ATTRACTIVE man hits on her....ether it be the gym or anywhere else) Of course, I have heard some people would rather focus on their workouts, and that's understandable...I let them be if they appear focus...but if they are cooling off at the front desk or something I don't see why not. But it's remarks like this that concern me about some U.S. single women woah , well at the very least with that attitude I doubt you have many worries about being hit on :lmao:
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Why would you hit on a woman at a gym? You're there to work out, not ogle people. Besides, everybody's sweating, isn't that a turn off? That's another reason I go to a women's gym, less distraction. The same reason I might strike up a convo at the gym with a guy - because you can people ANYWhere.........
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 For that matter, I even hate getting talked to by anyone at the gym, men or women. I go to do my workout, sweat, look like crap, and get out of there. I listen to my IPod because I don't want to talk to you, or anybody. Women - it's not social hour. Men - it is not a club. Leave me alone and let me kick my ass for an hour and a half. This process of kicking my ass does not involve anyone but myself. A LOT of people seem to think that the gym is social time. Maybe for some it is, but for me it's not. It's a daily routine that is for ME and only ME. I am very social. I go out all the time. I love clubs, dancing, and parties. But I don't want to talk to you at the gym unless you are my trainer. Would you go up to someone and try to hit on them if they are jogging down the street? No, you wouldn't because it is rude. How is talking to someone in the middle of a workout at the gym any different? I can't jog down the street because I have a knee problem. Therefore I have to use low/non impact machines inside. People seem to think that because I'm on a stationary machine, I am accessible. Ladies, here's what you do when men (or women trying to make friends) try to talk to you. Wear headphones. Ignore them them the first time they say something. If they are persistant and try again, shout "WHAT? I HAVE MY HEADPHONES ON - SORRY, I CANT HEAR YOU". If they STILL don't walk away then remove your headphones from ONLY ONE EAR and say "I'm sorry... you were saying?" Just leave me alone at the gym. Kick ass time is workout time - and no - while I'm actually at it I don't want to be distracted - but after if I'm in the sauna, steam room, jacuzzi, pool whatever - sure
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 At the very least anyone you happen to "meet" at a gym has the same interst you do in looking after your body....... that's a definite step in the right direction ......
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 The same reason I might strike up a convo at the gym with a guy - because you can people ANYWhere......... that was "meet people" LOL
Lookingforward Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Also, some single U.S women are not interested in meeting any men (attractive or not) and wish to remain single. No one is obligated to talk to you. No one is obligated to even be polite to you. No one is obligated to have anything to do with you. I don't understand why someone would get so offended just because a woman wants nothing to do with you or conversate with you. It is my prerogative to be left alone and not talk to you. Has it dawned on you that some women LIKE to be single and CHOOSE to be single and have no interest in meeting any males? That doesn't mean they are lesbians. Perhaps they just prefer their vibrator to you? AND? Sorry hiit'sme - I hit the wrong quote on my first respone....... woah , well at the very least with that attitude I doubt you have many worries about being hit on :lmao: Should have been this one
bones1 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Some guys have remarkable success at the gym. To be honest, plenty of newly single women go there to get in shape, and go back on the market. They actually love the attention. Then there are the women who just have a pissed off look on their face everywhere they go. If you talk to the at the gym, chances are they wont like it. Sometimes Muslim countries have a much better concept of peoples sexuality. Women are covered. No confusion. They are free to be covered and go about their business. They have freedom of mind. Here, you see married women, single women etc all working out in a coed gym wearing next to nothing. Breasts hanging out, tiny tiny spandex shorts, etc. Sorry, but human nature says you will be hit on, or at least stared at. You can't change thousands of years of evolution because you think you have the right to be nearly naked in public, and men just have to not notice. As for myself, I don't approach women at the gym, as I respect they are working out, as am I, and I really am not the type to try and converse with women just because they are there. I have no problem approaching women at the grocery store for example, and actually dated the only 2 girls I asked out in that fashion.
CaliGuy Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 As for myself, I don't approach women at the gym, as I respect they are working out, as am I, and I really am not the type to try and converse with women just because they are there. I have no problem approaching women at the grocery store for example, and actually dated the only 2 girls I asked out in that fashion. Personally I don't HIT on women at the gym. I start friendly conversations with them. If they are interested in chatting more, we go from there. If not, we remain just gym pals. No harm, no foul. And trust me, if they don't want to talk, I don't press it.
Author HiItsMe Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 Personally I don't HIT on women at the gym. I start friendly conversations with them. Sorry, but some women don't even want you doing THAT to them at the gym. (Start friendly coversation) They classify that as "hitting on them" as well.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I dont see what the problem is. The gym is a social environment. If a few women find it "creepy" to be asked out by a guy at the gym, are we now supposed to label it as a creepy place to ask out women? Perhaps we should then extend that concept? If a few waitresses find it creepy to be asked out by guys at a restaurant. Fine, lets label restaurants as a creepy place to get asked out by guys. If a few women find it creepy to be asked out by guys at a bar when they are hanging out with their friends (oh dont tell me bs that there is not 1 single woman that finds it creepy to be asked out by guys at a bar as I am sure in a world with 3 billion+ women, there is at least 1) then perhaps we should label a bar as a creepy place to be asked out? Seriously, if you are too lazy to nicely reject a guy at the gym, then you are probably too lazy to go to a gym in the first place. It's not more of the term " creepy" but more like it should be obvious that a gym isn't a "social place" where you go up to a woman and start flirting. First of all, the environment is enough evidence that you can't "tap" booty. and second, most woman are there to work out, which means sweating and doesn't match the idea that while I'm sweating, I'm trying to attract ppl at the same time. There's a time and place for meeting and being sociable, but the gym isn't one of them. Sorry, but some women don't even want you doing THAT to them at the gym. (Start friendly coversation) They classify that as "hitting on them" as well. Pretty much. Why else would a guy start talking to you when you're out of breath on the treadmill? And sweating and practically smelly at that? Unless you're gay and want to exchange exercise plans.
bones1 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I guess since it is not an optimum place to talk to women, it would come of as a little classless to approach them in that environment. Some are busy, and some are a little self conscious about being all sweaty. And I agree with papercut. Why else talk to women at the gym, if you weren't hitting on them in some way. Women know we are not generally interested in what they have to say most of the time, and what we are after if we are a stranger. Remember they get hit on daily since they turned 16.
blondiepants Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 1) The implication that if you wear tight/revealing clothing at the gym, you are asking for it. I don't think that's true. I am at the gym to work on my body - I wear spandex pants so that I can see the shape of my body. I wear a skimpy top so that I can see the shape of my arms when I am lifting. Wearing baggy clothes to the gym gets me nowhere - I need to be able to see my body so that I can see what's going on. I also find that if I wear baggy stuff to the gym, I don't use proper alignment on machines, and I don't carry myself the right way, especially if I'm exhausted. 2) Bones1 - Why are you so offended that Trialbyfire has a list of criteria? I'm sorry, but if you've been dating for a while, chances are good that you know EXACTLY what you don't want in a guy. I happened to stumble into a great relationship 4 years ago, but that doesn't usually happen to most women. What's wrong with a woman who knows exactly what she wants from a guy? Most of us have been burned enough times to know how to avoid it. Does that threaten you all that much? It would be stupid if she didn't have some sort of filter at this point in her life. Why would she knowingly go out with someone who she already knows won't work for her? I hate to say it, but guys can be creepy, lame, strange, have mommy-issues, childish, and mean. There are fewer normal guys out there than you think. She is smart to be able to cut the crap early on and know what she is looking for. A LOT of women have "lists" like this, whether it is subconscious or actually written out. I don't understand why that upsets you so much? That's all from me.
bones1 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 We all know what we like and don't like. Saying you are single because your list is 400ft long sounds not only immature, but also bitter. Obviously 400ft is not to be taken literally, but the point is that the list is extremely long. In the same thread she contradicted herself many times, and it was quite easy to see that she was not being sincere in how picky she is. She had no problem finding dateable men, then couldn't find a man because of her list, then at the end admitted her list is negotiable. As many women do, she was saying it out of insecurity of being single. I have a pet peeve for people whom lack sincerity. It almost seems man-hating to list traits like honor, integrity, and then say she can't find a man who has those, or imply that most men do not. Oh tha must be why she is single.. Perhaps since she is a woman, you give her extra slack. Would you have much understanding for a man who said "Well, I can't find a woman to date. My list is 400ft long, and no woman matches up. She must be 5 foot 6, 110, 36dd, intelligent, wealthy, mature, kind, nurturing,sexy, energetic, honest,beautiful, want to have 5 kids, want to have sex 5 times a day, not jealous, ..." You would be thinking who does he think he is? he must be delusional. Or would you commend me for not settling for a regular woman? If you thought I was nuts, could I then rightfully say you are jealous for not matching up to my list? Now she didn't include her 400 ft list, only 5 generic traits, that I can honestly say I never dated a woman who did not have all of them. Normal human traits. So, I am guessing most must be pretty superficial, perhaps not as in the list above, but maybe in other ways. And all I said about the gym is.... Don't wear skimpy skin tight clothes around hundreds of testosterone filled men, and be bouncing around, then be offended if they stare, make comments, or ask you out. DUH. I don't, but many men do.
CaliGuy Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Sorry, but some women don't even want you doing THAT to them at the gym. (Start friendly coversation) They classify that as "hitting on them" as well. Meh, if it bothers them so be it. I won't lose any sleep over it.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Not to pull this thread even further off track, but I totally agree. Then again, I think many people react the same way... (myself sometimes included), The part that I don't understand is why it matters, particularly with someone like bones. If he can't match up, he can't. There's no need to force the issue 'cause it's never going to happen. 2) Bones1 - Why are you so offended that Trialbyfire has a list of criteria? I'm sorry, but if you've been dating for a while, chances are good that you know EXACTLY what you don't want in a guy. I happened to stumble into a great relationship 4 years ago, but that doesn't usually happen to most women. What's wrong with a woman who knows exactly what she wants from a guy? Most of us have been burned enough times to know how to avoid it. Does that threaten you all that much? It would be stupid if she didn't have some sort of filter at this point in her life. Why would she knowingly go out with someone who she already knows won't work for her? I hate to say it, but guys can be creepy, lame, strange, have mommy-issues, childish, and mean. There are fewer normal guys out there than you think. She is smart to be able to cut the crap early on and know what she is looking for. A LOT of women have "lists" like this, whether it is subconscious or actually written out. I don't understand why that upsets you so much? That's all from me. I'm guessing he's been rejected enough times to feel that women should all just embrace him, "as is". As for wearing tight clothing to the gym, that's individual choice for comfort. Certain moisture breathing fabrics are made into close fitting cuts. People should wear whatever they want to wear to the gym since most of them are there to work out, not to socialize!
bones1 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Trial, what can I not match up to? There were not any criteria even listed that made me feel the least bit inadequate. Or is that just a good sounding feminist retort when someone points out how childish it sounds to be proud of having a 400 ft long list. And that is the reason why you are single! But yes, people do need to accept others "as is".. Those of us that don't live in fantasy land realize that. But you already know you aren't even picky. In your case it just sounds strong and good to say, as if you just can't find a man to match up to your high standards. What are the chances you find that man, and then match up to his 400 ft long list lol.. Miniscule.
Art_Critic Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Trial, what can I not match up to? There were not any criteria even listed that made me feel the least bit inadequate. Are you hitting on a poster in a thread about not hitting on them in the gym..
Tomcat33 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 It's not more of the term " creepy" but more like it should be obvious that a gym isn't a "social place" where you go up to a woman and start flirting. First of all, the environment is enough evidence that you can't "tap" booty. and second, most woman are there to work out, which means sweating and doesn't match the idea that while I'm sweating, I'm trying to attract ppl at the same time. There's a time and place for meeting and being sociable, but the gym isn't one of them. What? How is the gym not a social place!?!? A gym is no less a social place than let's say a mall is, or a place of work, or a restaurant. In all those three examples people are at those places strictly get a job done, yet people meet at those places all the time. Shoot you can meet someone at the doctor's office if it just so happens you click with someone there. I just don't get this concept of "there is a time place"!?!? The way I see it is any time you are around other people IS a time and place. Of course you should always use your discretion when praticing the art of "picking up" but on the same token you could say a dance club is not the right place to pick someone up because people are there to dance. This North American attitude of, "let's set guidelines as to when and where I can meet someone" is really foolish to me. Must be that in places like Europe or South America you could be sitting at the corner waiting for the bus and a someone will spark up a chat with you if the feeling strikes them and no one bats an eyelash, it's understood and people are way more chilled about being picked up. Maybe that's why there are so many miserable singles here because we live with WAAAAAY too many uptight rules.
Art_Critic Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Shoot you can meet someone at the doctor's office if it just so happens you click with someone there. I know someone who met in the middle of the night 4am by dialing the wrong number on the phone.. It was a wrong number.. they have been married now for 3 years.. They struck up a quick convo and he called her back the next day..
forrest Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 What? How is the gym not a social place!?!? A gym is no less a social place than let's say a mall is, or a place of work, or a restaurant. In all those three examples people are at those places strictly get a job done, yet people meet at those places all the time. Shoot you can meet someone at the doctor's office if it just so happens you click with someone there. I just don't get this concept of "there is a time place"!?!? The way I see it is any time you are around other people IS a time and place. Of course you should always use your discretion when praticing the art of "picking up" but on the same token you could say a dance club is not the right place to pick someone up because people are there to dance. This North American attitude of, "let's set guidelines as to when and where I can meet someone" is really foolish to me. Must be that in places like Europe or South America you could be sitting at the corner waiting for the bus and a someone will spark up a chat with you if the feeling strikes them and no one bats an eyelash, it's understood and people are way more chilled about being picked up. Maybe that's why there are so many miserable singles here because we live with WAAAAAY too many uptight rules. Tomcat, you pretty much summed up what I was going to say, minus the fact that hot women sweating is still HOT.
Tomcat33 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I know someone who met in the middle of the night 4am by dialing the wrong number on the phone.. It was a wrong number.. they have been married now for 3 years.. They struck up a quick convo and he called her back the next day.. Awww I LOVE stories like that!! That is so super romantic, what are the chances two voices that clicked would actually click in person? Why in the world would you limit your chances to find love?? What is this labeling of where is good and where is not to meet the person that could potentially be the love of your life!?!? "A gym is not a social place" Whhhaaaa...? C'mon!! Fine no one wants to be bothered when they are pumping iron or on the treadmill, and I think most guys would have the decency and awareness not to go hit on a girl while she is deep in workout mode. But there is nothing wrong with sparking up conversation with someone when the moment is right. And the key to it, and really this applies anywhere, and that is know when to call it quits as a guy. If you become persistent when the woman has made it clear she is not interested then that becomes a really uncomfortable situation for the woman. She then feels this need to avoid you at the gym and it becomes cumbersome. So as a guy always be cool about it.
blondiepants Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Bones, you don't know what is on her "list" and neither do I. I am not defending her because she is a woman, but because most of my single friends have similar "lists." I think it is doubtful that it says things like 6'2" blue eyes red Porsche Owns, not rents Vacation home in Tahiti Most likely it reads more like this (something like my friends' lists look like): Honest (won't cheat on me) Doesn't check out teenagers when they walk by Can support himself Works out Is not in a huge amount of debt Has a decent and stable job Likes to be around children Now, I could be totally wrong and TBF could be the most superficial person in the world, but I doubt it. Yes, if you had a list that read as you listed, I WOULD think you are superficial. But there is NOTHING wrong with having standards. She hasn't backpedalled, and she hasn't really contradicted herself. It would be clear to anyone that she was joking about the 400ft thing. That was just another way to say "I'm choosy and don't want to settle." It seems like her posts threaten you quite a bit. I know, as a guy, to hear that women have a list of criteria is threatening, but clearly you're doing fine - you said you're seeing someone. Obviously you met your girlfriend's criteria, so what are you worried about? You don't have to date TBF ever, but her choices are her prerogative. If she wants to be choosy, who cares? I don't. Maybe it means there will be one less divorce in the world eventually. Women are biologically engineered to pick a mate who will meet certain standards. Just lay off of her - you're picking on her for no reason.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Bones, you don't know what is on her "list" and neither do I. I am not defending her because she is a woman, but because most of my single friends have similar "lists." I think it is doubtful that it says things like 6'2" blue eyes red Porsche Owns, not rents Vacation home in Tahiti Most likely it reads more like this (something like my friends' lists look like): Honest (won't cheat on me) Doesn't check out teenagers when they walk by Can support himself Works out Is not in a huge amount of debt Has a decent and stable job Likes to be around children Now, I could be totally wrong and TBF could be the most superficial person in the world, but I doubt it. Yes, if you had a list that read as you listed, I WOULD think you are superficial. But there is NOTHING wrong with having standards. She hasn't backpedalled, and she hasn't really contradicted herself. It would be clear to anyone that she was joking about the 400ft thing. That was just another way to say "I'm choosy and don't want to settle." It seems like her posts threaten you quite a bit. I know, as a guy, to hear that women have a list of criteria is threatening, but clearly you're doing fine - you said you're seeing someone. Obviously you met your girlfriend's criteria, so what are you worried about? You don't have to date TBF ever, but her choices are her prerogative. If she wants to be choosy, who cares? I don't. Maybe it means there will be one less divorce in the world eventually. Women are biologically engineered to pick a mate who will meet certain standards. Just lay off of her - you're picking on her for no reason. Yes everybody's entitled to their likes and dislikes. I find that the fight you're trying to pick with TBF is absolutely ridiculous, considering you seem to find something wrong with her every reply. It's like she's a thorn in your side, and you won't rest until you've completely ripped her out of you.
bones1 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 What set the "list" debate off is TBF saying.. " I have a 400 ft scroll full of requirements which at the top of the list includes some of the most stringent moral requirements which most men aren't capable of meeting." That is just an UGLY attitude. Basically saying most men are not capable of being honorable, honest, or exhibiting integrity. Not to mention that it sounds completely ignorant to stereotype an entire gender. But I guess it is politically correct to do that to men? That is the man hating jargon that is so popular these days amongst women that have no clue of how to keep a man. Like if I more crudely said in this thread "Most women seem to be sluts and whores and are not capable of meeting my high standards. I have a 400ft long list of requirements" You would be thinking "Wow, he has a great attitude and must be a great catch? He doesn't settle!" And if you did take offense I would childishly keep retorting " Oh you must be mad that you don't meet my standards!"
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Read what I wrote and understand it bones before getting your panties in a twist! Requoting myself for maximum effect!
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