thebroken1 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 My wife and I are separated, not legally, but she and our 2 kids are living at her mothers house about 20 miles from where I currently live. When she had finally decided that the love was completely gone, she decided that she was moving back to Indiana from our home in Texas, and that she was taking the kids with her. Having always been Mr. Mom since our first was born, I couldn’t stomach the thought of being apart from my children for any type of extended period, I quit my job, got all the stuff packed, and followed my wife and kids back to Indiana. Not so long after we got back, we started talking, and I got her thinking about reconciliation, and after awhile, she thought it would be a good idea. She got her job back at where she used to work prior to our move to Texas, and she wanted me to babysit the kids for her while she worked, and then at night when she’d get off we’d talk and and reconnect and everything was going awesome. 7 days ago (7-4-08), she asks me to watch the kids Monday (7-7-08) – Thursday (7-10-08). I couldn’t watch the kids on Wed. As I had job interviews lined up, at different parts of the day, so the whole day was pretty much booked. She went off the wall, and said that everything was done, she was tired of me , she was done trying, she wanted a divorce, and she wanted the kids. Since I didn’t want them around as it was. As it stands, I gladly watch my kids 5-6 days a week from 2p-11p. Sunday she asks if she can come over with the kids and stay from Mon-Thur and I said it was ok. Wednesday, everything had been going good, and she says that she’s done, that she thought she was pregneant, and she’s not, and she wants to get herself back. When asked what that entailed, she said she’s been talking to guys through chatrooms, phone, text, IM, myspace. And she wanted to date again and all that other stuff. There has been numerous emotional affairs and I am near certain of 1 physical affair, in our 3 years of marriage from her. She’s left 5 times with the kids. And I don’t want to do it anymore. I really have no clue whats going on in my life, I feel so alone and I just have so many raw emotions that I have never felt before coming up and ruling my life. I havent slept in 5 days, ate in 7. And basically feel like I have been having a week long anxiety attack, and the only person that i can talk to about it, that I could trust enough to be there for me is the same person causing all the trauma. And the worst part of it all is, is that I have this strong feeling to be intimate with a woman, to feel her touch, to be comforted, but when I think about it, the thoughts horrify me, as I really want to be with no one but my wife. How is that you cope with such things? I'm in serious need of help.
whichwayisup Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Talk to a lawyer. Document everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Seems like you're the stable parent and she's the one who is reverting back to a teen. I know you love her, but she is not interested in staying married, atleast not right now. If anything, you two should have JOINT custody. Why should she get the kids and not you?
cyabye Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I've been in a similar situation as you except I was the bread winner and watched the kids all the time too. All I can tell you is she will NEVER stop doing what she is doing. It is up to you to get off the emotional roller coaster she is putting her family through. You need to detach yourself from her completely. Start taking care of yourself and your kids. Take it one day at a time. Sounds like she is using you for baby sitting services for free while she is out there banging anyone she wants. She will keep abusing you as long as you let her. SO LET HER GO! It is time for you to man up, grow a back bone and tell her BYE FOR GOOD. Find yourself a job and start taking care of you. As far as needing the touch of a woman, you need to put that on hold for awhile. Your self esteem is in the toilet and that is why you feel like that. You need to go through the stages of the divorce process. Maybe you need to see your Dr. about getting that anxiety under control. Xanax works wonders when going through this. You need sleep. The medication will help you eat too. Don't let this woman, your so called wife do this to you. I LET mine do this to me numerous of times because I "loved" her and I couldn't believe she was doing this. She left again and I finally said enough. I don't care what her reasons are for leaving anymore. When she talks, it's all lies. So tired of being my fault. Does all this sound familiar? BREAK THE CYCLE. You would be better off having some friends come over with baseball bats and each of them hit you once. At least it's done and over with and you could heal. She will keep doing this to you over and over again. It is abusive, disrepectfull and has nothing to do with love. So love yourself and walk away. See your kids when you can not when she needs you to baby sit and take care of them the best you can. I cope with my situation by NOT dealing with her BS anymore. Man be true to yourself. Be a man. Hold on to your self respect. Hope this helps, cyabye
Gunny376 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I've been in a similar situation as you except I was the bread winner and watched the kids all the time too. All I can tell you is she will NEVER stop doing what she is doing. It is up to you to get off the emotional roller coaster she is putting her family through. You need to detach yourself from her completely. Start taking care of yourself and your kids. Take it one day at a time. Sounds like she is using you for baby sitting services for free while she is out there banging anyone she wants. She will keep abusing you as long as you let her. SO LET HER GO! It is time for you to man up, grow a back bone and tell her BYE FOR GOOD. Find yourself a job and start taking care of you. As far as needing the touch of a woman, you need to put that on hold for awhile. Your self esteem is in the toilet and that is why you feel like that. You need to go through the stages of the divorce process. Maybe you need to see your Dr. about getting that anxiety under control. Xanax works wonders when going through this. You need sleep. The medication will help you eat too. Don't let this woman, your so called wife do this to you. I LET mine do this to me numerous of times because I "loved" her and I couldn't believe she was doing this. She left again and I finally said enough. I don't care what her reasons are for leaving anymore. When she talks, it's all lies. So tired of being my fault. Does all this sound familiar? BREAK THE CYCLE. You would be better off having some friends come over with baseball bats and each of them hit you once. At least it's done and over with and you could heal. She will keep doing this to you over and over again. It is abusive, disrepectfull and has nothing to do with love. So love yourself and walk away. See your kids when you can not when she needs you to baby sit and take care of them the best you can. I cope with my situation by NOT dealing with her BS anymore. Man be true to yourself. Be a man. Hold on to your self respect. Hope this helps, cyabye Cyabye has it right, buts there's more. Its part hormonal, its part societial, part cultural, part of lost youth, part MLC, yada~yada. Your choices? Suck it up and deal with it or suck it up, deal with it and end it. I personally choose to suck it up and end it! And, I've not regretted it once. My X and I was toxic. I don't believe in the cultural/societial myth of "Happily Ever Afer" and all that BS. But I know all too well the reality of having been married three or four times of some men and ending up 60+ years old living in a roach infested rental single wide trailer. Forget that!
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