Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Like I said. You and he can't communicate. You both had opportunities to keep this from happening. At this point, I don't think you and he would do any better if you were duct-taped together. And this: is a detail you left out before. But even that doesn't change my opinion of what happened. I'm only posting here, because I see all the blame being aimed at him, when I see that you contributed to the problem. So I'm not letting you off the hook that easily! No hon, I never left that detail out. It was listed in the text rally that he and I had before I left for SF. You just forgot it... Hmmm...duct taped to him. Sounds HAWT. I dunno, Johan. I hear what you're saying. I DID attack him today. But, don't think he was blind-sided by it. He knew he didn't contact me. AND an interested guy would have checked in. He just loves to be chased. I still think he agreed, and then changed his mind, so he was looking for a way out. Ignoring a woman long enough to piss her off and get her to snap is the way to do it. Now I feel like nasty texting him like Shadow said. lol Man, someone gave me a LARGE nasty pill this week!
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 If I forgot it, that's as good as you leaving it out. Man, someone gave me a LARGE nasty pill this week! Maybe you're just pregnant.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 If I forgot it, that's as good as you leaving it out. Maybe you're just pregnant. LOL. Yes, my mistake. So, sensei - what do you suggest I do NOW? Pregant? Oh, God. Could you see it? Me and Baby Baller? Considering the size of Baller, God help ANY woman that bears his child. I think I'm just testy because of the sudden lack of sex. It's messing with my mind. And other stuff...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Bi-cop just texted me: Sorry, I didn't know that was the deal...Didn't mean anything by not calling. I have also been crazy busy the past several days... And my response is... ?
shadowplay Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 It depends on whether you're still interested or not. If you are I would write: "I'd still like to see you, but can we set a firm date this time?" Honestly, though, I'm getting a not-interested vibe from his text because he doesn't suggest anything about rescheduling. I think it's worth a shot, but more likely than not you'll have to deal with the same pussyfooting bs.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Honestly, though, I'm getting a not-interested vibe from his text because he doesn't suggest anything about rescheduling. I think it's worth a shot, but more likely than not you'll have to deal with the same pussyfooting bs. Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. I mean, apologies, but still NO mention of getting together. I don't know if it's disinterest, or just his insecurity about not sure how I will react at this point.
trubella Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I think I'm just testy because of the sudden lack of sex. It's messing with my mind. And other stuff... oh the irony.. agree with you shadow.. he doesnt seem all that interested from his recent text.
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Bi-cop just texted me: Sorry, I didn't know that was the deal...Didn't mean anything by not calling. I have also been crazy busy the past several days... And my response is... ? "It's okay. I love you, honey." What else? Why is this so difficult? Tell him next time there is going to be hell to pay. This time the punishment is that you're going to withhold sex. And he has to pay (for dinner or whatever). FYI, he didn't know that was the deal, because it was never stated.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 "It's okay. I love you, honey." What else? Why is this so difficult? Tell him next time there is going to be hell to pay. This time the punishment is that you're going to withhold sex. And he has to pay (for dinner or whatever). Naw, I wrote him back "no worries." I agree with Shadow. He just seems VERY lukewarm (ok, LESS than lukewarm, actually). Like he's being polite and not trying to piss me off so I out him, yet STILL not making any overtures to connect and set up a date.
2sunny Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 i think i'd just blow him off! well - not literally! just wait several hours and then text him "never seems to work out - oh well, be happy buddy" or "no sweat" what do you think JB?
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 i think i'd just blow him off! well - not literally! just wait several hours and then text him "never seems to work out - oh well, be happy buddy" or "no sweat" what do you think JB? I just wrote him back, "no worries." A slight itteration of your suggestions, Sunny. Do you also agree that he seems totally not interested and is just being polite?
Jake Barnes Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 i think i'd just blow him off! well - not literally! just wait several hours and then text him "never seems to work out - oh well, be happy buddy" or "no sweat" what do you think JB?I think he has one and even if he doesnt have a real one I think he puts one on sometimes
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 You're not acting any more interested than he is. You and he are using the same tactics. Don't actually take any kind of risk. As far as this: Like he's being polite and not trying to piss me off so I out him, yet STILL not making any overtures to connect and set up a date. goes, you're putting thoughts into his head.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 You're not acting any more interested than he is. You and he are using the same tactics. Don't actually take any kind of risk. As far as this: goes, you're putting thoughts into his head. Johan, cmon, brother! Cut the Bean a break! I did write him this morning, didn't I? OK, apparently it could be perceived as being attacking, but he still responded to it. Just didn't respond with ANY interest. I mean, you have to give me that I have posed a LOT more interest than he has. Bottom line, either he's not interested, or just not going to step up. I just feel like I've been rejected all over again!
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I mean, you have to give me that I have posed a LOT more interest than he has. Bottom line, either he's not interested, or just not going to step up. I just feel like I've been rejected all over again! No. You have not acted more interested. He started out this whole reconciliation by pouring compliments on you, which you overlooked and shot back little jabs at him, which killed the conversation. Then you asked him out for some vague time a week or more away after you get back from a trip, which you didn't even bother to tell him when you were coming back, so he's left waiting. Then you made up the idea that he should get in touch with you later in the week, even though he had no idea when you'd be back, and then you attacked him for not doing so. If you told me you were going on a trip, I'd say, "OK, let me know when you get back so we can figure out the plans." If I didn't say, I would surely expect it. He's CONFUSED. He's confused, because in spite of how you actually feel for him, you're hardly showing it at all. And you're making dumb excuses for why it's all impossible. He's not approaching you because you're all prickly and hostile. Until you melt your ice a little bit, don't expect anything more from him. He's not going to do any more reaching out until it looks like you're ready to open up. I'm telling you this, because it's exactly how I'd handle it. I've been in his shoes.
2sunny Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 has he been checking your profile in the past week? oh well... just wondering. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- like i said blow him off! pfffft! if he wanted to make an effort - he would've been asking you at one point in the past week. too much negative energy on just one frustrating dude. let it go...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 No. You have not acted more interested. He started out this whole reconciliation by pouring compliments on you, which you overlooked and shot back little jabs at him, which killed the conversation. Then you asked him out for some vague time a week or more away after you get back from a trip, which you didn't even bother to tell him when you were coming back, so he's left waiting. Then you made up the idea that he should get in touch with you later in the week, even though he had no idea when you'd be back, and then you attacked him for not doing so. If you told me you were going on a trip, I'd say, "OK, let me know when you get back so we can figure out the plans." If I didn't say, I would surely expect it. He's CONFUSED. He's confused, because in spite of how you actually feel for him, you're hardly showing it at all. And you're making dumb excuses for why it's all impossible. He's not approaching you because you're all prickly and hostile. Until you melt your ice a little bit, don't expect anything more from him. He's not going to do any more reaching out until it looks like you're ready to open up. I'm telling you this, because it's exactly how I'd handle it. I've been in his shoes. Oh, man. Why do you always make such sense? So, I imagine you are going to coach me to contact him AGAIN and ask him out AGAIN, right? sigh.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Good lord, how much WORK do you want to put into getting a first date that, at best, will likely be a 3-month relationship if it even goes anywhere? I guess I think we're all overanalyzing a wee bit too much here. There's not even a relationship here. If the guy was into you, there'd be no question! You know that!
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 has he been checking your profile in the past week? oh well... just wondering. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- like i said blow him off! pfffft! if he wanted to make an effort - he would've been asking you at one point in the past week. too much negative energy on just one frustrating dude. let it go... I took my profile down last FRI. Yes, why is it that all the ladies agree he's blowing me off, yet Johan thinks I need to show more interest? Most perplexing... AND confusing...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 If the guy was into you, there'd be no question! You know that! Word. I like think, if it's confusing, then it's actually crystal clear. Meaning, when a man is interested, he doesn't leave you in a quandry over his interest or intentions.
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Oh, man. Why do you always make such sense? So, I imagine you are going to coach me to contact him AGAIN and ask him out AGAIN, right? sigh. No, I'm not. Because, like I said before, at least one of you has some major defenses up. Clear communication seems to be too much to expect right now. And I don't see that changing overnight. I'd like it if you got together with him and had a great time. But I think you'd just be difficult and I'm not sure he has any idea how to read you. Maybe he should log on here and see what's really going on with you.
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I took my profile down last FRI. Yes, why is it that all the ladies agree he's blowing me off, yet Johan thinks I need to show more interest? Most perplexing... AND confusing... Because they're all women and automatically take your side and think he should be acting like a prince. And I'm a guy who has received the kind of signals you're sending out, and they're confusing, and I'd save the prince behavior for when the cost/benefit looks more favorable.
2sunny Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Word. I like think, if it's confusing, then it's actually crystal clear. Meaning, when a man is interested, he doesn't leave you in a quandry over his interest or intentions. word - quandry is spelled quandary! so sorry - i hate misspellings... couldn't help myself...
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