Author Jilly Bean Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 no don't write it off yet! you haven't even gotten started yet! wait for him to contact you (which will most likely be tomorrow or thurs.) then be happy and pleasant about making plans. do some research about what's happening in your area this weekend so if he asks what you want to do - you have something to at least suggest that's fun. just settle down and be patient honey! I'm trying my best girl, thanks! I had some time to kill this morning before my flight, so I went shopping for a new top. There was some gal's BF waiting on her trying on clothes, so I asked him his opinion of the one I was trying on (while she glared at me - lol). He said that the top created a balance of power that was weighted in my favor. SOLD! lol I'm hoping for just drinks... AND I have already coached myself to NOT talk about anything in our past. I want to go in and treat it like any first date.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Nope, Sun. Never heard from him. I write it off to him being him, and once again, the fact that I know the "secret". I was really hopeful that he was over it, but I guess not... Oh, well. I gave it a shot, right? I WILL add, that this once again confirms why I NEVER ask guys out. Just doesn't work for me, and I think you can't really gauge a guys genuine interest that way. I think he was into it when he accepted, then thought better of it as time went on last week, hence, no call, and no date. Plus, Baller is being a wicked dick this week, so I'm just sour and bitter. lol.
2sunny Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 sounds like he's just plain wimpy... better not to waste your energy on a man that can't even face you knowing that you wouldn't rat him out and that you just wanted to enjoy his company. on a different note- my angels took the sweep today! woo hoo.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 sounds like he's just plain wimpy... better not to waste your energy on a man that can't even face you knowing that you wouldn't rat him out and that you just wanted to enjoy his company. on a different note- my angels took the sweep today! woo hoo. Well, I wouldn't say wimpy. Not comfy with himself being bi? Absolutely. Even more disturbed that I am the ONLY woman who knows? Totally. Views it as something that makes it unable to date me? For sure. Honestly, until the day he embraces who he really is, he is destined to continue to deny who he is to anyone he ever dates. Pfft. That must be tragic, really. Perhaps when he's 60, hell look back and think about choices he made today... on a different note - my Sox got swept today... boo hoo!
shadowplay Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Forget about letting him make the moves. Just text him again and say "Hey, are you still interested in meeting for drinks?" If he responds with "yeah," ask which days are good for him. Don't play games with him. Just be assertive. The important thing is securing a date and meeting up. What happens when you do will overshadow any impressions that were left before. He's clearly ambivalent now, but you could probably sway him if you had a kick-a$$ date.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Forget about letting him make the moves. Just text him again and say "Hey, are you still interested in meeting for drinks?" If he responds with "yeah," ask which days are good for him. Don't play games with him. Just be assertive. The important thing is securing a date and meeting up. What happens when you do will overshadow any impressions that were left before. He's clearly ambivalent now, but you could probably sway him if you had a kick-a$$ date. Yeah, I don't think so, Shadow. You can relate to this, I am sure, but last year when we met and dated, I was crushed when he dumped me. Besides all of our chemistry, I was thinking, whatta dumbass! Hes going to blow me off because I know AND accept who he is??? Who does that? What bi guy wouldn't kill to find a banging chick who digs him and has no problem with his bi-ness? Well, him apparently. So, it was huge for me to even extend myself and ask him to get together again. Considering how I suffered from his rejection last year, you know?! I was assertive when I asked him out. No BS, no games, no drama. Just, "would you like to get together sometime?" He responded immediately, agreed to it, and I thought we were good to go. So, I feel like I already did my part to get this going. He needs to meet me half-way at this point, as I can't (er, WON'T) pursue him further. Balls in his court, he knows I am interested, he knows how to reach me.
Storyrider Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I wonder if keeping his bisexuality taboo and a secret is what helps him get turned on by women? Maybe when it is out in the open, the thrill is gone.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 I wonder if keeping his bisexuality taboo and a secret is what helps him get turned on by women? Maybe when it is out in the open, the thrill is gone. Well, he's pretty into women, so I don't think he needs the boost to enjoy them. I just know that he doesn't accept his bisexuality on his own, and told me many times that it was freaky to be with me, as I was the ONLY woman who ever knew. He said it made him uncomfortable. I don't think it killed the thrill for me, but as he told me once, he felt entirely vulnerable and exposed. Like there was no mystery, and no real "slow reveal" like most relationships, since he said I already knew the one biggest thing there is to know about him. Game over.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 So, I know I've been whining on her all week about the crappy ass week I'm having. When it rains, it pours, and I definitely need a chi change... lol. So, perhaps I felt like pig-piling some more junk onto my already ugly plate... Regardless, I got to the breaking point with bi-cop today, and sent him a text this morning: Just curious...why did you agree to meet, when you knew you were going to blow me off? He responded: Huh? You went out of town...Why do you say that? I responded: Yes, and I got home on TUE. We had agreed to connect last week and you were to get in touch. End scene. Haven't heard back from him, and that was 6 hours ago. WTF?
Jake Barnes Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Well if this doesnt work out Im sure there are plenty of other bisexual cops in the sea
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Well if this doesnt work out Im sure there are plenty of other bisexual cops in the sea They're a dime a dozen. You can't hardly throw a rock around here without hitting one.
2sunny Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 So, I know I've been whining on her all week about the crappy ass week I'm having. When it rains, it pours, and I definitely need a chi change... lol. So, perhaps I felt like pig-piling some more junk onto my already ugly plate... Regardless, I got to the breaking point with bi-cop today, and sent him a text this morning: Just curious...why did you agree to meet, when you knew you were going to blow me off? He responded: Huh? You went out of town...Why do you say that? I responded: Yes, and I got home on TUE. We had agreed to connect last week and you were to get in touch. End scene. Haven't heard back from him, and that was 6 hours ago. WTF? you'll hear from him JB... what you need to decide now is do you want to ride this rollercoaster with him or not?
shadowplay Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 So, I know I've been whining on her all week about the crappy ass week I'm having. When it rains, it pours, and I definitely need a chi change... lol. So, perhaps I felt like pig-piling some more junk onto my already ugly plate... Regardless, I got to the breaking point with bi-cop today, and sent him a text this morning: Just curious...why did you agree to meet, when you knew you were going to blow me off? He responded: Huh? You went out of town...Why do you say that? I responded: Yes, and I got home on TUE. We had agreed to connect last week and you were to get in touch. End scene. Haven't heard back from him, and that was 6 hours ago. WTF? You shouldn't feel weak for texting him. I think you did the right thing by letting him have it. It pisses me off to no end when people set tentative plans and then just disappear into thin air. I love how he played dumb, and then didn't respond to your next message. Rest assured he knew you would be back on Tuesday. People like that don't realize it but they're playing games. They keep other people hanging on by being inconsistent. He probably likes the attention you give him, but may not be interested enough to go on a date. Don't fall into the intermittent reinforcement trap. Don't put up with a guy who feeds you crumbs. You could either leave it at that or send him a snarky final remark to gain some closure. I wouldn't talk to him again after that. When I read your conversation in the first post, it was obvious to me he loves ego stroking (the "do you find me attractive?" comment was pretty transparent). You'll just be inflating his ego more if you stay in touch. If you really want to stick it to him where it hurts say something like he's not hot enough to be such an ass. But I agree with 2sunny that he'll probably pop up again once his ego tank is empty. And then the same inconsistent pattern will commence...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 You shouldn't feel weak for texting him. I think you did the right thing by letting him have it. It pisses me off to no end when people set tentative plans and then just disappear into thin air. I love how he played dumb, and then didn't respond to your next message. Rest assured he knew you would be back on Tuesday. People like that don't realize it but they're playing games. They keep other people hanging on by being inconsistent. He probably likes the attention you give him, but may not be interested enough to go on a date. Don't fall into the intermittent reinforcement trap. You could either leave it at that or send him a snarky final remark to gain some closure. I wouldn't talk to him again after that. When I read your conversation in the first post, it was obvious to me he loves ego stroking (the "do you find me attractive?" comment was pretty transparent). You'll just be inflating his ego more if you stay in touch. See, Shadow? When you suggested I contact him last week and I said no, I just KNEW it would be the wrong thing. You thought he was being ambivalent, but I thought he was being HIM. See how he is? You make some excellent points about his character, btw. I thought his text was totally dickish. Just enough to be like, Oh? we had plans? YOU were the one who went away! Pfft. What a tool. He remains to be ONE total hot mess. Truly. you'll hear from him JB... what you need to decide now is do you want to ride this rollercoaster with him or not? Probably. Eventually. Maybe. Who knows. I give myself credit for not blasting him back again. I'm too disappointed. The roller coaster? Er, no. I really gave him too much credit that he had changed. Now I see he is EXACTLY as he was last year.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Yeah, I definitely vote to let this one go. He CLEARLY does not like being called on his sh*t - and you do that with him. I think anymore contact is going to leave you feeling bad about yourself and leave you looking bad. I disagree with the others - I don't think you'll hear from him again until a fair amount of time passes whereupon he'll act like he doesn't remember these recent conversations. And I have doubt that this will even happen. I'm sorry for the crappy week. : ( I'm right there with ya - my ex texted me to call me a liar despite the fact that I'd ALWAYS been upfront with him (even after breaking up, despite the fact that my love life was nunya at that point) and now I've met a new guy who I don't know how to read (or even if I should). Ugh. Stupid guys and stuff.
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'm taking the cop's side on this. You were playing a little "if he doesn't call me he doesn't care" game. If you wanted to see him, you could have called him. No sacrifice to your position. You can't really blame him for not calling you, if you didn't call him. And don't give me that "the ball was in his court" bs. The way you told him you'd be out of town, you made it sound like all week. Even I was surprised to find out it was only until Tuesday, and I gave you a hard time for that. If I were him I would expect to hear from you whenever you got back (you didn't tell him when that would be). You need to have enough courage to say what you want in a way that isn't tentative and doesn't leave him wondering or waiting. And if he doesn't want it, too, then you can move on feeling sure. The way things stand you have no idea what he really wants, and he has no idea what you really want. And you both resent the other for unsaid things and wrong assumptions. He's just wondering what's going on inside your head.
shadowplay Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 See, Shadow? When you suggested I contact him last week and I said no, I just KNEW it would be the wrong thing. You thought he was being ambivalent, but I thought he was being HIM. See how he is? You make some excellent points about his character, btw. I thought his text was totally dickish. Just enough to be like, Oh? we had plans? YOU were the one who went away! Pfft. What a tool. He remains to be ONE total hot mess. Truly. Probably. Eventually. Maybe. Who knows. I give myself credit for not blasting him back again. I'm too disappointed. The roller coaster? Er, no. I really gave him too much credit that he had changed. Now I see he is EXACTLY as he was last year. Well, I thought he was either being ambivalent and your persistence might push his interest level over the edge, or it would at least give you resolution, which it did (now you see that he is still an ass!). I always feel better when somebody blows me off and I call them on it.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Yeah, I definitely vote to let this one go. He CLEARLY does not like being called on his sh*t - and you do that with him. I think anymore contact is going to leave you feeling bad about yourself and leave you looking bad. I disagree with the others - I don't think you'll hear from him again until a fair amount of time passes whereupon he'll act like he doesn't remember these recent conversations. And I have doubt that this will even happen. I'm sorry for the crappy week. : ( I'm right there with ya - my ex texted me to call me a liar despite the fact that I'd ALWAYS been upfront with him (even after breaking up, despite the fact that my love life was nunya at that point) and now I've met a new guy who I don't know how to read (or even if I should). Ugh. Stupid guys and stuff. Thanks, girl. I'm kinda with ya. I feel like it was all games. OR, that he was never interested to begin with, and was trying to be polite. Start a thread and we'll bitch about your ex and the new guy.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I'm taking the cop's side on this. You were playing a little "if he doesn't call me he doesn't care" game. If you wanted to see him, you could have called him. No sacrifice to your position. You can't really blame him for not calling you, if you didn't call him. And don't give me that "the ball was in his court" bs. The way you told him you'd be out of town, you made it sound like all week. Even I was surprised to find out it was only until Tuesday, and I gave you a hard time for that. If I were him I would expect to hear from you whenever you got back (you didn't tell him when that would be). You need to have enough courage to say what you want in a way that isn't tentative and doesn't leave him wondering or waiting. And if he doesn't want it, too, then you can move on feeling sure. The way things stand you have no idea what he really wants, and he has no idea what you really want. And you both resent the other for unsaid things and wrong assumptions. He's just wondering what's going on inside your head. Wait, wait, wait a minute, Johan! I was the one who reached out and asked him out! I don't think that leaves any doubt in his head about my interest or intentions. Plus, we left it that he was supposed to contact me when he knew what his week was looking like. He AGREED to get together the end of last week or last weekend. PLUS, lol, look at his text to me? It wasn't like, "I wasn't blowing you off at all! I still totally want to get together! Are you back? When is good for you?" So, the way it stands, is that I pursued him MORE than once, and he has not taken the bait either time.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Well, I thought he was either being ambivalent and your persistence might push his interest level over the edge, or it would at least give you resolution, which it did (now you see that he is still an ass!). I always feel better when somebody blows me off and I call them on it. Yes, sorry Shadow. I hope my post didn't come off as sounding like I am blaming you for the suggestion. (I'm not). Just that I didn't feel he was being ambivalent, but that I was being blown off. He is STILL an ass. I wonder if his 3 month long relationships with women end because they can't handle his BS...
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I was the one who reached out and asked him out! I don't think that leaves any doubt in his head about my interest or intentions. I agree you contacted him. And he agreed to go out with you. Plus, we left it that he was supposed to contact me when he knew what his week was looking like. He AGREED to get together the end of last week or last weekend. There was no agreement that I saw. He said yeah he'd like to get together. You said, ok, but I'll be out of town. He said fine (assuming you'd let him know when you got back). And then you didn't. You just waited. And for all he knew you never came back. PLUS, lol, look at his text to me? It wasn't like, "I wasn't blowing you off at all! I still totally want to get together! Are you back? When is good for you?" He was dumbfounded, because you accused him of blowing you off. You didn't even ask him what happened first, you just smacked him. How do you expect him to react? So, the way it stands, is that I pursued him MORE than once, and he has not taken the bait either time. The way it stands, you revealed that you sat and built up your resentment toward him without saying anything at all. And now he knows you were playing the waiting game instead of just picking up the phone and saying "I'm back!" If you had done that he would have taken you out and treated you like a princess. I would have. I also would have reacted just like he did to your text today. Maybe you should let this guy go. There's a little too much history of weird stuff being built up. Even if you both start COMMUNICATING PROPERLY, that's going to be hard to overcome.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I agree you contacted him. And he agreed to go out with you. There was no agreement that I saw. He said yeah he'd like to get together. You said, ok, but I'll be out of town. He said fine (assuming you'd let him know when you got back). And then you didn't. You just waited. And for all he knew you never came back. He was dumbfounded, because you accused him of blowing you off. You didn't even ask him what happened first, you just smacked him. How do you expect him to react? The way it stands, you revealed that you sat and built up your resentment toward him without saying anything at all. And now he knows you were playing the waiting game instead of just picking up the phone and saying "I'm back!" If you had done that he would have taken you out and treated you like a princess. I would have. I also would have reacted just like he did to your text today. Maybe you should let this guy go. There's a little too much history of weird stuff being built up. Even if you both start COMMUNICATING PROPERLY, that's going to be hard to overcome. First off, I told him I was going away for a FEW days. And when he agreed to meet, I wrote him back that we should shoot to connect the end of last week or last weekend. He agreed to that. Then I wrote him to let me know when he knows what his schedule looks like. He agreed to that, too. So, it was left with tentative days to get together, AND the understanding that he was to contact me. Johan, there comes a point where I need to feel like a guy is remotely interested. He hasn't exactly been reinforcing anything. Quite the opposite. I think you give him WAY too much credit, Johan. The way he behaved this past week, isn't inconsistent with how I remember him to be last year. He likes (almost passively insists) on having women chase him. When he is not forthcoming, he acts all indignant. Like you had said, most "interested" guys would have checked in to see how my trip was going, or at least make SOME kind of contact. He didn't.
johan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Like I said. You and he can't communicate. You both had opportunities to keep this from happening. At this point, I don't think you and he would do any better if you were duct-taped together. And this: Then I wrote him to let me know when he knows what his schedule looks like. He agreed to that, too. is a detail you left out before. But even that doesn't change my opinion of what happened. I'm only posting here, because I see all the blame being aimed at him, when I see that you contributed to the problem. So I'm not letting you off the hook that easily!
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