2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 This sounds delightful to me! Inertia is the right vibe on this. Plus, I know once I tell my friends who lived through my heartache at his hands, they will beat me silly. See, you were spared the months of me whining and obsessing that they were not... Thanks, Sunny. Appreciate your comments - as I do Johan and X and Sublime and all the other kind folks who listened to me have a meltdown over him. you betcha honey - any time!
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 He's a back door bandit through and through, bisexuality at times is used to hide a gay person's true orientation. If you would like to debate the veracity of someone being bisexual or gay or straight, then I encourage you to start a thread on the orientation section. This thread isn't about sexual proclivities, per se. And your comment is ridiculously juvenile and inappropriate.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 :lmao::lmao:Oh Jilly... Maybe you should sleep on this for a while before doing something irrational or drastic... Yes, I think this is the right choice for NOW. Plus, the second vicodan is kicking in, and I'm about to go 5 shades of chick crazy, and it's best I lose my phone. lol IF you must, the 2nd choice. The first one - he might think you are harboring resentment and he might be afraid to go out with you. the second one is cute and funny and doesn't bring up negative things of the past. Good call. Yes, I sometimes forget how ill I can be perceived while perpetuating my own mishigoss. An itteration of #2 would be the way to go.
JP77 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Would you like me to call him a front door bowler? Listen, you slept with a gay man masquerading around as a bisexual, at least now you have learnt your lesson, by having your eyerows singed. All the best, JP
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 you betcha honey - any time! But you know you could still contact him ON MY BEHALF. lol On the scale, would that make me 11, or more like 15? Probably 11. Or 9.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Doesn't that make him gay then, if he can't make the urges and attraction to other men disappear? OK, if he WASN'T bi....would she be willing to let him sleep with other women when he "got the urge" for blondes or redheads? I mean c'mon people. You are encouraging her to go out with a guy who will cheat on her essentially! I think we shouldn't encourage Jilly to pursue this. It can only end in heartbreak for her. She is willing to allow him to sleep with other men when he feels the need. Could any woman ever be happy with this, where is it going to go? The other situation which could happen - they date and he drops her after a couple months when he feels the urge for men. You deserve better than this, Jilly. Go with your original instinct to reject this situation. Oh yeah, I agree with you! I am one of the few NOT encouraging her to go out with him. I even said that saying she's beautiful doesn't mean much! He's going to continue to live this lie and whether you are bi, gay, or straight, I don't believe in infidelity, but then again, if SHE is ok with it, then she's a consenting adult and I have no problems with that. In the end, however, the fact that she knows is too much for him. I don't think he wants to reconcile his duel personas and live an honest life! I think he wants to conceal this.... I vote for rejecting him too!
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 OK, the Universe is playing with me in a hideous way. I log into the site. Click on my matches. #1? Him. Click on newest. #1? Him. And who's online RIGHT NOW? Yeah. Both home on a FRI night. Pfft. I have since revised my search criteria to not capture him. This is nuts. If it wasn't for the vicodans, I'd go into full-on crazy mode. Deluxe - yep, you make some very excellent points. I truly wouldn't view his bi-activities to be cheating, but I do believe he is VERY far away from the epiphany of realizing he needs to merge both lives. And therefore I think he will pluck out the next 25-year old blonde contender, date her for 3 months, then dump her when he gets itchy. I think I need to remove myself from the site. Honestly, I hadn't been on there in almost a year. Today I decide to log back in, and voila! He had just joined up yesterday. I'm being tortured.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Note to self - throw the phone in the pool when taking vicodans. End note. I sent him a text: Me: I cant believe I couldnt have picked you out of a lineup! Him: You are bad! Im insulted... Me: Please! U didn't recognize me either! lol. it was weird 2 c u Him: I totally recognized you! Me: U did not! Him: Did too...You forget that I have inspected every inch of your body...! Me: Yes, but not my face. & not clothed 2 much. lol Him: Ha! I just joined two weeks ago...you? Him: Met anyone from there yet? Me: Just got back on 2day actually. Him: Cool...Well, Im going to bed...have a good night, nice talking with you! Talk soon, ok? Me:U 2. Sweet dreams. Sigh. Tomorrow, I am going to Walmart to look for a BONEHEAD bumper sticker.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Note to self - throw the phone in the pool when taking vicodans. End note. I sent him a text: Me: I cant believe I couldnt have picked you out of a lineup! Him: You are bad! Im insulted... Me: Please! U didn't recognize me either! lol. it was weird 2 c u Him: I totally recognized you! Me: U did not! Him: Did too...You forget that I have inspected every inch of your body...! Me: Yes, but not my face. & not clothed 2 much. lol Him: Ha! I just joined two weeks ago...you? Him: Met anyone from there yet? Me: Just got back on 2day actually. Him: Cool...Well, Im going to bed...have a good night, nice talking with you! Talk soon, ok? Me:U 2. Sweet dreams. Sigh. Tomorrow, I am going to Walmart to look for a BONEHEAD bumper sticker. I am totally not going to judge you for initiating contact with him! I know the feeling of knowing someone is bad for you, but the temptation!!!!! Usually happens to me with a few drinks or so, and then the texts fly! Are you texting on the site or on the cell? You know what I do, just delete their #! Poor thing, I feel for you!!!! You know you should stay away, but you can't.....
xpaperxcutx Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Note to self - throw the phone in the pool when taking vicodans. End note. I sent him a text: Me: I cant believe I couldnt have picked you out of a lineup! Him: You are bad! Im insulted... Me: Please! U didn't recognize me either! lol. it was weird 2 c u Him: I totally recognized you! Me: U did not! Him: Did too...You forget that I have inspected every inch of your body...! Me: Yes, but not my face. & not clothed 2 much. lol Him: Ha! I just joined two weeks ago...you? Him: Met anyone from there yet? Me: Just got back on 2day actually. Him: Cool...Well, Im going to bed...have a good night, nice talking with you! Talk soon, ok? Me:U 2. Sweet dreams. Sigh. Tomorrow, I am going to Walmart to look for a BONEHEAD bumper sticker. Jelly, no!!! That was your moment of weakness, and now you're tortured about when you're gonna talk with him next.... Delete his number!!
daphne Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Jilly, I didn't read anything into the initial exchange as being the guy wanted to rekindle anything serious. It sounded like he was feeling you out to see if you were still mad. I think you nailed it with your feeling that he may want to keep things smoothed over so you don't out him. You laid it all out on the line last year. This guy knows where you live, and he knows what time of day it is. Had he wanted to rekindle things with you, he wouldn't have to beat around the bush. I wouldn't torture myself any more over it. I think more than anything, you are just highly sexually attracted to him and that wouldn't necessarily make a good long term relationship anyway. Too bad you couldn't have overdosed on him physically so by now you could be sick of him.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Jilly, I didn't read anything into the initial exchange as being the guy wanted to rekindle anything serious. It sounded like he was feeling you out to see if you were still mad. I think you nailed it with your feeling that he may want to keep things smoothed over so you don't out him. You laid it all out on the line last year. This guy knows where you live, and he knows what time of day it is. Had he wanted to rekindle things with you, he wouldn't have to beat around the bush. I wouldn't torture myself any more over it. I think more than anything, you are just highly sexually attracted to him and that wouldn't necessarily make a good long term relationship anyway. Too bad you couldn't have overdosed on him physically so by now you could be sick of him. Yep, yep. I have always felt that was his worry. Hey, now that we have "reconnected" once again, he knows how to reach me. By sending that text to him last night, it showed him the door is open for communication. If he doesn't walk through, cool. But I really won't reach out to him again. I blame it fully on the vicodans... Oh, and OD'ing on him wouldn't have been the worst thing. lol I am totally not going to judge you for initiating contact with him! I know the feeling of knowing someone is bad for you, but the temptation!!!!! Usually happens to me with a few drinks or so, and then the texts fly! Are you texting on the site or on the cell? You know what I do, just delete their #! Poor thing, I feel for you!!!! You know you should stay away, but you can't..... I sent him a text on the cell. Yeah, I really won't be reaching out to him again. Ball is in his court. Jelly, no!!! That was your moment of weakness, and now you're tortured about when you're gonna talk with him next.... Delete his number!! LOL. Well, I am curious to see IF he contacts me again, no doubt. But I'm really going to put this back in perspective. If his feelings or vision of me/us has changed, then I think he knows he can contact me now.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 OK, I'll just add that he checked out my profile again last night right before I texted him. This was AFTER the time he did initially when he sent me the IM on the site. OK, OK - label me officially 17 and with a Bonehead tattoo on my butt. I know what I would tell someone else on here, so I will tell it to myself. Checking out a profile means diddly. Until he mans up to ask me out, it's all irrelevant. Jilly has turned into a bowl of Jelly...
xpaperxcutx Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 OK, I'll just add that he checked out my profile again last night right before I texted him. This was AFTER the time he did initially when he sent me the IM on the site. OK, OK - label me officially 17 and with a Bonehead tattoo on my butt. I know what I would tell someone else on here, so I will tell it to myself. Checking out a profile means diddly. Until he mans up to ask me out, it's all irrelevant. Jilly has turned into a bowl of Jelly... Be brave, Jelly, uh.. I mean Jilly... It's a Saturday after all. I hope that you go out and have fun tonight and not wait for him to email you.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Be brave, Jelly, uh.. I mean Jilly... It's a Saturday after all. I hope that you go out and have fun tonight and not wait for him to email you. Ha ha! Jelly, Jilly - it's all the same now... I am heading out of town for a few days beginning today, and I don't feel like bringing my laptop, So his site activities shall remain a mystery for a while... plus, if he was going to contact me, he would just call. Or text. Or maybe email. lol. JK. He would call. I think. Maybe. lol!
dogtown Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 He's a back door bandit through and through, bisexuality at times is used to hide a gay person's true orientation. Agreed. Supposedly you're the the ultimate catch for him - funny, smart, beautiful, same religion, blah blah blah...and he doesn't want to date you? HE'S GAY. If you're cool with dating a gay guy, then go for it.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 HE'S GAY. If you're cool with dating a gay guy, then go for it. SIGH. I guess you skipped over the part where I wrote: If you are the type to judge bi-sexuality, or are too close-minded to understand these dynamics, then please stop reading now. Please feel free to go and debate sexual orientation elsewhere with the other small mind that posted. To everyone ELSE who contributed valuable posts, thanks again for your opinions and time. We'll see how this one fleshes out.
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 well JB- a move was made and he didn't necessarily take the bait... now you will be gone for a short while and he will interpret that as you ignoring him. he will come running...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 well JB- a move was made and he didn't necessarily take the bait... now you will be gone for a short while and he will interpret that as you ignoring him. he will come running... LOL. Well, I contacted him first yes, but I don't know if he interpreted that as bait or not. He did ask me if I had met anyone from there, and once I had said I had just joined, he seemed content with that and went to sleep (he works very early on SAT's). A more passive comment would have been to ask me if I am having a good experience on the site, OR, why ask at all? It's not like he was cornered and needed to make idle conversation. I dunno. BUT, he also did check out my profile again BEFORE I contacted him last night (it was after midnight when I did). I'm certifiable, Sunny. lol
dogtown Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 SIGH. I guess you skipped over the part where I wrote: If you are the type to judge bi-sexuality, or are too close-minded to understand these dynamics, then please stop reading now. I wasn't judging bi-sexuality. I have no problem with it and totally respect that lifestyle. As far as my close-mindedness, well, I guess that is for you to determine. If you have such amazing chemistry why is there not a relationship? You know his secret. So what. Great chemistry, values and similarities would overcome that. Something else is at play. Whether you like it or not a lot signs point to him being gay.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 I wasn't judging bi-sexuality. I have no problem with it and totally respect that lifestyle. As far as my close-mindedness, well, I guess that is for you to determine. If you have such amazing chemistry why is there not a relationship? You know his secret. So what. Great chemistry, values and similarities would overcome that. Something else is at play. Whether you like it or not a lot signs point to him being gay. Dogtown, I have asked you before - please do start a thread elsewhere on the plausibility of sexual orientation. I'm not interested in debating this here, and I knew it was an eventually before someone tried to devolve this into that. Kindly refrain from posting. I would do the same for you, if requested.
dogtown Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Dogtown, I have asked you before - please do start a thread elsewhere on the plausibility of sexual orientation. I'm not interested in debating this here, and I knew it was an eventually before someone tried to devolve this into that. Kindly refrain from posting. I would do the same for you, if requested. Respectfully...I'm not interested in the plausibility of sexual orientation. To not acknowledge that this guy might be gay would be close minded. This is a public forum, so if you're not interested in hearing certain perspectives then you should PM.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Dogtown, if he were gay then WHY DOES HE BOTHER TO DATE WOMEN AT ALL??? AND HE HAS SEX WITH THEM??? DUH. Well, it's not just that he dates and has sex with women, he ONLY has relationships with women, not men.
zicke Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Jilly, to be honest, I am just not seeing a lot of interest on his end. The txt sign off was the clincher--a man who is interested will ask you out. Now, I know it may seem if he has some issues about you knowing stuff about him that may be holding him back. So, let's say he has these issues. You cannot change his mind about it. You aren't his therapist or his saviour. This is his battle. I would stop making excuses for him and move on. This is how women get trapped in crappy relationships--but..but...he's scared. Scared, schmared...he is not available to you to have a relationship with at this point, or maybe in the future. If you are as hot as you are intimating, you should have no problem finding another sexually adventurous muscle guy with a great personality to attract.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I agree with zicke. He's not asking you out. It doesn't really matter WHY he isn't asking you out, either. You aren't in the position to effect change in a direction more favorable to you. I'd just let him go. Maybe you're starting to miss Baller, so your obsession on this guy is more acute than it otherwise would be?
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