Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 well - i think he was trying to see if you would give him the green light by complimenting you. you are shooting him down at every turn. i wonder if he's likely to come around for further rejection. you gotta hand it to him for being persistent with you. most guys would say - how's it going? good? good... see ya around k? bye Yeah, I just don't see how he's been persistent! I seriously threw it ALL out there last year. NO response. I was so honest about his bi-ness, my feelings for him, our connection. Big donut as a response. I just felt like his compliments were him being polite and nothing more. I didn't take it as a come-on at all.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 I think you should translate the above into something quite a bit more demure and send it his way. Maybe like, "want to meet up for drinks?" And then tone down the challenges a little, if he responds. Try not to talk about the past or his other "pursuits". WHAT? You silly little green man! You seriously expect me to put my heart out there again for him to SMASH? Oh, my. Johan. I just don't think I could do that! He has rejected me SO many times. He knows how i feel. Er, felt. I don't see how he could expect me to make a move AGAIN. And now you want me to? Ugh. I think I need a time out. Now, I would do something like text him to see if he can meet me to get rid of a speeding ticket or something. lol
johan Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Well, I'm confused about your goal. Do you want to date him or not?
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Doesn't that make him gay then, if he can't make the urges and attraction to other men disappear? OK, if he WASN'T bi....would she be willing to let him sleep with other women when he "got the urge" for blondes or redheads? I mean c'mon people. You are encouraging her to go out with a guy who will cheat on her essentially! I think we shouldn't encourage Jilly to pursue this. It can only end in heartbreak for her. She is willing to allow him to sleep with other men when he feels the need. Could any woman ever be happy with this, where is it going to go? The other situation which could happen - they date and he drops her after a couple months when he feels the urge for men. You deserve better than this, Jilly. Go with your original instinct to reject this situation. Well, I think it makes him bi. But, that's my personal opinion. I don't consider bi-men to "necessarily" be making a lay-over on the way to gay town. I do believe he is quite faithful in his hetero relationships, Sublime. It's just when the urge hits, he drops the woman so he DOESN'T cheat. With me, he wouldn't need to do that, as I wouldn't have a problem with it. I truly wouldn't. I think because I saw with my own eyes how he behaves with men, I know his interest is truly purely sexual. When we were done with my friend, he and I continued on for hours alone. Later on, my friend came back and hung out in bed with us. He got so uncomfortable with that. You could tell that once he "nutted" with the whole gay thing, he was really done. He doesn't enjoy intimacy with a man besides the sex. Lucky for me I witnessed it, otherwise I might wonder. I just really think he hangs back because of my proximity to his truth. I just think he prefers to keep it a secret from everyone. Who knows - maybe he wanted to know if I found him attractive to reaffirm that I don't see him as a "fag" or something atrocious like that (sarcasm). Bleh! Damn him and his raging personality and intelligence and hotness! Damn him! Yes, I am now having a full-blown big girl tantrum. Yes, indeedy. See what he does to me? Dated friggin Baller for 6 months, and he wasn't nearly the same dent on me.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Well, I'm confused about your goal. Do you want to date him or not? Johan - if he asked me out, I would be ALL over it. Right or wrong, I would run to that flame. And I sit here and wonder if he has even thought one IOTA about me since we disconnected earlier. I've lost it.
johan Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Ok. Get control of yourself woman. What difference does it make what this guy is thinking. If you and he can't get it together, there must be a reason for that. If you don't want to send him a clearer signal, once and for all, then accept it and don't worry about it. Nothing has changed.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Ok. Get control of yourself woman. What difference does it make what this guy is thinking. If you and he can't get it together, there must be a reason for that. If you don't want to send him a clearer signal, once and for all, then accept it and don't worry about it. Nothing has changed. Wow. I believe you just bitch-slapped me! lol You're right. It doesn't matter what he's thinking. Just would be nice to humor myself that he's thinking about me AT ALL. Why is the onus on me to send a clearer signal, though? Don't you think he can step up and ask me out properly? I don't believe I told him not to.
johan Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Wow. I believe you just bitch-slapped me! lol Hm. I might have. I was trying for your ass, if that makes any difference. The reason you need to send a clearer signal is because 1) you should communicate better, and 2) he seems a little intimidated by you and was hoping for a go-ahead signal, which you never provided. Go-ahead signals are by definition pretty clear.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Hm. I might have. I was trying for your ass, if that makes any difference. The reason you need to send a clearer signal is because 1) you should communicate better, and 2) he seems a little intimidated by you and was hoping for a go-ahead signal, which you never provided. Go-ahead signals are by definition pretty clear. lol. It makes a BIG difference. Well, a small difference - I have a very tiny heinie. OK, so then give me a more ambiguous green light that I can give him WITHOUT putting myself totally out there for 100% rejection again. Honestly, from him it's like a hot molten dagger. And how was he intimidated? Can I find a BONEHEAD bumper sticker somewhere?
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 why don't you just go back and flirt a bit with him? see if he follows suit?
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 maybe it would be easier to just tattoo bonehead on your forehead...
johan Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Maybe just suggest you meet for drinks or something. Maybe when you meet him you'll find the chemistry has dissipated and you can go home feeling better about things.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 why don't you just go back and flirt a bit with him? see if he follows suit? I wouldn't even know where to begin, Sunny! I swear. I am so thrown off by him. Well, that and the vicodan I took earlier, but still... There's so much history, that normal flirting seems so odd. And I don't want him to get the wrong idea about me flirting and construing it as an open invite for boo tay. I need a friggin beginners manual.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Maybe just suggest you meet for drinks or something. Maybe when you meet him you'll find the chemistry has dissipated and you can go home feeling better about things. So how does asking him out not leave me totally exposed for rejection? I thought we were thinking something much gentler. Maybe something like, "you know, I can save you the time, and just tell you now I am the best of the pickings on the dating site". That's a Bean comment... Sunny - isn't it already THERE? lol
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 I guess I'm the only one here who is going to encourage you to move on from this temporary relapse. Carry on as if you had not gotten the IM from him. Why? 1.Because you stated he already knows how you feel about him. He knows you will go out with him. 2. Since you are on a dating site, he knows you are single. 3. If he really wants to see you, he would make the effort to do so. 4. He already put you through he double hockeysticks before. You are setting yourself up to go through this AGAIN. Ever heard of shame me once? AND he already knows that you accept his sexuality. Still, he let you go before and you couldn't convince him. If anyone else can come up with some enticing reasons why she should pursue a date with him, let me know. Jilly, I think he will cause you HEARTACHE AGAIN. Ice cream would never steer me wrong...
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 just let your guard down and try girl! why don't you just put it out there and say are you interested in finding out if we can have some fun with this? he will either say yes or no...
xpaperxcutx Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I wouldn't even know where to begin, Sunny! I swear. I am so thrown off by him. Well, that and the vicodan I took earlier, but still... There's so much history, that normal flirting seems so odd. And I don't want him to get the wrong idea about me flirting and construing it as an open invite for boo tay. I need a friggin beginners manual. Jilly it seems you've the "obsession" bug with this guy. He must be a really hot guy if he can make you go head over heels like this. One thing I'm worried about is his insecurity about letting his double life be known. You said that he would one day like to settle down and have kids, but at the pace that he's going, the psychological effect that might come unfolding later might just be emotionally damaging. He would suffer deep issues with regards to his sexuality. I understand that you're more than willing to give this guy a chance, but his history says that he's prone to the 3 month scheduled dump. Are you really willing to allow yourself to get hurt like this?
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 just let your guard down and try girl! why don't you just put it out there and say are you interested in finding out if we can have some fun with this? he will either say yes or no... Well you ask him then, Sunny! lol. I just am paralyzed at the thought of being rejected by him again. He is just the ONE guy that you always hold a torch for and I am deathly afraid of him crushing me AGAIN. But I hear ya. Perhaps I didn't give him a clear signal. But I didn't feel I got one from him, either! I'm confused.
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 Jilly it seems you've the "obsession" bug with this guy. He must be a really hot guy if he can make you go head over heels like this. One thing I'm worried about is his insecurity about letting his double life be known. You said that he would one day like to settle down and have kids, but at the pace that he's going, the psychological effect that might come unfolding later might just be emotionally damaging. He would suffer deep issues with regards to his sexuality. I understand that you're more than willing to give this guy a chance, but his history says that he's prone to the 3 month scheduled dump. Are you really willing to allow yourself to get hurt like this? Oh, I'm a complete mental patient for him. Yes, he is amazingly physically beautiful, but it's more than that. It's his personality, his smarts, his humor, his athleticism, his commitment to family, work, etc. I just adore him. I would think if we were together, the 3-month rule wouldn't apply, since he wouldn't need to dump me in order to go get his guy groove on. It would just be "guys night out" to me. lol. Seriously, it wouldn't bother me. But I think it would bother him. He lives this ULTRA hetero life. He's a totally jacked up muscle head guy, who has this hard-ass special until police job. Everything about his paper life screams masculine. Except for the secret that I witnessed. And that's another thing. It's not just that I KNOW, it's that I saw it all. Honestly, X? I think until he admits who he is, embraces his sexuality, allows a woman into his life who will support this, he will continue the cycle forever.
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 sure i'll ask him for you! but, then again, it would involve me flirting with him along the way - so maybe that's a bad idea. send me the link to his profile and i'll check him out... he he why not ask him to a baseball game? aren't you near fenway? the best ballfield in the nation...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 sure i'll ask him for you! but, then again, it would involve me flirting with him along the way - so maybe that's a bad idea. send me the link to his profile and i'll check him out... he he why not ask him to a baseball game? aren't you near fenway? the best ballfield in the nation... No, I live out west now. FROM Title Town, however, yes. No, if I send you the link, you will want him for your own. Guaranteed. OK, how about something totally passive aggressive? That would be my style when I am feeling 13, like now. Something like, "ya know, if you hadn't of rejected me so many times in the past, I would have suggested we meet again!" I know, retarded. I did say this one makes me crazy. Maybe the other semi-bad choice if, "I could have saved you a membership fee and told you I'm pretty much the best pickins on the dating site." Too egotistical? What if I include a wink? lol. Or an lol? I don't remember high school being this painful.
2sunny Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 No, I live out west now. FROM Title Town, however, yes. No, if I send you the link, you will want him for your own. Guaranteed. OK, how about something totally passive aggressive? That would be my style when I am feeling 13, like now. Something like, "ya know, if you hadn't of rejected me so many times in the past, I would have suggested we meet again!" I know, retarded. I did say this one makes me crazy. Maybe the other semi-bad choice if, "I could have saved you a membership fee and told you I'm pretty much the best pickins on the dating site." Too egotistical? What if I include a wink? lol. Or an lol? I don't remember high school being this painful. you're out west? cool! NO, i wouldn't want him for my own - i am perfectly set with my own arrangement for now. besides - i'm way too picky about men... and i'm sure that i'm waaaay older than you. another thing i do know is that you're making this way harder than it has to be (oops - pun wasn't originally intended). he he no, i wouldn't use that pass/aggress style - it just seems to sound all wrong without a lot of flirting to go along with it or a good sarcastic tone of voice attached. since you don't want to take action right now - why not just sit on this for a week and do nothing and see if he makes any movement?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 No, I live out west now. FROM Title Town, however, yes. No, if I send you the link, you will want him for your own. Guaranteed. OK, how about something totally passive aggressive? That would be my style when I am feeling 13, like now. Something like, "ya know, if you hadn't of rejected me so many times in the past, I would have suggested we meet again!" I know, retarded. I did say this one makes me crazy. Maybe the other semi-bad choice if, "I could have saved you a membership fee and told you I'm pretty much the best pickins on the dating site." Too egotistical? What if I include a wink? lol. Or an lol? I don't remember high school being this painful. :lmao::lmao:Oh Jilly... Maybe you should sleep on this for a while before doing something irrational or drastic...
Author Jilly Bean Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 since you don't want to take action right now - why not just sit on this for a week and do nothing and see if he makes any movement? This sounds delightful to me! Inertia is the right vibe on this. Plus, I know once I tell my friends who lived through my heartache at his hands, they will beat me silly. See, you were spared the months of me whining and obsessing that they were not... Thanks, Sunny. Appreciate your comments - as I do Johan and X and Sublime and all the other kind folks who listened to me have a meltdown over him.
JP77 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 He's a back door bandit through and through, bisexuality at times is used to hide a gay person's true orientation.
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