Author spookie Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 I'm stuck. How did I not forsee this? He is my ride to work, my connection in my social life, my coworker, my next-door neighbor. How will my life for the next month be if I end it? But how can I not? The thought of having to have sex with him again sickens me. When I look at him, I smell urine...
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I'm stuck. How did I not forsee this? He is my ride to work, my connection in my social life, my coworker, my next-door neighbor. How will my life for the next month be if I end it? But how can I not? The thought of having to have sex with him again sickens me. When I look at him, I smell urine... Enough said.
Author spookie Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 I was lying in bed tonight and all these memories of my ex came flooding back. Raw ones that I never go over, that I thought I'd forgotten. Memories of making love in a lake with our clothes on in November and urgently in the study hall of my first dorm. Of how I felt weak in the knees when I saw him at the airport after two weeks away. How I couldn't stop the tears from coming when I finally got to his arms. How I couldn't stop touching him; how even after we did it, it wasn't enough. That's what love's supposed to feel like. Not this. I hope I feel it agian.
Author spookie Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Enough said. Yah, but what do I do after? I probably COULD get by, but my life would be a whole lot more awkward and boring...
Nemo Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Memories of making love in a lake with our clothes on I hate to tell you, but that's not actually possible. You may have had a lake snake in your pants, or possibly a giant leech. Still, as long as you had a good time.
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Why do I end up with these spineless child-like wussies? Is it cause I'm a hardass and kind of a bitch? This is probably not a very flattering compairson for me to make about myself, but I think my personality is similar in many ways to Celia Hodes', from Weeds (I'm not a nosy backstabbing hypocrite, but she's got my alcoholic ball-busting cynicism down). I think that the most of the guys who can stand to be around me are either the a-holes, who aren't phased at all, or the ones looking for psycho domineering mommies. Neither of those types is right for me. I think I need someone who appreciates my strength but loves me for my weakness. Unfort. that's not so easy to find. You've got a wild, self-destructive streak in you spook, that wants to do what it wants to do, right NOW! Can you restrain it in any way? If not, the above types of guys are probably the only types of guys who can handle it. The arsehole because he probably has the same streak and the wuss because he'll put up with this type of behaviour. I'm not trying to hurt you.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Yah, but what do I do after? I probably COULD get by, but my life would be a whole lot more awkward and boring... Do you plan to marry the guy? IF not then a breakup is probably inevitable. But how do you plan to keep his hands off of you if everytime he tries to touch you, you're reminded of pee?
shadowplay Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I don't think that you attract the wimps so much as you're initially drawn to them for whatever reason. I would have bailed on TT and Aspie Guy early on once I first got a whiff of their spinelessness. You had clues that TT was like this weeks ago, but ignored them because of the fiery physical attraction. Maybe you find beta-males safer, or you savor an easy conquest. Sorry if that sounds cynical, but I can semi-relate to the feeling. Once you've shown interest they cling to you like little barnacles. On a basic level, though, you and the betas share insecurity. It just manifests itself in different ways. What you seek in a mate seems to be mostly driven by insecurity rather than compatibility. You want someone who is stronger than you because you feel vulnerable on a basic level, and you can't respect somebody who is weak because it reminds you of something you fear in yourself. You may not even be aware of this stuff, but it's working on a subconscious level. I think you should suck up the awkwardness and break it off with TT. It's only fair to him before he gets more attached. Has TT dropped the L-bomb? You're going to break his little heart, but you have no obligation to stay in the relationship out of guilt. Better do it now than later. Plus you'll get increasingly resentful. Do you really want to endure another month of putting out for a guy you're not attracted to? I'm also guilty of mistaking insecurity for depth in a partner. True depth is really, really hard to find. Good luck in your quest. I think you'll find it eventually, but you need to stop with the wimpy guy diversions unless you want to open a shelter for lost puppies. Btw maybe you're using the term loosely but I don't think that you're a bitch at all. Bitches are people who are rotten on the inside. You're a good person beneath the abrasive surface -- it's obvious. EDIT: Oh, and I think you should date older guys if you're looking for confidence (25-30). No more dipping in the kiddie pool.
Stockalone Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Why do I end up with these spineless child-like wussies? No offence, but you can't expect a virgin to turn into not only a non-clingy, but already into a self-confident man overnight. I know I was clingy at first and needed to learn not to be like this. A guy who was a virgin into his twenties is as eager to play with his new toy as much as a 4 year old. And I know, the woman you love is not a toy, but still, the feeling isn't much different at first. The guy isn't thinking straight with much of his blood unavailable to the brain for good portions of the day. The next time you meet a virgin, you probably shouldn't get involved. There is a chance that you can help the guy become a man, but unless he actually makes an honest effort to become that man, you are stuck with an immature boy who wants to play with his new toy. And I can see how that is a huge turn-off. Is it cause I'm a hardass and kind of a bitch? This is probably not a very flattering compairson for me to make about myself, but I think my personality is similar in many ways to Celia Hodes', from Weeds (I'm not a nosy backstabbing hypocrite, but she's got my alcoholic ball-busting cynicism down). I think that the most of the guys who can stand to be around me are either the a-holes, who aren't phased at all, or the ones looking for psycho domineering mommies. Neither of those types is right for me. Then you need to look for a good men who is already comfortable and secure in his sexuality. You just need a guy who will stand his ground when you challenge him. And that doesn't make you a bitch, but I am afraid you will only respect a man who already knows how to deal with a strong woman. It doesn't seem like TT is up for that (yet). Maybe he will some day, but he isn't ready now. I think I need someone who appreciates my strength but loves me for my weakness. Unfort. that's not so easy to find. I can understand that weakness can be endearing, that one can even admire certain weaknesses. But to want someone to love you primarily for your weakness seems odd to me. But that brings me to my question: What is it that attracts you to guys? Their strength or their weakness? PS: What was TT's reaction to him peeing on you? Maybe I have overlooked it or you haven't addressed that so far. Was he at least embarrassed and very sorry?
shadowplay Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I can understand that weakness can be endearing, that one can even admire certain weaknesses. But to want someone to love you primarily for your weakness seems odd to me. I think I know what Spookie is talking about. It's the desire to be loved in part for your vulnerability and imperfections. What's underneath. Or at least the desire for someone to accept those aspects of you and not want to change them because they're part of who you are. Spook may feel that TT and guys of his ilk are only responding to her superficial personality traits (like her ballsiness or whatever), because they're hungry for confidence and try to feed off of hers like emotional leaches. But they're not seeing or appreciating what's underneath. Or maybe they are, but it doesn't matter that they accept her because she doesn't respect them. She wants the approval of somebody she respects. I believe she wants somebody who is very confident but compassionate enough to accept and love her weaknesses. That is indeed hard to find. Maybe I'm totally off, but that was my interpretation.
sfsassy Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 I was lying in bed tonight and all these memories of my ex came flooding back. Raw ones that I never go over, that I thought I'd forgotten. Memories of making love in a lake with our clothes on in November and urgently in the study hall of my first dorm. Of how I felt weak in the knees when I saw him at the airport after two weeks away. How I couldn't stop the tears from coming when I finally got to his arms. How I couldn't stop touching him; how even after we did it, it wasn't enough. That's what love's supposed to feel like. Not this. I hope I feel it agian. Yes, but that is kind of obsessive love I think. My last boyfriend was pretty much like that. (accept for the lake part, weren't that adventurous!) but it turned out to be wrong for both of us. I have also had the experience that you are having now, and that sucks. I had one really nice guy who I had no compatibility with. He was great, just not great for me. I think a slow burn where the attraction deepens, is best. BTW, I'm definitely not a hardass, so probably would find your guy cute!
shadowplay Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Yes, but that is kind of obsessive love I think. My last boyfriend was pretty much like that. (accept for the lake part, weren't that adventurous!) but it turned out to be wrong for both of us. I have also had the experience that you are having now, and that sucks. I had one really nice guy who I had no compatibility with. He was great, just not great for me. I think a slow burn where the attraction deepens, is best. BTW, I'm definitely not a hardass, so probably would find your guy cute! Lol, I was thinking Spookie would really like my ex because he's confident, extremely smart, very masculine and a bit aholeish/emotionally withholding. Too bad we can't have an LS boyfriend swap.
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