Author Maladjusted Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 Nope, another set back today after things had been going so well. Will tell about it later
Owl Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Sorry to hear this man. What's your plan from here?
Author Maladjusted Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 I am just going to keep it simple this time, as going through this has made me a much stronger person. I found out that she had been still talking to the guy "for work". He called her phone yesterday, I answered, and told the ****er not to call again. At this point, what do you advise on calling his wife? I told my wife I was going to call her and she doesn't care if I call her or not. I just want to ask her to have her husband not call my wife anymore.
Owl Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Call her. If your wife doesn't mind...great. It doesn't matter if she does or doesn't, at the end of the day. Call his wife, explain the whole situation to her, and let her know that you're fighting to save your marriage. Let her know that you no longer want ANY contact between him and your wife going forward. She may or may not believe you...or choose to help or not. Don't panic one way or another...if it works in your favor, great. If not, no harm done. What does your wife say about this continued "work" contact? How does she justify/rationalize this? How is it REQUIRED for her work??? Did she agree to complete NC with this guy, and is now trying to weasel her way around it? Have you guys started MC? Discussed this in MC if you are in it? If it continues, you might consider going to their employer next.
Author Maladjusted Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Very true. Hmmm. I get the impression his wife is kind of ghetto so I am not sure what to expect from her. My wife now understands that she needs to be an "open" book and is now telling me how much she loves me and will do anything to prove that love to me. Yeah, will see. I wonder what would have happened had I not happened along this guy's phone call? We have gotten to MC yet but that is my next step. I will tell her it is a dealbreaker for me if she doesnt go. I've had enough. What should I say to the employer? I know the guy to talk to at the company and he might be receptive to me.
Owl Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 What did your wife say about his phone call? Did you both agree to no contact at all between her and him? If so...how did she attempt to justify the continued contact behind your back?
Owl Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I don't remember all the details of your sit, Mal, but if you had proof of the affair...I'd simply tell your work contact that OM and your wife had an affair, and that a lot of this was conducted during company time using company facitilities. Explain to him that your wife has ended the affair and is working on reconciling...but OM is continuing to use company resources and time to attempt to resume the affair. Now...there is a risk...they could fire your wife as part of their "clean up process"...its something to consider as a gamble in this step if you do it.
Author Maladjusted Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 What did your wife say about his phone call? Did you both agree to no contact at all between her and him? If so...how did she attempt to justify the continued contact behind your back? She said she didn't know what he was calling about. I told her about the "letters" that he said he didn't know what to do with (yeah right, calling about a bunch of ****ing letters at 7:23 am). She said that they were letters of recommendation she had asked for in her job search. Yes, she supposedly sent him a message and told him to please not contact him anymore and that she would be changing her cell phone number. She now agrees that she needs to be an open book. Her attempt to justify this continued contact was that she was answering work questions. Yeah right.
Author Maladjusted Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 I don't remember all the details of your sit, Mal, but if you had proof of the affair...I'd simply tell your work contact that OM and your wife had an affair, and that a lot of this was conducted during company time using company facitilities. Explain to him that your wife has ended the affair and is working on reconciling...but OM is continuing to use company resources and time to attempt to resume the affair. Now...there is a risk...they could fire your wife as part of their "clean up process"...its something to consider as a gamble in this step if you do it. That is a good point. The only reason I hesitate is because I am trying to shut him out and focus on the relationship with my wife. It does take two to tango. Other than this incident, things have been fine. She has been more like herself, we have sex frequently now, she talks about future plans, etc. My wife's job ended on 8/30. She isn't currently employed. Now here is something interesting that I would really like input on. She still had her office keys, and an HR book of his. Before I found out about this, she told me that I could throw the keys away. After she sent him that last message asking him to stop contacting her, she sent me a text message asking me to send him her office keys and an HR book of his that she still had. Frankly, I am not inclined to do this ******* any favors, and second, I am wondering if I hold onto these items, he will contact her again. This is where my evil genius comes in. If she changes her number, and he doesn't have it, then I will know that he is contacting her through an alternative method (such as email) what do you think?
Owl Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I'd tell you that if you want your wife to get over her "addiction" to the other man, you need to remove him completely from the situation. That means...give him his stuff back, and when you do, make it CRYSTAL FREAKING CLEAR that he's in no way to EVER contact you or your wife again, for whatever reason at all. Ever. Don't try to trap her...don't set the stage for her to fail. Let her succeed or fail on what happens...not anything you set the stage for. Make sense?
Author Maladjusted Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 How do I let him know that he is not to contact her ever again? Do I call him, threaten to tell his wife, his employer, ask him what happened?
Owl Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Have your wife draft an email or letter to him. It should be short, simple, and to the point. "Dear slimeball, We wanted to ensure that you knew that I've decided to work on my marriage. I love my husband, and realize that being with you was a tremendous mistake that I regret deeply. I know now that what we did was wrong, and should never have happened. This is the last contact of any kind between us. Please do not attempt to contact me again in any fashion. I am changing all of my contact information (email, cell phone, etc...) so that there's no way for you to reach me after this. Sincerely, Mrs Mal" Don't threaten him at this point. If you want to tell his wife...tell her. Don't make it an "if, then" statement. She deserves to know the truth, and if you feel that way, tell her up front now. Even if you don't want to tell her now, but want to keep this as a trump for later if need be, don't threaten or tell him that now...he'll spin damage control on it to negate its effectiveness. If you opt to do it later...just do it point blank. Make sure your wife understands that you NEED her to work with you to make this message CRYSTAL CLEAR to OM. Make sense?
Recommended Posts