Crestfallen_KH Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I see your point, Charlotte, but it's also irresponsible to encourage someone down rocky and likely treacherous path when they are severely distressed. Did you happen to notice out of all the posts responding to his actions, he quotes yours and says he's going to print it out? It's because it's what he wants to hear - not because it's what he needs to hear. No one expects anyone here to strong and perfect. I'm just looking at the situation. Years ago, he sleeps with her when she's in a relationship (and he's been rather proud of his ability to "win" her away, which is disturbing in its own right) and they get together. Then, she cheats on him and leaves him. He basically stops functioning, loses all self control and calls her names, tries to ruin her current relationship, etc. I get that we all go a "little crazy" when someone we love leaves us, but Y's behavior has been disturbing and pathological. He then calls her up and sleeps with her. True, we don't know if she is still with her current man and I can't even fault him for wanting to give this guy a taste of his own medicine, but if we truly value him and want him to get better, encouraging him to get back with this woman who has caused him pain (and clearly has issues of her own) isn't in his best interest. It's clear that Y sees this girl as part of his identity and he's evidently lost without her, and that's not good, healthy or "romantic." What I would encourage Y to do is to get counseling, be apart from her (for now, at least) and try to create an identity on his own that isn't so wrapped up in her. He should get to know himself and be by himself. And until he's able to do that and not be so emotional and involved in her, he's going to continue to be played like a puppet on a string.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 In that case: Y- You already know this is a bad idea, right? Eventually she will do it again because there has been no consequences to her behavior. She has lost nothing by treating you so badly. My post was not meant to encourage you to hurt yourself. My intention was to say that regardless of what anyone says you are already doing this and I will still be willing to hear you cry when you get hurt yet again. That being said; I still think that although you are obviously not grounded you have an idealistic quality I admire. I think it's wasted on your ex or whatever she is now. You should really take some time alone and get centered and then use that idealistic quality to maintain a love with someone who respects you. -Charlotte better?
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Gets my vote of approval. (For whatever that's worth!) Now let's hope he listens!
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