shadowplay Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I think it's just that it's Friday and I'm used to seeing him tonight. It's been that way every night for almost a year. I'm feeling that mounting anxiety that I've gotten used to feeling every Friday at work around this time of "will he call?" Friday became a weekly test of his devotion in my eyes. It was the one day he was obligated to call as we would routinely do something that night. The test was whether he'd call to make plans if I didn't first. Throughout our relationship I had the sneaking suspicion that if I suddenly stopped initiating contact without explanation I'd never hear from him again. The way last weekend's breakup unfolded was sort of proof of my theory. As Friday afternoon wore on the tension would build and build. When 5 o'clock rolled around I would face the dilemma of calling him or not. I would tell myself to be strong because I was sick of always initiating, but by 5:30, or 6 at the latest, I'd always buckle. Why couldn't he have just called me? Why was it so hard for him to remember? He'd answer and act like everything was normal on the other line. Never explaining why he hadn't called. I want so badly to see him tonight, even just as friends. Why do I feel this desire to see someone who always frustrated me and left me feeling unsatisfied? Someone I didn't even particularly like or respect when it comes down to it? Is there anything special about him or is it mere habit?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 It's habit. You're not entirely over him yet. Shadow I hope you haven't remembered his #, because the relationship the two of you had was very unhealthy. You should change things up a bit. Like instead of wanting to call him, how about meeting up with friends for a night out in town? Anything's better than looking at the phone all day.
Author shadowplay Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 It's habit. You're not entirely over him yet. Shadow I hope you haven't remembered his #, because the relationship the two of you had was very unhealthy. You should change things up a bit. Like instead of wanting to call him, how about meeting up with friends for a night out in town? Anything's better than looking at the phone all day. Unfortunately I do remember his #.... I wish I could simply erase it from my mind as easily as my phone. Also, I don't have any friends to go out with unless you count my ex ex ex who routinely begs me for sex because he feels like I owe him since we never had it when we were together. I need to make friends. I guess I could do some solo activity but that would be a little depressing.
serialgf Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 shadowplay i think you need help far beyond what loveshack can offer you frankly its exhausting to read your postings, even the short ones . if i were a guy i would honestly stay away from you. you seem to be obsessed with the thrill of the chase but once someone trusts you with their feelings... i don't know if its that you get scared but you just totally F them in the A until your relationship is a big irrecognizable mess. and then you turn into a mess and start missing them or wondering about ex's or looking for love in all the wrong places.... i think it would behoove you to spend some real alone time not just physically on your own but mentally, like not thinking about boys.... whaddaya think do you have a really good friend who you talk to about all this stuff? if not, you really need one. as i've told you before i relate a lot to you because i did a lot of this stuff when i was a tad younger. as much as one can on a forum such as this, i really like you! all the best, sgf
serialgf Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Unfortunately I do remember his #.... I wish I could simply erase it from my mind as easily as my phone. Also, I don't have any friends to go out with unless you count my ex ex ex who routinely begs me for sex because he feels like I owe him since we never had it when we were together. I need to make friends. I guess I could do some solo activity but that would be a little depressing. wow its pretty amazing that you wrote this as i was typing pretty much the same thing. chillin solo is a little depressing at first but its just like exercising, it gets easier the more you practice it. i really hope you give it a try how do you feel about volunteering? it sounds cheesy, but when i feel like you do right now i volunteer at the local soup kitchen, at the suicide hotline or at art festivals, and thats where i've met a lot of my friends and it just gives me a little morale boost and takes my mind off my own problems for a bit
Author shadowplay Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 wow its pretty amazing that you wrote this as i was typing pretty much the same thing. chillin solo is a little depressing at first but its just like exercising, it gets easier the more you practice it. i really hope you give it a try how do you feel about volunteering? it sounds cheesy, but when i feel like you do right now i volunteer at the local soup kitchen, at the suicide hotline or at art festivals, and thats where i've met a lot of my friends and it just gives me a little morale boost and takes my mind off my own problems for a bit Thanks for the honest input. It's reassuring to hear that someone who was once like me has gotten over some of the same problems. How did you do it? I will look into volunteer work. That's a great idea.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I'm feeling that mounting anxiety that I've gotten used to feeling every Friday at work around this time of "will he call?" Friday became a weekly test of his devotion in my eyes. It was the one day he was obligated to call as we would routinely do something that night. The test was whether he'd call to make plans if I didn't first. Throughout our relationship I had the sneaking suspicion that if I suddenly stopped initiating contact without explanation I'd never hear from him again. The way last weekend's breakup unfolded was sort of proof of my theory. As Friday afternoon wore on the tension would build and build. When 5 o'clock rolled around I would face the dilemma of calling him or not. I would tell myself to be strong because I was sick of always initiating, but by 5:30, or 6 at the latest, I'd always buckle. Why couldn't he have just called me? Why was it so hard for him to remember? He'd answer and act like everything was normal on the other line. Never explaining why he hadn't called. Wow, this sounds so exhausting. The right guy won't make you feel this way.
tkgirl Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Unfortunately I do remember his #.... I wish I could simply erase it from my mind as easily as my phone. Also, I don't have any friends to go out with unless you count my ex ex ex who routinely begs me for sex because he feels like I owe him since we never had it when we were together. I need to make friends. I guess I could do some solo activity but that would be a little depressing. I know how you feel.. sort of.. it's friday and I'm waiting for a former "ex" who's now sort of back again to call and want to see me... long story! been acting so casual with him because I think I scared him of the first time.. trying to let him call the shots and he seems to want to take it slow... I want to see him ASAP though and for some reason that feeling is really strong today... anyways, if you happen to live in CO let's go hang out.. don't feel like staying home tonight either
gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I felt the same exact way as you when my ex broke up with me. Fridays/the weekends were the worse becuase that's when couples normally spend most their times together. Once Friday afternoon came, a bout of emptiness would hit me. What I did was to wait it out. I tried to make plans and keep myself busy for the next month or so and after some time the pain/emptiness lessened. Then when I felt ready, I found a new guy. You'd be surprised how much less you think of your ex if at all once you have a new quality prospect! haha. Just hang in there and wait it out. Just think that things would get alot better if you can just resist it for at least a few weeks.
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