Phoenix11 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 .....thought he would never speak to me again....but I called him out of concern because the last time we communicated he stated he was having health issues. Anyway, the first thing I did was apologize for calling him an a**hole, and he said it was OK. Probably warranted. Asked about his health issues. He's depressed and mad at the world. Spoke with me with an angry tone in his voice but did not speak a harsh word. Said he isn't seeing anyone, and doesn't want to be with anyone right now. It appears the LS posters who advised me when a guy is dealing with an illness, they prefer to retreat to a cave and deal with it in private were correct. This is exactly the state he's in. Anywhoo, I caved....feeling really bad for his mindframe...I told him I still care about him and would like to see him when he returns from his trip. He leaves tomorrow, and returns mid week. Playing hard nose or being hard nose...he said he would consider it. I did not push and wished him a safe trip. It's been 4 weeks of no contact and I thought things would get better with time. It has only gotten worse. I think about him constantly. The whole conversation lasted a half hour, and I am still unable to read him. Does he sound sincerely receptive to us getting together again?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 He knows he's got you in the palm of his hands... I don't know your story, but stop contacting him! And what kind of illness does he have? If it's psychological, you do not want to get involved.
Jilly Bean Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Phoenix, this guy has been in a cave with you WELL before his "illness". I just wonder what it will take for you to realize this. You are stuck on this guy ONLY because you cannot give up the fantasy of who you want him to be. Once you realize this guy falls short, in reality, of everything you want, you will give up trying to change him, give up waiting for him to come around, and just accept he is SO not the one. Until then, you will continue to use him as a crutch to prevent you from moving on.
torranceshipman Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 He said he'd 'consider it? C'mon....thats not on...I'd walk away, he doesn't sound interested at all. He is ill though, so maybe thats the only thing on his mind right now, and he doesnt want to be bothered by an ex askin him to meet up again! Bad timing maybe...but nevertheless he doesnt sound interested... You can do better!
Author Phoenix11 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 I know I should have maintained the "No Contact", or better yet "Never Contact Again" status, but I felt so bad for the way things were left. I got so caught up with my friends telling me he's an a**, that I lashed out and told him so. That's just not me. It's been bothering me ever since I said it. Additionally, when someone tells you they are having health issues, it's so selfish to reflect on what the relationship is lacking. Instead I should have instantly switched to "friend" mode and been there for him. Anyway, I feel better for mending the fences, and have zero hope he will come around.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Anyway, I feel better for mending the fences, and have zero hope he will come around. Good. Leave it at that and move on.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I know I should have maintained the "No Contact", or better yet "Never Contact Again" status, but I felt so bad for the way things were left. I got so caught up with my friends telling me he's an a**, that I lashed out and told him so. That's just not me. It's been bothering me ever since I said it. Additionally, when someone tells you they are having health issues, it's so selfish to reflect on what the relationship is lacking. Instead I should have instantly switched to "friend" mode and been there for him. Anyway, I feel better for mending the fences, and have zero hope he will come around. You're too kind hearted.
StartingOver07 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Anyway, I feel better for mending the fences, and have zero hope he will come around. I don't believe you. I think you are hoping he will contact you after his trip. Honestly, this guy has been odd since day 1... heck, even before your first date. Even if he is in his cave right now because of health issues, that doesn't explain his behavior the last six (?) months. At some point, you have to look at your own motives: why do you continue to pursue a guy who has made it clear in so many ways and on so many levels that he cannot or will not be what you need?
Author Phoenix11 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 I don't believe you. I think you are hoping he will contact you after his trip. Yes you are correct....I wish he would contact me after his trip, but what I meant is I feel it's unlikely that he will. Honestly, this guy has been odd since day 1... heck, even before your first date. Even if he is in his cave right now because of health issues, that doesn't explain his behavior the last six (?) months. At some point, you have to look at your own motives: why do you continue to pursue a guy who has made it clear in so many ways and on so many levels that he cannot or will not be what you need? I have no idea what my motives are where he is concerned. I wish I understood. I have others that are pursuing me, but I am unable to focus on anyone other than him.
Author Phoenix11 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 You're too kind hearted. Thank you...I think:)
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I have no idea what my motives are where he is concerned. I wish I understood. I have others that are pursuing me, but I am unable to focus on anyone other than him. Certain people are hard to forget. Sometimes the memories will never go away. The deciding factor is how you go about things. Maybe still harboring feelings for him may be embarrassing or something you feel disgusted about, but it depends on whether you act on them or not.
StartingOver07 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I have no idea what my motives are where he is concerned. I wish I understood. I have others that are pursuing me, but I am unable to focus on anyone other than him. This is worth taking some time to figure out. By focusing on ths unhealthy guy (and I am not referring to his physical ailments), you are preventing yourself from finding a guy with whom you could be in healthy, happy relationship. Why are you standing in your own way?
Author Phoenix11 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 This is worth taking some time to figure out. By focusing on ths unhealthy guy (and I am not referring to his physical ailments), you are preventing yourself from finding a guy with whom you could be in healthy, happy relationship. Why are you standing in your own way? I think part of my attraction to him is similar to that of a mutt in the pound who's owner has mistreated them, but has a good heart and could very well be the most lovable pet if give time and attention. Yikes I know. Allow me to explain...he is not the most attractive person, and is definately odd in some ways...which probably has been a turn off for some in his past. Given his level of accomplishment, most women expect him to be filthy rich, but when they soon find out he is not...they flee. I think this cycle of rejection has made him even more aloof, more unwilling to invest whole heartly in any relationship, (romantic or othewise). He finds comfort in retreating to his own world and immersing himself deeply into his interests, one which he reigns supreme. When given a glimps of how kind and devoted he could be, I grown to be highly smitten with him. All of his behavior is not strange. He is very skilled in alot of ways. The challenge became to keep him engage enough to allow the glimps to become an open door. Whenever we encountered an unpleasant situation or what he preceived to be a path from the past....he would retreat...close all emotions...and become indifferent. Now with his health concern, he has given himself an even more valid reason to shut everyone out of his life. He is wallowing in his misery and that's the way he wants it. Oddly, thats where he is comfortable. Doesn't stop me from caring and wanting to rescue the pup from the pound.
2sunny Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 believe me when i say that if a man wants you to be around or take care of him (whether he is in need or not) he would say so. he obviously doesn't want your services or you to care at the moment. in the meantime - i'm sure he's perfectly happy with the thought that you will come running on a moments notice. his actions with you have always said very clearly to "stay away."
StartingOver07 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Ok, the sex is good. That is very appealing. But the other qualities are not. The difference between the mutt in the pound and this man is that, sometimes, you can "cure" the mutt of its past so that it becomes the loving pet you want (this is not a sure thing). But in the case of another person, no curing can happen without their active involvement and commitment to the cure. You cannot love him out of his aloofness or inability to commit. Somewhere out there is a guy who is good in bed and who is capable of forming the emotional bond you want. In fact, the sex is even better when that bond is in place.
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