onmyownagain Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 How long from the split up date and hoping they wont find someone else untilt the point where you don't care they have someone else? For me, just under seven months. didn't try to dodge the pain, didn't date anyone else to blot out the pain. I absorbed it all, rough as it was and now I am here! Still working through the divorce but that is just working out who has what, I now am a happy man. How long will it take you?
smileysmile Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 welcome back It will take me a looooong time. She finally filed papers which she signed on May 16th. It got a little nasty from her. I have had to hire my own solicitor now. She is very bitter..hell hav no fury like a woman scorned. She is hellbent on protecting her self respect. Now she islying and saying I have been agressive and intimidating when picking up our daughter so now I have to pick her up at her mums. I can't believe the lies. She started to do this when she found out I had a solicitor and she thought I couldn't afford it. Now she thinks I would cause problems ref this married ex co worker she got involved with when we split. So I gather. Now she is playing it smart, calculating and scheming to save her self respect. But I just want my solicitor to fire off a letter to hers and tell her stop these lies. I am sure it will effect my relationship in the future if I don't don't defend this. I never knew she could do such a thing. Using our daughter against me. It sucks! It has been 11 mths aprt from our marital home and about 13 mths since the bomb.
Author onmyownagain Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Hi Smiley, Mine has turned bitter and tells fibs to her solicitor etc. but at least I know I am a lot better off without her, removes any doubt at all for me. You seem to have moved on a bit more than last time we chatted.
smileysmile Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Hmmm I have started to move on. I have my days still. Regrets etc I wish we were a family. I mean my D is 20 mths now and growing fast. She is beautiful and it hurts sometimes that we aren't doing stuff together as a family. I will regret this all my life and look back that we didn't go out as a family when she was younger. I have no option but to move on. But I must be the calm one here. I knew she once loved me and things just got out of hand during our R. We are human beings with complex minds. We do stuff we don't even understand why we do it. In my case anyway. We are products of our genes and environment especially when growing up through childhood. I guess I have issues that contributed to the destruction of our R. I know I am a good guy. The thing is you can't bring it back or take back things you said to that person you were with and evisaged a happy and happy ever after future together. I can tell you, I don't really want to be with somebody else with kids and also it will kill me when my D has a step dad. When you M somebody and have children it is meant for life. It might work for others who have this and then split up for someone else and adopt there kids. Geezus! I never in a million years thought this would happen to me. Watch this space.
Billy Bob Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 My ex-wife.. dropped the "need to find herself", "loves me, but not in-love" routine back in December '05 and after about 9 months of being a pussy boy, going to counceling, letting her treat me like dirt, trying to get her to chnage her mind and see how wonderful our family life was, I would beg her to wear her wedding ring to show she was committed.. I was suddenly "done". So, 9 months.. from when it started to when I served her with divorce papers. She was out flirting and had a BF that I knew about several weeks after she gained her freedom.. all I could think was good riddance and that she was his problem now. I have custody of my kids and have a great GF living with me now.
Woggle Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I was desvastated after my first wife cheated on me and I begged her to change her mind with no success. That summer I went to Montreal with some friends and I enjoyed the freedom so much that I couldn't wait to get home and get her the hell out of my life. That trip made me the man I am today. It's funny that when I finally snatched my heart back from her is when she wanted me back but it was too late. Men really need to start thinking of these situations as a chance to get rid of the witch. I know it's hard when kids are involved and women pull this crap but that is when you fight for your rights as a parent.
child_of_isis Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 For me, it's been a year & one month. We were together for 13 years. I did the same as you...didn't try to dodge the pain nor date the pain away. I'm still alone & loving it. I plan on staying alone. Him...I don't know what he is doing. If I found he was with someone else... I wouldn't care. My happiness & my life is my focus. He pops in my head every once in a while, but all feelings of sadness about it are gone.
dead-dyke Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 1 yr., and almost 2 mos. I didn't date or anything either, and to be honest w/ you, I don't care if I ever do again, at the moment. I'd rather not, but you never know what's around the corner. On the other hand, I feel I'm in a good place w/ myself, and just wishing the divorce would be over with already. My arms been tired from all the olive branches being held out, and after a long period of NC, I'm goooood.
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