Lizzie60 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Of course the "test" is BS: It ignores situational variables and places all its emphasis on that catch-all term, character. Context matters to all but the self-deluded. Who doesn't seek external validation. The anti-cheating crowd on LS seeks external validation of their "character" through incessant posting about how they would never ever, in a million years, cheat. I'll give you one sure fire sign of a potential cheater, and you don't even have to take a pop psych quiz: being human. Grow up. Once again.. well said Grogster..
Art_Critic Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Once again.. well said Grogster.. Lizzie.. It is no secret that people cheat.. men and women alike.. What gets to me is that you lump all men.. all 100's millions of men in to your category of cheaters because you have run into 20 guys who cheat before you changed jobs.. I am not a cheater but I am a man... there is a difference.. Because Grogster thinks that all it takes is to be human to cheat doesn't make it so.. I happen to think that cheating is a short coming in someones personality.. I don't have that short coming... I have been married twice and I'm almost as old as you and I've never cheated yet.. I've been thru tough times in a marriage.. no cheating... I've lost parents and had tough time in my life... No cheating... Why is it so hard to believe that some people.. men and women don't cheat ?? Even the worst statistics you can gather leave room for 100's of millions of people that don't and won't cheat in their lives.. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm one of those 100's of millions of guys that would be true to his wife or GF ? When you lump us all together into one group you appear to me to be very jaded.. As a jaded person your vision is skewed..
Trialbyfire Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 People who have cheated or been involved as the third party in an affair want to believe that everyone would do it. It justifies their current and/or past actions.
SueBee3490 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Of course the "test" is BS: It ignores situational variables and places all its emphasis on that catch-all term, character. Context matters to all but the self-deluded. Who doesn't seek external validation. The anti-cheating crowd on LS seeks external validation of their "character" through incessant posting about how they would never ever, in a million years, cheat. I'll give you one sure fire sign of a potential cheater, and you don't even have to take a pop psych quiz: being human. Grow up. I am almost 50 and have never cheated on either of my 2 husbands or any past bfs. I think the ones that need to "grow up' are those that can't see how destructive and hurtful their cheating is to others. Once you grow up, you'll not do this to someone you claim to love. just my opinion
Lizzie60 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Lizzie.. It is no secret that people cheat.. men and women alike.. What gets to me is that you lump all men.. all 100's millions of men in to your category of cheaters because you have run into 20 guys who cheat before you changed jobs.. I am not a cheater but I am a man... there is a difference.. Because Grogster thinks that all it takes is to be human to cheat doesn't make it so.. I happen to think that cheating is a short coming in someones personality.. I don't have that short coming... I have been married twice and I'm almost as old as you and I've never cheated yet.. I've been thru tough times in a marriage.. no cheating... I've lost parents and had tough time in my life... No cheating... Why is it so hard to believe that some people.. men and women don't cheat ?? Even the worst statistics you can gather leave room for 100's of millions of people that don't and won't cheat in their lives.. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm one of those 100's of millions of guys that would be true to his wife or GF ? When you lump us all together into one group you appear to me to be very jaded.. As a jaded person your vision is skewed.. I always say MOST... IMO I would say that 8/10 men would cheat/did cheat... then you are the 2/10 that didn't and won't () good for you!
bish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Exactly.. MOST men are weak.. Yup, the ones that cheat.
bish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Lizzie.. you have never met a man before.. A john isn't a man... LMFAO!!! :lmao::lmao:
bish Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 People who have cheated or been involved as the third party in an affair want to believe that everyone would do it. It justifies their current and/or past actions. Exactly. They want to think that everyone has that part in their character. But it just aint so. Sorry. *sound of a bubble bursting off in the distance somewhere*
Trialbyfire Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 lizzie, straight up, you draw a lot of conclusions based on minimal information. It's like me saying, well, I've been in "x" number of relationships of which one cheated, therefore the formula should be: x/1 = y And blanket the entire male population with the "y" percentage. Or, worse yet! I've only married one man and he cheated therefore, all married men cheat! That's incredibly irrational generalization.
Author Walk Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 I think the ones that need to "grow up' are those that can't see how destructive and hurtful their cheating is to others. Once you grow up, you'll not do this to someone you claim to love. I agree with this. I cheated on an ex, and in hindsight I see a combination of issues I had that lead up to it. Issues within myself. For instance, I would avoid serious confrontation which meant I'd talk about a problem I was having but I wouldn't take a stand on an issue and force change. I'd back down to avoid a big confrontation. I also lacked coping skills to handle toxic situations in a healthy manner. I'd usually just go along with the crowd, whether that's many people, or just one. It was my immaturity that lead to poor decisions, and ultimately to cheating instead of telling my loser ex to shove his beer bottle up his azz and get the hell out of the house I paid for. I feel that some people are better prepared to deal with adult situations in healthy ways, and some (like me) follow destructive paths to cope with bad situations. I feel that even if you have decided that you aren't going to cheat that you better have concrete ways to handle all types of (horrible) situations in healthy, productive ways. For those who're older and have the history and experience under their belts, like Art and SueBee, I completely agree that you have a solid understanding of how to handle complex situations in the best manner. For those who are younger, or who don't have the life experiences, then saying "Never" is naive. Its like saying you'll stand your ground while the enemy sights down their rifle on you... you can't know how you'll react until that moment occurs. You can say "Never" til the cows come home, but that moment happens you may still piss your pants and run like the other guy did. Now if you have training to fall back on, then holding your ground becomes more of a possibility. If you don't have those skills though, then all it is is conjecture. And who cares about the theoretical. That's all smoke and mirrors. We could all pretend we were brave, honorable, and morally righteous if we're talking pretend situations.
Virgo1982 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Of course the "test" is BS: It ignores situational variables and places all its emphasis on that catch-all term, character. Context matters to all but the self-deluded. Who doesn't seek external validation. The anti-cheating crowd on LS seeks external validation of their "character" through incessant posting about how they would never ever, in a million years, cheat. I'll give you one sure fire sign of a potential cheater, and you don't even have to take a pop psych quiz: being human. Grow up. Well done!
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 For those who're older and have the history and experience under their belts, like Art and SueBee, I completely agree that you have a solid understanding of how to handle complex situations in the best manner. For those who are younger, or who don't have the life experiences, then saying "Never" is naive. Its like saying you'll stand your ground while the enemy sights down their rifle on you... you can't know how you'll react until that moment occurs. You can say "Never" til the cows come home, but that moment happens you may still piss your pants and run like the other guy did. Now if you have training to fall back on, then holding your ground becomes more of a possibility. If you don't have those skills though, then all it is is conjecture. And who cares about the theoretical. That's all smoke and mirrors. We could all pretend we were brave, honorable, and morally righteous if we're talking pretend situations. You don't need to be "older" to know if you're the type that won't cheat. Many of us have had many opportunities to cheat but chose not to. Perhaps we should have taken the self-entitled way...just like everyone else who's cheated...NOT... Before you start with the morally righteous crap, there are actually people in this world who strongly believe in fidelity and commitment. Some of us actually have self-control and coping skills when it comes to commitment. Some of us have made personal choices to walk away from dysfunctional relationships, regardless if we were still in love with the individual. Welcome to my life Walk, before you pass judgement!
Author Walk Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 You don't need to be "older" to know if you're the type that won't cheat. Many of us have had many opportunities to cheat but chose not to. Perhaps we should have taken the self-entitled way...just like everyone else who's cheated...NOT... Before you start with the morally righteous crap, there are actually people in this world who strongly believe in fidelity and commitment. Some of us actually have self-control and coping skills when it comes to commitment. Some of us have made personal choices to walk away from dysfunctional relationships, regardless if we were still in love with the individual. Welcome to my life Walk, before you pass judgement! Morally righteous crap?? Who's post did you read, cause it wasn't mine. I said it comes down to coping skills and ability to choose healthy alternatives. Aren't you a more experienced woman who's been through her fair share of relationship experiences? Haven't you been in bad situations that forced you to make choices you didn't want to make? From what I've read on LS, I say its yes to both those. I wasn't pointing a finger at you. However, my opinion is that some people who haven't been through some of lifes stickier points may not be able to stick to their oath of 'Never'. In my opinion it is naive to make an unqualified statement regarding a situation in which the person has not had personal experience in. You're great Trial, but you read far too much into that. I didn't list every single person on this board who may fit the category of having the coping skills necessary. I listed 2 that were staring me in the face. p.s. Like the nun outfit. Very fitting with your reply to me. ------ I do find it strange that posters are taking such insult toward the issue. It seems as if it would be a great learning experience to attempt to understand the others side, what motivated them in their choices, how they dealt with it (either cheating or not) and how they came to those choices, the repercussions of the choices. For me, it would help to understand the details of a situation versus simply hearing "I'll never do that and because I'm a good person and you suck". Simply put, that's just smack talk and means nothing to me on a personal basis. Now if you can back up your experiences and how you made the decisions you made, what went through your mind and how you dealt with the situation... that would be helpful. The slander though is just stupid.
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 We could all pretend we were brave, honorable, and morally righteous if we're talking pretend situations. Here's what set me off Walk. You're assuming that people can't say never to strong temptation because they've never had the experience. There are actually people who can say never, without the experience. I look at some my friends who've never cheated and when we were all striplings, said we would never cheat. They've abided by their commitments and so have I.
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Oh.. I should add that you can only be CERTAIN about YOU.. never the others... you'd be surprised...
Art_Critic Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Oh.. I should add that you can only be CERTAIN about YOU.. never the others... you'd be surprised... Same for you Lizzie.. You can only be certain about you
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Same for you Lizzie.. You can only be certain about you Exactly... that's why I would never say that my partner never or will never cheats.. it's stupid to say that..
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Oh.. I should add that you can only be CERTAIN about YOU.. never the others... you'd be surprised... Some of us have decent lifelong friends who have good, solid family foundations. We tell each other everything, even our temptations.
Art_Critic Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Exactly... that's why I would never say that my partner never or will never cheats.. it's stupid to say that.. Of course I have never said my partner would never cheat.. I have said I would never cheat.....You helped me prove my point.. thank you It isn't possible to lump guys together as cheaters then is it ??. unless you know them ???
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Some of us have decent lifelong friends who have good, solid family foundations. We tell each other everything, even our temptations. Yeah sure... I'm certain that right at this moment, someone on LS..would swear that their partner has never/will never or is not cheating.. but guess what.. we'll read in a few weeks/months that they are/were...
Author Walk Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Here's what set me off Walk. You're assuming that people can't say never to strong temptation because they've never had the experience. There are actually people who can say never, without the experience. I look at some my friends who've never cheated and when we were all striplings, said we would never cheat. They've abided by their commitments and so have I. I don't 'assume' they can't stick to their moral beliefs. What I do know is that people who have not been faced with a true test of that belief can't be positive of the outcome until they are faced with it. I know far too many people who have sworn never and broken it. The man who swore he'd never drink and 1 year later was downing beer like it was water. The man who swore that he'd never cheat but fondled another girl while his wife was away. The boss who swears he'll promote you when the spot opens up then tells you he isn't going to. The girl who swore she'd Never have sex before marriage and then oops... she decided she would. I have no belief in people. So swearing Never means absolutely jack shyt to me. When I see it, I'll believe it. Until then, those that make statements without the experience to back it up are all talk and nothing more. I'll let the facts speak for themselves, the words mean nothing. If you have the experience/history that says you would never do x, then I believe it.
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Of course I have never said my partner would never cheat.. I have said I would never cheat.....You helped me prove my point.. thank you It isn't possible to lump guys together as cheaters then is it ??. unless you know them ??? Like I said (I think) before AC.. you're probably in the 1% that never cheated ... so far.. but you're still fairly young.. never say never.. NEVER!!!
Trialbyfire Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Yeah sure... I'm certain that right at this moment, someone on LS..would swear that their partner has never/will never or is not cheating.. but guess what.. we'll read in a few weeks/months that they are/were... You wish everyone were like the schmucks that you know. *newsflash* There are good people out there!
Art_Critic Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Like I said (I think) before AC.. you're probably in the 1% that never cheated ... so far.. but you're still fairly young.. never say never.. NEVER!!! Using you own theory that you can only be sure about yourself or the people you know then how can you be so sure about the other 99% of men.. that is 100,s of millions of guys.. Do you know them all ?? Are you that good
Touche Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 You wish everyone were like the schmucks that you know. *newsflash* There are good people out there! Nooooo! Are you sure about that? I mean any minute now I'll probably be posting about my H screwing his secretary! Uhm...wait, that's me!:laugh:
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