tanbark813 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 So you'll be having a long talk with her tonight then right? I'm going to fax her the results with a note attached: "I THINK WE NEED TO TALK." Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 My husband's father cheated on his mother. What gets me is, his father is one of these kinds, that you wouldn't think to do something like that. Of course, I know no one is free from doing something like that. But you know what I mean. He didn't display some of the characteristics people might think of a cheater, but then again maybe he kept those hidden well, who knows. Maybe some are better keeping their traits hidden more than others? Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Here's a few characteristics for the cheaters list which requires mixing and matching per individual:Selfish.Flexible or non-existent personal boundaries.Risk-taker.Fear of aging.Requires a lot of external validation.! These are the characteristics that I was thinking of. I've seen examples of them all. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I really don't think cheating is an inherited trait. I think it depends on the situation and environment, like bars, clubs, alcohol, etc. But then of course there are ppl who can't control themselves that are the anomalies. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I really don't think cheating is an inherited trait. I think it depends on the situation and environment, like bars, clubs, alcohol, etc. But then of course there are ppl who can't control themselves that are the anomalies. The thing is, that certain people are more likely to put themselves in positions that would promote cheating. For example, the two married coworkers that have a drink together after work. Some people avoid these situations and so are less likely to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 6. requires alot of external validation. I'm assuming people who require this, it can be done in a non-verbal form too, instead of having someone always tell them something to feel better or more validated? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I'm going to fax her the results with a note attached: "I THINK WE NEED TO TALK." LOL. Of course it would be a joke I assume. I think the test is pretty stupid. No way in hell I have ever cheated, nor ever will, and it put me in moderate. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 My husband's father cheated on his mother. What gets me is, his father is one of these kinds, that you wouldn't think to do something like that. Of course, I know no one is free from doing something like that. Yo do eh? Sorry, never cheated, never will. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I just found an interesting website on cheating. It even gives a quiz at the bottom which "tests" how likely your partner is to cheat by answering questions about you (the test is compared to others who have cheated). I'm in the middle of taking it now, its fun! http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/quizzes/public/cheating_risk_accessment_for_women.html Weird, I took the guy test and the girl test and we scored exactly the same (49)...but I have cheated on partners in the past and in fact cheated on my current S/O early in our relationship, but he hasn't ever cheated on any previous partners nor has he cheated on me! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I really don't think cheating is an inherited trait. I think it depends on the situation and environment, like bars, clubs, alcohol, etc. I think it depends on the character of the person. Not a trait or environment, although the environment can be more condusive to help spawn cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Yo do eh? Sorry, never cheated, never will. I haven't either. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Um, yes and no on that one. You can chose not to cheat even if you DO exihbit some of those characteristics. I mean there is always willpower that overrides that. It is kind of the same thing with inheriting alcoholism. Even if you DO have impulses or tendencies to flirt, it doesn't mean you will act on them unless you WANT to. Also: cheaters sometimes say "oh i couldn't help myself." Yeah whatever, yes you can help yourself, you jsut didn't want to! (I get that from drug addicts too) I guess I might depending on the impulses or tendencies. I'll be honest and say there are things on my "bucket lists"/"todo list" which can cause me to stray in a BF/GF situation but maybe not in a married situation. Regarding the "oh I couldn't help myself" as a defense. I can see and somewhat justify their part. oh well... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 6. requires alot of external validation. I'm assuming people who require this, it can be done in a non-verbal form too, instead of having someone always tell them something to feel better or more validated? Some will externally validate through sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walk Posted July 12, 2008 Author Share Posted July 12, 2008 For those of you who are in favor of marking cheaters in some way (in any location), how would you determine if they were guilty of the crime? Is there room for mitigating factors; or should it be an across the board, hard-line of 'if you cheated you get tattoo'd'? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I haven't either. You may haven't but you have some feeling that you probably could if nobody is free from it. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 In my own opinion, I don't know if there are people that are more "prone" to cheating then others. I'd say if they are fairly permiscuous ("sleep around") then they may be prone to cheat if becoming involved in a monogomous relationship. I thought this once too Laurie - but it isn't the siutation in my case which is just the opposite. My bf (who was only with his ex-wife) and then me was the one who did all the cheating on me. I had been with more than one man (not a lot but more than 2!!) and I would NEVER cheat on someone I was with. so not sure if they cheat because in your opinion, they can't stay in a monogomous relationship or they cheat, as in my case, because he didn't "sow his wild oats" when in his younger days. Link to post Share on other sites
misternoname Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 My wife has been a cheater from very early on in our marriage. I've discussed this issue with others that were cheated on. The cheaters all had one thing in common...they all came from a dysfunctional family. That may a generality and I'm sure it's not true 100% of the time but there sure seems to be a connection. I grew up with a very stable family. I've never thought about cheating. She on the other hand lost her dad to cancer at a young age. Her mom was a terrible parent and she was surrounded by siblings with drug, legal, teenage pregnacy, etc., issues. I think she has spent her adult life looking for acceptance from other men. Had I known then what I know now, I would have married somebody with a stable background. I've spent 20 plus years trying to fix a bird with a broken wing. All it got me was heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Genetics have nothing to do with it.. I say: 'potential cheaters' are those who say 'I will NEVER cheat on my wife'... Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Genetics have nothing to do with it.. I say: 'potential cheaters' are those who say 'I will NEVER cheat on my wife'... Thats because you make it your life's mission to try to get them to cheat on their wives. Fortunately for you, you have found some very weak men out there. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 That quiz is a crock of sh*t. I did it from the man's perspective, what my ex (the one that moved away that I was SO in love with) about whether I would be a potential cheater. It said a score of 54, given the following: Opportunity – does the opportunity for cheating exist? Demand – does your girlfriend or wife have characteristics that are in demand by other men? Financial Independence – is your girlfriend or wife financially independent? Puleeeze! I would have NEVER EVER cheated on him! He was ALL I wanted! Lame. Agreed - this test seems to imply that anyone that has a social life and is reasonably attractive is just one step away from cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Thats because you make it your life's mission to try to get them to cheat on their wives. Fortunately for you, you have found some very weak men out there. Exactly.. MOST men are weak.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Exactly.. MOST men are weak.. Lizzie.. you have never met a man before.. A john isn't a man... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Lizzie.. you have never met a man before.. A john isn't a man... You're wrong.. AC You haven't followed my 'story' then.. I have been in this type of lifestyle only for the last few years.. so NO.. I have met tons of men that aren't johns.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 You're wrong.. AC You haven't followed my 'story' then.. I have been in this type of lifestyle only for the last few years.. so NO.. I have met tons of men that aren't johns.. You have a point.. I'll rephrase my post then... You must not have ever met a real man before Lizzie... There are many more men out there than the ones you come into contact with.. like 100's of millions of them... Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Agreed - this test seems to imply that anyone that has a social life and is reasonably attractive is just one step away from cheating. Of course the "test" is BS: It ignores situational variables and places all its emphasis on that catch-all term, character. Context matters to all but the self-deluded. Who doesn't seek external validation. The anti-cheating crowd on LS seeks external validation of their "character" through incessant posting about how they would never ever, in a million years, cheat. I'll give you one sure fire sign of a potential cheater, and you don't even have to take a pop psych quiz: being human. Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
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