allanDR Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Maybe I'll make a post explaining the whole situation. All I'll say now is it sucks, and I have myself to blame for at least part of it (sorta). I broke up with her during LDR and she begged me to at least consider trying to work things out in the future. Like a fool I eventually said I would and a month later she tells me she's been living with the new guy and is in love with him. This still isn't the whole situation. It's really been driving me nuts for the past few months and I try every day to get my mind onto something else. It's not so bad as I've found myself engaging in all sorts of new activities that I doubt I would have done otherwise. On second thought, as much as I want to post the whole story, I doubt I will because there isn't a single person here who wouldn't tell me how much of a goddamn fool I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I was wondering, what is that type? Humans. Link to post Share on other sites
tb14 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 My post shows the sign of a serial cheat upclose and personal http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t159049/ Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 While I agree that we all have the potential to cheat (cheating being a human act, after all), I do think there are specific characteristics that may make it more likely. My ex-husband cheated on me. While he wasn't at all selfish or a risk taker or some of the other characteristics that have all been listed, he was heavily reliant on external validation. He also didn't have much relationship experience. I was his first love, and I think it made it more difficult to really know what a good relationship is. We had a good relationship, but I think he view was skewed because he hadn't really had his heart broken or had a long-term bad relationship. Consequently, I believed that he was left wondering if the grass was greener elsewhere and that relationships were easy and didn't take a lot of work - he got complacent. He was also very shy and had a lot of self-esteem issues when I met him. These issues improved greatly when he was with me, but there was always part of him that wondered if he was "good enough." I guess that's why he was so reliant on the opinions and validation of others. I've basically found, across the board, that cheaters have pretty major self-esteem issues (an overinflated ego and sense of entitlement is also a self-esteem issue, btw) but it's hard to rely on that as a good indicator as most of us suffer from such issues to varying degrees. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 While I agree that we all have the potential to cheat (cheating being a human act, after all), I do think there are specific characteristics that may make it more likely. My ex-husband cheated on me. While he wasn't at all selfish or a risk taker or some of the other characteristics that have all been listed, he was heavily reliant on external validation. He also didn't have much relationship experience. I was his first love, and I think it made it more difficult to really know what a good relationship is. We had a good relationship, but I think he view was skewed because he hadn't really had his heart broken or had a long-term bad relationship. Consequently, I believed that he was left wondering if the grass was greener elsewhere and that relationships were easy and didn't take a lot of work - he got complacent. He was also very shy and had a lot of self-esteem issues when I met him. These issues improved greatly when he was with me, but there was always part of him that wondered if he was "good enough." I guess that's why he was so reliant on the opinions and validation of others. I've basically found, across the board, that cheaters have pretty major self-esteem issues (an overinflated ego and sense of entitlement is also a self-esteem issue, btw) but it's hard to rely on that as a good indicator as most of us suffer from such issues to varying degrees. Well stated. There are no "signs" of a cheater except perhaps a long history of serial infidelity. There's no Mark of Cain. Rather than speculate on someone's future behavior based on perceived character flaws, be alert to the signs of an affair. An affair, as opposed to a cheater, actually has indicators. Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Maybe I'll make a post explaining the whole situation. All I'll say now is it sucks, and I have myself to blame for at least part of it (sorta). I broke up with her during LDR and she begged me to at least consider trying to work things out in the future. Like a fool I eventually said I would and a month later she tells me she's been living with the new guy and is in love with him. This still isn't the whole situation. It's really been driving me nuts for the past few months and I try every day to get my mind onto something else. It's not so bad as I've found myself engaging in all sorts of new activities that I doubt I would have done otherwise. On second thought, as much as I want to post the whole story, I doubt I will because there isn't a single person here who wouldn't tell me how much of a goddamn fool I am. Post your story man . Your no fool ,trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Rather than speculate on someone's future behavior based on perceived character flaws, be alert to the signs of an affair. An affair, as opposed to a cheater, actually has indicators. It is very wise to take note of a person's charector flaws when deciding if you want to enter into a relationship with them. I don't understand why the people with cheating personalities are so afraid of this. Perhaps it is better to call them people who can't be with one person, rather this means at one time or for several years. I think if these people just acknowledge this and be ethical about it, then it would save a lot of hearts from bieng broken. People like this could just enter into open relationships and then they could be with anyone they want and wouldn't have to lie or decieve their partners. Link to post Share on other sites
allanDR Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Post your story man . Your no fool ,trust me. I will once it's over (a little more). Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 It is very wise to take note of a person's charector flaws when deciding if you want to enter into a relationship with them. I don't understand why the people with cheating personalities are so afraid of this. Perhaps it is better to call them people who can't be with one person, rather this means at one time or for several years. I think if these people just acknowledge this and be ethical about it, then it would save a lot of hearts from bieng broken. People like this could just enter into open relationships and then they could be with anyone they want and wouldn't have to lie or decieve their partners. That's true, but "character flaws" are not always obvious. Just trust your gut. Last night I was on a date with a very bright, attractive woman. She told me a chilling tale about a high-powered, very successful ivy leaguer whom she had met online. Nine months into the relationship she discovered to her shock and dismay that the "catch" was a pathological liar. One can't be too careful. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 That's true, but "character flaws" are not always obvious. Just trust your gut. Last night I was on a date with a very bright, attractive woman. She told me a chilling tale about a high-powered, very successful ivy leaguer whom she had met online. Nine months into the relationship she discovered to her shock and dismay that the "catch" was a pathological liar. One can't be too careful. I've never met anyone online, but I would think that it would be differant than meeting someone in real life. You can just hide things in real life like you can hide them online. Link to post Share on other sites
verve Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I've been reading an interesting book today, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Its about how our emotions and feelings work, the logic behind them and the processes that go on in the brain, plus a lot of other stuff. Really interesting stuff. There is a particular part in there about relationships and faithfulness being linked to impulsiveness. There is a quoted psychological experiment where 4 year olds were given a test. An experimenter said to them, you can have 2 marshmellows if you wait until I go and do an errand or you can have 1 right now. It was found that those who couldn't delay gratification and control their impulses for greater reward were more likely to later go on in life and be less effective at controlling their inpulses. It just made a flash to me about there perhaps being a link with this and people who cheat. People who recieve an impulse to cheat as they are recieving attention etc and can't resist it even though they have a good relationship or whatever. I just thought I'd throw this into the debate. There are a lot of other nice little bits like that in the book, really worth reading if you'd like to understand human nature and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 You can probably pick out some people who would have a high propensity to cheat, however even the person(s) you think would never cross that line can very easily. Serial cheaters would probably be the easiest, I work with a lot of women and can tell which ones are probably more capable of cheating. For me the list would be: Drama Queens Insecure/Needy Self Absorbed Bitc*es Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I've never met anyone online, but I would think that it would be differant than meeting someone in real life. You can just hide things in real life like you can hide them online. I did meet my current H online. He hid real well that fact that he was seeing me plus a whole lot of other women too - I didn't have a clue. I was always so trusting of people. You can bet I won't meet my next one online - it will be in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
LuminousZ Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I am sure your cynicism is well earned as a professional in this field but I do not believe it serves well as the basis for sincerely sought advice. Well said, but..., will it sink in?! Link to post Share on other sites
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