roghornio Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 From another forum - but i liked - hopefully other people will find some use with it. To those who are hurting, confused and looking for answers to what happened to your relationship, I hope you find what you are looking for. I can give you advice based on how you WON'T find it but it is up to you to find the truth. Your journey should start inward. Take a long, deep look inside yourself. No one in the world, no matter how much time, no matter how much you have shared, no matter how you loved them, knows you better than you. The truth is inside you. Breakups hurt. It is as if the very wind is knocked out of you. You find it hard to concentrate or even sleep. You try to turn off the voices in your head, the memories of what once was. The "could of..should of..would of" seem to haunt you as you look outside the truth hope to do anything you can NOT to look at yourself. Sometimes, others tend to blame themselves for something that wasn't even their fault yet your conscience gets the best of you because you feel defeated, you might as well BE defeated. No matter how much you love something, no matter how long, no matter what you have gone thru together, no matter if they were your first love or the tenth, NOTHING IN THE WORLD SAYS THEY HAVE TO CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU OR CAN'T LOVE SOMEONE ELSE. Get this through your head. Some of the "loves of my lifetime" have since gotten married and have children with someone else despite our promises in the midst of our courtship. Does it hurt to know they have moved on? No. Not in the least. The true meaning of love is to never stop loving despite if it isn't returned the way you had hoped. This is compared to large pill that is taken without water, it's very hard to swallow. I have heard all the excuses, I have read all the private messages, I have read the pleas and the cries for help and I am here to tell you something that MAY rub you the wrong way. I do NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS. You do. I can create threads based on my experiences and YOU can determine if the advice is good or bad. It's the same with deductive reasoning. You have the right to choose. The same as you have the right to be upset, live in the past, feel depressed and every other negative feeling you may choose to have. We have all been hurt. We have all felt heartache and felt so defeated that we would rather hide inside than to face tomorrow. My question is, what does it solve? What does a self-defeating attitude towards yourself solve? Taking an aspirin is good for the heart and minor aches and pains but if too many are consumed...it is harmful. You must know you limits. If someone decides to end a relationships with you, some of the most common responses to the break are to immediately try harder. Why now? Why try so hard AFTER the fact that you were thinking about leaving in the first place? Are they not the same person you HAD ONCE BEFORE? Why is it when faced with the reality of those that don't even love themselves, we expect them to love us? We can make excuses for them. We can even wait around and "hope for the best" or even pray they change their mind. My advice on this forum is simple. Go with what you know; never what you hope or dream about. To wait means to stop. Ask yourself this...why are you stopping and are they stopping for you? If you are reading this post, I am almost certain you know for a fact that they aren't stopping for you. We all want what we can't have but is it WHAT WE REALLY WANT? or is it good enough right now? No one wants to be lonely. No one wants to feel as if they are not attractive enough, or loving enough or even good enough. You have always been you. Long before you ever met your ex, you were you. From the day you were born, you were you. We choose the way we become. Our very thoughts can alter the way we think, we feel and the way we live. For example, if a simple doctor visit was able to find a small tumor and the doctor said it needed to be removed, would you NOT have it removed and hope for the best? Would you not want the object of your negativity removed? The more you dwell on the negative the more negative you will create for yourself. Negativity grows like cancer. It is never healty and there is nothing positive that can come from it. What you know and what you assume or "think" are not what truly is. Intuition is one thing but to sit around and wonder "why" they are acting this way..and assume the millions of things that you do, simply turn that around and ask yourself..."Why am I acting this way?" Find the root of your negative feelings and you will kill that which plagues your mind, body and spirit. You ex cannot make you feel the way you do. They are not "making you feel this way." You are. You are creating your own reality by your thoughts. If you choose to be jealous, hurt, depressed, defeated or even suicidal, this is because you choose NOT to look at what truly 'IS'. Your life is not over. Despite the way you feel inside, you life is yours and no one has the power to take that away from a broken heart. Those, such as Romeo and Juliet, though ficticious, chose their fate. If you learn that your life is not on a myspace page and to understand that there are things out there bigger than you and me, a calm may be found within. Sometimes things just happen. No one is TRYING to UNLOVE YOU. The fact is, like the wind, love can change direction. It can be a gust or it can be a light breeze. So many of us, myself included, was guilty of holding on to the negative. The harsh reality of it all says we can love anyone we want for as long as we want but the cold facts says the same about your partner as well. Love has no rules. Love has no logic. If you ask someone who has been in love before HOW they fell in love...I am almost certain they will say something along the lines of "it just happened". We tend to find what we are looking for when we are not looking. If you were loving to you ex and you tried to make it work with your best effort, then have a clear conscience knowing you did your part. Don't take the burden of something that isn't yours. Why carry unnecessary weight? Would you do someone else's work yet be paid the same? I think not. Despite your circumstances, no matter what happened, no matter if you want to try and fool yourself into thinking "but my story is different"...look around you. There are thousands of threads and posts that says yours is indeed unique but not different. There is a huge difference. You cannot make anyone love you. There is no action, song, poem, sonnet or anything you can muster that can prove your love for someone after the fact. The cold truth says it will only prove you to be a bigger fool that you were before the break. Your calling, texting, begging and crying will most inevitably fall on deaf or on unconvinced ears. When we do things "after the fact" we are merely acting in hopes of getting a positive reaction from a negative situation. If I said I loved you, then beat you with a large stick yet AFTER the lashing I said I loved you even more...what would you believe and why? "Actions speak louder than words.." The way to love someone back to you is to LOVE YOURSELF MORE. Trying to convince your ex that you love them after the fact is demonstrating to your ex that they could have loved them all along YET CHOSE NOT TO. It only makes you look weak, desperate and most importantly they will not love you more but will only feel sorry for you. Would you rather ACT crazy or be crazy? Anyone can back me up on this one. If you try to convince your ex into loving you, they will run. You ahev just proved to them that you are not the person they fell in love with. You are a groveling, sad, deperate person with no self worth. You are demonstrating to them that you would rather give up on YOU in order to be loved by them. Do you love desperate people? Do you know how unattractive that makes you look in their eyes? Crying and drunken phone calls solve nothing. The cold truth is, when you call and you recieve no answer..you mind will start to wander and then it will start to panick. Panick can be one of the biggest love kills in the natural world. You start to ask yourself "where are they" ..."are they thinking of me"..."are they ok?"..."are they seeing someone else? A snowball rolled down a steep hill will only get bigger and bigger and heavier and faster. Your thoughts are the same. The good news is if you are aware of your thoughs and WHY you are thinking what you are you can stop it BEFORE you put your desperation into action. Most of the time, I have felt WORSE years ago when I tried to contact my ex and she didn't answer. My mind was a whirlwind and I was carried away by my own desperation to hear her voice. I had many a restless night knowing I could not control her or her thoughts. I could only control mine. It is a horrific feeling to know that you can't make someone love you desite your greatest effort. If two do not share mutual love why try harder to make them love you? If you do not like a certian meal would you eat it more often because you hope you will start to enjoy it? I think not. No matter what your ex is doing without you, the fact is it is their business. You may not like it but you can choose to hold onto something that isn't there, move on to healing yourself or start no contact in order to find yourself. I chose no conact and I found me. To be lost with someone you love is not loving yourself. Let go of the negative feelings of defeat and worthless. They will only grow and take root inside you. Don't make excuses for someone elses beahvior; take ownership of your own. Your reality is your own. Make it what you want not what you hope it will be.
Geishawhelk Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Roghornio, could you supply a reference? If it's another person's post, do you have permission to post it here? If it's an article, is it copyright? Which link or website is this from, please? Please don't think I'm being deliberately nitpiccky, or critical. But in cases where you're quoting something from elsewhere, we need to be able to supply source and/or link, or we could run risks of plagiarism, etc. It's not you who takes the flak, it's the Forum Admin. Should it be necessary to quote directly from any source, electronic or otherwise, a proper, full citation must be included. If the resource is located on the web, a direct link should appear with the content. Quotes may not be longer than 250 words. From the community Guidelines. Thanks.
Author roghornio Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 It was from here http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=237654 It seems to be someone who posts there who wrote it.
iwish Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I'm going to bump this as it helped me yesterday and i want to read it again. Selfish i know.. But sod it!
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