serratededges Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 no i'm not going to committ suicide but being without him hurts so much. We were only together for two months, but in the 14 years of my dating life, I've never cared about someone so much. I have never been dumped either, but hell what does that matter. I have gone on dates, done feng shui over my entire house, and toned my 33-23-33 figure up. I am not working due to a stupid health insurance approval I am waiting for, so I spend as much time with friends as possible since most are from another state. We have been broken up for three weeks and have had no contact for two weeks. My friends are tired of hearing about it as is my family and I can't blame them. Sure I get that anyone who would dump me isn't worth it, but it doesn't make it better. So everything seemed great to me, so I am an idot. I don't cry as much as I used too, and anger is alleviating some of it, but not much. I know there is no when or why, but I wish there were. Is it just me, why the hell is this compared to other life tragedies (and trust me I have been through them even at the age of 27, rape, abuse, yadda yadda, and I moved on from that so why is this so hard. What is wrong with me, I am not saying I loved him, since two months is hardly time for that right? What do I do?
rawkwell Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I was dumped two nights ago, so I understand your pain. Please remember that no single person is worth even thinking about ending your life over. I know you say that you wouldn't do it, but I was where you are yesterday and I really seriously thought that doing something to harm myself would end my pain. But it won't. It's dark right now, but you need to realize that it's going to get better. I say all this as I cry uncontrollably, but I know that it eventually will feel better. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Stay busy and try and stay focused on other things. Keep reading on here, it helps to see that many many other people are in the same boat that you are. Chin up, we're all here to help one another.
bill1234 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Hey serratededges, I have no words of wisdom for you, but I do have empathy. I was in two LTRs for seventeen years and neither worked out but we parted amicably - but the recent end of my new four month relationship is the one that has busted me up more than anything before. I can't explain why, but I guess you'll understand too. "I didn't realise I loved her until she dumped me" is probably the truth, so it wasn't really love, but it doesn't feel like that at the moment. She left me for another man, and lied to me, but I can't convince my heart that I don't want her back, even though I shouldn't. Sometimes think it'd be easier if I went to sleep and never woke up - but I would never actually harm myself because it would be so unfair on my friends and family, and I know that things will get better one day. But it hurts so much and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. My friends and family are also sick of listening to me whine. Maybe we can give them a break and vent it all out here. Let it all out on this forum. I'm listening to you, and I understand your pain. (rawkell, I hope things get better for you too. Just endure, that's all I can say.) Bill
Author serratededges Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 I keep saying it will get better and though I know it will it doesn't feel like it now. I appreciate the words of wisdom. I thought I was ok for a day or so and then I just collapsed again. He called tonight and I didn't answere. Its just that I am usually so logical about these things not that that really makes a difference. You guys know its like for a few hours its ok and then something remind me of him. Why did I think everything was ok is all I keep telling myself.
bill1234 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 All I can say is, it won't get worse than it is at the moment. It's been two months for me now, and it still feels terrible, but I've got to admit I'm nowhere near as bad as I was back then. I mean, I can eat again, I can stand up, I don't stare at the wall for hours, I only cry about once every two days now, rather than once every two hours, and I get more than about three hours sleep a night - I managed 5 hours last night! Yay! It feels like one step forward and two steps back, but actually I think it's really five little steps forward and one or two bigger steps back. And those backwards steps feel huge, but even when I'm having a really bad day and I feel I've totally regressed, I still have to admit that my regression is not really to the crippling devastation that I felt at first. I go back to a place that is actually better than I was, even though it feels like I'm never going to recover. The same will happen to you. It's a long process and it feels unendurable, but you will endure, and slowly you'll get better. Hang in there!
Fun2BMe Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Maybe the thought that in a few weeks you won't be hurting as much will be enough to pull you through. There's no magic pill to take the pain away, only time, and in a few weeks you will be feeling much better!
cjanee Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I too am dealing with a break up. It sucks! And this too shall pass... These are some of the things that I do. Go to the gym which it sounds like you do. See a counselor so you can blab to them and not alienate your friends and family cz they are sick of hearing about it. Make up a cd or ipod bunch or survivor songs that make you feel empowered. No sad songs allowed. Go for a walk and listen to these songs that make you feel strong and alive! Give yourself permission to obsess and ask those questions in your head for one hour a day and then do everything to focus on something else. Cut down those times from one hour to one half hour to 15 mins when you decide you can do it. Practice practice NC so you can move forward. Remember that if he keeps in contact you might have to do this again in the future unless he absolutely confesses his undying love to you. Journal all the things you are angry about with him (limit an hour). Arrange to hang out with your friends. Do not isolate Remember the things you are passionate about and take up those interests or rather throw yourself into those interests. You will be too busy to contact him. Those are some of the things that have worked for me.
Fun2BMe Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Journal all the things you are angry about with him (limit an hour). I agree with all of your great tips except for limiting yourself to only one hour of journaling. Writing all your feelings and getting it all out - the more you do it, the more you can get it out of your system and no longer obsess over them in your head and move on. If you journal 5 hours one day, it will be 1 the next and less and less instead of forcing yourself to stop when you've reached the hour mark and there's still a lot you need to get out.
undertaker79 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 First, U are not an idiot....Yes, u probably care about him.....this is the only "ache" that there is no pill for. Trust me, U WILL GET OVER HIM! It is very hard but the day that u stop crying...u will start to heal. http://www.iwantmyloveback.com
ladyinlimbo Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 If you're this messed up after a mere 2 months together, it sounds to me like you made this relationship the very focus of your existence and you need to go about getting some balance back in your life. You admit you're not currently working (though I don't really understand the reason you're not) so it would seem you have a lot of free time on your hands to sit and dwell about this all. Why can't you get a job and work? Get some hobbies? Do constructive things to keep you busy; go volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter (giving back can really help to fill a 'void'), etc. You seem to admit that you have quite a history of chaotic, stressful and dramatic relationships/dating experiences -- maybe you need to take a good hard look at that in general; maybe you are so desperate to have "someone" in your life that you make continued poor choices in the men you date? Maybe you thrive on drama? Just throwing some possibilities out there for you to consider. Maybe you should seek some professional help (counseling) if you're having this difficult of a time getting over a brief relationship in which you admittedly didn't even love the guy. I'd say there's some underlying issues here that need to be explored. In order to get a better understanding of your situation (and the reasons he dumped you), I read through your previous posts. You say you're 26 but that you've been dating for 14 yrs. Since you were 12? You stated that he is only 22 yrs old. That's very young. Most guys that age are not really wanting to make a serious commitment; they're wanting to play the field and gain dating/relationship experience. You've made many references to the fact that you've never been dumped before, that you're "gorgeous", that you have a "183 IQ" (sorry, I call BS on that) and that he'll never find someone as good as you; you've posted your measurements here (your figure). It seems if nothing else, you have a pretty high opinion of yourself and this guy really deflated your ego by being honest and telling you that he didn't see things as being long term. So maybe that's why you're having such a hard time dealing with it - the kick to the ego. In reading your previous posts there seems to be some details that seem embellished or exaggerated greatly, to make you look great and him look rotten. After reading through them, I think the case is that you have a big ego and you feel you were too good to be dumped. Just because you date someone it doesn't mean they don't have the right to change their mind and determine that they don't see a long term future. That doesn't make them a bad person. That's the whole point behind dating and the dating experience.
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