mixwell Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Okay I've been seeing this girl now for a month.. Basically she told me that she wants to be with me and doesn't get the same feeling I want to be with her. I have told her numerous times that I wana be with her but I wana take things slower and test out the waters.. She says we've been dating a little while and knows she wants to be with me and I've told her that I haven't felt this way about any other chick prior to my ex... The other night she basically gave me an ultimatum and I chose to not just say " F it lets be together". So the whole car ride home it was quiet and I dropped her off thinking that this was it.. She then texts me at 3am saying she wants to take back what she said and didn't want to make me have to choose and that she was cool with chilling out for a while. My question is this... She has indicated things that bothers her about me (smoking cigs, drinking sometimes and other things...) I really like this girl but I want to make it clear to her that I am not going to change who I am to meet her standards and if she can accept me this way then its fine.. The only thing I think sucks is that I talked to my guy friend and would tell him things she's said and did (besides being nit picky other things) and he says well she is young bla bla and it wouldn't work out. The thing is that I can see where he is coming from and I kinda thing myself that if she can't accept me for who I am it wont but I really would like to give it another shot. Any advice is appreciated.. I know I know Mixwell is having problems again....
Prodigal Princess Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I don't see the problem. She said she's happy to take it slow, so why the overanalysis? You're not marrying her. Get to know each other more before jumping the gun on whether or not she's "worthy" of a relationship with you. Frankly, even though she may accept you the way that you are, it sounds to me like you don't want to accept her the way that she is.
Author mixwell Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Hey Prodigy.. Well its not that I want to jump into it but she more or less said she wants to be with me and if I don't then she doesn't know if she can talk to me. I know she SEEMS to accept me for who I am and this is a lame excuse but after talking to my friend and telling him what shes said and talking about it I'd feel like a douche to go back with her... I was the one who wanted to take it slow and she was the one who felt she knew she wanted to be with me and when I told her I wanted to wait and check it out she seemed to take it as I wasn't into her which is totally opposite. I just want to know that if we were to be together that it is legit and not a phase because she has fun at the moment.
Prodigal Princess Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Mixwell, you're talking in circles. I still don't see the problem. So you have reservations about whether or not she's relationship material... so what? We all do at the beginning stages. That's what dating is for; weeding out the wackos. I think you're jumping the gun by barring her simply on the basis of you're friend's opinion. It's just that - an opinion, not necessarily fact.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I can understand your reluctance to take things faster, it's only been a month. Try to test out the water, but don't break up with just because you started having second thoughts. See where things lead. One problem I find a bit disturbing is that you say that you're not willing to change for her. It's not about change, but more about compromise in your situation. Learn to see things from her point of view. Even if you don't necessarily change relationships do bring about improvements to people.
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Are you having sex with her ? If not.. then it might be time to ramp up the romance..
Jilly Bean Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Has anyone told you that smoking cigarettes with kill you? If you quit, then you will save your own life AND make the girl happy! Whatta win win! (thank you for reading this public service announcement. The views expressed are not the reflection or responsibility of management)
A.G.Doren Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 At this point I doubt you know enough about this woman to make an informed decision. She's agreed to take it slow, continue with that for a while.And stop talking to your friend analyzing relationships this early on is always a mistake.
Geishawhelk Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 ONE MONTH - ?!? Jeesh! I could understand it if we were talking a year, but fer chrissakes!! Chill, the both of you! No, she has no right to make demands upon you, like to stop smoking, but yes, it would be healthier if you did, and yuk, it IS like kissing a wet ashtray, and my partner never ever smokes either in the house or in my car, out of respect for me, and he is trying to cut down. So there should be a bit of give and take. It's called caring about what the other person thinks. If you're resisting, and complaining already, and listening to your friend, instead of considering what she'd like, and why - then maybe, it really isn't the great love of your life, after all.....
Shygirl15 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Well, any guy who gives me the "I like you but I want to take it slow" line, translates that he's not into me that much. I just find it hard to understand how possible is it to really like someone, yet want to take it slow with them. So can you explain a bit how slow you want it to be, like do you want to hang out as just friends, or be flexible to date other people as well?? And again, smoking is bad for your health. She might have mentioned that it bothers her, but if you decide to quit, you'll be saving your own life, not hers. I think she likes you, and accept you for who you are, but your smoking bothers her. I went through a similar situation, except that he didn't want to take it slow with me, and he also agreed to quit.
Lucky555 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Taking things slow is one thing..but what is holding you back. Shes made up her mind. I am curious to know what is going through your mind. What are you so afraid or reluctant about that does not make you want to be with her? Whats the matter!
Trialbyfire Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Was she trying to take it from dating to an exclusive relationship and you're not certain this is what you want due to what your friend says? I think you get the picture, don't you?
Shygirl15 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 TBF, if that avatar is you, then you're really cute! What's up with those hands posessively grabbing you
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