KileyAnne9 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I'm currently in a 7 month relationship. I'm very happy with my boyfriend and I love him very much. He has a great family who he cares about a lot and he is funny, smart, and treats me great. The problem is...he is the complete opposite of me. He is a typical bad boy. He has previously sold drugs, he smokes pot occasionally, drinks, and has a bad temper. He has been on probation in the past. And is awaiting a trial (I'd rather not say why) but the charges against him may cause him to spend time in jail. The only thing I question about our relationship is the fact that I worry about him a lot. Although he tries to stay out of trouble...he seems unable to do that. I'm completely in love with him and it bothers me so much that he can't stay out of trouble!!! Me on the other hand.. I'm 21 years old, a junior in college. I never did drugs, I rarely drink, and enjoy staying in rather than going out and partying. I get along with him great and cannot imagine being with anyone else. I know I'm young and who knows what will happen in the next couple of years. I can't help who I fall in love with...I just wanted to know if anyone has advice for me? Is it bad to be completely in love with someone who is like this? Does anyone think it's weird that me and my boyfriend are complete opposites?? Thanks for any advice.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Wow it sounds to me like this guy has some issues. In my experience (I work with drug addicts), individuals with these types of problems usually have very turbulent relationships. You've mentioned that you are bothered by his issues..have you ever voiced these concerns to him? If you are saying you are very happy then I'd really doubt that any of these issues have really surfaced yet. Being in love with an addict is probably not easy, esp. when you don't have similar problems. I'm not going to tell you to break up with him, but I do wonder if it is your best interest to be involved with someone like this. You haven't stated if you do have any relationship problems..do you? I really would be surprised if you haven't had any conflict over this and if things are just peachy keen. Also, you said he has anger problems..who does he take these out on? You?
carhill Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 OK, OP, you've covered the challenges. Let's focus on the positives. I want you to disconnect your emotions for a few minutes and list the valuable aspects this man brings into your life. Qualities he possesses and actions he takes which bring positive energy to you.
bish Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I'm currently in a 7 month relationship. I'm very happy with my boyfriend and I love him very much. He has a great family who he cares about a lot and he is funny, smart, and treats me great. The problem is...he is the complete opposite of me. He is a typical bad boy. He has previously sold drugs, he smokes pot occasionally, drinks, and has a bad temper. He has been on probation in the past. And is awaiting a trial (I'd rather not say why) but the charges against him may cause him to spend time in jail. The only thing I question about our relationship is the fact that I worry about him a lot. Although he tries to stay out of trouble...he seems unable to do that. I'm completely in love with him and it bothers me so much that he can't stay out of trouble!!! Me on the other hand.. I'm 21 years old, a junior in college. I never did drugs, I rarely drink, and enjoy staying in rather than going out and partying. I get along with him great and cannot imagine being with anyone else. I know I'm young and who knows what will happen in the next couple of years. I can't help who I fall in love with...I just wanted to know if anyone has advice for me? Is it bad to be completely in love with someone who is like this? Does anyone think it's weird that me and my boyfriend are complete opposites?? Thanks for any advice. But let me guess...the sex is great??
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 But let me guess...the sex is great?? Its gotta be...why else would a great person like this girl go out with a type of scum?
Author KileyAnne9 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 no..thats not the case at all. sex has nothing to do with it, cause we have not had sex. so, that's not why I'm with him. Yes, I know its weird, but I'm still a virgin and plan to stay that way for a while longer. I'm not exactly waiting for marriage, I just want to feel more confident about the relationship before we have sex. The reason I'm with him is because I love being with him and we get along great...and I don't know why, because like I had said, we have absolutely nothing in common. I wouldn't necessarily call him an addict. I said he's sold drugs in his past, not that he DOES drugs or ever has. The only drug he has done is pot, which he only does occasionally. I've known him my whole life. I would know if he did other types of drugs, I'm with him practically everyday. And to answer the question on his temper, no, he has not shown his anger side directly to me. Not to say I have never seen it, I'm just saying this is not an abusive relationship. I feel like I'm defending him, but that's not really the case. I just feel like the way people responded your either saying he's an addict, or that he is abusive, or that sex is holding our relationship together. That's not the case. The reason I wrote on this site is obviously because I'm unsure of this relationship. Half the time I'm with him, I feel like I couldn't be luckier. However, other times I feel like I cannot see myself with him in the long run. The reason I don't know if I see myself with him is because of how much trouble he has been with at such a young age. I don't know if it will get better or worse in the future. I've realized the type of response I will get from pretty much everyone on this site. Everyone will advise me to end the relationship, which is understandable. I'm going to be honest and say I can't see myself ending the relationship soon. I guess whatever happens, happens. I'm happy in the relationship..I just don't know why sometimes! Can anyone relate to where I'm coming from? Or does everyone thing I'm just plain stupid!?
Angel1111 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 You're attracted to him because he is everything you are not - and he's attracted to you for the same reason. You fill in the gaps for one another, so to speak. Bad boys are very exciting because they're usually extremely intelligent and have loads of self-confidence, often accompanied by a "I don't give a damn" attitude. And even if they don't have the self-confidence, they rarely show their weak side. Very little gets in their way, they don't take crap off of anyone, and are quite willing to walk away without a moment's hesitation. They're quite charming, unpredictable and dangerous. They approach life from a completely different angle and it's incredibly entertaining to watch and be a part of. It would not surprise me in the least if he sweet talks his way out of the charges against him. Sit back and enjoy the show. This relationship will most likely not be long-term, but who knows. I'm not saying you should break up with him. I think you should let it run its course. I think he is in your life to teach you something about yourself - to embrace the things you admire about him and somehow make that a part of your own personality. Not meaning, of course, that you should take up the drug lifestyle. But meaning that maybe you don't have to always be so safe, always by the book, predictable, etc. Enjoy your love and see where it takes you both.
Yamaha Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 You are certainly not the first to be in-love with a bad boy. For young women they are like a drug. He completes you and you him. You admire the way he doesn't take crap and you wish you were the same. He admires the good in you because you are so unlike him. The chances of it being long term are very slim. Usually guys like this are not in it for a LTR. They just enjoy the moment and you will tire of his lack of commitment. We learn from life's experiences and this is one of yours. You will find a guy you are more compatible with in the future and you will love him just as much as you love this guy. Time and maturity has a way of changing our perspective on people and what we want.
refurb Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Bad boys are very exciting because they're usually extremely intelligent and have loads of self-confidence, often accompanied by a "I don't give a damn" attitude. I wouldn't call selling drugs "extremely intelligent". RF
xpaperxcutx Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 If you have doubts, you have to question it. Based on how you described it's hard not to be judgmental about him because relationships with people like this usually means having to sacrifice everything. You can love him but do you honestly believe you can be with him forever? Are you sure he's not just a phase you're going through?
Angel1111 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I wouldn't call selling drugs "extremely intelligent". RF These people are usually called 'underachievers'.
thebrunette Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I think you should continue to date him if you like him, because if you are an achiever and ambitious in your life, chances are you will naturally outgrow him and choose to move on yourself when you've grown tired of him. There's no need to end the relationship because then you will end up pining for him, better to let it fizzle out of its own accord. I know I sound very assumptive but I'm speaking from experience and really, if you continue to do well in your education and look after yourself first and foremost, you will acquire different tastes in men and possibly be happy to move away from your current partner once you reach this position. Time will tell I guess.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Wow another reason why men play women because they date the most stupidest A-holes on the planet and expect the good men to still be around after they are used and abused. But hey low self esteem and poor self respect has it's virtues?
thebrunette Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Wow another reason why men play women because they date the most stupidest A-holes on the planet and expect the good men to still be around after they are used and abused. But hey low self esteem and poor self respect has it's virtues? It's not a race to grab all the "good men" before they all disappear, many people have a relationship history and have different experiences both good and bad. People can't be told not to date certain people or they will just want to date them even more- it's down to individual choice and growing up.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 It's not a race to grab all the "good men" before they all disappear, many people have a relationship history and have different experiences both good and bad. People can't be told not to date certain people or they will just want to date them even more- it's down to individual choice and growing up. Yeah but if you see this guy is clearly not good why do you be with him anyways??? Can you really blame anyone else if it ruins your life? If you make that choice to deal with that dude I dont wanna hear about you crying about it later. Talking bout I wanted to fix him and I thought he could change. BS. Women choose the men in life if it messes up and people tell her not to do it and she does it anyway's she deserves what she gets.
JP77 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 You are certainly not the first to be in-love with a bad boy. For young women they are like a drug. I'm not a bad boy and yet my ex enjoyed spanking my ass until it was red, raw sore. I agree with your post though; I'm not a bad boy is that women steer clear of me? Should do heroin and smash some windows to make women dig me?
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I'm not a bad boy and yet my ex enjoyed spanking my ass until it was red, raw sore. I agree with your post though; I'm not a bad boy is that women steer clear of me? Should do heroin and smash some windows to make women dig me? Dont forget the tattoo's either.
Author KileyAnne9 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Ok, well thanks for the help. It's not as if I wanted to fall in love with him, it just happened. In my opinion, I don't think you can control who you are in love with or what type of people attract you. I don't overlook guys who never get in trouble. Actually, that would be great if I had a relationship with someone who I didn't have to worry about. Obviously, if I could control my feelings, this post would not exist! I don't think all "bad boys" are bad PEOPLE. Most of the time I think it has to do with their upbringing and other factors, right? I guess I will just let it run its course and hopefully everything will turn out alright.
carhill Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 OP, not to be rude, but I asked, in post #3, for you to share the positive aspects of this man. I offered no criticism of you or him. I haven't seen any signs of an answer. How about validating that?
bish Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 no..thats not the case at all. sex has nothing to do with it, cause we have not had sex. so, that's not why I'm with him. Yes, I know its weird, but I'm still a virgin and plan to stay that way for a while longer. So he is Robe Lowe and you are Mare Winningham in the movie St. Elmo's Fire.
Author KileyAnne9 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Ok, here you go... He's very family-oriented and always puts his family before anything else. He will always stand up for people he cares about. He always knows how to makes me laugh. Although he does do many dumb things, he is very smart. He tells me how much he loves me practically every day. Even though he would rather go out, he sits in and watches movies with me all the time. He doesn't ever pressure me to have sex with him. (He is the 1st guy I have known who doesn't seem to base the relationship on having sex.) He respects me. And is polite to my parents. And I trust him. He can go out & I don't worry about him cheating on me. The only problem I have is that I DO worry about him a lot because he has been in trouble in the past, and I don't want anything to happen again.
Yamaha Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Ok, well thanks for the help. It's not as if I wanted to fall in love with him, it just happened. In my opinion, I don't think you can control who you are in love with or what type of people attract you. I don't overlook guys who never get in trouble. Actually, that would be great if I had a relationship with someone who I didn't have to worry about. Obviously, if I could control my feelings, this post would not exist! I don't think all "bad boys" are bad PEOPLE. Most of the time I think it has to do with their upbringing and other factors, right? I guess I will just let it run its course and hopefully everything will turn out alright. The thing is when you get older you will weed out these types before you get feelings because you have meet them before and you know that is not what you want. You can lust after them in a minute but love takes time and you can control who you fall in-love with by keeping the ones you don't want out of your life. It's a matter or experience.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 The reason I'm with him is because I love being with him and we get along great...and I don't know why, because like I had said, we have absolutely nothing in common. There are different types of chemistry that two people can have. Your dealing with the old... opposites attract kind of chemistry. I've never had that work out. Very few people can make that work long term. Why? Because when you meet someone that you have EVERYTHING in common with... well that chemistry just feels way better. Oh, and the relationship takes less work to make things good.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 In my opinion, I don't think you can control who you are in love with or what type of people attract you. I don't overlook guys who never get in trouble. Actually, that would be great if I had a relationship with someone who I didn't have to worry about. Obviously, if I could control my feelings, this post would not exist! Who told you this crap? That you can't control your attraction? What if I said that I just can't control my temper.... That doesn't fly does it? Get a grip on yourself. It's not that hard. First off, if you don't understand what creates your attraction... then you will never, ever be able to control it. You will forever be a slave to it! And that sucks... especially for the men you date.
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