gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Met him online, and saw him in person for dinner etc Tuesday night. Granted, it's only been one date, we're seeing each other again this Sat and also he asked me out in advance to a sports game on July 19. He was really starting to grow on me, I can see myself falling for him even possibly more deeply than I did with my ex, but... I just got bad news today that I lost my promotion at work. I've been thinking bout moving back home (which is 6 hours drive away from where I currently live) for a few months now and now with this promotion lost there is really a 99% chance of me actually doing it. I think the main reason is that long term wise, it would just make more sense for me to live close to home because I always get homesick. I miss home and I think long term I would be happier back there. I guess in a way I already made my decision. But I just don't know how to break it to this guy. He's quite nerdy but really nice and he's been on that site for over 2 months and I'm the first girl he's ever met from there. He seems to really like me. And I like him alot too. He makes me all fuzzy inside. 1) On one hand, I'm thinking I should just call him and tell him I'm moving and end it quick. I think this might be the best choice. Though a small part of me is afraid I'd regret it eventhough I know I will almost for sure move back home. 2) On the other hand, maybe I should continue to date him and wait until I actually do find a job near home and will defitnitely move there before I let him know -- but I mean this will make it a breakup 10x more painful. Plus it just seems like I'd be stringing him along. I've done too many selfish things in the past and I dont want to be selfish again. But I also don't want to throw something potentially great away because Ive done that before and truly regret it. 3) Or perhaps I should be upfront with him now and let him decide if he wants to risk dating me...or perhaps we can just hang out as friends until I leave. But then I run a really high risk of losing him right away because I will be honest and tell him '99% chance I'm moving.' He would prob just leave me. Again, I don't want to regret it. What should I do? If you were me, what would you do? If you were him, would you be hurt if I told you I had to move? Would you even believe me or just take it as a blow off? First my ex dumps me and just when I'm starting to find happiness with someone new, I have to lose him as well. I almost expected going to that date and coming back missing my ex even more, but he made me realize that there are other people out there better for me than my ex. I suppose no matter what I do now, the outcome is still the same...I'll be moving home and there will be no future with this guy. He seems like someone special. I'm sad.
endlesstrains Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I think you need to pull back the reins a little bit here... you've had ONE date with this guy. You aren't falling for him, he isn't "something special", you hardly know ANYTHING about him. It sounds to me like you are just desperate to fall in love again so you latch on to the first opportunity. Again, you've had one date... that doesn't even count as "dating" yet, so I don't think you should be thinking about your future relationship at this point! Especially not making difficult life choices based on your projected future feelings for this man...
Author gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Well I actually did date a rebound for my ex for 2 months then got back with my ex for one month before it finally ended. The way I felt with that rebound guy is totally different than from with this new guy (I basically didnt feel much with the rebound). I rejected alot of guys online before I found this new guy. I was online for a whole month not even talking to anyone until he came along. But that said, whether Im falling too fast or not, what should I do with him now? I honestly don't think I'm gonna stay here. I will probably move hom. Which of the 3 options above should I choose? What would you do if you were me?
endlesstrains Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 You don't have any obligation to do anything... you two have no relationship towards each other... you went out on one date. You don't owe him anything and he doesn't owe you anything.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Jeez, gummy, a couple of days ago you weren't even sure you wanted to go out with this guy. You even thought he was blowing you off. Now, you're trying to figure out a way to tell him that you MIGHT move and you're worried about "how to break it to him?" You've had ONE date. I think you're greatly overestimating your importance in his life here. It's not like this a year-long relationship. Sure, it might be a little disappointing that you don't get to play this out, but it's not as if you're going to crush this guy - and if it does, well, he's got some pretty serious emotional issues anyway. Just have fun, play it casual and when you decide to move, tell him. If you don't WANT to hang out with him because you can't play it casual, then stop hanging out with him and stop with the overanalyzing!
Author gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Jeez, gummy, a couple of days ago you weren't even sure you wanted to go out with this guy. You even thought he was blowing you off. Now, you're trying to figure out a way to tell him that you MIGHT move and you're worried about "how to break it to him?" You've had ONE date. I think you're greatly overestimating your importance in his life here. It's not like this a year-long relationship. Sure, it might be a little disappointing that you don't get to play this out, but it's not as if you're going to crush this guy - and if it does, well, he's got some pretty serious emotional issues anyway. Just have fun, play it casual and when you decide to move, tell him. If you don't WANT to hang out with him because you can't play it casual, then stop hanging out with him and stop with the overanalyzing! Hah, well you've been one to follow my stories throughout. I guess it bugs me right now because during the date he told me that he was on the site for almost 3 months and was about to give up until he met me..then he asked if I had met anyone else (I said he's the first and only). Plus we've both discussed that we are dating for a relationship and it's not just casually. If we just met randomly and hooked up that's differnet, but I mean we talk about relationship compabititilies etc and this all came out cuz of the way eharmony structures it. People go on that site to look for a relationship. I've had people I go out with 3 dates and it hurts me zero to just ignore them. But with this guy, he's truly a nice guy type. I know it's only been one date. But I keep thinking to myself, if I were him, I would want to know if the person I'm dating is moving away. Perhaps I fear karma. In no way am I saying I'm this uber important person in his life because I know I'm not. But most of you can admit that often times breakups even after just one month of dating can be quite painful as well. I've cried over one month breakups. They aren't gut-wrenching, but it does add to the baggage. I keep dating him, it CAN become quite hurtful if it lasts up to weeks. Or perhaps, I just neeed to stop thinking and chill and go with the flow and then see . Maybe he will dump me like within the next few days, which will make things aloooot more relieving for me hahhaha.
tanbark813 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I vote for #3. #1 is jumping the gun a bit and #2 is a little dishonest.
Author gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 I vote for #3. #1 is jumping the gun a bit and #2 is a little dishonest. I think so too. I will wait until after date #2 first though. Maybe he will dump me before then and I won't have anymore worries or regrets haha. Or maybe tell him *during* date #2? Not sure when to tell him...any advice? And just go 'oh by the way, i might have to move home' in a casual way? I don't want it awkward and I don't want it all dramatic either.
tanbark813 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Maybe he will dump me before then and I won't have anymore worries or regrets haha. That's the spirit! Or maybe tell him *during* date #2? Not sure when to tell him...any advice? And just go 'oh by the way, i might have to move home' in a casual way? I don't want it awkward and I don't want it all dramatic either. I think that's a good idea. Any rational person would appreciate the head's up I would imagine.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 I think you should wait until you know for sure you're actually going to move but yeah, if you want to tell him, let him know and let him make the call.
Author gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 By the way, I know it's only been one date....but we've already have dates #2 (this sat) and #3 (the Giant's game 10 days from now) planned! That's the only reason why I call us 'dating'....
Author gummybear Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Update on this! (is he reading this thread?) So...talked to him over IM and I feel slight better but also slightly nervous of what he is thinking. I told him that Im looking for a new job...then he started asking what kind of job I was looking for...THEN he asked if I was looking for a job in this area...dun dun dun! And I said that Im not sure, it depends on how the job market is like. Which I guess isnt the whole truth, but it's a good hint that may lead up to more information for him. I suppose for now, I feel better because I can sense that he knows there is a possibility I might relocate for my job. Ofcourse it also makes me nervous because he is definitley putting doubts about us. But I suppose it is the right thing to do. Or else there is no way I can sleep at night cuz I'd feel guilty about this. At least now he'd know to take it easy with me and not invest so much. Only time will tell as to what happens to me and whether I stay/go. I think I will most likely go. But I guess I don't want to jump the gun entirely with this guy. So far he is just too nice, cute and sweet. I will prepared if he dumps me tho cuz of the uncertainty and if he does, I will take it as things happen for a reason....at least I will have no regrets. One thing I learned from my ex is to not be so selfish and to actually care about other people's feelings. I regret wronging my ex. And I guess I kind of promised myself after him to treat people fairly.
Javelin Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Gummybear, Why not just stay? C'mon, who's to say that you'll ever meet another guy that'll make you feel the way he does on the 1st date!? You just have to remember that home will always be there and if things don't work out in the relationship, you can always move back! I stay stick it out awhile. What do you have to lose?
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