goober_20 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Soo confused.. My girlfriend of three years dumped me in april because she wanted to try new things, as in i think sleep with other people considering she admitted she had slept with someone else just before we broke up. Of course I did the whole begging thing telling her we could try again and I could forgive her but she didn't want to know. As soon as we broke up she was out with other people and pretending I didnt exist. I tried really hard to move on and about 6 weeks ago I met a new girl. We started dating tentatively and have became official in the past few weeks. The new girl is amazing to me though very controlling and insecure. I was all ready to move on with this girl and start my life again when a few weeks ago my ex girlfriend started speaking to me again, we didn't become friends or anything like that, the conversations pretty much consisted of 'how are you?' 'what you been up to?' things like that. But the contact from her side has been more frequent till last week she told me she had made a huge mistake and wanted me back. Of course I was not interested but then she admitted to me she has realised what a mistake she has made because she has been for tests and may have cancer. Of course I said I'd be there for her, her family are not close at all. But this scare has put her whole life in perspective and now she is saying all the things I wanted her to say months ago. Telling and showing me how she has changed, saying that she'l do anything to get me back and I really believe she will. This has really confused me, I like the new girl but its very early and the possesiveness does put me off a lot and I do still care about my ex girlfriend. Its not just pity becuase she is really acting like she wants me and will treat me right. I feel like I have to pick between them but also Im scared I will pick my ex then she'l find out she is okay and leave me again. I feel bad for the new girl because I feel like she doesn't deserve someone whos heart is not into her 100% but I do really like her and do see a future with her. Im really confused about what to do..does anyone have any advice or help me put this in perspective a little bit.
vivrantflo Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 My girlfriend of three years dumped me in april because she wanted to try new things, as in i think sleep with other people considering she admitted she had slept with someone else just before we broke up. That means she cheated on you. Don't take her back. NC Of course I did the whole begging thing telling her we could try again and I could forgive her but she didn't want to know. As soon as we broke up she was out with other people and pretending I didnt exist. She cheated on you, and moved on so quickly because she checked out of the relationship long before she dumped you. Very dirty and cowardice if you ask me. You can do better... but wait.. you did!! I tried really hard to move on and about 6 weeks ago I met a new girl. We started dating tentatively and have became official in the past few weeks. The new girl is amazing to me though very controlling and insecure. This is great.. the problems you and her have can be talked about and worked on while there's no resentment, and the relationship is still fresh.. you're golden. I was all ready to move on with this girl and start my life again when a few weeks ago my ex girlfriend started speaking to me again, we didn't become friends or anything like that, the conversations pretty much consisted of 'how are you?' 'what you been up to?' things like that. This is a lesson to all those doing NC. When you move on... REALLY move on, THATS when the exes come back, and at this point, shouldnt care about them. (I have to follow this myself) Bud, your value has gone up, cause you have a woman. Don't fall for it. She still cheated on you. But the contact from her side has been more frequent till last week she told me she had made a huge mistake and wanted me back. Of course I was not interested but then she admitted to me she has realised what a mistake she has made because she has been for tests and may have cancer. I have compassion for the sick. And so should everyone else. But don't fall for the guilt routine. She MAY be sick, but it doesn't change the fact that 1. She cheated on you 2. Started dating other guys right away after the breakup 3. She never wanted you back, or realized what she did wrong BEFORE you were taken.. I feel like I have to pick between them but also Im scared I will pick my ex then she'l find out she is okay and leave me again. I feel bad for the new girl because I feel like she doesn't deserve someone whos heart is not into her 100% but I do really like her and do see a future with her. There you go.. you don't even need advice cause you're smart. She comes back and gives you her speech AFTER she finds out you have a woman. Where was she before hand? Right.. banging other guys. You have a woman now, that you admittedly see a future with.. so why jeopardize that for a woman that's untrustworthy?? You don't even trust her.. you said she might leave if she finds out that she's not sick. Besides, you dont want her back, if she just wants you because she IS sick.. Feel me?? Stay away from your ex.. and concentrate on your current girlfriend. You have something good going.. don't throw it away for the uncertain. Good luck
carhill Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 OP, you're clearly not over the feelings you have for your ex. Try something really novel. Be honest with your current dating partner, both about your situation with your ex as well as your feelings about her personality and behaviors (the insecurity/controlling part). Then do something really hard. Be alone and work this out. Your actions affect others. The pain you felt when your ex left you the way she did is an example of how her actions affected you. I hope you learned something from that
sunshinegirl Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 The new girl is amazing to me though very controlling and insecure. I do really like her and do see a future with her. I'm telling you right now, you do not have a long, healthy, or mutually satisfying future ahead of you with someone who is very controlling and insecure. Quite apart from the issue of the ex, I urge you not to ignore these red flags waving in your face right now.
daphne Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Neither one seems like a good option, honestly. Controlling and possessive means a lot of time explaining things you didn't do to make up for what someone else may have done to her. It gets stale very quickly. While I have compassion for your ex in that she's ill and realizes she made a mistake, I do not think it would be wise to take her back. We have all had to the learn, the hard way, the consequences of our actions. She has proven herself untrustworthy at best. She showed callousness, selfishness, and deceit and sorry doesn't cover it. Now that she's afraid of being along with an illness, she needs someone she can rely on. Great, that's you. You sound great. She hasn't shown herself to be reliable. You owe her nothing, even in the face of this upset. You can forgive her and be kind to her. I think you should if she's really contrite. But I don't think she has a good character, and wouldn't necessarily be a good girlfriend down the road when/if the cancer is cured. Everyone's humble and contrite when things aren't going well for them. It's an entirely different level of character when you are humble when things are going your way.
justaman99 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 yes be careful of the insecure ones that are controlling and possessive. This leads to other behavior and could very well lead her to cheat on you as well. Insecure people no matter how committed you are to them can easily think you aren't and do stupid things to validate themselves. They need validation constantly especially down the road in the relationship as things sort of mellow out. i.e. end of honeymoon phase. -Just
Trialbyfire Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 If you're already calling your new g/f insecure and controlling, you're showing signs of different expectations in a relationship. You're going to have to settle this with your new g/f, one way or another. As for your ex, why in the world would you want someone back who's proven herself to be selfish, untrustworthy, with weak boundaries? Sick or otherwise, these are her issues to address.
selena_cat Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Gret advice Vivantflo, but lose that MJ pic,that scared me! you wrote once you truly get over the ex,thats when they come back. dont want to wait for false hope-i really wouldnt trust him if he did. what do you mean by when you are turly over someone? if that means dating someone new? what if you cant find that someone new. its true,he should tell his ex to get lost she's trying to gain his sympathy,once a cheater and runner is always a cheat and runner,they will do it again That means she cheated on you. Don't take her back. NC She cheated on you, and moved on so quickly because she checked out of the relationship long before she dumped you. Very dirty and cowardice if you ask me. You can do better... but wait.. you did!! This is great.. the problems you and her have can be talked about and worked on while there's no resentment, and the relationship is still fresh.. you're golden. This is a lesson to all those doing NC. When you move on... REALLY move on, THATS when the exes come back, and at this point, shouldnt care about them. (I have to follow this myself) Bud, your value has gone up, cause you have a woman. Don't fall for it. She still cheated on you. I have compassion for the sick. And so should everyone else. But don't fall for the guilt routine. She MAY be sick, but it doesn't change the fact that 1. She cheated on you 2. Started dating other guys right away after the breakup 3. She never wanted you back, or realized what she did wrong BEFORE you were taken.. There you go.. you don't even need advice cause you're smart. She comes back and gives you her speech AFTER she finds out you have a woman. Where was she before hand? Right.. banging other guys. You have a woman now, that you admittedly see a future with.. so why jeopardize that for a woman that's untrustworthy?? You don't even trust her.. you said she might leave if she finds out that she's not sick. Besides, you dont want her back, if she just wants you because she IS sick.. Feel me?? Stay away from your ex.. and concentrate on your current girlfriend. You have something good going.. don't throw it away for the uncertain. Good luck
undertaker79 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 First, drop the new girl.......if she is possessive it will not change. Second, dont give ex chance because she "may have cancer" that is the OLDEST trick in the book...she is just trying 2 take the heat off of herself because of the past. If u choose to give her ONE more chance, dont let it be out of some kind of trip like that. http://www.iwantmyloveback.com
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