Harmony Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I have been at a job I love for about a year now. Great pay, great boss, great work. About six months ago a new IT guy was hired. Part of my job is getting documents ready to post on the website. Now I have to go through this guy for the design. I've asked him to design the information in a format that I could update myself. He didn't. So every time there is a change (which can happen frequently) I have to send it to him. He is completely condescending and returns work that I have requested to my boss. I had a major event to coordinate a few months ago and his lack of listening to my direction on what I needed caused me hours of extra work. At the time, I pointed this out to him and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked away. I just had an hour long "discussion" with him because he said several months ago he overheard me talking about him in the stairwell. He said he didn't know who I was talking to and couldn't tell me what was said. I often walk on my lunch hour and part of my walking is going up and down the stairs. Unfortunately, I have a habit of talking out loud so it's entirely possible I was all alone and I explained this to him. He has been bent out of shape ever since then. He denied that his returning my work to my boss and not to me was demeaning to me. It is no secret at work that I have a partner and it seems that since he found out, he is downright nasty to me. I have no proof that this issue is his real problem, but my gut tells me differently. The sad part is that my boss and her boss have both been pulled into this mess. He is also 20 years younger than I am. He questions everything I send to him - Why does this have to be done? Why are you doing it this way? No helpful suggestions on improving something, just making me spend more time explaining myself to him. (He also denied this today, even though I have the e-mails.) When I left work my boss (who is supportive of me) and her boss were behind closed doors discussing this. (They don't talk very quietly and my office space is right outside the door.) The sad part about all of this is that because of this one guy, I'm wondering if I should start looking for another job. I am so upset about this, I've been shaking and crying all afternoon. This was more than I meant to post and there is a lot more that I didn't write. I guess I just needed to try to get it out somehow as I am home alone right now. Thanks for letting me do that. (I meant to start this as a new thread a few minutes about, but accidently posted it as a reply to another thread. I'm new at this.)
GPFan Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Before searching for another job, try taking him out to a very nice and elegant lunch. Engage him in a heart-to-heart talk. Make an offer to start anew with both of you letting any old gripes go for the sake of a peaceful working relationship. Vow to immediately confront any new issues as soon as an issue arises so no resentment is allowed to fester. I hope this situation clears up for you soon.
Geishawhelk Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 What you should do is keep a log of everything that's happening, and file an official complaint, that what you should be doing. Keep it businesslike, official and unemotive. Be factual, and keep all documentation. Make your grieviances known, and cite the obvious differences of opinion that you are having, your experience, your difference in age, and your respective positions. Don't be a gibbering wreck. You've been there longer than he has. Why are you letting him walk all over you and intimidate you like this? If he was your son, you'd put him in his place, wouldn't you? So? DO SOMETHING _ !!
Author Harmony Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Thank you both for your replies. I actually did a combination of these two suggestions. The talk I had with him yesterday didn't seem to help, because he was just a rude today as before. We both agreed that it was over and we were moving forward, but it appears that for him, it was just empty words. I printed all of his e-mails to me today to start my documentation. I also realized something. He listened in on a private conversation I had (either with myself or someone else) on my own time and not even in our office - it was in the complex where we rent office space along with dozens of other companies. He didn't hear the beginning or the end of the conversation and he's had his nose out of joint ever since. I apologized to him yesterday, but am wondering today why I apologized to him for his eavesdropping. I plan on continuing to quietly document all my interaction with him and if things have not improved in a month's time, I will file a complaint with HR against him for harassment. He's acting like a spoiled child and you're right. I don't take that treatment from either of my sons and I won't take it from him either. If it gets me fired, that will suck, but I'll be professional with him, even when he is not being professional with me. Yesterday I was hurt, but not anymore. I refuse to let him suck any more energy from me. He is obviously thriving on the extra attention this is getting him, so I refuse to give it any more attention.
Lookingforward Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 If it helps any - there used to be a saying that the reason people (guys usually, back then) went into IT was because they were happier dealing with machines than people
Geishawhelk Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Thank you both for your replies. I actually did a combination of these two suggestions. The talk I had with him yesterday didn't seem to help, because he was just a rude today as before. We both agreed that it was over and we were moving forward, but it appears that for him, it was just empty words. I printed all of his e-mails to me today to start my documentation. Great start! I plan on continuing to quietly document all my interaction with him and if things have not improved in a month's time, I will file a complaint with HR against him for harassment. It might be worth at this point, taking someone else into your confidence, and letting them know that you're doing this, because the more trustworthy and reliable people you can confide in, the better. but again, keep it very professional. It's important to try to separate what is emotively driven (although obviously that's affected) from what is logically driven.... Do you see what I mean? He's acting like a spoiled child and you're right. I don't take that treatment from either of my sons and I won't take it from him either. If it gets me fired, that will suck, but I'll be professional with him, even when he is not being professional with me. Yesterday I was hurt, but not anymore. I refuse to let him suck any more energy from me. He is obviously thriving on the extra attention this is getting him, so I refuse to give it any more attention. Absolutely! We can only be injured by stuff like this, if we let it injure us! Treat him like a child, and ignore his tantrums. Ride over them... be the Surfer, not the Sufferer!!
Walk Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I'm in IT and have had to deal with guys like this quite often. I had to work with one guy like this a year ago, and I was so close to physically assualting him that it actually scared me. I really sympathize with how frustrating this is for you. So every time there is a change (which can happen frequently) I have to send it to him. He is completely condescending and returns work that I have requested to my boss. I've had this problem happen in coding pages before too, but the content was dynamically generated from a database. It sounds to me though, that the content is static. Why don't you have access to changing it anymore? There are several programmers on this board who I'm positive could help you figure out a way around asking this guy to change content. If you can avoid dealing with his sorry butt, then perhaps you could tolerate staying at your job until the bosses can resolve the situation in a more permenant fashion?(hopefully fire his butt) I had a major event to coordinate a few months ago and his lack of listening to my direction on what I needed caused me hours of extra work. Document everything. Communicate through email. If you do speak to him in person, then write down the date, time and overal information that was discussed. This guy won't get better with time. And there is absolutely NO reason you should have to be forced out of a job you have enjoyed just because he's an azz-munch. Your bosses hands are kind of tied unless they have documentation of the problems. Otherwise, he can cost the company money in the long run. Help them to help you by keeping a record of everything. Again, I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like this. It really does make life miserable.
Mary3 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 We have a guy like this at work. He likes to make himself feel much more important than the other workers. Constantly finding fault in most things. The thing is : He is trying to * up * himself so that he looks GOOD. The work environment was smooth for you * until * he showed up. He is rocking the boat , making your work more difficult . The truth : He is insecure and derives pleasure from bringing others down his level. The solution : Don't make ANYTHING easy for him from this day forward. This is causing you stress and you feel like leaving . Why should YOU leave ? Get angry and get pro~active. !! Document , document , EVERYTHING and when you have enough take it to HR. First do the chain of command. Your immediate supervisor. If that fails , take it higher.
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