How Can I Just Love?

[J.LO]

I started dating my boyfriend 3 months ago and we were hanging out before that. He's nice and probably exactly what i need in a guy, gives me my space, and he tells me he cant explain the way he feels for me, even hopes that someday he can buy me a promise ring.

 

Sometimes i have a hard time believing all these things, because of my past experiences of family and realtionships never went anywheres. And i find myself in this emotional rollercaoster because somedays i feel i just want to be alone with no guy (bf), but then i cant let him go at the sametime.

 

I think i love him....like somedays it's sooo easy to say and then other days i feel iam taking a step back and freaking out. I feel as if iam cursed...like iam in a spell i cannot escape.

 

I dont want to hurt him...he seems real on what he feels.

 

I just dont know how to stop thinking about running away, and how things wont work...or what if this isnt what i want. I know iam still young, and i have all the time in the world...but iam just living in the now. And it's confusing. I got my wish...i have a man who loves me but iam still haunted by my own past to sometimes just not think about being a little scared of realtionships. I know somedays that i try to not be as close just because i was close the days before...and maybe it's cuz iam worried i'll turn out like everyone..almost everyone in my family.

 

Is there a way that i will get better? Not think of the past soo much? Or stop the past from messing up my future? And how can i finally stop tihnking about it...cuz tihnking is the hardest thing for me to stop.

 

 

Thanks soo much.

 

Jennifer