silvergirl Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 My boyfriend and I decided to call it quits after 3 bittersweet years, and it is very hard because we work together. I have to see him everyday, and he tells me that he doesn't want to see me flirting with other guys in front of him. Does anyone have any advice on avoiding this uncomfortable situation?
jon01 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 First of all, you should not be trying to get involved with people from work. So yeah, respect his wishes and don't flirt with other guys there. Aren't you professional or do you enjoy being a tease with even men from your workplace? Secondly, either you or him should get another job!
Author silvergirl Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 No, no, no, you don't understand. He is very jealous, if I am talking to someone of the opposite sex, then that means I'm flirting to him. I never date people I work with, we were dating before we started working together, that was something that just happened. I don't go around flirting, and YES I am very professional, that is why I'm asking advice on coping with this, because he is making it very unprofessional and uncomfortable.
konfuzd Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 The minute he broke up with you, he gave up his right to tell you who you can flirt with, when and where. Are one of you in a superior position at work where it could lead to struggles at work? Is there a chance to get transferred, or maybe work in a department where you won't be working as closely? Sorry about the break up, it's tough but as the saying goes "this too shall pass". Good luck.
Geishawhelk Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 If you've broken up, and he is no longer in your life, then I hate to say it, what you do - at work, or outside - is none of his business. That you are professional and keep business and personal life separate, is wise. But whatever you do, do it because you're sticking by your principles, not out of any sense of "loyalty" to him. Jealousy is his problem. If he can't stand seeing you around other guys, that's an issue he'll have to deal with. As of break-up date, you owe him nothing in the emotional stakes. I hate to sound harsh, but it's important that you start as you mean to go on. Tell him very firmly that if it's too difficult for him to cope with, then he has the problem, and he'll either have to get over it, or get another job. Your life is yours now.
Author silvergirl Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I agree totally. He has no right to tell me who I can talk to, or "flirt" with. I plan on having a nice talk with him, to let him know, he has no control over me anymore. As far as the position, there could possibly be room for transferring, but the way I see it, I like my job and what I'm doing right now. If he's the one with the problem, then he is the one who needs to consider transferring.
Trialbyfire Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Unless you're deliberately flirting to get to him, you can do whatever you want. I do caution you to take a serious look at why you need to flirt where he can see you. If it's to get to him, do you want him back? If so, there are far more mature and less cruel ways to do this.
Geishawhelk Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 TbF, I think he interprets it as flirting, because if she talks to any other guy, from his POV - she's flirting'.... He has no right to tell me who I can talk to, or "flirt" with. I plan on having a nice talk with him, to let him know, he has no control over me anymore. Silvergirl - I think you also mean - "not that he had any in the first place...."? Nobody, whether in a relationship with an SO or not, has absolutely any right to assume, or to exert emotional control over another person. We practice give and take, and in a great relationship, strive to put the other person first - always providing they are doing the same. But 'Control'.....? Dream on buddy - !!
confused and broken Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I agree he has NOOO rights to tell you what you can and can't do...you are broken up... Dating people you work with is a bad idea, don't do it again...it just makes life difficult... The way to get over him is NOT to flirt with other guys in front of him... tempting but immature don't do it... Instead focus on moving on with your life, and IGNORE any comments coming from him about what you can and can't do You are a free woman!
Trialbyfire Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Geish, many times you'll find that where there's smoke, there's fire! I guess I want to ensure that the OP isn't doing this for all the wrong reasons. Most def., he has no right to have any control over her behaviour, especially now, but when you're in a relationship, amending behaviour is the sign of someone who's willing to compromise their behaviour for the betterment of the relationship.
Geishawhelk Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Yes, I see that, sure I do... I was merely going by her post #3..... But as you say, sometimes, when we only ever have one side of stuff, it's hard to make a "value judgement"..... That's not to say that I'm calling the OP a liar.... but as with so many things, we want to put our side across.... Shall I stop digging now....?
jon01 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 .........if I am talking to someone of the opposite sex, then that means I'm flirting to him. Somehow, I just don't believe that. He is probably getting jealous when you are doing things like joking around, touching or being overly responsive to other guys. Sure his jealousy will be a little over the top, he was in love with you!
jon01 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I agree totally. He has no right to tell me who I can talk to, or "flirt" with. I plan on having a nice talk with him, to let him know, he has no control over me anymore. To you, and all the other insensitive women who egg you on: It is not about him controlling you, it's about RESPECT and CONSIDERATION while you are IN FRONT of him. You women... sigh.
Author silvergirl Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 The reason we are broke up is because of his jealousness. It is really, REALLY bad. He also has a bad temper. He said I was flirting in front of him, when I was talking to a coworker at the copy machine about work. I am not the type to flirt with someone to make another one jealous, that is just tacky. Once again, I know you don't date people you work with, we were not working together when we first started dating. Yet, another reason I don't flirt with people I work with.
jon01 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Well, I guess from the way you are explaining things he does sound very jealous. The fact that he was in a relationship with you and you both work so close by, sounds like it's making his jealousy even worse. He probably imagines all sorts of "what if" scenarios and assumes the worst. That's a tough situation for both of you to be in. I take it the company isn't all that big, like you could transfer to another floor in the building or maybe another location. But if you really aren't flirting, and you are trying your best to just do your work and he still bothers you, you might have to speak with his manager. That's about the only thing left, other than one of you quiting or transferring elsewhere.
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