Felt Sory, Regret. Should i give up and move on?

[werty]

Hi all,

 

ill make my story as brief as possible. long story short i meet this wonderful girl a month or more ago. three weeks ago i i expressed my like for the girl. she said she doesnt wants me to expect anything, or wait for me because she has still many things thats in her mind, many things to accomplished, and she still has pending relationship issues from her previous relationship ro watsoever. but from then it ddnt matter to me and i continue to court her from there on. everything was good. i get to meet her and all talk about anything and was just happy being with her and so was her being with me.

 

just a week ago everything changed. she suddenly felt sensitive. my usual caring for her meant annoying to her. she said she ddnt like that. and again emphasize that i should not w8 nor expect anything. i felt pain when she said that, not because i knew it already, but because it was the truth. i felt pain, and got mad and talked bak at her why she hurts me like this when i was just trying to be nice and all.

 

after that fight, i refused to get in touch with her with our usual SMS. but she still keeps txting me. saying she is preoocupied, why we have to be like this and all, and that she cant afford not to txt etc etc etc. i asked why are you telling me this and what did u waht to happen really? she ddnt answer. so i asked if we can sit down and talk.

 

the day after we got to met and we talk. i asked the same questions especially when she tried to contact me when i ddnt. i thought i could handle her answer. but when i asked what did she really want to happen, she answered my the same dont w8 dont expect thing, and she added that i got too attached to her and she ddnt liked it. because i did care but for her it was just nothing or she ddnt care at all. also said that she just wants to be free and just let her do what she wants.

 

i dont know, but i got mad. coz it seems she is stopping me for what i was doin. i dont know why. everyhting went out of hand and the last thing i said to her, is why are trying to tell me that we keep our friendship when it was YOU who changed. then she left..

 

that same night we meet again, and with the influence of alcohol, we argued more to the extent of hurting each other(though words, not physical). but i was really to blame coz i initiated that contact. i kept on hugging her that night

 

i felt regret of what i did because it was suppose to be good already before the fight. i miss handled the situation badly. especially on the last situation. i did got to talk to her yesterday, and said how regretfull i was for what i did, for the words and things i did, and for letting it happen the way it did. i apologize for evertyhing, and that i was able to do such thiings because i cared for her so much. and she just said it was ok and to forget about it. she was good and it was ok and she understood everything.

 

i know deep inside she had a shattered heart. i knw she is mad and maybe want to box me for what a jerk i made. i knw she jus said it nicely to avoide making the issue bigger. but thats not whats making me incomplete right now. i felt not satisfied, its because i felt guilty of what happened, and i may have lost a good friend. i know being sorry will never fix what i did wrong to her but i jsut dont feel ok and satisfied.

 

after this has happend, should i w8 if she makes contact 1st and see what up? is this a lost cause now? do i have to forget about her and let go and move on? i still do care for her, i still want to love her, but is there really anything i can do for her right now?

 

just nid some advice or help. thanks

[Balthazar]

It's always a highly dubious proposition to go out with a person who has expressed no sexual interest.

 

Unfortunately, your situation is all too common.

You are caught in a friendship where you want more.

 

What should you expect?

On the one hand, your friend has stated that you should not expect or wait for anything.

However, I will grant you that she is going out with you at the same time, and she knows your motives, so in a way she is a co-conspirator in her courting.

 

The problem with courting though, is that it can't go on forever without results.

Even in cases where you are dealing with a damaged/hurt woman, there is a time to just look back and see what has been accomplished.

 

So, one month into the relationship, and after about 10-12(dates), you need to do this assessment.

 

Have you kissed with the girl? Are you holding hands? DO you see her escalating her physical intimacy towards you?

 

If things are progressing, stick around and see how it goes(provided your feelings are so strong and you can take the wait:)).

 

However, if they aren't, it may be time to cut your losses and seek greener pastures.

It's a month in after all, if she not feeling anything except "friendship", it's probably not going to happen.

 

CHeers,

[Walk]

You didn't 'mishandle' anything. This girl is aware of how you feel for her, and that you want more then what she wants from the friendship. Yet she continues to string you along knowing its creating a great deal of hurt for you.

 

She has no interest in you past platonic friendship.

 

She gets a great deal from you, you get what from her? You make her feel better about herself and her life... She makes you feel worse about yourself. Every time you try to ask for what you want she manipulates the situation so that you feel bad for wanting more from her. The time you try to create some space (not SMS'ing her) she insists on contacting you through text to ensure you're still there for her. THe only time she puts in effort to keep the relationship is when she fears she's losing your attention. This is ALL about attention. She doesn't want you... anyone would do at this point. She only wants attention and a LOT of it.

 

Distance yourself from this girl. I had a good friend go through this exact same situation, and every time the girl gave him even a glimmer of hope he was sucked back in again and again. Every time he tried to pull back from her, she put in just enough effort to pull him back in. Yet every single time he asked for more from her, she would tell him she wasn't interested in that. It was all about what she got from him, without her giving back the same level to him. In the end, the girl started dating someone else while still stringing my friend along, kept her new bf as a secret until my friend ran into them one day. He was crushed. Absolutely crushed.

 

If you aren't getting the same level of commitment, understanding, caring and affection from a woman as you are giving to her, and repeated requests for her to increase her levels meet with flat out no's, then its time to cut the cord and move on. The girl will suck you dry and toss you dead shell of a body to the curb when she's finished with you.

[werty]

OUCH! and DOUBLE OUCH!

 

all your replies hurts like hell.. but i do believe they are true anyways

 

i will just have to accept that this is also a possibility. but but all of these are true. and its still new. it wouldnt hurt to wait a while longer, isnt it?

 

anyways, thanks!

[carhill]

I've walked Walk's talk many times and it is as true as the day is long. I call it being an emotional whore. BTDT.

 

There's a big, wonderful world out there filled with people who don't suck the life out of you. Find them

[beautiful_stranger]

why dont you keep out of touch for a few weeks and see what her reaction is? Question is is your will strong enough to do that, and insist on doing that even if she looks for you. If she tries hard enough to get you back into her life, then it probably shows that she wants you enough. A few weeks of break would probably also let you figure out your feelings towards her.

[Shygirl15]

I'm not sure why most guys when rejected by a girl they're romantically attracted to, they instead try being friends with them. Never works. Plus it's completely annoying on the girl's part. I'm going through same thing with this guy at work, I told him I'm just trying to get over some issues and not in a position to date, he insisted waiting around and just be friends with me for now. Super annoying. Truth is I'm not attracted to him and I never will.

 

Distance yourself from this girl and save yourself a heartache.

[Jilly Bean]

I'm not sure why most guys when rejected by a girl they're romantically attracted to, they instead try being friends with them.

 

+1.

 

If a guy has a crush on me, tells me so, then says, "oh, let's be friends then, Bean", I consider him a total doormat and I lose ALL respect for him. When being rejected, man up, and move on.

[werty]

OUCH! OUCH OUCH!

 

i cant say anything, but ALL u guys said maybe true. sad, full of pain, but possibly true.

 

i dotn want to believe it, but it really might be true.... huhuhuh

[werty]

i cant really seem to figure things out. im tracing back trying to find out what really happened and why it happened like that. of course she did said i acted clingy, kept on looking or asking for her, or acting as if we were couple or something,i got too attached and she cant breathed. but i did told her that i was just being myself, and i just acted like that because i did care. but she said i expected too much. yeah maybe i did expect but im not forcing her. thats why i wonder after she said those words and i got hurt, i try to stay away but she kept on texting even if i ddnte reply or ignore. then the last she txt was she said that why do we have to be like this.hope things will be alright soon... duh, doesnt she even knw what she has said? that i was hurt?

 

....anyways after that huge fight, before i did face her to say sorry. i asked sorry tru txt,bad move to say sorry tru SMS but when i saw her that day, i cant say anything nor get close to her. we did greet ourselves tru smile but i was afraid and ddnt approach her. thats why i text her that evening. this was wat she replied to my txt (translated in english):

 

".....its ok. i dont take long to forgive. forget it. and thank you for being nice. hope you learn something and dont approach or treat the girl the way you did if ever youll like somebody. im ok.. i understood everything.gudnyt....."

 

it was already late when she replied so i ddnt have the time to react or reply. because i got used that when she said gudnyt,i should not txt anymore. anyways tru her txt i cant seem to see if she still wants to be friends. i cant even feel what she is feeling the way she said that. thats why i dont feel contented and wanted to ask forgiveness infront of her which i managed to do the day after as said by my story above.

 

but then seeing her and listening to her,smiling while telling me everything is ok. and to forget about it,while tapping my shoulders doesnt seem to be right. something is still wrong.it was just a short talk. ddnt even took 2mins but i still dont see that all is OK.

 

we havent comunicated since then. my last attemp to get in touch with her was a text and a miss call 2 days ago. i text her that i know you have lots of things in mind. and that ill give you all the time to think about what you really want to happen, and that if you nid me, ill be there as a friend.... but i left her a question which goes like this... i asked to tell me, what can make you happy? being with me or not seeing me? one question, one answer.......

 

i am yet to recieve or hear a reply.not to mention see her...

 

what do you think? what do u guys think she thinks? do you think theres a chance things will be OK? did she really want friendship? or just the attention i gave back then? will all be back to normal will all be clear if i give her as much time and space and an infinite NO CONTACT?

 

its soo sad. it just happen for merely 3 weeks

[werty]

i know this thread is DEAD coz it seems im not getting any more new opinions. but i just wanna update this as about how things are right now...

 

its merely about 2 weeks since that last fight and we stopped we stopped communicating. during that past 2 weeks, i have sent 2 sms just saying some "HI" stuffs just to check if friendship was still there, i got no reply watsoever. yesterday morning i sent her a last sms saying something like this:

 

"i know ur ignoring me.i know things have changed and its all because of me. i may have said words you dont want to hear, did things u dont want me to do, but i know it was never a mistake when i did fall inlove with you. take care and hope your happier the way things are now..."

 

i thought she would just again ignore my txt. but that everning she replied. and what she has said hurts more and leave a very big gap in my heart. heres how she replied:

 

"...im not ignoring you. its just i find it a little comfortable if i distance from you. stop hurting yourself.im happy even before i met you. life goes on..."

 

its hurts how she said it. how could it not hurt when she said shes not ignoring, but she feels better staying distant from me? the only thing i was able to reply was txting her that she was unfair.is it rally a very big mistake i did for us to end like this? if she did respect me, even if just a frend, its just unfair of she's doin now.

 

again she ddnt reply and i guess that was the last time she would even get to talk to me.

 

im so devastated and hurt. i dont know what to do or how i could stand up. even if she did try to be nice on her last txt, it still hurt like hell. but of course i cant do anything but respect her decision. its just that im trying to understand why it has to end like this? i dont even see friendship from here and because of this last happening, i dont think i can even face her with heads up.

 

right now, i just really dont know what to do. if theres anyone there who could help in some way, pls help so. i know some will say harsh things just to wake me up. pls do so it it would help. but i just want to let u guys know, that i dont have anyone here in person i can trust with something like this.

 

i gues thats about it.... pm me or reply if anyone has something to say

thanks

[Shygirl15]

I like this girl. She's very honest. I'm not sure if I would have been able to put it the way she did in her last text.

 

But seriously, you're annoying her. Why can't you just move on? We all know it hurts but she clearly doesn't want you anymore. Delete her number, email, etc everything could tempt you to contact her again, and move on.

[whichwayisup]

Life goes on - As much as that sucks to hear, this is something you have to do..

 

Don't contact her again, try to heal and make your own closure..

[bigmanpayne]

I'm not sure why most guys when rejected by a girl they're romantically attracted to, they instead try being friends with them. Never works. Plus it's completely annoying on the girl's part. I'm going through same thing with this guy at work, I told him I'm just trying to get over some issues and not in a position to date, he insisted waiting around and just be friends with me for now. Super annoying. Truth is I'm not attracted to him and I never will.

 

Distance yourself from this girl and save yourself a heartache.

 

 

question. instead of lying and saying you need to work through some things why not just tell him the truth. better yet if you werent attracted to him why get started in the first place? you are annoyed because you have lied and led him on to believe that you could have something else with him but you never intended on having anything with him and now you wonder what is wrong with him? what's wrong with you?

 

you are annoyed because you want to be annoyed.

[Shygirl15]

question. instead of lying and saying you need to work through some things why not just tell him the truth.

 

Spared his feelings.

 

better yet if you werent attracted to him why get started in the first place?

.

 

Get started on what? I never started anything.

 

you are annoyed because you have lied and led him on to believe that you could have something else with him but you never intended on having anything with him and now you wonder what is wrong with him? what's wrong with you?

 

you are annoyed because you want to be annoyed.[/quote

 

????

I have a feeling you wanted to respond to a different post.

 

Look, we are trying to help out OP here, mine is really not the issue to discuss on this particular thread, young man.

[bigmanpayne]

 

Spared his feelings.

 

.

 

Get started on what? I never started anything.

 

 

 

????

I have a feeling you wanted to respond to a different post.

 

Look, we are trying to help out OP here, mine is really not the issue to discuss on this particular thread, young man.

 

 

it sounded like you meant that you and him dated and then you told him you had to work out some issues and thats why you and him werent dating anymore, maybe i misinterpreted or maybe it wasnt clear enough.

 

it doesnt really matter. why spare his feelings? if you arent attracted to him you arent attracted to him - he's a grown up. by not being honest with you you led him to believe that if not for your "issues" you would give him a shot. yes, we are trying to help out OP, but your post caught my eye. sorry.

[Shygirl15]

it sounded like you meant that you and him dated and then you told him you had to work out some issues and thats why you and him werent dating anymore, maybe i misinterpreted or maybe it wasnt clear enough.

 

it doesnt really matter. why spare his feelings? if you arent attracted to him you arent attracted to him - he's a grown up. by not being honest with you you led him to believe that if not for your "issues" you would give him a shot. yes, we are trying to help out OP, but your post caught my eye. sorry.

 

Okay, well since you insist I will tell you why. He's not just any guy, he's someone from my hometown. Yes, he's grown up, but has a history of uncontrollable temper and panic attacks. I'm not attracted to him, don't want him to be my friend, but care enough about him to let him down carefully. If it was just any other guy, then of course I wouldn't have cared less.

 

Anyway, any matured sensible adult would have understood what I meant by what I said to him.

 

By the way, Big Man, I really don't want to turn this thread on my issue. Let's focus on what needs to be done for Werty if you don't mind. Thanks.

[Balthazar]

Werty, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you, but these things happen all too often.

 

However, I disagree with the way you handled a lot of the details of this situation.

 

There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a woman, courting her, expressing a desire for her.

BUT, your actions must never show neediness, they must always preserve your own dignity as a man.

 

A woman may or may not feel romantic feelings for you, but she will never respect you if you do not respect yourself.

 

It was wrong of you to continuously text this woman when she had expressed such negative feelings.

A gentleman just walks away and forgets about her.

Will it get you the girl?

No.

But it will mean she thinks of you in a better light, and you feel more assured in that you had the confidence to approach the object of your desire and the common sense to tastefully distance yourself when the situation went bad.

Having your dignity intact will help you when the next girl comes along(and she will!).

 

CHeers,