Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Love Deluxe, I wasn't speaking of you... Not sure why you would want to date a 20 yr old when you are 30 though.. I'm asking myself that right now as well...I'm 29. I didn't know he was 20 until after our first date, and by then I was already having a good time hanging out with him, so I decided to have an open mind. Guess I didn't want to approach it in that typical way of just taking it as a sexual fling, so while I wasn't out with him looking for some heavy duty relationship potential, I was wanting to keep hanging out as I was having a good time. But in the end, I think it's not so much the age difference because 40 and 49 could work, but it's the fact that he's 20! lol Appreciate the feedback!
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Yes, but often times guys look at it like they can go 10 years the opposite way as well. So if the guy is 40, he can have 31 or 49. Thats an 18 yr difference.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 lol Alright, I'm feeling way better now! 20? 20?! What was I thinking? Still think he's a cute kid and one day he'll learn....lol But to be completely fair, how many of us still "reject" others by simply not calling? I have always, unfortunately, been too brutally honest and give reasons. Maybe my approach is more cruel. Either way, it's always hard to end things, whether it's 1 date or years!!
TudorII Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Speaking of brutally honest....when I was in my early 20s I often went after the older women. This was a strategic ploy on my part because the success ratio was often better. Yes I am a bad person. Logic...older women are often either coming out off a bad relationship, in one where they don't get the needed attention, less self confident about the extra lbs or pooch from 1st or 2nd baby etc., or they just want to know they still have "it". So they crave a little male attention, some one to make them feel sexy again. Easy pickings when played correctly. This is nothing I invented and pretty common knowdledge and ploys of young men. They seek out the cougars. Not that you represent this at the young age of 29. My point is guys in the early 20s do not take home the 30+ year olds to mom and dad and get serious. They are just in it for the sex. If the sex didn't happen when he wanted, ie when you took him back the apartment, then he is vested interest in pursuing it was lost. This is brutal honesty but it is what it is. I agree with the masses though, you have too much going for you to be wasting your time on a 20 year old that neither has the financial, intelectual or life experience to sustain your interest past a hot roll in the sack.
blondiepants Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 This is valuable information that I learned from a guy friend a few years back. Guys (subconsciously) operate on a scale. If they are not into you enough for a serious relationship, it is basically is "how much effort am I willing to put in to get laid." This was a particularly intelligent guy friend who is going into journalism, but the truth is that most guys don't consciously THINK this, they just do it. It seems like your younger guy decided that he only had 2 dates in him. oh well - I think it is for the best anyway. Most 21 year olds that I meet are FAR to immature to even talk to.
MRevolver Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Great Post LoveDeluxe! Same thing happenend to me. I'm almost 28 and recently began dating a 21 year old. Now granted, even aside from the age we had a lot of obstacles working against us (i.e. the fact that I'm a reformed wild child, college grad and homeowner with a stable career, whereas he was virginal on all accounts, had never paid his own bills and living with his parent till school started back...yeah I know...what was I thinking). But anyhoo, even despite all that things were working really well between us. Going BEYOND GREAT! We had so much fun together and so many commonalities that the differences just didn't seem to matter. But then boom! After a couple of months he just ended it out of nowhere. Called me at 10 that morning like nothing was wrong yet by 2:30 I'd gotten a email saying "hey I just think we should be friends right now" and that was that. It was crazy, it made no sense but what could I do? I sought an explanation from him but I got nothing and that's when I realized that honestly, he probably didn't have one. Maybe what differences we did have finally got to him or maybe for whatever reason he just up and changed his mind. It's kinda lame but looking back, I'm like how many times did I just up and change my mind at 21??? I think sometimes people just need to find themselves before they do anyone else. My humble opinion... Ironically, he's now chasing after someone who's a year older than me. When I run into them I may give them a lotto ticket. She'll need all the luck she can get! Besides... if they win, he can use that money to finally start paying his own bills
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Great Post LoveDeluxe! Same thing happenend to me. I'm almost 28 and recently began dating a 21 year old. Now granted, even aside from the age we had a lot of obstacles working against us (i.e. the fact that I'm a reformed wild child, college grad and homeowner with a stable career, whereas he was virginal on all accounts, had never paid his own bills and living with his parent till school started back...yeah I know...what was I thinking). But anyhoo, even despite all that things were working really well between us. Going BEYOND GREAT! We had so much fun together and so many commonalities that the differences just didn't seem to matter. But then boom! After a couple of months he just ended it out of nowhere. Called me at 10 that morning like nothing was wrong yet by 2:30 I'd gotten a email saying "hey I just think we should be friends right now" and that was that. It was crazy, it made no sense but what could I do? I sought an explanation from him but I got nothing and that's when I realized that honestly, he probably didn't have one. Maybe what differences we did have finally got to him or maybe for whatever reason he just up and changed his mind. It's kinda lame but looking back, I'm like how many times did I just up and change my mind at 21??? I think sometimes people just need to find themselves before they do anyone else. My humble opinion... Ironically, he's now chasing after someone who's a year older than me. When I run into them I may give them a lotto ticket. She'll need all the luck she can get! Besides... if they win, he can use that money to finally start paying his own bills Wow, thanks for sharing your experience with me! The 20 year old I met was pretty responsible, worked 6 days out of the week, full time college, etc., so he seemed more responsible for guys his age, and I found him to be so refreshing, funny, sweet, and a tad bit awkward. I noticed that he was super confident around his female friends/acquaintances from his college who would from time to time visit the place he worked, but he was always so nervous around me and could barely even look me in the eye. But I totally can relate to your story - we had so much in COMMON and so much fun despite the age difference - actually didn't even find this out until after Date #1! But I kept going with it. He asked ME if I had a problem with his age! At least you got a "let's just be friends email". I got nothing! And as early back as 7/1, he was like, "you're so awesome, can't wait to hang out again" via text and he said these things after our date several nights before that - then it was just NOTHING! lol I haven't tried asking for an explanation yet, but truth be told, he probably doesn't have one. My roommate saw him at the store he worked, and he told me the guy looked utterly confused and a bit embarrassed to see my roommate, whom he met once, and my roommate literally told me to refrain from asking for an explanation since the guy probably didn't even have one. To be fair, I too was like that at the age of 20, one day I was "feelin it", the next day I wasn't. I even did that with a guy with whom I thought I could fall for! I'm not trying to toot my own horn by saying 20 year old was afraid of the connection, maybe he didn't feel any, but just saying younger people can change their minds for a multitude of reasons, whether the actual experience was positive or negative! lol Yeah, maybe the fact that I'm 29 got to him! He probably thought 29 year olds were only after marriage and kids and maybe scared him. lol If he only knew I was just enjoying his company.... Hahahaha, hilarious about the lottery ticket! Great post, thanks for sharing!! So no more younger guys for you? Or are you still open?
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 By the way, your avatar scares the hell out of me! I have always been scared of clowns, and "It" did not help!!!
MRevolver Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 By the way, your avatar scares the hell out of me! I have always been scared of clowns, and "It" did not help!!! haha, sorry bout that. I'm not much on clowns myself either but it has to do with an inside joke I used to scare with co-workers. I tried to find the smiling picture of Pennywise but you know...I don't know if that made things better or worse
MRevolver Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 At least you got a "let's just be friends email". I got nothing! And as early back as 7/1, he was like, "you're so awesome, can't wait to hang out again" via text and he said these things after our date several nights before that - then it was just NOTHING! lol Lol. I got the same thing! He was like "I can't wait till our next date" etc. But it so never happenend. And even though he finally gave me the ol' "let's just be friends" thing, trust me, he may as well have saved those breaths because we are anything but! I still seem him weekly and though we're not unkind by any means, I can't necessarily say we're friends either. Now it's like if we have to converse, we're very short with 1 another. And if we don't, we literally look past each other. Sad...considering the connection I at least thought we once shared but whatever. Just 1 of those things I guess. I'm sure it will pass... Hahahaha, hilarious about the lottery ticket! Great post, thanks for sharing!! So no more younger guys for you? Or are you still open? As for if I'll continue dating younger men, that's a HUGE toss up. I've mostly ever dated folks a few years younger but now I'm thinking I may need to try the opposite end of the spectrum, as Mr. Right for me does not seem to be between the ages of 18-25 But I don't know...I'm sure if some charming PYT comes my way, I'll probably overlook the age thing yet again. Or! Maybe I'll wind up with a combo. You know, a soulmate who looks 65 but is actually 18! Not exactly what I'd want for myself but hey, by this point I'm like whatever works!
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Lol. I got the same thing! He was like "I can't wait till our next date" etc. But it so never happenend. And even though he finally gave me the ol' "let's just be friends" thing, trust me, he may as well have saved those breaths because we are anything but! I still seem him weekly and though we're not unkind by any means, I can't necessarily say we're friends either. Now it's like if we have to converse, we're very short with 1 another. And if we don't, we literally look past each other. Sad...considering the connection I at least thought we once shared but whatever. Just 1 of those things I guess. I'm sure it will pass... As for if I'll continue dating younger men, that's a HUGE toss up. I've mostly ever dated folks a few years younger but now I'm thinking I may need to try the opposite end of the spectrum, as Mr. Right for me does not seem to be between the ages of 18-25 But I don't know...I'm sure if some charming PYT comes my way, I'll probably overlook the age thing yet again. Or! Maybe I'll wind up with a combo. You know, a soulmate who looks 65 but is actually 18! Not exactly what I'd want for myself but hey, by this point I'm like whatever works! Thanks for sharing your experience with me! Did you go through that feeling of, "OMG, was I an idiot for feeling more of a connection than he did?! lol That's what's still getting to me, the "connection" I felt. Same for me, I have dated guys my age, a guy 8 years older than me ONCE, and god was he controlling, and lots of younger guys (few years younger), but that's just because I look young so they normally assume I'm their age and approach me. I too am starting to think I need to start dating guys the opposite end of the spectrum too, but there is something about a young guy with no baggage that is so refreshing, but of course, the trade off you get is their confusion and inability to communicate, and immaturity, although to be fair, I have encountered immaturity at any age, the one 8 years older was the biggest baby!!! Yeah, I don't know if I've learned my "lesson" yet, if another young guy comes along packaged in all that sexiness that makes my toes curl, hmmmm.....lol I'm impulsive that way! And no sweetie, you do not want a 65 year old looking 18 year old. If anything you need a 25 year old looking 35 year old!
MRevolver Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Thanks for sharing your experience with me! Did you go through that feeling of, "OMG, was I an idiot for feeling more of a connection than he did?! lol That's what's still getting to me, the "connection" I felt. Same for me, I have dated guys my age, a guy 8 years older than me ONCE, and god was he controlling, and lots of younger guys (few years younger), but that's just because I look young so they normally assume I'm their age and approach me. I too am starting to think I need to start dating guys the opposite end of the spectrum too, but there is something about a young guy with no baggage that is so refreshing, but of course, the trade off you get is their confusion and inability to communicate, and immaturity, although to be fair, I have encountered immaturity at any age, the one 8 years older was the biggest baby!!! Yeah, I don't know if I've learned my "lesson" yet, if another young guy comes along packaged in all that sexiness that makes my toes curl, hmmmm.....lol I'm impulsive that way! And no sweetie, you do not want a 65 year old looking 18 year old. If anything you need a 25 year old looking 35 year old! Lol. You are so completely right and another great post! I do need a 25 year old looking 35 year old! I agree, there is something really refreshing about younger guys. They just seem so fun and easy going...I mean, I'm a lover of men period but there's just something about the spontaneity that you often find with someone younger. I've had decent relationships with folks my age. Dated 1 guy who was 8 years older but he was WEIRD! Hot as all get out and I kept wondering "why he was single" but then low and behold, I found out... and it WAS NOT pretty. Real odd fella. Then there was 1 other and it was the same deal. I don't mind a bit quirky but these guys were way over the 'legal limit!' By no means do I seek out younger guys cause often I don't realize they're age till after the fact, but it apparently seems to be who I gravitate towards. As for how I feel about our so called "connection," actually I keep getting that feeling of "OMG why was rushing into anything with a 21 year old?!? What a dummy." He actually had to come over to my place last night to drop off something (purely business) but we actually wound up having a decent conversation. However, the whole time he was there I just kept staring at him and totally noticing things I didn't before. Like how baby faced and well...scared he looked. haha. Which some of that may have been due to him not knowing what on Earth I would possibly say to him while there but whatever. I kept my cool! Honestly I don't think I've "learned my lesson" either when it comes to younger guys. They're just so cute! But you know...I may just try to play it a bit cooler before getting all excited and telling my girlfriends. Give him a 5 month trial period before the first kiss! lol.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Lol. You are so completely right and another great post! I do need a 25 year old looking 35 year old! I agree, there is something really refreshing about younger guys. They just seem so fun and easy going...I mean, I'm a lover of men period but there's just something about the spontaneity that you often find with someone younger. I've had decent relationships with folks my age. Dated 1 guy who was 8 years older but he was WEIRD! Hot as all get out and I kept wondering "why he was single" but then low and behold, I found out... and it WAS NOT pretty. Real odd fella. Then there was 1 other and it was the same deal. I don't mind a bit quirky but these guys were way over the 'legal limit!' By no means do I seek out younger guys cause often I don't realize they're age till after the fact, but it apparently seems to be who I gravitate towards. As for how I feel about our so called "connection," actually I keep getting that feeling of "OMG why was rushing into anything with a 21 year old?!? What a dummy." He actually had to come over to my place last night to drop off something (purely business) but we actually wound up having a decent conversation. However, the whole time he was there I just kept staring at him and totally noticing things I didn't before. Like how baby faced and well...scared he looked. haha. Which some of that may have been due to him not knowing what on Earth I would possibly say to him while there but whatever. I kept my cool! Honestly I don't think I've "learned my lesson" either when it comes to younger guys. They're just so cute! But you know...I may just try to play it a bit cooler before getting all excited and telling my girlfriends. Give him a 5 month trial period before the first kiss! lol. Update, update, he called!!! He called and told me that he had such a wonderful time, and came back from the date on Cloud 9, but then got weirded out about investing his emotions into a relationship where he felt maybe it wouldn't go anywhere, because of the age difference... and then potentially getting really hurt in the process... He said he felt it was starting to go there.... I thanked him for calling and telling me this and I said I totally understood... I went back to my normal routine, to the place where he worked since it is a store in my local neighborhood, and he looked so happy to see me. Rang things up without charging me! lol The thing is, when I talked to him, I don't know what the hell I was smitten about - and what "connection" I saw so early on! He was a young 20 year old!!! Like you, I saw things I hadn't seen before. He still had the flushed cheeks and deer in headlights look, and the slouched over awkwardness! It was really weird and I think I finally have the closure I needed!!! By the way, the one 8 years older than me was a freak! He was an LAPD Detective and he was so used to interrogating people that he would joke around going, "Ok, time to debrief, what have you been up to Missy?" It was hot I guess in the beginning, but then it go SO old! He would always say that, "You're under arrest Missy". But then I found out that was his stupid way of being controlling and possessive! Dating is not interrogating criminals, dude!!!! Tried to be hot by handcuffing me with those nasty ass handcuffs from his job - eeeewwwwww.... Gross, I dropped him after a couple of months! Here's the deal Revolver, if we meet another younger guy, instead of telling all our friends about their sweetness right away, just private message each other, ok? lol I can not believe how similar our experiences are! lol
D-Lish Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Well, well. I also find younger guys refreshing, and I am in my 30's. I've dated someone as young as 21 myself. After I got divorced, I found myself thrown into this crazy dating world- and as awful as it may sound... I rarely find myself attracted to guys my own age. They have usualy stopped taking care of themselves, they lack style- and for some strange reasons I think they lack that sense of silliness and carefree attitude that strips the youth out of them. I take care of myself- go to the gym, I dress funky and I am a silly youthful girl. It's been impossible for me to find those same qualities in a partner my own age. I want to date someone my age- but I swear sometimes these guys look like my grandpa. Anyway- my experience with younger guys has been the same across the board. They are a bit flaky- and understandably so. My experiences have been similar to yours. They come on SUPER strong- then they go ADD and disappear- then come back again. If you don't give them attention when they come back looking for it- they go a little nutty. I thought dating younger men would be easier- because they wouldn't latch on to an emotional attachment... But they do sometimes. I dated a guy I met in Nov/Dec last year...(21 years old) he came on so strong in the beginning- just messaging me over and over on plentyoffish until I finally relented and messaged him back. We dated for almost 6 weeks before sleeping together- which impressed me, that he never pushed. But he was so obsessive in those 6 weeks- always wanting reassurance, needing to know where I was. If I didn't answer a text within an hour he went nutty thinking I was breaking up with him. What happened? One day he was at my place and everything was awesome- and the next he simply went missing in action. Boom- just like that. That was after almost 2 months of being obsessed. I find that is a pattern young guys have- they don't necessarily have the capacity to stay focused one one particular person/thing for too long. This guy did come back- they always do... and I had some fleeting contact with him, but broke it off entirely because he was so inconsistent....even stalkerish at times. Nothing wrong with dating younger guys- as long as you know what to expect from them. Hey- I love how they look, and I like the carefree youthful attitude... they are a lot of fun to hang with... but in my opinion it's always going to be short lived.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 Well, well. I also find younger guys refreshing, and I am in my 30's. I've dated someone as young as 21 myself. After I got divorced, I found myself thrown into this crazy dating world- and as awful as it may sound... I rarely find myself attracted to guys my own age. They have usualy stopped taking care of themselves, they lack style- and for some strange reasons I think they lack that sense of silliness and carefree attitude that strips the youth out of them. I take care of myself- go to the gym, I dress funky and I am a silly youthful girl. It's been impossible for me to find those same qualities in a partner my own age. I want to date someone my age- but I swear sometimes these guys look like my grandpa. Anyway- my experience with younger guys has been the same across the board. They are a bit flaky- and understandably so. My experiences have been similar to yours. They come on SUPER strong- then they go ADD and disappear- then come back again. If you don't give them attention when they come back looking for it- they go a little nutty. I thought dating younger men would be easier- because they wouldn't latch on to an emotional attachment... But they do sometimes. I dated a guy I met in Nov/Dec last year...(21 years old) he came on so strong in the beginning- just messaging me over and over on plentyoffish until I finally relented and messaged him back. We dated for almost 6 weeks before sleeping together- which impressed me, that he never pushed. But he was so obsessive in those 6 weeks- always wanting reassurance, needing to know where I was. If I didn't answer a text within an hour he went nutty thinking I was breaking up with him. What happened? One day he was at my place and everything was awesome- and the next he simply went missing in action. Boom- just like that. That was after almost 2 months of being obsessed. I find that is a pattern young guys have- they don't necessarily have the capacity to stay focused one one particular person/thing for too long. This guy did come back- they always do... and I had some fleeting contact with him, but broke it off entirely because he was so inconsistent....even stalkerish at times. Nothing wrong with dating younger guys- as long as you know what to expect from them. Hey- I love how they look, and I like the carefree youthful attitude... they are a lot of fun to hang with... but in my opinion it's always going to be short lived. Great post! Judging from your profile, I can TOTALLY see why younger guys are after you! You are such a hottie!!!!!!!! And you just stole the words out of my mouth b/c I too always see myself as a "silly youthful girl! I'm an attorney, but definitely not your typical stuck up manly woman! Thanks for sharing your experience, but I am starting to think you are so correct! After he called me out of nowhere after TWO weeks, and telling me he was afraid of getting hurt because he didn't think it would go anywhere, he has called AGAIN saying he wanted to hang out! Huh???!!!! Is this a leverage game he's playing or is he utterly confused? I am starting to really agree with the short attention span issue now! I was so tempted to agreeing to see him again, but it's going to be hot and cold again, and I was just thinking, "do I want to deal with this?" They are confusing aren't they?The 20 year old was always texting me, every second wondering how my day was, then disappeared after the date, then 2 weeks later tells me he didn't want to get hurt, then calls saying he wanted to hang out! My god are they confused!!!!! What I hate are older guys telling me I deserve this for going after younger guys and bragging about it and how pathetic I am for expecting more, but it's like, it is not MY fault that younger guys approach me. When you first lay eyes on someone, all you have all your initials impressions and they always assume I'm young. I'm an attorney and judges are always making comments about how I'm too young to be a lawyer! I would so much rather take advice from another female who's been through it than a bunch of bitter guys telling me I deserve it!!! So thanks for your post! Lastly, knowing they are short lived relationships, are you still into younger guys or have you let that go?
woods321 Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 LOL Well if you don't want a real relationship have at it.. A 19-25 year old man has his ENTIRE life ahead of him. Trust me, he isn't wanting to settle for a woman 10 years older.. They aren't confused at all. They message you when they are horny. Not being mean. Just being honest.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Posted July 17, 2008 LOL Well if you don't want a real relationship have at it.. A 19-25 year old man has his ENTIRE life ahead of him. Trust me, he isn't wanting to settle for a woman 10 years older.. They aren't confused at all. They message you when they are horny. Not being mean. Just being honest. Well, my experiences have been mixed. I dated a 19 year old when I was 24 for more than a year, and I broke up with him because I moved away for law school and he even planned to move to the new city and move in with me, but I stopped him from messing up his life since I didn't see myself being with him forever.... so again, generalizations, which often speak to truth, but is not always the case. I have met guys my age and older who were super flaky and irresponsible and played games, or who only wanted sex, so in the end, I don't know, take it for what it's worth... I met a guy in his late 30s acting like he was interested but calling at odd hours. I blew him off quick! I think it's more about reading the other person's actions and cutting someone loose when they are acting immature, regardless of the age....... With that said, it is good to keep in mind the general behavior of a certain age group so I will keep that in perspective, but in no way will I stop myself from dating someone just because they are younger if their actions and personality prove them worthwhile of my time and affections....
MRevolver Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Update, update, he called!!! He called and told me that he had such a wonderful time, and came back from the date on Cloud 9, but then got weirded out about investing his emotions into a relationship where he felt maybe it wouldn't go anywhere, because of the age difference... and then potentially getting really hurt in the process... He said he felt it was starting to go there.... I thanked him for calling and telling me this and I said I totally understood... I went back to my normal routine, to the place where he worked since it is a store in my local neighborhood, and he looked so happy to see me. Rang things up without charging me! lol The thing is, when I talked to him, I don't know what the hell I was smitten about - and what "connection" I saw so early on! He was a young 20 year old!!! Like you, I saw things I hadn't seen before. He still had the flushed cheeks and deer in headlights look, and the slouched over awkwardness! It was really weird and I think I finally have the closure I needed!!! By the way, the one 8 years older than me was a freak! He was an LAPD Detective and he was so used to interrogating people that he would joke around going, "Ok, time to debrief, what have you been up to Missy?" It was hot I guess in the beginning, but then it go SO old! He would always say that, "You're under arrest Missy". But then I found out that was his stupid way of being controlling and possessive! Dating is not interrogating criminals, dude!!!! Tried to be hot by handcuffing me with those nasty ass handcuffs from his job - eeeewwwwww.... Gross, I dropped him after a couple of months! Here's the deal Revolver, if we meet another younger guy, instead of telling all our friends about their sweetness right away, just private message each other, ok? lol I can not believe how similar our experiences are! lol Our experiences are abnormally similar! Even down to your story about LAPD detective who was 8 years older cause that older guy that I dated was a police officer! Super hot but WAAAAAAY odd! He never called me "missy", which I was ROLLIN' when I read that in your post- but he would leave his loaded gun pointing at us when we were in the bed...ummm "talking." That or either put on his colored disco light while trying to give me lap dances! lol. Freak-o-nature! That old school mirrored headboard should have tipped me off...but oh well. That experience has made for some great storytelling at parties! As for "Doctor Young Guns," I think we may finally be on the road to a normal friendship...maybe. Honestly I can't really tell if he's for real regretting his actions or just wanting to befriend me so it clears his conscience...who knows? But everytime I've seen this week, he's made it a point to come over and talk to me. Conversation has went really well and he even complimented my outfit on yesterday. So I don't know... right now I'm chanting "don't fall for that baby face! Don't do it!" Haha. And honestly, I doubt I will. Bottom line is, if he freaked out once, chances are he'll do it again. Thus, I don't see myself trying to jump back into anything with him. Maybe if he gets his act together in like 5 to 10 years, you know if I'm still around, but that'd be the only way. As for private messaging each other next time we meet another young buck that makes us swoon, I'm all for it!! Honey name the time and place and I'll meet you in the forum!!
shadowplay Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Not all 19-25 guys are horny pigs who can't commit. I've only ever dated guys in this age group and all of them turned into serious relationships where eventual marriage was implied. I think there are stronger predictors than age of commitment ability. Education, cultural background, personality, etc.
shadowplay Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Well, well. I also find younger guys refreshing, and I am in my 30's. I've dated someone as young as 21 myself. After I got divorced, I found myself thrown into this crazy dating world- and as awful as it may sound... I rarely find myself attracted to guys my own age. They have usualy stopped taking care of themselves, they lack style- and for some strange reasons I think they lack that sense of silliness and carefree attitude that strips the youth out of them. I take care of myself- go to the gym, I dress funky and I am a silly youthful girl. It's been impossible for me to find those same qualities in a partner my own age. I want to date someone my age- but I swear sometimes these guys look like my grandpa. Anyway- my experience with younger guys has been the same across the board. They are a bit flaky- and understandably so. My experiences have been similar to yours. They come on SUPER strong- then they go ADD and disappear- then come back again. If you don't give them attention when they come back looking for it- they go a little nutty. I thought dating younger men would be easier- because they wouldn't latch on to an emotional attachment... But they do sometimes. I dated a guy I met in Nov/Dec last year...(21 years old) he came on so strong in the beginning- just messaging me over and over on plentyoffish until I finally relented and messaged him back. We dated for almost 6 weeks before sleeping together- which impressed me, that he never pushed. But he was so obsessive in those 6 weeks- always wanting reassurance, needing to know where I was. If I didn't answer a text within an hour he went nutty thinking I was breaking up with him. What happened? One day he was at my place and everything was awesome- and the next he simply went missing in action. Boom- just like that. That was after almost 2 months of being obsessed. I find that is a pattern young guys have- they don't necessarily have the capacity to stay focused one one particular person/thing for too long. This guy did come back- they always do... and I had some fleeting contact with him, but broke it off entirely because he was so inconsistent....even stalkerish at times. Nothing wrong with dating younger guys- as long as you know what to expect from them. Hey- I love how they look, and I like the carefree youthful attitude... they are a lot of fun to hang with... but in my opinion it's always going to be short lived. Hey, you're really pretty and youthful looking based on the pics I've seen...and I think you should go for younger guys if you can get them. I totally agree with you that older men lack the carefree spirit of their youthful counterparts. Plus, they're not nearly as cute. That said, what about dating guys in the 25-30 range? There are still tons of hotties in this range. Seems like a good compromise for you between young and mature enough to commit. I think that you'll have trouble finding a guy 20-25 who is willing to commit to you because of the cultural stigma attached. They're attracted to you but feel cultural pressure to be with someone their own age.
anecdote Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I'm in the 19-25 and have always been attracted from women aged 18 to 39. I've seen some gorgeous women in their thirties and if I read correctly, women hit their sexual peak in their thirties and I am in mine now. Perfect? No?
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Our experiences are abnormally similar! Even down to your story about LAPD detective who was 8 years older cause that older guy that I dated was a police officer! Super hot but WAAAAAAY odd! He never called me "missy", which I was ROLLIN' when I read that in your post- but he would leave his loaded gun pointing at us when we were in the bed...ummm "talking." That or either put on his colored disco light while trying to give me lap dances! lol. Freak-o-nature! That old school mirrored headboard should have tipped me off...but oh well. That experience has made for some great storytelling at parties! As for "Doctor Young Guns," I think we may finally be on the road to a normal friendship...maybe. Honestly I can't really tell if he's for real regretting his actions or just wanting to befriend me so it clears his conscience...who knows? But everytime I've seen this week, he's made it a point to come over and talk to me. Conversation has went really well and he even complimented my outfit on yesterday. So I don't know... right now I'm chanting "don't fall for that baby face! Don't do it!" Haha. And honestly, I doubt I will. Bottom line is, if he freaked out once, chances are he'll do it again. Thus, I don't see myself trying to jump back into anything with him. Maybe if he gets his act together in like 5 to 10 years, you know if I'm still around, but that'd be the only way. As for private messaging each other next time we meet another young buck that makes us swoon, I'm all for it!! Honey name the time and place and I'll meet you in the forum!! OMG, our situations ARE abnormally similar! He was a police officer? Man, oh man!!!! I was cracking up so bad when you mentioned how he would give you lap dances with the disco light! Mine would just interrogate me and consider that foreplay! Referred to himself as Detective _______! He wanted me to call him that in bed too! As for going to restaurants, he would always insist on sitting where he could see the door in case anything happened and he was always trying to yell at every man who was friendly to me, wondering if that guy had a criminal past.... Well, I have decided to avoid the place the 20 year old works for now! Last time I saw him there, he was ecstatic to see me and then he called and I got weak for his piercing blue eyes, dark brown hair, freckles, slight slouch, all over again!!!!! I figured perhaps it was just sex that he wanted after all, esp. with all the guys on this board mentioning that (they love to think that's the gospel truth with younger men/older women for some reason, despite the fact that I have had actual relationships with younger guys), which hey, he's hot, so why not, at least I'm clear now about what he wants, right? So I texted him after his call to say sure, we could hang out, this time, meaning whatever happens, even if it's just sex!!! But then he got scared again. So for all the guys in here saying he only WANTS sex, well this doesn't make any sense because we haven't even had sex and I was down for it!!!!!!! This is the most ludicrous situation because it's gotten complicated even though we haven't even done the dirty!!!! So obviously the sex thing is not even an issue, I really think he's truly utterly confused about his feelings and what to do with them!!!! So what I want is perhaps a normal friendship or even something "normal". lol Glad to hear that you and your Dr. Young Guns have something normal now, but my advice is to refrain from falling for that baby face, and I know how hard that can be!!!! You are right, if they've done it once, they are going to do it again! And that's exasperating, do you really want that?! By the way, did he ever give you an explanation of why he disappeared like that?! Is that crazy chemistry still there or is it gone? I'll be back at the 20 year old's place of employment in about a month. Hopefully then I won't want him and he won't want me, as his wanting me leaves me confused and leaves him even MORE confused!!! Sigh!!!!!!! lol
MRevolver Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 OMG, our situations ARE abnormally similar! He was a police officer? Man, oh man!!!! I was cracking up so bad when you mentioned how he would give you lap dances with the disco light! Mine would just interrogate me and consider that foreplay! Referred to himself as Detective _______! He wanted me to call him that in bed too! As for going to restaurants, he would always insist on sitting where he could see the door in case anything happened and he was always trying to yell at every man who was friendly to me, wondering if that guy had a criminal past.... Well, I have decided to avoid the place the 20 year old works for now! Last time I saw him there, he was ecstatic to see me and then he called and I got weak for his piercing blue eyes, dark brown hair, freckles, slight slouch, all over again!!!!! I figured perhaps it was just sex that he wanted after all, esp. with all the guys on this board mentioning that (they love to think that's the gospel truth with younger men/older women for some reason, despite the fact that I have had actual relationships with younger guys), which hey, he's hot, so why not, at least I'm clear now about what he wants, right? So I texted him after his call to say sure, we could hang out, this time, meaning whatever happens, even if it's just sex!!! But then he got scared again. So for all the guys in here saying he only WANTS sex, well this doesn't make any sense because we haven't even had sex and I was down for it!!!!!!! This is the most ludicrous situation because it's gotten complicated even though we haven't even done the dirty!!!! So obviously the sex thing is not even an issue, I really think he's truly utterly confused about his feelings and what to do with them!!!! So what I want is perhaps a normal friendship or even something "normal". lol Glad to hear that you and your Dr. Young Guns have something normal now, but my advice is to refrain from falling for that baby face, and I know how hard that can be!!!! You are right, if they've done it once, they are going to do it again! And that's exasperating, do you really want that?! By the way, did he ever give you an explanation of why he disappeared like that?! Is that crazy chemistry still there or is it gone? I'll be back at the 20 year old's place of employment in about a month. Hopefully then I won't want him and he won't want me, as his wanting me leaves me confused and leaves him even MORE confused!!! Sigh!!!!!!! lol He wanted you to call him Detective?!? LOL! I’m all for a little ‘kink in my coffee’ but come on people! Ha! And seriously, my cop with the disco light was a mess! I mean, it would have been 1 thing if he had rhythm but dude was far off from a Chippendale! If anything he was more like Chip & Dale the cartoon. It in fact became so excruciating to sit through, that I finally just started making faces at myself in his mirrored headboard to pass the time! He didn’t notice a thing! Piercing blue eyes, dark hair and freckles?? Wow. I got weak just reading that. Sounds like a cutie, albeit a really confused one, but a cutie none the less. So when you say he got scared again, did you two even get to hang out at all or did he give you an excuse? Have you spoken with him at all since? Sex isn’t an issue for me and Doc Young Guns either, as we both practice abstinence. I for 4 years now and him for well…ever And actually I thought maybe this might be some of what aided in his wishy-washiness because I used to be quite the wild child. You name it, I probably either tried it or at least thought about it. Whereas he on the other hand, never really partied and when he did felt guilty…just virginal on all accounts. So at first, I thought maybe my past was too much for him to handle. But then the more I looked at it, even that didn’t make sense because he’s always known about it-as we were friends prior to dating. Then even once we began seeing each other, it still didn’t seem to be an issue. So I just don’t know. On Sunday I saw him and things actually went well. He was complimenting me and even went so far as to ask if he could keep his stuff in my purse while we were out at an event. But then it hit me. I was like "wait a minute! Weren't you the 1 who just callously blew me off a couple of weeks ago?!" And that was it. That same fury I’d felt from day 1 was suddenly back and I was upset all over again. So since then, I’ve decided I may need to go back to no contact but even that’s complex. He and I share mutual friends, belong to the same church and I work with his best friend. So he’s constantly around and it’s just lame. Even lamer is the fact that he’s supposedly pursuing this other chick (the 1 I’d talked on in previous posts) but our chemistry is still there and that was air-apparent on Sunday. I mean he’s been friends with this girl for longer than I’ve been his friend, so I’m like what made you want her all of a sudden? I can’t figure out if it’s rebound or he really does feel more comfortable around her because she’s just as green to life as he is. May be a mixture. I was talking to my mom last night and I told her that considering how much I’ve dated, I couldn’t figure out why I was so bothered by this situation. And about the only thing I could come up with was the fact that we had SO much in common. He literally is the first person who’s almost hit all the nails on the head in regards to what I’m looking for in a person: both physically and personality wise. And the more I got to know him, the more I couldn’t help but fall for him. But anyhoo…I just keep thinking "will I ever find that again?"- someone who does everything right, with the exception of his grand flake-out at the end of course. And I’m sure I will, but man it’s hard trying to convince yourself of that when it seems like you’ve already seen it all. LOL! I’m probably just making this all up in my head because I’m bitter that 2 of my other exes are getting married and I don’t wanna be an old maid But ok. That’s my rant for today. Curious tho, what do you think it would take for you to give it another shot with yours or do you even want to? I hate it that we’ve both had to deal with these poor insecure chaps, but I’m really glad I’m not in this alone! Be awkward just to laugh and vent to myself
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 He wanted you to call him Detective?!? LOL! I’m all for a little ‘kink in my coffee’ but come on people! Ha! And seriously, my cop with the disco light was a mess! I mean, it would have been 1 thing if he had rhythm but dude was far off from a Chippendale! If anything he was more like Chip & Dale the cartoon. It in fact became so excruciating to sit through, that I finally just started making faces at myself in his mirrored headboard to pass the time! He didn’t notice a thing! Piercing blue eyes, dark hair and freckles?? Wow. I got weak just reading that. Sounds like a cutie, albeit a really confused one, but a cutie none the less. So when you say he got scared again, did you two even get to hang out at all or did he give you an excuse? Have you spoken with him at all since? Sex isn’t an issue for me and Doc Young Guns either, as we both practice abstinence. I for 4 years now and him for well…ever And actually I thought maybe this might be some of what aided in his wishy-washiness because I used to be quite the wild child. You name it, I probably either tried it or at least thought about it. Whereas he on the other hand, never really partied and when he did felt guilty…just virginal on all accounts. So at first, I thought maybe my past was too much for him to handle. But then the more I looked at it, even that didn’t make sense because he’s always known about it-as we were friends prior to dating. Then even once we began seeing each other, it still didn’t seem to be an issue. So I just don’t know. On Sunday I saw him and things actually went well. He was complimenting me and even went so far as to ask if he could keep his stuff in my purse while we were out at an event. But then it hit me. I was like "wait a minute! Weren't you the 1 who just callously blew me off a couple of weeks ago?!" And that was it. That same fury I’d felt from day 1 was suddenly back and I was upset all over again. So since then, I’ve decided I may need to go back to no contact but even that’s complex. He and I share mutual friends, belong to the same church and I work with his best friend. So he’s constantly around and it’s just lame. Even lamer is the fact that he’s supposedly pursuing this other chick (the 1 I’d talked on in previous posts) but our chemistry is still there and that was air-apparent on Sunday. I mean he’s been friends with this girl for longer than I’ve been his friend, so I’m like what made you want her all of a sudden? I can’t figure out if it’s rebound or he really does feel more comfortable around her because she’s just as green to life as he is. May be a mixture. I was talking to my mom last night and I told her that considering how much I’ve dated, I couldn’t figure out why I was so bothered by this situation. And about the only thing I could come up with was the fact that we had SO much in common. He literally is the first person who’s almost hit all the nails on the head in regards to what I’m looking for in a person: both physically and personality wise. And the more I got to know him, the more I couldn’t help but fall for him. But anyhoo…I just keep thinking "will I ever find that again?"- someone who does everything right, with the exception of his grand flake-out at the end of course. And I’m sure I will, but man it’s hard trying to convince yourself of that when it seems like you’ve already seen it all. LOL! I’m probably just making this all up in my head because I’m bitter that 2 of my other exes are getting married and I don’t wanna be an old maid But ok. That’s my rant for today. Curious tho, what do you think it would take for you to give it another shot with yours or do you even want to? I hate it that we’ve both had to deal with these poor insecure chaps, but I’m really glad I’m not in this alone! Be awkward just to laugh and vent to myself I am here laughing hysterically picturing you being subjected to his "chip & dale" off-beat gyrations while you are making dying faces at yourself in his mirror headboard while he's thinking, "Yeah, my sexy ass is making this chick hot and bothered! she's digging it!" You are funny girl, thought about stand up? No we didn't even hang out again! Quick Recap: So he called me saying he was scared about having developed feelings for me so quickly (after 2 weeks of no contact and ignoring my text!!), so I said, "I understand and thank you for calling" thinking this was the end of it. I thought it would now be kosher to go back to the place he worked, since hell, why would I have to avoid my regular routine right? So when he saw me, he was grinning from cheek to cheek, blushed and was waving at me as I walked in like a 10 year old with a huge crush! So I just did my thing and left. Two days later, he calls saying he wanted to hang out!!! I was hesitant of course since I was hurt by what he pulled, so I wrote back, "I can always make time and enjoyed hanging out with you, so yes, let's plan something, but I need to know definitively." Then I just DON'T hear from him!!!! At this point, I'm really over it! And I mean over it!!!! Several days later, I am out with my girl friends and drunk out of my ass, and I decided in my moment of weakness that if it's just sex that he wanted, hell, I'm fine with it!!!!! Part of this has to do with all the guys on here telling me it's just sex he wants and that I'm deluding myself so I convinced myself that this was all he wanted ALL ALONG!!! So I thought, I'm fine having sex with this youthful, blue eyed, freckled, slim, jeans, t-shirt, and baggy hooded sweatshirt wearing skater, yet computer nerd - web site designing, college, hottie!!! I texted him back saying, "Remember all those those things you said to me, you should be with me tonight!" He texts back, "I just got out of the Batman movie, will call you tomorrow"! And that was almost a week ago and NOTHING!!!!!! What?! I show interest in sex and nothing?! Is he scared of me?!!! WTF!!!!!!! Alright, now, I refuse to believe he's not attracted to me! He had been staring at me, drooling and fumbling around for about a month before we even exchanged numbers! He was so nervous around me that one time he gave me the receipt with my credit card signature on it that he was supposed to keep. He eventually stopped charging me altogether for things he rung up for me at the counter, including this last time about a week ago!!!! I mean, seriously, risk getting into trouble for me?! When we were making out on our 2nd date, he kept saying, "OMG, OMG, Are you an angel, how did you find me? I'm just a 20 year old kid, what did I do to deserve this?!" It was really adorable!!! I had to tell him to shut up so I could continue to kiss him!!!! So what the hell happened? Do you think he has a gf I don't know about? Got back with one? Met another girl that he was compatible with? Afraid of his feelings? Confused about his feelings? I know he's not a virgin! Whatever it is, it's driving me insane because for some reason, like you, this situation bothers me more than in relationships where I've been in for 2 years, or with guys I've been on WAY more dates with! I wonder if it's the first time I've been "rejected" and it's my ego speaking, or whether we had a genuine connection! It's just that this is the first guy where the physical AND the personality was at an equilibrium - he is probably the hottest guy I have laid eyes on, (it was instant) and our connection was so strong! Usually with guys one usually outweighs the other slightly, it's either more on the looks, a little less on the personality, or vice versa. I couldn't understand how myself, a 29 year old attorney, could have so much in common with a 20 year old who works in a retail store!!!! But we clicked!!!!!!!! And I'm just hurt because I thought he felt the same way too, and I wasn't ready to end it when it did. Surely I didn't expect marriage or even a long relationship, I just respected him as a person and gave it a chance to see where things could go as opposed to just dismissing him off the bat for being 20 and treating him as just as a F Buddy as everyone told me I should have!!!! I just can't shake this one - and I have done a lot of dating! I get picked up on by at least 2 guys a day - helps living in a big city like San Francisco, and guys are coming out of the woodworks from my past calling for dates, but I cannot help wanting this one!!!!! Wow, so it sounds like you aren't over the situation, are you? I don't blame you! So this is really sad, but I have decided to stop going to his store, not so much for him, but for my myself. I have to not have any contact with him because the moment I see him, I am weak all over again. The other day my roommate and I went and I stayed outside, but of course, I peeked in and saw him at the counter with his skate shorts on, his hair shorter than usual and I'm just weak all over again! So even staying outside the store doesn't help me!!!! And the last time I was in the store and when he was super flirtatious with me, the chemistry was SO strong between us that it was apparent to everyone in the store!!!! So I can totally relate to what you're saying! So I'm just so confused!!! I too keep thinking, will I find this again? So what is your game plan? Mine is no contact for sure! This kid has turned me into a pathetic person having to deal with getting over him when we've only gone on TWO dates, and yet I've been able to get over guys I've dated for 2 years in probably less time than this!!!!! Maybe it's the thought of what could have been that keeps me hanging on...the fact that it hadn't even played itself out the way I wanted... Well, thank you for sharing your story! You are right, it would be so awkward venting to yourself and laughing hysterically (sometimes in shame and frustration lol) at your own story! Definitely not as effective!!!
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