LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I read the original post regarding the date with a younger guy and I have another idiotic experience to share. Perhaps Alpha Female can give me some insight into this one as well: Perhaps it is the same damn guy...lol I met a guy where he worked and found him to be extremely attractive - had no clue how old he was; looked to be about my age, perhaps a couple of years younger, not a biggie! I have always been told I look young, esp. in my profession. Anyway, he always acted shy around me, but he would flirt with me, and finally one day, we both expressed our intentions to "get to know each other - hang out". The first date was amazing, sporting event, (yes!), and he expressed his desires to see me again! The connection was great, and we had lots in common. On that date, I found out that he was in his early (and I mean as early as you can get) 20's, and I am in my late (as late as you can get) 20's! He asked me if it mattered to me, so I said, "No"! I was just getting to know him, so who cares! We had a blast and planned date #2. So just like Alpha Female's date, we had sushi (and a movie) - we did really PG-13 (at most) stuff in the movie theater like held hands, and finally we kissed for the first time because he didn't even do it on the first date. He wanted to get an apartment in my neighborhood so I offered to show him my condo that I shared with my roommate and I told him my roommate was studying for a professional exam so I couldn't really have guests over for too long. He came over and we kissed a bit - don't think I was giving him any mixed signals. I did apologize if he thought we were going to hook up, but he said he totally respected my decision and he hopes I keep having him around. He also said that just because he was younger, that he didn't really think I should automatically assume he's into this for sex - said he thought I was lots of fun and it was scary how much we had in common. Everything went well, and after the date (before I walked him out), he told me he was going to call me, threw out a couple of ideas of things to do (we even made plans for an event late August), the next day he texted me, said he had fun, thought I was "awesome" and was going to let me know when he could get off work to hang out again! And then, NOTHING!!!!!!!! I mean, NOTHING!!! Strange! I have had guys call me after dates where I was not interested; I have had guys who mutually felt the lack of connection and didn't call, which I was grateful for. But I have never had several dates with a guy with whom I felt a strong connection and then NOTHING!!! I was a bit fed up with the game playing, so I texted him and said "I had fun, we talked about hanging out again, sounds like a good idea..." and NOTHING!!!! I even saw him at the place he worked (I'm a customer) and he acted professional, but didn't address anything... I've stopped going there, needless to say..... What the hell? Was it only for sex? If so, wouldn't he plan 5 dates in a row to speed up the process? I mean, he knew I wasn't a prude! lol I don't know if it's him I'm really into anymore, or whether I am just baffled. I don't think I'm coming from a place of arrogance, as in how could someone not want to date me again, but more from a place of surprise, like, wow, I thought the dates went well, maybe he didn't see it that way, but usually, I am very in tuned to the level of connection between myself and another person!!!! Weird!!! Any theories? Advice? Comments? Opinions? Similar happenings? Anything? Thanks everyone, looking forward to what everyone has to say.....
Javelin Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I would just like to state something, before I get into commenting on your issue. The age difference between you and a guy that is 10 years younger or older, either way, will not change the way, he, as a person treats you or handles difficult situations. That said, ' the younger guy ' topic tends to label a man younger than his potential date with a big warning sign. It's almost as if you enter the relationship, as if it was destined to fail, because he's younger than you and obviously, not as mature. You really shouldn't be so judgmental or skeptical towards a date, just because they are younger than you. It's all about their personal character in the end! Any theories? Advice? Comments? Opinions? Similar happenings? Anything? To put it clearly, it sounds like he lost interest in you, for whatever reason. Why? Who knows, who knows what went on in his mind.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 You are absolutely correct Javelin! It isn't about the age difference... Part of me is just thinking that I should perhaps have listened to my friends and just had a sexual relationship and leave it at that. I, instead wanted to see where it could go - so I don't think I necessarily pigeon-holed him as being immature or anything like that. Actually, to the contrary - I gave him a chance to see where it could go against EVERYONE's advice!! I guess the "younger" guy label came up because I am wondering if these situations have some unique circumstances or unique problems that I, someone who has never dated a guy this much younger before, was unaware of. That is all....
JP77 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 don't invite men to your place the first date! I agree, they could see it as a sign you are up for the craic and want them to move in. You'll wake up one day and Norman turns up with a hired removal van.
Balthazar Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I think Javelin makes a lot of valid points. Remember, this guy is 21; there will be a degree of flakiness, just like with women this age. What could have happened? 1) He though it over and decided not to start anything with an older woman. 2) He met someone else who is more compatible 3) He likes the chase but only the chase 4) He felt you were too "easy" and lost interest 5) He is immature(possibly a virgin) and balks when coming to the actual act of sex 6) He isn't very attracted to you It could be any of these reasons or many more I have forgotten to mention. At the end of the day, I would give all women a piece of advice. They better be ready for heartache when they enter a relationship with a younger man. There are success stories around, but most of these relationships end in failure. The reasons for this are well known , so I won't start listing them again. Finally, I think you are better served just finding a guy closer to your age Deluxe. At the age of 29, there are lots of 30 something dudes who would like to hook up with you, and with whom you will have a much better chance at something solid. CHeers,
JP77 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Yeah it appears he was just after getting laid, though. Aren't we all dear, Aren't we all?
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I think Javelin makes a lot of valid points. 1) He though it over and decided not to start anything with an older woman. 2) He met someone else who is more compatible 3) He likes the chase but only the chase 4) He felt you were too "easy" and lost interest 5) He is immature(possibly a virgin) and balks when coming to the actual act of sex 6) He isn't very attracted to you CHeers, Thanks for a great post! I don't think #6 applies since he was drooling and staring at me, but being shy for a month or so everytime I was in the store he worked at..... He was so nervous he even gave me the receipt with my credit card signature on it!!!! Also, with #4, I think he maybe thought I wasn't "easy" enough....I think younger girls are so much different in some ways than when I was growing up- they are so much more liberal about sex. Anything, just interesting! Thanks!
Lizzie60 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Hum... you're both in your 20s... I wouldn't say that this is a 'younger-older' date... there's not even 10 yrs difference and you're both young. I would say that something turned him off.. hard to say what it was. Just ignore him.
JP77 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Hum... you're both in your 20s... I wouldn't say that this is a 'younger-older' date... there's not even 10 yrs difference and you're both young. I would say that something turned him off.. hard to say what it was. Just ignore him. Let's analyse. A man is 21 and his girlfriend is 22, the girlfriend is OLDER and THEREFORE there is a YOUNGER-OLDER Relationship GOING DOWN! Just because she isn't cradle snatching doesn't mean Jack Jones.
Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Either he found someone else to date, or got tired of waiting for sex (5 dates is a decent amount and maybe he felt it wasn't going to happen with you), or he could have realized he didn't want a relationship with you or anyone, or rethought it all for some reason. I would ask him. I would call him out on it and confront him as to why you stopped dating.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Either he found someone else to date, or got tired of waiting for sex (5 dates is a decent amount and maybe he felt it wasn't going to happen with you), or he could have realized he didn't want a relationship with you or anyone, or rethought it all for some reason. I would ask him. I would call him out on it and confront him as to why you stopped dating. Yeah, it was only 2 dates, and we went pretty far on the 2nd date. I just wanted to take it a bit slower that was all - to make sure we had more than a sexual connection... Yup, it could be a multitude of reasons...
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Hum... you're both in your 20s... I wouldn't say that this is a 'younger-older' date... there's not even 10 yrs difference and you're both young. I would say that something turned him off.. hard to say what it was. Just ignore him. I am doing just that right now! Well he's 20, I'm 29.5!!! So that is sorta "younger-older".....
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I would ask him. I would call him out on it and confront him as to why you stopped dating. I could always ask him what the hell happened when I see him at his job if I choose to, but would that even achieve anything? I am curious as to what his true game or intentions were, but he'd probably not even give it to me - if he had the balls, he would already have!
Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I could always ask him what the hell happened when I see him at his job if I choose to, but would that even achieve anything? I am curious as to what his true game or intentions were, but he'd probably not even give it to me - if he had the balls, he would already have! No - I would just walk away from this one. He's a true child. 20 is very young for a guy and you have to expect them to be immature.
Yamaha Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Welcome to the guys world. Many times we think the date is going well but then gal just disappears and we wonder what happened. Don't over analyze the situation because there probably isn't a good answer as to why he backed out. He either didn't get sex or maybe he just changed his mind about dating an older women. Most guys his age are just looking for sex so you need to keep this in mind if you are looking for more from him.
Star Gazer Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 You're 29 and a professional, successful attorney. What the heck would you want with a 20 year old boy? C'mon, girl! You can do better... Don't sweat this.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 You're 29 and a professional, successful attorney. What the heck would you want with a 20 year old boy? C'mon, girl! You can do better... Don't sweat this. Awww.....thanks!!! Well I'm a NEW attorney, but you are absolutely correct - I don't know though, something about his awkwardness and shyness kinda intrigued me - thought he was so sweet and refreshing! Used to all the power hungry professional guys who keep trying to brag about their jobs while I'm trying to have lunch in my building, only for them to find out I am doing the same thing! lol But in the end, you're right! What the heck would be have in common?
Balthazar Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Contrary to the beliefs expressed by Lizzie and others here, I believe age to me of MAJOR importance for both the male and the female. I think the overwhelming majority of women WANT their man to be older than them, even if it's a day. This gives them a psychological support which is good for a long term relationship. The same holds true for men; they may have a fling with an older women, but VERY FEW will actually have a LTR. A 21 year old man and a 29 year old woman are worlds apart. The woman is thinking family and obligations and the guy is wondering when Grand Theft AUTO 5 will come out. Women get your kicks with the young dudes; just don't expect them to stick around, they won't. CHeers,
Star Gazer Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Contrary to the beliefs expressed by Lizzie and others here, I believe age to me of MAJOR importance for both the male and the female. I think the overwhelming majority of women WANT their man to be older than them, even if it's a day. This gives them a psychological support which is good for a long term relationship. Yeah, I've never admitted it, but I totally agree. My most significant ex was a year younger than me, and it always bugged me to no end. Although I did tease him, "Mind your elders!!!!"
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Exactly Balthazar. If you want my honest opinion, I feel some older women for whatever reason cannot have a real, genuine, deep, trusting, fulfilling relationship. Or they just can't fully bond with a man on many levels. Maybe the men their age tend to go after younger women. So they have sexual flings with younger men, and then sometimes even brag about it. Like that is a great or difficult achievement? I mean younger guys typically will put their thing in any woman that moves.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Exactly Balthazar. If you want my honest opinion, I feel some older women for whatever reason cannot have a real, genuine, deep, trusting, fulfilling relationship. Or they just can't fully bond with a man on many levels. Maybe the men their age tend to go after younger women. So they have sexual flings with younger men, and then sometimes even brag about it. Like that is a great or difficult achievement? I mean younger guys typically will put their thing in any woman that moves. I don't find that to be particularly true, at least for me. My ex-BF for 3 years was my age, dated a guy 8 years older than myself. And if this was a sexual fling like you mention, wouldn't I have had sex with him right away instead of having a good time and just taking it slow..... I didn't brag about this - I'm wondering what went awry. If it was only about a sexual fling, I'd have sex with him right away and brag about it! All my friends told me to just have sex with him and treat him as a just that, but I totally enjoyed hanging out with him.... Like I explained earlier, I look young, have been in college and grad school the last 9 years of my life - I'm around younger people a lot, younger guys approach me whether at the grocery store or coffee shop or where I check out live music, etc. You are generalizing and like any generalizations, they do apply to certain situations and you are free to express your view, but clearly it does not apply to my situation...
JP77 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 You're 29 and a professional, successful attorney. What the heck would you want with a 20 year old boy? C'mon, girl! You can do better... Don't sweat this. Oh, no she never.
Author LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Contrary to the beliefs expressed by Lizzie and others here, I believe age to me of MAJOR importance for both the male and the female. I think the overwhelming majority of women WANT their man to be older than them, even if it's a day. This gives them a psychological support which is good for a long term relationship. The same holds true for men; they may have a fling with an older women, but VERY FEW will actually have a LTR. A 21 year old man and a 29 year old woman are worlds apart. The woman is thinking family and obligations and the guy is wondering when Grand Theft AUTO 5 will come out. Women get your kicks with the young dudes; just don't expect them to stick around, they won't. CHeers, You are correct in that we are worlds apart. However, I am NOT thinking family right now, just starting my career so that's actually more on my mind. With that said, yes a 20 year old is still emotionally and mentally developing so his latest excitement may be Grand Theft Auto 5! lol
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Love Deluxe, I wasn't speaking of you... Not sure why you would want to date a 20 yr old when you are 30 though..
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