audrey_1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 So I had an FWB. Same guy I've blogged about in the past. Childhood friend re-connected, who is still waiting for that financial breakthrough that will change his life and set him free. For the holiday weekend, we watched movies, played tennis, watched fireworks, had breakfast, lunch, dinner, in between my family time. And I stayed with him each night. His mom even called him one afternoon, and he was using the same voice I use when I'm talking to my mom about him--a hushed voice with vague answers. Guess we let our mothers ask all the questions. The first night, he gave me my own blanket and said we should each have our own so we don't have to fight over it. Odd. I didn't think we had a blanket sharing problem. His head usually hits the pillow and he's asleep. Instantly. That is, if there's no funny business. But each of these three nights together, with our separate blankets, he tossed and turned a lot, when he's usually still. We didn't show any affection the entire weekend. No kiss. No hug. No nothing. But we did smile and laugh a lot and have great conversations, and be playful involving touch. And some comfortable silences. I suppose I have been more aggressive when it comes to sex, but we have had much less of it lately. And I will admit that I want it. We talked a lot about work, life, different casual topics, kept it light. We finish each other's thoughts sometimes and share a lot of opinions, but we're different enough to keep things interesting. Before I saw him, we'd had an exchange over email about where we are...or aren't. He told me he "really enjoyed spending time with me, but that he still wasn't looking for a serious relationship with anyone right now," probably brought on by my removing him from my Facebook account because he and his ex keep in touch that way, and she's all over his page! It's kind of ridiculous. Not a unique situation, but he accused me of showing "signals" of wanting more. I assured him that, though I do feel things for him, that I am still trying to figure out why I broke off my engagement a year ago, that I believe I have commitment issues, and I hope to pinpoint whether it's lifelong or situational, so I don't hurt someone again. That I know a relationship is the last thing he wants, so why would I try to trap him, when I'm not even ready? He thinks he's being a friend, says he likes being nice to his exes, but she is clearly not over him, and if he doesn't have feelings for her, he's making it harder for her to move on. She's younger than us, and still in college, living with her parents. I feel for her at the same time it makes me uncomfortable. His ex before her sent him a wedding invitation, so maybe what he says is true. So anyway, he said he still wanted to hang out for the holiday weekend, so we did. Platonically. The last morning, I got under his blanket and linked my leg through his. He didn't move for a few minutes. I got back under my blanket and turned my back to him. He got up and took a shower. But later that morning when I have my stuff in my car, ready to leave, I casually walk out and say goodbye, and sit in my car. He leans his head in, right in front of my face, and puckers up like he wants a kiss. I just look at him, and then he sticks his tongue out, licks my cheek, and sticks his tongue in my mouth like we're 12. He kissed me, asked me if I was going straight home, which was a two hour drive, other chitchat, and then I left. Why did he do that? We'd kept it platonic the entire time. Why couldn't he just leave it?? It was awkward. Here I am, fighting my urges, and it seems so is he, and I'm resigned to just being a "friend," no benefits, and he kisses me when I leave getting me all hot and bothered. Did he do it because he knew that would happen? Or did he genuinely feel compelled to kiss me, but had to be funny about it? So weird. __________________
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