jenny Posted July 31, 2003 Posted July 31, 2003 i am fundamentally disgusted by the premise of the Rules and by their influence over single women. (interestingly, one of the defining characteristics of a cult is the command not to discuss its doctrine with outsiders, particularly professional in similar fields - "Don't discuss the rules with your family or your therapist!") but i read them out of curiosity, and was forced to admit i do inadvertently follow a number of them just naturally. i will admit that reading the Rules did make me even more cautious and disciplined about revealing my feelings. here is the lived result: i am utterly afraid of being myself on official dates. i edit my darker jokes, i'm not ironic and sassy, i don't express my admiration at something witty he has said, and i don't totally jump at the chance to see him again. being restrained has worked better in terms of level and quantity of their interest, but i feel totally suffocated. this is not much of a question, i guess. so ok: ladies (or gentlemen )of the forum - how do you manage this question in terms of *actual* behavior? i know the Rules was covered in another topic, but i want to know more the kind of alternative Rules that people set up for themselves on dates. my ideal ones might include: 1. take your date to the library. see how well he interacts with books, old people, microfiche, and minimum-wage employees. 2. don't spend his money unless you are ready to er..play a little ball with him. even accepting drinks from a man you are not interested in is skeletal-level unethical. 3. on the first date, find 3 unexpected eccentricities about him instead of nitpicking miss manners-esque behavior. DO notice, however, if is he is rude, petty, or just not very clever. blah. i don't know. right now i'm dateful *and* miserable; i want some fun alt. rules! xox, j
Curt Posted July 31, 2003 Moderators Posted July 31, 2003 In Fact... Jenny can whisper latin in my ear any day. Curt
RogueK Posted July 31, 2003 Posted July 31, 2003 Jenny the fact is if i were to date you i would not want anything more than for you to be yourself. Dating is hard enough as it is without having to either feel like you're A: constantly having to entertain or B: filling out a questionaire and being interviewed right on the spot for a job you don't even know if you want yet. I'd want you to be you and for us to have fun. Unfortunatley this talk will only work on a discussion board ABOUT dating, in the real world no one knows of the concept of "being yourself" other than the people who are out and already taken. Being true to yourself and the people around you seems so damned impossible in the dating arena. I mean in my mind if ANYTHING develops they are going to know who you are and "how" you are anyway...so why hide it... ESPECIALLY if you have nothing to hide.
moimeme Posted July 31, 2003 Posted July 31, 2003 Jenny - I LOVE your #1, especially the bit about microfiche Those readers will make whiners of the biggest strongest men LOL. Your point about minimum-wage employees is great, too. Some guys will be rude to waiters, taxi drivers, etc. while being all charm to you not realizing that they betray their hand (then you can add dimwitted to rude). Let's see. Ask about his friends; the best answer will be that he has a group of long-term friends, possibly from school and work, with whom he does fun and interesting things, not just go out and drink. Observe, if you can, his friends' or family's reactions to and interaction with him. Do they appear to like and respect, even admire him? If he drinks his first drink or two very fast (and especially if he goes on to drink a whole bunch more), drinks first thing in the morning (one brunch champagne a couple times a year may be ok), or gets overly angry at minor things, RUN.
Author jenny Posted August 1, 2003 Author Posted August 1, 2003 o! i love it! thank you for playing with me YES! on insert date getting angry about little things - rushdie writes in his latest book, Fury, about how strange it is that we do not screech "i love you! you are a fine civilized human living by the social contract!" at really good drivers in the same way we would yell expletives at bad drivers. this is my new litmus test for guys - when i'm angry on the road, i eroticize it, i treat inept drivers like barry white might treat an unexperienced but willing lady - and i secretly do want a similarly dissembled approach from my babies. giggles, others: please play - explicate your rules! xoxo, j
cindy0039 Posted August 3, 2003 Posted August 3, 2003 Originally posted by Ryan I think more women should speak Latin. It's sexy. Desiderio nimis officit, dum vix gaudio pectus sufficit, quod concipio dum Venerio Flora reficit me colloquio dum, quem haurio, favus allicit dato basio.
superd Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 ok jenny, you went from really cool in your first post, to really weird in your second. Whats the deal with that?
cindy0039 Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme Cogito, ergo sum Yes, you do.
dyermaker Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 Originally posted by Deckard The rules do work for some women. Define "work" Anything that fundamentally requires someone to modify their behavior to something contrary to their personality can't possibly garner a long-term relationship, unless you're willing to concede to this alternate personality when dealing with your "loved" one, in which case maintainance of the attachment inevitably becomes difficult. Same goes for male versions of the rules, although they are more effective since long-term relationships AREN'T the intended goal, so "tricking" gals into sex isn't counterproductive.
amerikajin Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 I think how-to-pick-up-guys/girls books are good to the extent that they can show us where some of our behaviors may negate our attractiveness. I don't think such advice is sacrosanct. You use it as a general guide, not a bible. I admit, I read such materials myself from time to time. Most of what's out there is crapola, but some of it makes sense, and I'll read on.
NatoPMT Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 about how strange it is that we do not screech "i love you! you are a fine civilized human living by the social contract!" hahahahaha and all i remember from Latin at school was that 6 is 'sex'. and that makes me sound like a slapper and i should definately not announce that on a first date my litmus test is a product of my twisted upbringing. i tell them how my father got me a video for my 8th birthday party - Texas Chainsaw Massacre - and all my friends went home in tears. i think its hilarious, most of you wont i imagine. my date back in october went on a rant about that calling my father 'childish' and after a few more dates i realised that my litmus test is always right. ok you can all call me weird now.
Arabess Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Jenny's List: 1. take your date to the library. see how well he interacts with books, old people, microfiche, and minimum-wage employees. 2. don't spend his money unless you are ready to er..play a little ball with him. even accepting drinks from a man you are not interested in is skeletal-level unethical. 3. on the first date, find 3 unexpected eccentricities about him instead of nitpicking miss manners-esque behavior. DO notice, however, if is he is rude, petty, or just not very clever.[/b] -------------------------------------------------------------------- My List: 1. I take my dates to the local bar to see if I can outdrink them. I do check to see how he interacts with people who may be in his command (my dating age group are generally officers at this point). 2. I most certainly WILL spend his money. He asked ME out. I owe HIM nothing. I may pitch in for a round or two of drinks. 3. I never nitpick. I want a man to be totally who he is without reservation. A man can actually BE a little rude, a little petty and not too clever at all.....but still make me smile and be sexy. THAN AGAIN, I wasn't in it for a lovematch....I was there for the free beer. I'll catch him again next time when his ship pulls into port. See how simple life can be????????
meanon Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Originally posted by BigBelm: ok you can all call me weird now. I wouldn't have thought it funny if my child went to the party or if you posted distraught at your twisted upbringing but as neither of these apply ..... Yes I think it's f***ing hilarious Universal rules are weird, I find the concept quite spooky in a Stepford sort of way: assuming we all want the same thing and the men will all react the same way. In retrospect some of my personal rules were frankly bizarre (eg. had to be a socialist, not wear white shoes/white socks/jewelry etc etc there were lots!). Then I fell in love with someone who met only half of them and the rules were history. P.S. LOL good list Arabess. Reminds me of that one of mine was willingness to indulge in drinking competitions
overseas2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 The only thing about the rules that I have to say that I think is positive is that it teaches women how to save themselves from relationships that won't work. The reason I say that is because if you truly read them carefully it is not so much about playing games as much as it is about not letting yourself fall into a relationship before the time is ripe or the person is right. It encourages you to continue hanging out wiht your friends and enjoying your activities that you enjoyed before and not just dropping everything to be with a guy (whom you dont know if he deserves you or not yet). A lot of women (myself included) have just went headlong into a relationship without finding out who I am dealing with simply because I hated to be alone. So I think that part of the message of that book is ok..
moimeme Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 i tell them how my father got me a video for my 8th birthday party - Texas Chainsaw Massacre - and all my friends went home in tears. i think its hilarious That is pretty darn funny. Must be quite the dad you got! The only thing about the rules that I have to say that I think is positive is that it teaches women how to save themselves from relationships that won't work. The reason I say that is because if you truly read them carefully it is not so much about playing games as much as it is about not letting yourself fall into a relationship before the time is ripe or the person is right. Actually, Jenny had made that point before (didn't reread the thread to see if it's on this one). That is a good philosophy and if people take that from the book, great - just so long as they don't live religiously by the 'Rules' just to live by the rules.
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