Far Behind Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 So here's the latest...last time I posted, the guy had called AS I was posting. He told me during that conversation that I don't always need to wait for him to call me, and to give him call later. So I did, and it went to voicemail. I didn't leave a message, because I knew he would see the missed call, and that's just kind of how we've done it. The next day, yesterday, I called again and this time I left a message that basically said you made it a point to say I don't call, so I am, and give me a call. I was laughing when I said it, no big deal. The thing is, he hasn't called back yet, and that was yesterday morning. He also made it a point on Monday to state that he is not a game player, which I never thought. What to you guys think? (A little background is on the post Cancelled our Plans. Sorry, I don't know how to link it to here, though.) Am I just obsessing and overly anxious? It seems to me it's not that difficult to return a phone call, especially after what he said to me the last time we spoke. I have to tell you, after what happened to me with the last guy disappearing from my life, I am VERY paranoid, but I do a pretty good job of keeping that to myself and the guy doesn't know that much about the situation. There is no way to predict if he will or won't call, and you guys don't know him or me, yada yada yada. Just lookin' for some feedback, do you think I am worrying for no reason?
vivrantflo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 The guy told you not to be bashful about calling him, so you did. You called once, and as you said, he'd see your number on his display. You called again, and left a voice. Leave it alone. If he's interested, he'll call back. If not, then maybe he is a game player. Cause if a woman that im interested in calls me twice, and misses me both times, I wouldn't want her to think that im not interested by not answering the calls.. so I'd.. call her back. Don't sweat him anymore. Sounds like he likes to be chased.. turn it around so that he's chasing you.
Author Far Behind Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Yeah, I totally agree...I just didn't get the I don't play games remark? Why bother to say that, and make a point of telling me it's cool to call him, and then not call me back? WTF?
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 *waits for the excuses when he calls back* GAMER!!
Author Far Behind Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 *waits for the excuses when he calls back* GAMER!! Sigh, hope not, but you may be right!
vivrantflo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Yeah, I totally agree...I just didn't get the I don't play games remark? Why bother to say that, and make a point of telling me it's cool to call him, and then not call me back? WTF? Cause he's a game player, and knows how to play it. He tells you he's no game player, and to call him, cause it will keep you around, and interested... wanting more.. Which is how you're feeling now. So since we exposed him for the player he is. Call his bluff and leave him alone.
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Cause he's a game player, and knows how to play it. He tells you he's no game player, and to call him, cause it will keep you around, and interested... wanting more.. Which is how you're feeling now. So since we exposed him for the player he is. Call his bluff and leave him alone. Not only leave him alone, make it permanent unless you want to play catch and release!
portcitykitty Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I feel your pain, girl. I'm guilty of obsessing and worrying about every little thing, especially when my guy hasn't returned my phone call, or if I haven't heard from him in a while. But he's usually pretty good about returning my calls promptly...there were a couple of times where I called him, left him a message, and a week had gone by and I still hadn't heard from him, so I'd call again to make sure things were okay with him, and he'd apologize, along with the reason(s) why he hadn't called. I'm a pretty understanding person, and I usually let him slide Most of the time he's busy and stressed out about work and other things in his life, has a lot going on, which I believe him. I always stress about how long should I wait to call him back, or how long should I give him to call me back; I can't help but worry! Personally I feel bad if I call him too much because I feel like I'm bothering him (especially when he's at work)...don't wanna be a bugaboo, you know? So, I try to spread my calls out, and give him his space, and let him call me whenever...it's very hard, especially when you care about somebody so much and want to hear from them ALL THE TIME!
Author Far Behind Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I did read your thread and he has his son for a couple weeks, right? I know it's no excuse, but I bet it is related to that. Either that or he's dating another woman. I know it is difficult but just leave it alone. More inclined to go with the kid theory; if he was seeing someone else why bother to tell me to call? We are not exclusive, and we have only been dating a few weeks. I sort of still think he'll call tonight or tomorrow. Nothing has changed as far as I can tell. Whatever, lol.
Author Far Behind Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I feel your pain, girl. I'm guilty of obsessing and worrying about every little thing, especially when my guy hasn't returned my phone call, or if I haven't heard from him in a while. But he's usually pretty good about returning my calls promptly...there were a couple of times where I called him, left him a message, and a week had gone by and I still hadn't heard from him, so I'd call again to make sure things were okay with him, and he'd apologize, along with the reason(s) why he hadn't called. I'm a pretty understanding person, and I usually let him slide Most of the time he's busy and stressed out about work and other things in his life, has a lot going on, which I believe him. I always stress about how long should I wait to call him back, or how long should I give him to call me back; I can't help but worry! Personally I feel bad if I call him too much because I feel like I'm bothering him (especially when he's at work)...don't wanna be a bugaboo, you know? So, I try to spread my calls out, and give him his space, and let him call me whenever...it's very hard, especially when you care about somebody so much and want to hear from them ALL THE TIME! As I was saying before, I do tend to obsess and I'm working really hard not to. We have only known each other a few weeks, and he does have his son with him this week. I, too, am a very understanding person and like to give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially with no prior offenses, so to speak.
portcitykitty Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 As I was saying before, I do tend to obsess and I'm working really hard not to. We have only known each other a few weeks, and he does have his son with him this week. I, too, am a very understanding person and like to give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially with no prior offenses, so to speak. That's me exactly! And I'm trying to not obsess so much, but I don't think there's any cure for me!
shadowplay Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 So here's the latest...last time I posted, the guy had called AS I was posting. He told me during that conversation that I don't always need to wait for him to call me, and to give him call later. So I did, and it went to voicemail. I didn't leave a message, because I knew he would see the missed call, and that's just kind of how we've done it. The next day, yesterday, I called again and this time I left a message that basically said you made it a point to say I don't call, so I am, and give me a call. I was laughing when I said it, no big deal. The thing is, he hasn't called back yet, and that was yesterday morning. He also made it a point on Monday to state that he is not a game player, which I never thought. What to you guys think? (A little background is on the post Cancelled our Plans. Sorry, I don't know how to link it to here, though.) Am I just obsessing and overly anxious? It seems to me it's not that difficult to return a phone call, especially after what he said to me the last time we spoke. I have to tell you, after what happened to me with the last guy disappearing from my life, I am VERY paranoid, but I do a pretty good job of keeping that to myself and the guy doesn't know that much about the situation. There is no way to predict if he will or won't call, and you guys don't know him or me, yada yada yada. Just lookin' for some feedback, do you think I am worrying for no reason? I think you should have called once and left it at that. I know how tempting it is to keep calling to alleviate the anxiety about why you haven't heard back...but it really does no good, trust me. I would be concerned too. He's either really flaky or uninterested. Mark my words.
Author Far Behind Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I think you should have called once and left it at that. I know how tempting it is to keep calling to alleviate the anxiety about why you haven't heard back...but it really does no good, trust me. I would be concerned too. He's either really flaky or uninterested. Mark my words. From what I know so far, I'd go with flaky...he as much as said it from the git-go. We'll see.
Trialbyfire Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Child or not, it doesn't take but a moment to return a phone call. Even if he lost his cell phone, most people have or have access to a landline. I'm guessing this is within the first 6 months, which should be the honeymoon period of a relationship. If so, he should be all over you or not as mutually interested.
sid3 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I think a call should be returned within 24 hours. Unless of course there is a reason why he has been unable to. I mean really, what does it take to pick up the phone for a five minute chat. If he's waiting a few days and then calls with no, I had to take my son to the ER for some stitches etc. I would say he is pulling the acting hot/cold game. Think about how many times someone has told you they're not this or that, but in fact they are exactly what they were claiming that aren't. That goes for game players too. I'd relax knowing you've been straightforward with him, if in fact he poves to be not a mature adult, better to find out now. Nothing worth obsessing about.
Event Horizon Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I 100% agree with TBF. IMO, you should have nothing more to do with this guy. The idea that he couldn't have picked up the phone and made a call is ludicrous. Use this guy for practice at being strong. I don't care what he says or how he says it. He, IMO, should now lose his shot to be with you. Your worth more than this crap. There are others out there who will appreciate having a shot with you. E..H
Author Far Behind Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 So he still never called, but some of my friends are saying I'm reading too much into it (but it's been 2 days since I left the message). We were never exclusive, he has his son (but that doesn't stop someone from making a quick call if they choose to), and last I knew, everything was totally cool on both our ends. Monday he says you can call me, I'm not playing games, then dips off the radar screen. Some of my friends even thought one last phone call would not be out of the question, at least that way I'd KNOW what was up. On the other hand, I sorta feel like unless he calls, that is what's up. I'm frustrated and disappointed because on a week ago we were both on the same page...we're dating, we're having fun, it's cool to go slow. Now this??
sid3 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 No last call. Don't do it. You've made the last two and left a message.I think you've clearly left it up to him. I can relate to your sitution. It really sucks to go from things going great and then the next week they disappear from the face of the earth. Don't let it chip away at your confidence, it's his issue. There is a difference between obsessing and wondering WTF is wrong with people. It's rude to not return calls. I'd rather have someone call me back and be a total biatch to me than ignore my call like that.
Author Far Behind Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Yeah, I agree, Sid, in fact I just called up a friend and we're meeting later for a drink. Time to quit sitting around and wondering WTF, which is exactly what I've been doing for 2 days. I'm actually reasonably sure he'll call, and at that point I can decide how I want to handle it. Like I said, we have only known each other a few weeks, made it a point to say we are dating and getting to know each other slowly. And I do mean slowly...to the point that I wondered if I'm friend-zoned, and if I am, I don't need a buddy. I like him, and I think he likes me. He's a little flaky, and I know he isn't looking for a committed relationship at this time, so maybe this is his way of reminding me of that (in a $hitty way). Anyway, I'm getting out for a little bit tonight, and have plans for the rest of the weekend as well!
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Good for you for going out. I think he'll call sometime when it's convenient for him. I think you should call him back when it's convenient for you... Seriously speaking, the two of you seem to have different expectations. At least he's told you he's not looking for anything serious so he's going to treat it casually. You can't really expect more from him. If you're looking for more, someone else might be a better choice.
Author Far Behind Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 It's not that i'm looking for more, and we talked about that. I let him know this pace is FINE for me. I just don't dig the conflicting messages, you know? It goes against everything that began. Last week he was calling twice a day, Thursday night last week we talked on the phone 3 hours. We were together, with the kids, on Friday, and haven't seen him since. I guess maybe he's overwhelmed. He told me when he got my number from my friend (she's a dental hygenist that cleaned his teeth) he was looking for a date, not a relationship, but he liked me and we had so much in common. I guess he needs to figure it out. I hope he calls. I'm so fine to go slow, and I want to tell him that it's ok. How dumb, huh?
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Ok, This looks pretty bad to me now. He's out the door. I think he already made up his mind. Sorry. But maybe I'm wrong.
Author Far Behind Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Ok, This looks pretty bad to me now. He's out the door. I think he already made up his mind. Sorry. But maybe I'm wrong. Going against LS advice, I'm still probably going to call him today if I don't hear from him. At the very least, I'll have a definite answer, and maybe it won't be as dire as it seems. I'm saying it here because I'm really just weighing it out in my mind. Patience is NOT one of my virtues, but I guess in the long run, I should just chill and wait it out. I will post the follow-up, good, bad, or indifferent!
Author Far Behind Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 If you have to call him, at least wait until Monday. Calling on a Friday looks really desperate like you're looking for a friday or saturday date. (As in, no one else asked you to do anything.) Too late, just saw your post now, but called him this morning, and it was fine and natural. He has been very hands on with his son, who is kid that needs a lot of attention, and also his nephew has been there with them, too. I feel comfortable with the conversation, and he even called me a while later to tell me something he was listening to on the radio. No worries, but my eyes are open!
Jilly Bean Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Far, I think if you stand still and stop chasing this guy long enough, then maybe he will become the pursuer. Otherwise, all you are doing is enabling him to NOT have to do any work. Why should he? You're making all the moves, accepting all the crumbs, and he doesn't even have to return your calls.
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