megapositive Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I'm finally fed up with how he treats me. He makes me feel bad about myself and I realize (largely through reading threads here) I've been running around trying harder and harder to please him and nothing works. He blows up at me for small reasons, goes off for days, looks online for other women, and sometimes won't commit to when the next time we'll get together is, just a "we'll see," leaving me confused and feeling bad. So I'm angry -- well that's not it, I'm past angry, I'm just TIRED of it all... and don't even want to talk to him, don't want to be rude, but don't want to explain anything because I've done it all before and he twists everything around and I get caught up in conversations in person, on the phone, or in texts that end up in a totally different place than they start. What do I do next time he contacts me?
kizik Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 What do you think? Are you really asking this? It is very simple. You do not answer the phone. You do not respond. To anything. Emails. Texts. Etc. Pretty easy. And it'll piss him off.
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 What do I do next time he contacts me? This guy is BAD news! A relationship should be driven by the positive. When someone makes you prove, prove, prove, it's a relationship that's on a consistently downward spiral. You need someone who will love and encourage you, to do and be the best person possible. If he contacts you again, don't respond for any reason. Don't be surprised if you do break NC at least once. When that happens, it helps to make you realize why you chose to have nothing more to do with this person. Do not use NC as a manipulative tool to get someone back into line. It will only hurt you more, since in your heart, you'll continue holding hope that they will regret and want to be with you again.
Author megapositive Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I guess I'm feeling like I owe him an explanation, but then part of me feels like he's treated me so poorly I don't owe him ANYTHING. We last left each other a couple days ago, after having a great time, but he suddenly was in one of his blow me off moods, and he hasn't yet contacted me. And I feel, like I said, that I'll get drawn into a conversation where I'm put at fault no matter what, and I might give in and see him again, just continuing the pain.
Author megapositive Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 OMG he's pissed, I'm sure... I put my phone on silent so my heart wouldn't jump if it went off, and sure enough I saw it light up and it was him texting. Then 20 mins later he texted again. I haven't read them, for fear I'll weaken. I know him enough to know that instead of wondering why I'm not answering yet... busy?... sleeping... upset?... he's just angry because he wants to come over and I'm not answering. That's how he is, he's a bully. That realization in and of itself strengthens my resolve. BTW my concern over initiating NC was regarding whether or not it was the RIGHT thing to do, or rather, whether or not I was doing it right, morally, so to speak. Hence the what do I owe him questions... does that make any sense?
stlnsmile Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 OMG he's pissed, I'm sure... I put my phone on silent so my heart wouldn't jump if it went off, and sure enough I saw it light up and it was him texting. Then 20 mins later he texted again. I haven't read them, for fear I'll weaken. I know him enough to know that instead of wondering why I'm not answering yet... busy?... sleeping... upset?... he's just angry because he wants to come over and I'm not answering. That's how he is, he's a bully. That realization in and of itself strengthens my resolve. BTW my concern over initiating NC was regarding whether or not it was the RIGHT thing to do, or rather, whether or not I was doing it right, morally, so to speak. Hence the what do I owe him questions... does that make any sense? I don't know your story, did you break it off with him officially. If not, why not, are you afraid of him? It sounds like you didn't ever officially break things off with him, in which case I think NC is rude. You have to be brave in that situation, tell him on the phone, you are afraid of him and you want to end it. If you already ended it, and you are feeling that he is bullying you, why would you do anything but block his number, delete his email address....and move on to someone who treats you like a real person? I am sure it hurts, but you have to know you can not live your life with someone who intimidates and scares you???? It sounds from your post like you want to end it but also want to hold on just incase, I think you need to make a decision and then inform him of the decision, even if that decision is that you need some time to decide if you want to be with him. Ignoring him is cruel.....and he could just come over....if you haven't ended it.
sid3 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 No I don't think you should just start n/c. Your setting yourself up for failure. Surely he'll keep making an effort to speak with you. What you should do, for your own peice of mind is tell him why you are ending it. By doing so you will have been honest with him and yourself. You'll feel better for having done so. Your worrying about caving in during a conversation is more of an excuse to avoid it than anything else. It sounds like you've come to the realization that you can do better, he treats you like crap and it's better to end it sooner than later. If your worried about being bullied, make sure someone you know is very close by, someone he doesn't know would obviously be best. If he doesn't want to be mature and respect your decision, you can always call the cops, hopefully it won't come to that. Nobody should ever feel like they can't get out of a relationship that they don't want to be in. When you tell him not to contact you, any more than one attempt should be considered harrasment. Stick up for yourself.
lorilynne Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 My ex does the same thing! Days with no phone calls or texts and then when he feels the need to check on me he'll call. Not just once but several times one right after another (calls and texts). He'll leave nasty messages or send cruel text messages starting with "Why won't you answer" and usually ending with accusing me of being with someone else or telling me "you suck". It's hard though, I've done the silent thing...I've even left my phone in my car all night to try to maintain NC. Now my sister-in-law is battling cancer and has been very ill so turning off my phone is not an option. I have to hear it ring, over and over! NC was the right thing for you. It's the right thing for me, too. When I break down and talk to him, he just says horrible things. Sometimes it starts out ok but he always lets me down in someway or insults me. He has to keep me down because that way he can still have control! They like that you know...control! We have to learn to take it back!
confused and broken Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE and if he calls from a number you don't recognize and you pick up say "don't call here anymore" and hang up... SIMPLE easier said than done though
Recommended Posts