Bipolar GF

[hurtin1]

Hey everyone I'm new here, hopefully I posted in the right place. Anyone dating someone that is bipolar? Reason for my question is that there have been some issues with me and her and I just want to justify wether its really her speaking or if its something she cant controll.

 

My GF is bipolar one minute she is happy one minute she is not its like a roller coaster. We have been together for almost a year now, she has broken up with me (breaks) and gotten back together with me, usually the cause of the break up is that she says she cant be in a relationship right now because her life is not where its susposed to be in her eyes, when really its pretty good in my opinion, according to her alot of it is my fault, anytime I try to tell here there are things that she does that effects us but theres always a come back for something else I have done, feels like i am dating two different girls at the same time with her she can be really sweet than really mean, I try to support her with anything she does 100% I dont usually see that in return at all, Ive caught her lying about things, she says she doesnt tell me certain things because she doesnt want to hurt me.. well breaking up with me several times is hurting me just as much, everything seems to have to be a secret with her, ie texts with other guys any conversation with any guy, she tells me shes a very private person and I understand that.

 

She has more guy friends than girls so that I find is hard to deal with, I also have seen messages sent to other people that were lies about me and pertaining to break it off with me and do other things with other people etc..

 

She freaks out alot, at her parents me or anyone really in her path. Feels like she never really cares about me, but turns around and tells me I dont care about her.....

 

I really care about this girl I'd do anything for her and I'm trying to help her cope with her issues, Yes she is on her meds just made her restart them because she stopped using them saying they were not working..

 

She says I stop her from doing the things she wants to do but example- "hanging out with other guys" or anything else for that matter but atthe same time I NEVER have stopped her from doing anything. She also never wants to introduce me to her guy friends or anything.

 

I really do not know what to do but its stressing me out bad, I guess you could say im just looking for advice...

 

Thanks for listening/reading.

 

Hurtin1

[kizik]

Wow, sounds like an amazing relationship. You sure sound happy. She's a very well put together girl and she sounds very easy to deal with. She's trustworthy and kind, and doesn't try to control you at all.

 

Obviously I am being sarcastic in an effort to tell you how horrible your relationship ® is. The question is, what is it about YOU that you are tolerating being treated so badly? My guess is that you feel an "obligation" to stay with someone with a mental disorder (bipolar) b/c if you leave, you look like an insensitive jerk. Secondly, you had a childhood in which you were put in the position of caretaker.

 

Anyway, she sucks. You're scared to be alone. If you decide to break it off, I can guarantee you that once you're without her and not in contact, the stress she makes you feel will LIFT from your shoulders, magically.

 

Post #800! Yee-uh!

[carhill]

OP, does it sound like there's two versions of your history? Do you hear statements asserting one thing one day and exactly the opposite the next? Does she forget outbursts/rages? Do you see a wild look in her eyes sometimes?

 

I'll bet you know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

You have a decision to make. If she is manic-depressive, it is a very difficult disease to live with unmedicated and without counseling. She has to want to do both. "Making" her won't work.

 

I've noted, in most of the cases I've seen/experienced, that bi-polar women can cover up their symptoms by moving from one partner to another and using sex to fog the real issues going on with them.

 

As a friend, I treat them the way I would treat any mentally ill person I'm in contact with. Support but do not confront. Logic does not work. Step back and be quiet. Ensure safety with minimum physical contact. Do not take anything personally, including inappropriate sexual contact.

 

Personally, I could not be with someone who is mentally ill and untreated 24/7.

 

Make her family aware of your experiences. They will likely not like your revelation. Don't take it personally. Denial is strong in families. Then, decide if you want to stay or go.

 

I wish you well...

[hurtin1]

OP, does it sound like there's two versions of your history? Do you hear statements asserting one thing one day and exactly the opposite the next? Does she forget outbursts/rages? Do you see a wild look in her eyes sometimes?

 

I'll bet you know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

You have a decision to make. If she is manic-depressive, it is a very difficult disease to live with unmedicated and without counseling. She has to want to do both. "Making" her won't work.

 

I've noted, in most of the cases I've seen/experienced, that bi-polar women can cover up their symptoms by moving from one partner to another and using sex to fog the real issues going on with them.

 

As a friend, I treat them the way I would treat any mentally ill person I'm in contact with. Support but do not confront. Logic does not work. Step back and be quiet. Ensure safety with minimum physical contact. Do not take anything personally, including inappropriate sexual contact.

 

Personally, I could not be with someone who is mentally ill and untreated 24/7.

 

Make her family aware of your experiences. They will likely not like your revelation. Don't take it personally. Denial is strong in families. Then, decide if you want to stay or go.

 

I wish you well...

 

Yes I know EXACTLY what your talking about! You definatley nailed that, I did ask her parents and they told me they were aware of everything shes going through and that she has outburts/rages have been something they have been dealing with. I stand corrected in my last post I shouldnt of said MADE her take her meds we came to the conclusion that it would be in her best interest to give the meds a chance to work for her and counsiling! Which she has been doing so far. So hopefully it will help, altho I can only help to an certain extent, you are right she has to want to do both!

 

So are you saying when a person that is Manic- Depressive sometimes can not control there actions? Regardless of what it might be? ex. cheating or being mean or wanting to kill them selves on and on?

[carhill]

So are you saying when a person that is Manic- Depressive sometimes can not control there actions? Regardless of what it might be? ex. cheating or being mean or wanting to kill them selves on and on?

 

As I like to say regarding dementia patients, with which I have far more experience, unfortunately, if you've seen one patient, you've seen one patient. This means that each person presents the disease process (this can be applied to an overwhelming number of mental illnesses) in their own unique way and there are no blanket solutions or canned understandings. The disease process is very dynamic.

 

My personal experience with those who are dx'd bi-polar is that they know what is happening to them and are aware of their actions but have a very difficult time with impulse control. Some remember; some forget. Some have remorse for actions which hurt others; some don't.

 

It's far easier to avoid such people, much like people avoided my mom after she developed dementia, but you can learn to live with such a person, as there are usually many positive and loving aspects to their personalities as well. Much depends on their particular brand of the disease, their underlying psychological history and their willingness to seek treatment.

 

I wish I could give you a guaranteed solution, but I can't. Just so you know, in case you don't, their disease can affect you psychologically. I was heading down the road to insanity when I finally placed my mom. She was like a schizophrenic (the psychotic part) with little memory of what she did. Really difficult So, if it gets bad and you feel yourself losing it, step back.

 

Hopefully others with more experience can offer you support and advice....