fran82 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 my friend and i were talking today, she said something, and its really got me thinking! my r/ship ended because my ex wasn't ready to move closer, i guess you could say he's got commitment issues! so i asked, so i come across like a green eyed marriage monster? (of course i know im not, really!) but i was wondering if other ppl perceive me that way? ............... she hesitated! so when i tackled her, she said honestly, she thinks what i love is the r/ship. (of course partly the person, but i love being in a relatioship) after a second or two, i thought about and kind've agree! i love being in love, i mean really who doesn't! but how far could that go, towards the end, i found myself thinking, could i really ever live with this guy, he's a little boring, he snores! but i stalled in ending it! i didnt want to let go of love! isnt that insane?! has anyone else got a clue what im talking about? or experienced that same sort of thing? come on own up! ........................is it a bad thing? i think im going nuts! lol!
quankanne Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 maybe it's a mixture of fear of being alone and high hopes that "this is the one"? and as bad as it sounds, it doesn't completely leave when you marry someone you feel you can live with comfortably (i.e., you won't be so tempted to kill him because he drives you nuts). If it's not the early stages of the relationship where you worry that some other girl is going to catch his eye and he'll stray, it's when things get a little too settled and you worry that the relationship is getting staid or lacks excitement. Recently for me, it's wondering how I'm going to survive him dying first, because I've invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship (known him 20, married for 16 years). Funny, but I think a divorce could be less harsh, because at least he'd still be somewhat in my life, but death is a little too final. I know that wasn't your main question, but I think this feeling hits at whatever stage of the relationship, when you're reluctant to end things even though you know the end is inevitablel Maybe the answer is to learn to rely more on ourselves, be more comfortable with ourselves so that in any event we can be less plagued by the idea that our relationships fully define us?
motive2002 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 "Love" is a chemical thing in your brain. Those delicious butterflies are the result of extra dopamine and adrenaline going through your system. It becomes very much like a drug. Once the tolerance to your new drug sets in, all of the sudden you notice how they scrape their teeth across their fork when eating, or how they leave their socks lying around, or any other number of annoying habits you never bothered to see before. There is however another drug effect that takes place after you get "comfy" with someone. Once the roller coaster of infatuation dies down, a new, relaxing sensation kicks in. This comes from being content with the other person. Being their partner and the comfort of having a significant other to lean on, and to be with in good times and bad. It's not the rush of adrenaline that the infatuation phase brings.. but it's a lot less dramatic, and a lot more soothing. Love is a drug. Some are addicted to the high of infatuation. When it's good it's REALLY good and when it's bad it is the worst! Others would rather have the other kind. The vallium effect of being content with someone. Pick your poison
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