ddkeifo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I really need some advice, please help me. This is my first boyfriend so I am new to this. There is this girl who is a friend of my boyfriend's, though I find her annoying and personally think she has a long-time crush on my boyfriend. She has planned things and cut me out, but invited my boyfriend (while we were a couple.) I practically had to call him up in tears to get him to ask her to invite me. I didn't think they were friends anymore, because he told me how much he disliked her (this dislike had nothing to do with me). Now I am in another city working for a few months, (we stayed together) but I will be moving back to our place of work soon. He saw her one-on-one for lunch while I was away, (because she had been calling him, I assume.) He didn't tell me about the lunch, (even though I asked him if he had seen anyone in particular) I found out through a mutual friend of ours. Should I be concerned? Should I confront him about it, because I feel very insecure about this, (it seems he can't stand up to her)? Please help!
Liveinthenow Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Your insecurities surrounding your relationship have a greater chance of destroying it than this other girl ever will if that is her intention. Your solution is simply to be the best girlfriend you can be and if irregardless of that you ever get undeniable proof that he is cheating with her or someone else you will walk away without another word to him or allowing him to sweet talk you back into his life because you are worth more than being the plaything of a cheater. Also walking away and not throwing some kind of angry fit towards a cheater does not give them the validation of how much they meant to you. Walking away is icy cold and just what any cheater deserves!
Keridan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Insecurity is bad. It leads to problems. However, if you are like me, you won't be able to get over the lunch thing unless you ask him about it. Don't be accusatory, just ask directly if he was hanging out with her and what prompted the change. You could easily be curious just because the last you knew he disliked her and you are curious about his life. I doubt anything's going on, however. I have several women friends that are completely plutonic. My wife likes them, however, which makes it easier. I do encourage my wife to share her fears however and she's told me she hates when I'm around my ex. There is no reason for her to worry, but since she shows concern, I try to be as open with her as possible and do my best to make sure my wife is there if I'm around her. I hope you feel better!
mariposa89 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Hey, I do believe that girls can be threats but please you need to be confident in yourself and in your relationship. Communicating with your boyfriend is important be honest about your feelings and tell him how you feel, but if you keep reminding him that she bothersyou will only come off as a nagging annoying jealous girlfriend and no guy wants that. If they have been friends before you meet/or went out than its probably an innocent friendship but if he meet her while going out with you than I would watch out. Good luck and stay strong!
Mary3 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Sorry but I see a red flag here . He went to lunch , did not tell you. He knew you would not like it. He met her anyway. You don't really KNOW that he still does not have feelings for her. If you bring it up you drive him away. If you remain quiet and he is doing something with her , you lose anyway. The point is : If he still wants to see her , You lose . Are you insecure ? Perhaps , Perhaps not. Depends on the situation . Its like you see red lipstick on his shirt and you become concerned . Is that being insecure ? You have findings which concern you. I would not keep a 100% belief that you are not being cheated on or comtemplated about being cheated on. Live your life the best you can. If he wants her , he's going to get her. If she wants him ( and it appears she does ) then you still lose. Not to hurt you. But to make you aware that this is now a 3 way and trust me you will want to pull out quick if it is a 3 way. Guess who is going to get HURT if there is something going on ??
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