USKG Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Ok, I am 24 years and my ex is 20 and she broke up with me about 3 weeks out of the blue. I was absolutly devastated.WE had what i thought was a perfect relationship ..we are both very laid back people she has a great head on her shoulders, in college doing what she needs to do. I have a full time job looking to move out of my house..We fell very deeply in love with one another. Wew ere together for one and a half years before we broke up.. The prior relationship she had before me was absolutly terrible and destroyed her confidence and before we started dating all we did was talk for hours on the phone and then we started hanging out more and showed her how a relationship should be. The last year and a half was wonderful with her i coulnt ask for anything better. When this happened she said she needed some space to figure out some things and she needed to hang out with her friends more, i mean never held her back from hanging out with her friends ever not even once. She seems so confused and ive tried not to call but she still calls me and weve hung with mine and her friends together. and we hung out the other and we were hugging and we ended up kissing each other and she goes i hope this doesnt hurt you or anything and im like your giving me all the signals and then you ask that??? My god mixed signals lol...Well were going away on vacation( Our families are very close and i plan not hanging out with her until then( its 2 weeks away) Shell send me a myspace message or something but im trying not to contact her even though i want her back so bad. I feel like her freinds might have helped influence this but idk.. She still told me she loves me and she said if it was 2 or 3 years for now she could even see us engaged!! But maybe she needs this right now idk?? Maybe just to be young and have fun i guess.Im getting better as the days go by but i really do want her back in my life...What should i do and whats the best way of getting her back.. i really do believe it was fate that brought us together..Help please!!
AgentD Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Welcome to LS USKG, In the future, you'll get better response time if you break your paragraphs up to where it's easier to read. I'm sure our community has many suggestions for you! AgentD
vivrantflo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 When this happened she said she needed some space to figure out some things and she needed to hang out with her friends more, i mean never held her back from hanging out with her friends ever not even once. Uh oh, she gave you the "I need space" line. She wants to date around. Don't listen to her crap about wanting to spend time with her friends. If she wants to hang out with her friends, she doesnt need to dump her boyfriend in order to do that. Women piss me off. She seems so confused and ive tried not to call but she still calls me and weve hung with mine and her friends So NOW it's ok for you to hang out with her and her friends... as long as shes not committed to you. She's a heartbreaker, stop talking to her. and we hung out the other and we were hugging and we ended up kissing each other and she goes i hope this doesnt hurt you or anything and im like your giving me all the signals and then you ask that??? My god mixed signals lol... Stop doing this. Cease contact with her. These aren't mixed signals. She dumped you. So all this hugging and kissing crap is just for HER. You are familiar still, so she's going to do that. She knows it's wrong, thats why she's saying she hopes she doesnt hurt you. But she doesn't really give a flying F, cause she's doing it anyway. To her, her feelings come first, so it's time for you to take that stance. She still told me she loves me and she said if it was 2 or 3 years for now she could even see us engaged!! But maybe she needs this right now idk?? She needs to be shown the door. Please, Im telling you this cause I do care. Stop listening to her crap. It's ALL crap. If she told you this while you two were together, it would mean something. It would be awesome!! But why is she telling you this now? After she dumps you?? Cause she wants to ease HER guilt. But because she's selfish, she can't see that these comments will keep you hanging on, and believing that she's coming back to you. Which she wont.. How can she see you two engaged 2 or 3 years from now, if she's broken up with you?? Does that make any sense? Oh, that's right, she's 20, and has no idea WTF she wants. Maybe just to be young and have fun i guess. Bingo Im getting better as the days go by but i really do want her back in my life...What should i do and whats the best way of getting her back.. i really do believe it was fate that brought us together..Help please!! Bro, if it was fate that brought you together, it's fate that's saving you right now. She's not ready for anything serious. She's in college, and there are college dudes hitting on her every single day. Since she's immature, and as u stated earlier, has no self esteem, she's eating up all this attention. But it makes her feel guilty cause she has you at home. So she dumps you.. so she can "spend time with her friends" which = "dating other guys" It hurts, I know. I've been there, and im there right now. Best thing to do?? NC. Make HER decision final. She dumped you, so she doesnt deserve your love, attention, respect, and emotionally stability. She walked, so let the door hit her on the @ss on the way out. You deserve better. And im warning you, go NC, cause she's gonna be contacting you, and you're gonna eat it up.. but the thing is, she won't be calling you for the reasons you want.
hades07 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 USKG, Im going through pretty much exactly the same thing as you except we were together two and a half years and for the last year shes been saying she could see us together forever and knows we could be because we were amazing together and wish we met later in life but only recently did we break up. Like your ex-gf she's confused because she feels shes young. Some girls for some reason make themselves confused out of nowhere and become afraid if they feel like they maybe stuck with a guy forever. Best thing for you to do, move on, leave her alone and contact her as little as possible. Go on dates and stuff, I have a date tonight and I'm excited as hell. If you keep talking to her and being around her she'll feel like she still has you whenever she wants but doesn't have to make any commitments to you. Limit the contact as much as possible and make her realize herself, which she might if she has a hard time in relationships, how great she had it with you. May take a few rebounds, and it may never happen, but there is honestly nothing you can do about it so best thing is to live you life the best you can and believe that whatever happens, happens. In a few weeks if you still want her ask her to hang out, do something simple, but be happy, avoid talking about your relationship or feelings at all costs and show her your positive aspects and what she fell in love with you for. If you want to see more of what I have been going through the last month (its been five weeks for me now) check out this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156828/
Author USKG Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Wow Hades that is the EXACT SAME THING I AM GOING THROUGH NOW...ive bee searching for answers everywhere and i realize they are all in my head i just need to sort them out..im gonna do the same thing but our families are all going on a vacation for a few days with each other in 2 weeks so idk whats gonna happen then im sure we'll be drunk one night and hook up or somethin but after that Nc after that and up until the vacation..Im a big believer in fate and whatever happens happens but with this girl its different like we were meant to be in each others lives in some way maybe bf gf but maybe as friends...hey man if you need anything just ask thanks for the advice
Habibti Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I felt like you about a month ago. I thought he was the perfect boyfriend and we had the perfect relationship. As time passed I was able to re evaluate our relationship and see the truth. In the end, past the first 3 wonderful months- it was really me who kept things going all year. Yes he was interested but everything revolved around him. It was on his time, his schedule, his wants/needs/whims. What is so perfect about that? I continually went out of my way for him through the entire duration of the relationship. I'd make him home made love cards, bake him his favorite goodies FROM SCRATCH none of this boxed crap..lol. When he needed me I was there, I would drop things or inconvinience my schedule if need be. I overlooked it when he did the same crap he would lecture me for doing or NOT to do. Point is, I did a lot, I gave a lot, I overlooked a lot- and he never returned it. He was very charismatic, charming, and funny so he always made me laugh and I thought that kept me happy. I thought we were so in love and close and connected. When he ended things I was completely devestated. I didn't eat anything for an entire week. I did not sleep either. I am still hurt, but I know better now. I'm seeing things more realistically. He is no longer on that pedastol I somehow put him on. I know I'm a great girl who is very sweet and kind hearted and loving and all the people who really know me are BAFFLED at his decision because they know I'm a great girl who is beautiful both inside and out and they are shocked he would let me get away. But, let me get away he did regardless. See, that tells me he doesn't appreciate me. With all the love I have to give the last thing I want is someone who doesn't appreciate me. I am to the point now where what I miss is no longer him- just having someones companionship.Realistically, if he were to come back what would I have then? Just some temporary comfort. He really made me believe that he loved me- and that's what hurt the most. Realising he didn't. He has a lot of growing up to do, and there's nothing I can do about it. It isn't the end of the world though. I know I will love again and I will apply what I learned from this to my future relationships. I bet if you thought about it honestly, you would see all kinds of ways she was unfair to you also and why you deserve better.
miss_28 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Ok, I am 24 years and my ex is 20 and she broke up with me about 3 weeks out of the blue. I was absolutly devastated.WE had what i thought was a perfect relationship ..we are both very laid back people she has a great head on her shoulders, in college doing what she needs to do. I have a full time job looking to move out of my house..We fell very deeply in love with one another. Wew ere together for one and a half years before we broke up.. The prior relationship she had before me was absolutly terrible and destroyed her confidence and before we started dating all we did was talk for hours on the phone and then we started hanging out more and showed her how a relationship should be. The last year and a half was wonderful with her i coulnt ask for anything better. When this happened she said she needed some space to figure out some things and she needed to hang out with her friends more, i mean never held her back from hanging out with her friends ever not even once. She seems so confused and ive tried not to call but she still calls me and weve hung with mine and her friends together. and we hung out the other and we were hugging and we ended up kissing each other and she goes i hope this doesnt hurt you or anything and im like your giving me all the signals and then you ask that??? My god mixed signals lol...Well were going away on vacation( Our families are very close and i plan not hanging out with her until then( its 2 weeks away) Shell send me a myspace message or something but im trying not to contact her even though i want her back so bad. I feel like her freinds might have helped influence this but idk.. She still told me she loves me and she said if it was 2 or 3 years for now she could even see us engaged!! But maybe she needs this right now idk?? Maybe just to be young and have fun i guess.Im getting better as the days go by but i really do want her back in my life...What should i do and whats the best way of getting her back.. i really do believe it was fate that brought us together..Help please!! this is EXACTLY what happened to me... with the exception that I haven't talked to him in exactly 3 months. The description you gave of your ex... well that's my ex... smart, doing his thing in university, came from a bad relationship to a happy one...etc. In my former relationship, I'm 5 years older than my ex... (he's 23 and in university, I'm 28 and work)... we were so bloody close, a genuinely happy relationship with respect and passion and all that. we were friends too... gave each other freedom and trust. And yet... I got the same lovely ending as you... "i'm too young"... "I don't know what i want from my life"... "we're in different places right now"... blah blah blah. No, there is no one else. No, there were no red flags. No, we never grew distant... he admitted he still had feelings for me (i've been having a tough time with that one). but the early 20s for some people who are confusion or insecure is sometimes stronger than their ability to appreciate what they had... and its the same for your ex-girlfriend as it is for my ex-boyfriend. Truly the only thing that helps me now is knowing i didn't beg, i treated him and us well and i didn't deserve this - just like you didn't. i was myself... i wasn't trying to hold onto him by being someone else. Here is what i did... - I told him if this is what he wanted, to stay away so I could forget him completely and move on. He said he understood... but that he was sure that one day we would be ok... that he knew me, he knew us... I told him that he obviously knew d*ck - cuz if he did, he wouldn't leave in the first place. Then I told him to go home, feel his moment of relief, and to forget me. And then i walked away. It took a total of 10 minutes. It may seem harsh to some... (let me tell you, my friends were shocked that sweet little me had the guts to talk to him that way, ... but they were so proud too) - but you know what's harsher? dumping someone. No, let me rephrase... dumping someone who loved and respected you out of the blue and because their "confused"! It's the equivalent of an emotional head-on collision... My opinion, if you want to be on the road to recovery, make her know that you have no intention of being treated like a security net for when her other relationships fail (and they will)... tell her good luck and ciao, you're not going to deal with that and its her issues that you can't do anything about. Give her all the room she wants... and take some for yourself too for that matter. Of course, try not to sound like you'll be bitter about it... just firm and dignified. Now this doesn't mean she'll come back... either she'll come back or you will have moved on... which ever comes first... this is the only way to get either result. At the very least, the silence will be deafening and she will eventually realize what she gave up... but it'll marinate in her head first though (unless she's a total ditz). Last thing... I've said this before in this forum, and i believe it with all my heart... never make a serious decision from a position of weakness... its and uphill battle and not worth it (by the end of the battle you'll be beat up too much to enjoy any victory anyways). You are in an emotionally weakened state from this breakup... as we all are (or else we wouldn't be on LS). Don't try to get with her from this position, you won't win. Recuperate first, take all the time YOU need to get over her... and once that is truly done, you'll see what path to take.
hades07 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Your welcome USKG. If I were you, I would talk as little as possible to her until your families go on vacation and then do whatever you can to not hook up with her. If she tries to hook up and you don't, and just say You don't want to right now and don't go into the relationship or anything, just give a quick brief answer and if she asks questions trying to get more from you just keep repeating "I don't want to right now". She'll be wondering then why you dont want to and if history has taught me anything want you even more.
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