Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I dont know what it is, but it keeps eating away at me and i am not really sure as to why... Its been a good 4 months of solid NC, she left me for some other guy and was with him for 5 and a half months (approx), she now isnt with him. She spoke to my mate and asked about me (still not sure why he didnt inform me whilst she was down here, since we now live 600 miles apart). I said to him i bet she hates me, he said no she dosnt. I heard from a semi friend (whilst she was drunk) that she spoke to my ex's best mate and they talked about us) she mentioned she was living with someone now... (very unclear, so ignored it, but there must be some story behind that one) I hear through another mate that she deleted her facebook.... Why then is all this change in HER life bothering me? i feel like i want to find out stuff. I know if i found out she was living with a guy it would still drive me mad... why is this still bothering me. ive been able to deal with her (just) being with her new BF for this long. so now its all changed around why do i feel something for her? it keeps bugging me. I feel like if i wanted to i could just txt her and have the upper hand, since nothing worked out for her the way she probably thought. I guess i thought that if she did break up with him then maybe she would contact me. guess wrong. I guess i hold onto waiting for her to contact me cause then i can finally say what i like and find out what she is up to.... but again.... why do i care does this sound familiar to any of you guys
roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Read my story i just posted brother. Its been 6 months. Seen her 2 or 3 times since... i even kissed her the other week and i felt nothing - the past few months ive been dating girls, not evening thinking about her much.. and BAM i hear she has a boyfriend from her this morning. I feel like i just got sucked back in. NOt nice.
roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I guess i hold onto waiting for her to contact me cause then i can finally say what i like and find out what she is up Really best not to What about your own situation - have you never dated anyone else since?
iwish Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I know it's hard, but try to put thoughts of her out of you head. You don't know for a fact that she's living with someone (it could be a friend).. But do yourself a favour and don't look for information about her. It wont do you any good. Try and continue as you were doing with the NC. She knows your number, she can call if she wants to.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 thanks iwish, thats probably the best thing to do. i know if she really wanted to contact me she could. only she hasnt. , maybe she got the impression i never wanted to see or speak to her again, and so she is granting me that... since i went NC straight away. she did say she was upset that i didnt contact her... on the other hand i let her know why.. so i would like to know her reasons for not speaking to me, or even sending a happy b day txt @roghornio, yeah good point, well no not really, ive kissed 2 girls since. met up with one but didnt like her personality (looks were good though). and the other had a bf... so not good on that front really. im good at dancing with the girls in clubs etc. i just need to meet a nice girl really. i would probably just end up having a one night stand or a couple of shags with someone who i may meet at a club
roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 thanks iwish, thats probably the best thing to do. i know if she really wanted to contact me she could. only she hasnt. , maybe she got the impression i never wanted to see or speak to her again, and so she is granting me that... since i went NC straight away. she did say she was upset that i didnt contact her... on the other hand i let her know why.. so i would like to know her reasons for not speaking to me, or even sending a happy b day txt @roghornio, yeah good point, well no not really, ive kissed 2 girls since. met up with one but didnt like her personality (looks were good though). and the other had a bf... so not good on that front really. im good at dancing with the girls in clubs etc. i just need to meet a nice girl really. i would probably just end up having a one night stand or a couple of shags with someone who i may meet at a club I have to say out my experience with own love life and my friends I have yet to find or see someone meet someone who became a Long term partner from meeting them at a nightclub. Also if you go looking for it you won’t find it! It’s when you least expect it up it pops… which always makes it so much sweeter.
northstar1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I dont know what it is, but it keeps eating away at me and i am not really sure as to why... Its been a good 4 months of solid NC, she left me for some other guy and was with him for 5 and a half months (approx), she now isnt with him. She spoke to my mate and asked about me (still not sure why he didnt inform me whilst she was down here, since we now live 600 miles apart). I said to him i bet she hates me, he said no she dosnt. I heard from a semi friend (whilst she was drunk) that she spoke to my ex's best mate and they talked about us) she mentioned she was living with someone now... (very unclear, so ignored it, but there must be some story behind that one) I hear through another mate that she deleted her facebook.... Why then is all this change in HER life bothering me? i feel like i want to find out stuff. I know if i found out she was living with a guy it would still drive me mad... why is this still bothering me. ive been able to deal with her (just) being with her new BF for this long. so now its all changed around why do i feel something for her? it keeps bugging me. I feel like if i wanted to i could just txt her and have the upper hand, since nothing worked out for her the way she probably thought. I guess i thought that if she did break up with him then maybe she would contact me. guess wrong. I guess i hold onto waiting for her to contact me cause then i can finally say what i like and find out what she is up to.... but again.... why do i care does this sound familiar to any of you guys Well, sure it makes sense. Despite the 4 months of NC, you have been still hearing about her life - which is why you are still vested in her and hanging onto some shred of hope that she will come back to you. It's natural - four months is not a long time to fully get over someone - esp if you still hear about their lives. Best thing is to stop finding out these things - only way to get over her.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 your right i think its the thought that she would want to come back that is more powerful to me than actually having her back. if that makes sense.. yeah love is blind. i guess no one knows when it will pop up. i dont know whats wrong with me, im good looking (i would say so anyway lol), why do i find it so difficult to find someone new? or even meeting new girls!!!!
northstar1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 your right i think its the thought that she would want to come back that is more powerful to me than actually having her back. if that makes sense.. yeah love is blind. i guess no one knows when it will pop up. i dont know whats wrong with me, im good looking (i would say so anyway lol), why do i find it so difficult to find someone new? or even meeting new girls!!!! because you are worrying too much about meeting someone and so it's making you feel depressed and lacking confidence. don't think about it so much - it will happen one day. esp when you get your confidence back - nothing is more attractive to someone than confidence. sure, we all for some time, hang onto that small shred of hope that the ex will 'come to their senses' and miss us so much that they come back. but i think we all know deep inside, that it's not likely gonna ever happen.
iwish Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 sure, we all for some time, hang onto that small shred of hope that the ex will 'come to their senses' and miss us so much that they come back. but i think we all know deep inside, that it's not likely gonna ever happen. Sad isn't it that we still hold that hope. I mean in reality why do we want someone back, who just threw us away? They thought that they could do better than us.. Which just sucks. They also lose us you know, and we are great!
northstar1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Sad isn't it that we still hold that hope. I mean in reality why do we want someone back, who just threw us away? They thought that they could do better than us.. Which just sucks. They also lose us you know, and we are great! Hard to say, people make weird choices. Mine is a little different in that we ended because of an LDR - but same point - people make choices that prioritize over us. Who knows if they will realize what they have lost, one day I'm sure
roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 It’s a nice thought… but I don’t think it’s true. Off all the girls I have dumped I don’t ever look back and think I’ve missed out all… Nor do I ever think about them (well every now and again ill reminisce if am in a certain location)
Author Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 @northstar, yeah i am trying to not think about it, i guess i get sad walking back on my own after a night out, feeling like a loser and yea i guess we all hold that small shred but why lol!! its so demeaning. iwish, it does suck dont it. its really not fair that someone discarded everything. people make choices that prioritize over us. Who knows if they will realize what they have lost, one day I'm sure i hope so and i do think so. its just way to late though .... again something thats just "life"
iwish Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 It’s a nice thought… but I don’t think it’s true. Off all the girls I have dumped I don’t ever look back and think I’ve missed out all… Nor do I ever think about them (well every now and again ill reminisce if am in a certain location) I think that's true too. But and there is a but, i do believe that it depends how hard it was for them to end it. The harder it was, the more chance you have of them missing you one day. I mean my last GF before my current ex, i dumped. I look back at her and think, yeah she was great. But am i bothered about not being with her? and the answer is 'no' But it was very easy for me to leave her. Too easy
Author Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 yeah good point. i know she wont be caring about me. and that sucks. i havnt dumped any girl in my time. but then ive only had one serious relationship. so i guess that dosnt count !!!!
critter909 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I have had two serious relationships besides my most recent one. I still think of those other two guys, one I am friends with and the other I don't have any contact with. I don't have hostile feelings for either. It took me a really long time to get over the first one, he dumped me. Since then I have seen both with other girls and it hasn't bothered me even though I think we never really forget anyone. I can even be happy for them now (years down the road).
kizik Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 When you get out of a R, the first natural (and possibly unhealthy) instinct is to find someone. Anyone. Someone that will make you feel attractive, feed the ego, help you see that there is a reason your ex was into you in the first place. So you scour faces everywhere you go, checking people out, over- analyzing conversations ("was he flirting with me? I think he was"), basically being single and desperate. And you kind of can't help it. That is, until you accept that it could be years. It could be years until you meet someone of any substance. Years. And in reality, the person that you meet years from now is most likely going to be better suited for you, for several reasons: -You weren't looking for them; they came into your life in a natural, casual way -You've had a long time to rediscover yourself, and are thus more prepared to enter a new R w/o the baggage of your last one -You're not desperate anymore! There's a saying that goes, "Look hungry, go hungry." Women (and men) want nothing to do with someone who is needy. Someone turns you down for a date? Great! On to the next one. You have to prove that you're just fine by yourself. That kind of self-sufficiency is a big turn-on.
kizik Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 because you are worrying too much about meeting someone and so it's making you feel depressed and lacking confidence. don't think about it so much - it will happen one day. esp when you get your confidence back - nothing is more attractive to someone than confidence. BTW the above post by me is a direct response to this comment by Northstar.
northstar1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 When you get out of a R, the first natural (and possibly unhealthy) instinct is to find someone. Anyone. Someone that will make you feel attractive, feed the ego, help you see that there is a reason your ex was into you in the first place. So you scour faces everywhere you go, checking people out, over- analyzing conversations ("was he flirting with me? I think he was"), basically being single and desperate. And you kind of can't help it. That is, until you accept that it could be years. It could be years until you meet someone of any substance. Years. And in reality, the person that you meet years from now is most likely going to be better suited for you, for several reasons: -You weren't looking for them; they came into your life in a natural, casual way -You've had a long time to rediscover yourself, and are thus more prepared to enter a new R w/o the baggage of your last one -You're not desperate anymore! There's a saying that goes, "Look hungry, go hungry." Women (and men) want nothing to do with someone who is needy. Someone turns you down for a date? Great! On to the next one. You have to prove that you're just fine by yourself. That kind of self-sufficiency is a big turn-on. Bingo. No need to rush, you'll just be disapppointed when a new love interest doesn't fall into your lap 2 months after breaking up.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 no im not in a rush to be honest. i doubt ill find "the one" any time soon. i saw her mum and sister in town today waved at her sis, she smiled and waved back. i dont know if her mum meant to blank me or just didnt see me. her bro was on msn, i said hello, but no reply. im really depressed. its like i was no one. also she never cheated on me (i dont think) but its the closest thing she could have done. but because i feel it "couldn't" have been her deciding all of these things she must have been influenced, it makes it harder to hate her. i mean is NC really for the best? i think she is doing this to me to be honest. since i didnt get a reply last time i tried talking to her. i didnt do anything wrong also i could see why she left me in the first place it got boring or dull you could say and we argued about stupid things, but to deny me of another chance etc and just date this new guy straight away is so harsh. i guess it was the reason for her to not want to give me another chance since she didnt have to. at the time i wondered if there was someone else involved, she seemed to set on not wanting me back on any terms. and when i was saying give me another chance, its as if i did something wrong when i didnt. like if i said, please give us another chance we know each other so well etc. she would reply, its only because we have been together so long... so i would say, so thats it after 3 years? she would just say, time dont matter, people can be married and still break up. people after being with each other for 10 years can break up. also i read her private email on her facebook and there was some messages from this guy who has always fancied her. he said i cant believe i heard your not with him and i'll always be here for you. hope your ok. she gave him her number and arranged to up meet him at christmas. dont know if she ever did. but who knows. and if i kept pushing her, she would yell "its not wat i want anymore". i remember the time i said, so you dont want me anymore. and she said no im sorry. god that hurt i didnt realise i loved her that much, otherwise i would have tried much harder and she wouldnt have left. i miss her still. it hurts.
roghornio Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 no im not in a rush to be honest. i doubt ill find "the one" any time soon. i saw her mum and sister in town today waved at her sis, she smiled and waved back. i dont know if her mum meant to blank me or just didnt see me. her bro was on msn, i said hello, but no reply. im really depressed. its like i was no one. also she never cheated on me (i dont think) but its the closest thing she could have done. but because i feel it "couldn't" have been her deciding all of these things she must have been influenced, it makes it harder to hate her. i mean is NC really for the best? i think she is doing this to me to be honest. since i didnt get a reply last time i tried talking to her. i didnt do anything wrong also i could see why she left me in the first place it got boring or dull you could say and we argued about stupid things, but to deny me of another chance etc and just date this new guy straight away is so harsh. i guess it was the reason for her to not want to give me another chance since she didnt have to. at the time i wondered if there was someone else involved, she seemed to set on not wanting me back on any terms. and when i was saying give me another chance, its as if i did something wrong when i didnt. like if i said, please give us another chance we know each other so well etc. she would reply, its only because we have been together so long... so i would say, so thats it after 3 years? she would just say, time dont matter, people can be married and still break up. people after being with each other for 10 years can break up. also i read her private email on her facebook and there was some messages from this guy who has always fancied her. he said i cant believe i heard your not with him and i'll always be here for you. hope your ok. she gave him her number and arranged to up meet him at christmas. dont know if she ever did. but who knows. and if i kept pushing her, she would yell "its not wat i want anymore". i remember the time i said, so you dont want me anymore. and she said no im sorry. god that hurt i didnt realise i loved her that much, otherwise i would have tried much harder and she wouldnt have left. i miss her still. it hurts. Hey don’t beat yourself about it. People change, people fall in and out of love – it happens… its ****, but it happens all the time. I’m sure you want for her to be happy, and if you love her then let her be happy. Checking her emails and facebook really is not doing you any good so stop that right now. You really don’t want to know what shes up or who with. I’m afraid the best thing you can ever do is nothing – that’s right, absolutely nothing. Say nothing… ask once and if you get a negative response walk away. All you can do is push her away further… and you don’t want that do you – its interesting you used the words “pushing her” and what her response was – by pushing you are literally pushing her away. If she wants you she knows where to find you and NOPE she doesn’t and wont forget you just because you are not in touch with her anymore. In fact if anything with time passing she will probably only remember the good things – that’s just the way our minds work. “i didnt realise i loved her that much, otherwise i would have tried much harder and she wouldnt have left.” That there is so common… really would it have? Are you going to go round thinking “what if…” – no point – its done. You can’t change it. Of course you miss her – she was a big part of your life and you know what the pain will go away but youll never forget her. And she will not forget you either. The best thing to think it is that you shared that time together and so long as you don’t turn crazy on her she will look back on it with fondness. Life changes and moves us on every day – sometimes it really hurts - but some day you will look back and be thankful it happened so you end up where you do – I know that seems hard to believe right now.. but it will. I know it hurts bad, your not the only one going through and you certainly won’t be the last. Be thankful of the time you spent together and try and move forward. Come on here and get whatever out your head when you need to. Don’t stop or look back!
Author Peter_pan Posted July 12, 2008 Author Posted July 12, 2008 cheers man, im going to try and stay off LS for a while since i think it sets me back cause i cant stop thinking about her. its not fair really. i have felt very depressed about stuff before and and starting to feel like i wont find someone who will replace her. i'll update how im feeling beginning of august. wish me luck.
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