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Posted

Recently broke up, 2 weeks ago, she went to NY to visit some new guy she met on myspace. She got back and after 2 weeks of NC we spoke on the phone. She tells me that when I was unsure about the relationship it made her unsure and she is 24 recently out of a 6 year relationship prior to our 7 months. She now says she wants to see what's out there. She says she still thinks about being with me but said it may be a couple months until she figures out what she wants. I love her and she knows that, we never fought and we treated eachvother very well during our time together. I let her know how much I cared when we spoke. Then after thinking about her and this other guy so soon after we broke up, and her needing to date around. I realized that no matter how much i love this girl, I can't just wait around. It will destroy me inside. I left her a voice message telling her that I cant wait, I do care, but cant do that to myself. I have to get over her, but a piece of me will be waiting for a call from her. The sooner the better. Any advice on whether I should hold on to this glimmer of hope or just totally let go? Could it be the same as it was, or is everything F$%#%$ up now, beyond repair?

Posted

Hi mate,

I feel for you. If you get a chance, read my post and you'll see I’m in a similar situation.

 

I’m about to give advice that im having REAL trouble in listening to myself. If you can say you have honestly sat down with her and discussed things yet she is still adamant, you have to let her go. And you have to concentrate on you. I’m exactly at that pinot now, and it hurts like hell. But I also realize I cant make her do what I want, make her feel what I want. If she's "unsure" and wants to "see what’s out there", then im afraid to say it sounds like a clear cut ideal and she's not commited to you, it appears she wants you as back up maybe if she doenst find the grass is greener. Sorry, i know you dont want to hear that. She wants to go out and have fun, meet people and evaluate and make decisions. You can not wait for that, it will drive you mad. So do what I’m trying to do now, let her go, do not contact her in anyway. maye, just maybe, she will realise and you will be the one for her, but she needs to see that herself.

 

If you really love something - let it go, if it returns, its yours forever.

 

Sorry if that doesn’t help. Maybe we can go through this and help each other.

 

Best of luck. Oh, but make sure you let her know how you feel and what you want, and the reasoning behind your decision, if she doesnt budge, let her go and move yourself on.

 

Good luck mate, I honestly feel for you.

Posted

How recently was she out of her 6 year relationship before you two started dating? I would imagine that if it was anything short of a year then you were probably a rebound. I don't mean to hurt you but it is likely true. And now, as with all rebounds, she got her ego boost from you, realized she was not at all ready to be with you or didn't want to really be with you, and has moved on....likely to another rebound guy. This girls is probably really confused and not yet emotionally over her 6 year relationship. I can't see her new relationship lasting very long. This is not your problem, it is hers. You should forget about her and move on (trust me I know that is easier said than done).

Posted
Recently broke up, 2 weeks ago, she went to NY to visit some new guy she met on myspace.

 

This chick is a class act! You guys just break up, and she's on her way to NY to try out another sausage. Shows what kinda character she has.

 

 

 

she is 24 recently out of a 6 year relationship prior to our 7 months.

 

Sorry, but you my friend, were the reboundee.. She used you for some self confidence, and now she's off again.

 

 

 

She now says she wants to see what's out there. She says she still thinks about being with me but said it may be a couple months until she figures out what she wants.

 

Don't listen to her crap. She needs months to figure out what she wants?? Well, she's already figured out what she doesn't want, and that's you. Please stop talking to this chick. No woman that wants you, will tell you that she's gonna need a few months to decide if she wants to be with you.

 

What she needs a few months for, is to see if this dude in NY is worth dating.

 

Trust me, I KNOW.

 

 

 

I love her and she knows that, we never fought and we treated eachvother very well during our time together. I let her know how much I cared when we spoke.

 

Well, that is the purpose of a rebound relationship. To validate yourself, after going through something heartbreaking. She had a 6 year relationship, and it ended. Obviously, couldn't have been the cleanest of breakups. Then she meets you, and you give her a great relationship. Her confidence is now restored, and the purpose of you has been fulfilled. She no longer sees you in the way she saw u at the beginning, cause she's not needy anymore.

 

She's not coming back man. NC

 

 

 

I realized that no matter how much i love this girl, I can't just wait around. It will destroy me inside. I left her a voice message telling her that I cant wait, I do care, but cant do that to myself. I have to get over her, but a piece of me will be waiting for a call from her.

 

Please, don't wait around, she's not coming back. Don't call her anymore.. no emails, texts, voice mails, nothing. She doesn't deserve them.

 

The messed up thing is, she WILL call you. But not for the reasons you want. If things don't go as smooth with a new guy, she'll ring you for support, cause she knows you want her, and she'll take advantage of that. She not concerned about how you feel

 

It's all about her.

 

So, you have to say F-that, and concentrate on yourself. You know how to treat a lady properly, so any decent chick that's smart, and willing to settle, would jump at the opportunity to date you. So just go NC, and try your best to excrete her from your life. I know it's hard, Im doing the same thing.

 

But it's the best thing for us. We have no say in the matter dude. It's women that choose their mates.

 

Good luck

Posted
Well, that is the purpose of a rebound relationship. To validate yourself, after going through something heartbreaking. Then she meets you, and you give her a great relationship. Her confidence is now restored, and the purpose of you has been fulfilled. She no longer sees you in the way she saw u at the beginning, cause she's not needy anymore.

 

Wow, give me about a week to digest that in regards to what occurred in my R, which was a rebound for her. Got used up and thrown away like yesterday's news, in the end, while to this day she is ignorant and unconcerned with my feelings and the reprehensible way she treated me. I'm not a real person to her, I cannot believe who this person that I trusted with all my being turned out to be. I want to f*cking puke. She's disgusting and I'll never talk to her again.

Posted

Well now I am starting to wonder if I was a rebound for my ex. I never thought that was possible, because when we met he had only had one 4 mo. relationship with a girl in 9th grade, and she was in 8th grade, so I thought how serious could that be...it had been over a year and a half since "She broke up with him", he told me that he had told her he loved her, but didn't mean it, just said it cause she did, to shut her up. But now...now Im thinking, maybe he was really into her, she was his real first love, not me, and he was just using me to build his self esteem back up. He told me when we broke up "I just needed someone at the time". I mean is it possible to lament a 4 mo. relationship for a year and a half, a relationship you had in 9th grade? Ughhh...its sort of sickening to think about. And now I have to digest everything that V said......I think that will take me about a week too:)

Posted

It sucks. Being the reboundee really really sucks.

 

stlnsmile and kizik, it sounds like you both were victims. stlnsmile, your ex even admitted that that's what he used you for!!

 

But in the game of life, there are needy people, and needy people need to cling to other people (innocent) people. Once these needy, selfish people get their needs fulfilled, they are happy, and that's all that counts.

 

I guess it's such a BIG SIN to stay single for a while, until you're ready to date again... but why be alone, when u can fake a relationship for a bit, until you're ready to find someone you really want!!

 

Right? Right?????

 

Sorry, bad emotional day today, but I speak truth.

 

Kizik, do you have a link to your original story?

Posted
stlnsmile and kizik, it sounds like you both were victims. ...Kizik, do you have a link to your original story?

 

I do not, have not and will not think of myself as a victim. No way. I was a full participant in my own mistreatment.

 

My original story prob. got lost in the data loss. But here it is in one sentence:

 

Known her since 1996 at age 12, together since Mar. of 05, LDR since Aug. of 07, g/f sabotaged R by pushing me away and being mean and critical. Not much more to it. I haven't really talked too much about my story b/c it doesn't matter, it's all the same bullsh*t.

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Posted

You know she is almost 24 and I am newly 31, she said she was over her ex and she had been for months, however we started hanging out 2 weeks after she officially moved out. She also said she doesnt play games, I am calling you know what on that. She said she wanted to be with me and was so into me the entire time. I did treat her right and stroked her ego. She is ridiculously beautiful anyway as she flaunts it on her myspace page. Maybe I was a rebound, but it didn't feel that way. I had some hesitation near the end and she picked up on that and bailed. I just cant believe that she can shut her feelings off. Young girls especially should be more emotional than that. Right??? If she does try to come back, at this point I want to take her back, but i would resent her I know it. She would have to make some sacrifices if she comes back including ditching the myspace page, where I am pretty sure she met this guy. Come to thnk of it, i joked around and called her a gold digger a couple months ago and she flipped out. Maybe its partly true. She always said she wanted to be swept off of her feet. If I would've known it would just take a trip and a shopping trip.................F$#% I love and hate her right now

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Posted

I have heard she will probably contact me if i do the NC thing, its been 2 days. I know there's no way to know, but any rough estimate? I realize it will be for her selfish reasons or comfort, but I miss her so much. What I fear and what I know will happen, because sh$% always works out this way is that, I will be about 95% over her and she will call and want to talk or get back together. I don't know what I will do.

Posted
She now says she wants to see what's out there. She says she still thinks about being with me but said it may be a couple months until she figures out what she wants.

 

I'd call bs on that one. You don't give her that kind of power. If she wants to see whats out there, thats fine. You don't need to be there as 2nd fiddle for her if/when she decides she can't find anyone else.

 

Move on and don't give her a 2nd thought.

 

 

I love her and she knows that, we never fought and we treated eachvother very well during our time together. I let her know how much I cared when we spoke. Then after thinking about her and this other guy so soon after we broke up, and her needing to date around. I realized that no matter how much i love this girl, I can't just wait around.

 

Good. And even if she comes back in 1 week and says she made a mistake, don't be a fool. Move on anyway.

 

 

It will destroy me inside. I left her a voice message telling her that I cant wait, I do care, but cant do that to myself. I have to get over her, but a piece of me will be waiting for a call from her. The sooner the better. Any advice on whether I should hold on to this glimmer of hope or just totally let go? Could it be the same as it was, or is everything F$%#%$ up now, beyond repair?

 

 

Go out and start dating. Nothing will take your mind off of her like being in the company of other girls/women. Not saying you have to rebound, just have fun. And soon you will realize you don't want to wait around for someone you can't rely on.

Posted

hmm... i just saw this post... you forgot to mention in here that you did ask for a break first... and the comment you made to her 2 weeks later... I don't think you were her rebound, i think you caught her off guard with the whole "lets take a break" thing... like I said in your other post, she's probably disillusioned right now and trying to do her own thing. Also, for all you know, the NY guy may be the rebound guy... or nothing at all. I can understand her possibly trying to date around to build up a tougher skin (lots of people do this when they themselves have been disappointed in a relationship...) in fact, its something we should all be doing to help us move on... well, not really by trying to hop around from relationship to relationship, but just generally meeting new people that make us feel appreciated.

did you ever think she may be trying to get back at you and now is having fun with watching you try to win her back? just a thought...

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Posted

I think her ego is growing huge with me trying to win her back, but I also think she is having a great time with all of the good looking successful men showering her with attention. I said she was attractive, but I mean she is a 10 attractive. I think she is basking in the attention she has never been free enough to enjoy.

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