mauragh Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and am pretty happy. Since we first got together I've known that his best girl friend, and one of his best friends in the world, is his ex-girlfriend of 1 year (they broke up a year ago and he had been single since their breakup). He talks about her a fair bit, but swears that all romantic feelings are long gone. I've always been a bit suss about the reason he told me for thier breakup - that he returned from a long trip and just "didn't feel the same" about her. A few days ago, his email inbox was open in front of me on his laptop while he left the room. I coudl see an email from her using a nickname and smiley faces in the subject and pretty much felt compelled to quickly take a look - was she still keen on him? What I found was different to what I feared but still has me really confused - she wrote that she was so glad he'd fallen in love. BUT! My boyfriend hasnt said "I love you" to me yet and mentioned a while ago that he wasn't sure he could mean it yet. I haven't said it either because I'm scared to now, even though I do love him in my heart. I know caution is good and honest but why would he tell her that he was in love with me (I'm guessing he used the word love) - to make her jealous? Also, it has been a while and I'm not sure I want to stay, with this girl as his best friend making me a little insecure about his feelings towards me versus her. I realise that could be my issue to just get on over Just feeling slightly vulnerable. I don't know whether we should both move on an call it quits if we can't open up (both of us) to expressing love..and for me, to find someone it's easier to tell, that doesn't make me feel so insecure. There are also professional issues with our relationship in that he's where I want to be professionally, and while he offers me help with many things I can only accept it in small doses as I want to make my own way there. He sees me as an amateur but that's okay - sometimes I think that it would be easier if he were out of the picture however. But, love's never easy.. Any advice would be really welcome.
Ally Boo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Also, it has been a while and I'm not sure I want to stay, with this girl as his best friend making me a little insecure about his feelings towards me versus her. I realise that could be my issue to just get on over Most people I read on here are talking about how they found out he is in love with his best friend- type scenarios. Not, "He told his ex gf/best friend he is in love with me and she is happy." I would say you are probably over-thinking all of this. Guys are usually not hard to figure out. They want to be with you or not and if he is telling his best friend (no matter the form of their history), that's usually a good sign.....
Walk Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and am pretty happy. My boyfriend hasnt said "I love you" to me yet and mentioned a while ago that he wasn't sure he could mean it yet. I haven't said it either because I'm scared to now, even though I do love him in my heart. I know caution is good and honest but why would he tell her that he was in love with me (I'm guessing he used the word love) - to make her jealous? I don't think your bf told his friend in order to make her jealous. And the friend is obviously not jealous. 4 months into a relationship isn't very long. Its right at the cusp where both parties are starting to really feel like they're in love, yet still to unsure about the relationship to throw caution to the wind and just proclaim their love. I always see it like a gun slinger standoff. Each person waiting for the other to make the first move, and each of them scared to make it. I think your bf told his friend what he was feeling because it's how he feels. But he might be picking up on your hesitancy to be fully commited to the relationship. Or its just plain old fear that's getting in his way. If you're scared to tell him how you feel, why would you think he doesn't feel the same fear? Also, it has been a while and I'm not sure I want to stay, with this girl as his best friend making me a little insecure about his feelings towards me versus her. Have you hung out with the both of them? Maybe it would help if you spent some time with his friend one on one? Get to know her as the person she is now, rather then seeing her as "the ex". I'd have a hard time with the friendship, and I probably wouldn't have ever started a relationship with a guy who's still that close to an ex. I think you're going to need to evaluate if that is something you are capable of overcoming and figure out what you need to do to be comfortable with the situation (if you're going to stay). Just feeling slightly vulnerable. I don't know whether we should both move on an call it quits if we can't open up (both of us) to expressing love..and for me, to find someone it's easier to tell, that doesn't make me feel so insecure. Are you saying its harder in this relationship then its ever been in other relationships you've had in the past? In my experience, its always hard to open up at the beginning of a relationship. And the point you two are at now is always the scariest. There are also professional issues with our relationship He sees me as an amateur but that's okay - sometimes I think that it would be easier if he were out of the picture however. Easier how? Are you an amateur? and is that compared to him, or in general? Just curious.
Author mauragh Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 thanks for the advice, I'm sure you're right and I am over thinking things a little! I cant spent tie with his ex/best friend as she's not in the same city, and i just have to accept i have no control over their email relationship and trust his feelings towards us. The amateur comment - He is semi-professional at what I am learning, and were both styudying but he's in a more specific and better endorsed program than myself. His talents have got him there which is cool, I can just work hard where I am and a doing fine, but balancing my own path with help fro him is sometimes tricky and it'd definitely be easier (in a purely selfish way) if I wasn't comparing myself to him, just to my own and wider standards...where I'm happy! Yesterday I got the opportunity to work on a similar project to one he's just finished. His response was that that was 'weird', as he didn't think I'd be allowed (neither did I) then 'I hope you like it...' I told him I knew it wouldn't be all fun - he then said "no,it won't' laughing. And thosse type of things that make me wonder if its that healthy.
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