roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Hello folks – not posted here in a while. I hope you are all slowly but surley moving forward with things! So, why am I back here? Well I after I hadn’t seen her for a couple months I ended up kissing her a few weeks ago – and felt nothing… it really was liberating I finally felt over it all. So a few weeks have passed and I speak with my best friend who runs a popular bar in town… He tells me she has been in talking about me – asking what im up tio, what a great guy I was, how I changed her life etc etc… so STUPIDLY I ask her if she want to catch up, maybe grab a drink and she sais yeah that would be cool but shes now dating someone but if istill want to meet up it would be nice to see me. Well I felt like I was swiftly kicked in the bollocks. I have no idea why this hurts, and im sure itll pass in a couple days. But wtf is that about and where did icome from. We only dated a few months almost SIX MONTHS ago so I dunno why this is bothering me. I have been dating people and hadn’t really thought much about her lately. From this reaction I’ve decided it will probably be a bad idea to meet up with her LOL I did reply telling her that I was seeing other people too and I wasn’t asking her on a date, just wanted to catch up and if she was ok with all that we could meet – but I dunno if that is such a good idea.
Author roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I feel ive taken a couple months step back. Hopefully it will pass very quickly. Anyone else expereienced any similar relapse from that kind of news? It sounds so silly that i would affected. I dont know why i feel like this. Not nice! I really feel like going out drinking to take the edge of it - but i know where that will lead. Is it jealousy... possesiveness... maybe just cause its something i cant have now? Sorry for bumping my own post - i just need to get this out of my head.
Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 sounds like you like the thought of her being yours but you do not actually want her yourself. so if you do hear she is with someone else it bothers you. im in the same kind of boat. my ex was with someone for 5 months ish and yeah it was hard, and when i heard they werent together yeah i was happy but i didnt have an urge to ger her back (she would have to crawl back to me), but now im threating everytime i think about her being with some other new guy lol. its ****ed up sound about right?
Author roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 sounds like you like the thought of her being yours but you do not actually want her yourself. so if you do hear she is with someone else it bothers you. im in the same kind of boat. my ex was with someone for 5 months ish and yeah it was hard, and when i heard they werent together i didnt have an urge to ger her back, but now im threating everytime i think about her being with some other new guy lol. its ****ed up sound about right? LOL i just posted in your thread too, You've hit the nail on the head with that first statement. I felt sick going to work this morning thinking about it.
Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 i know man i just read it lol. god thats why its probably best for me to stay with the NC. out of sight out of mind. on the other hand it will realllly amplify that she dosnt want me back hearing she is with number 3. it probably wasn't good of you to kiss her the other day, but you cant change that now. sounds like the best thing you could do is just go NC and really force yourself to move on. thats what i am trying to do. and i was with this girl for 3 years. even lived with her.
Author roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Stay NC – I always thought I was able to handle it, but this only proves not. I was well on with moving on - , but a few steps back with this… I am leaving the country to move abroad in October – cannot wait now. The thing with the kiss was that I hadn’t seen her for weeks – maybe 2 months and we ended up at a party together and spent the whole night together and the spark was back, we ended up kissing, and I played it cool she started texting me again, and then stopped – im guessing by what she said that its around then shes met this guy. As for her email and what you said above… - Its the way she said it - she had met someone and was dating him now... its the thought that she wants him but didnt want me i think that gets me. All the little things i forgot when i started dating her - the texting, the phone calls and emails at work... how she behaved from the off (we slept together every night from our first date - though there was no sex for a couple weeks, it was just quite intimate) and to think she will be doing that with someone else really actually hurts. I guess i was not as over it all as i thought... wtf - i was doing fine till yesteday LOL Only thing about this i am thankful for is that she was the one who told me than me bumping into her with him, or a friend telling me. I am awaiting her reply to my reply - i'm not so sure i even want to read it.
Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Its the way she said it - she had met someone and was dating him now... its the thought that she wants him but didnt want me i think that gets me. that got me to man. thats what happened to me. even when i spoke to her on the phone i said its weird to say you have a new boyfriend now. she said yea its weird to hear.... ugh. gets me mad. anyway, whats this email you are talking bout? its never i good idea to be waiting on an email. i can tell you that. i wish she had told me directly. but nooooo i had to write her an email begging her back pretty much and all i got was her saying she was seeing him now etc. but she will always hold a place for me in her heart as i was her first love. it sickens me. it sounds like you obviously hold feelings for her, after all why shouldn't you ? no one can just turn off feelings (unless your my ex), if you do decide to keep contacting her then thats your free will. since you are moving away, what good is it contacting her anyway?
Author roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Yeah – well, you know what so long as she’s happy then good. Its hard to say that… but we never fell out, never argued and the split was as clean asit could be. When we do meet up we get on really well. She really is a lovely person and I guess im holding on cause I wouldn’t want to loose her as a friend – and I really hope that will happen one day. It already has, Im hoping this news will finally extinguish whatever flame of hope I had tucked away. the email or whatever it will be I am awaiting is because when I asked her if she wanted to meet up she emailed me right back basically saying how she had a new job, she would love to meet up but wanted me to know she was with someone and that she would hope we can still meet up cause she would like to see me but understands if I wouldn’t want to. My reply was basically I wasn’t asking her on a date, just wanted to catch up (STUPID) and I had been dating other people so not to worry about it and I’m cool with meeting up but I would understand if she couldn’t/wouldn’t. Now I think in hindsight that’s probably a bad answer?! So I guess we’ll see what her reply is… I can only guess she will ask her new boyfriend what his thoughts on it all are LOL – cat amongst the pigeons for sure. Even if I move away I would hope to still be friends – I mean if you get on with someone so well and enough time passes and feelings die then why not. Probably a bad idea?! I think plenty of space and time away from each other is the best thing for me however right now till this all sinks in.
Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 oh right i see what you mean. well i dont think your reply was bad. and being in contact or friends if you had hope of getting back with her or what ever will only become hard knowing she is screwing this new guy, thats how i felt when i found out about my ex anyway. just knew it would be to hard, so cut all ties. even now she isnt with him, unless she wants me back then it will only be a matter of time before she is with someone new anyway and it will be happening all over again in my head. so thats what it may be like for you?
Author roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Yes, you are probably right… As for her sleeping with him or other guys – well I have slept with 3 girls since our split and dated 4 in total since the split. So I guess I can’t say she can’t be doing it if I have. But I can’t see me having feelings for her forever – Hell, yesterday at this time I knew none of this and I was worrying about the girl I had been on a date with last week blowing me out (see my post on the dating page) LOL… I think this is all just a shock, I knew it was inevitable after all – she is very attractive, and has attention from guys all the time. When I find someone else and my heart Is with them I hope me and the ex can be friends – I truly do. I live in a small town and it is inevitable I will bump into her sooner than later plus we have friends in common and some of her friends even work at my work… so it’s not too easy to just vanish.
Author roghornio Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I feel a hell of a lot better today thankfully… Just a bit of shock I think. Spoke with my friend who she spoke to and for the life of me can’t work out why she would say these things, especially to him as she doesn’t know him well enough to say hi let alone tell him all that crap. No point analyzing it either. Worthless. I just need to put it of my mind and carry on with my life… great job, my band is doing well and im moving away in October so lots to think about it. Even if she does reply I think I’ll just have to go down the NC route for the time being, I mean do I really want to hear about her boyfriend?! LOL.
Author roghornio Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 I just going to use this thread to get stuff out my head so don't mind me! Well this is all rather interesting now - LOADS of stuff i completly forgot about (negtive stuff) has started surfacing about her, i went for a walk and started thinking this all through. I remember one morning waking up with her at christams and we didnt really have nothing to say to each other - her sitting on my bed and i kissed her HEAD and walked out the house thinking what the **** am i doing with her, i really was doubting the whole thing. I remember the last night out i was with her as a couple and she got drunk and we met some of my friends and i remember thinking how much she annoyed me, in fact i sent her home in taxi - that was the weekend it all came to a head. I remember countless occasions she was too drunk to come to bed and never made it of the sofa. i remember her constant paranoia about her body, which affected our sex life. She was never really a sexual person (she also did not like being totally naked) which really started to annoy me because i am - a complete sexual imbalance there. Someone else will have that pleasure now. In fact i almost think that i was holding onto the whole thing because i had nothing else to go to if that makes sense. She was very pretty, good times to go outwith - very social, we had lots of firends in comon and we really got on well. So i guess it just suited me at the time.
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