iwanttolive Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 If you read my previous thread, I'm on 2 weeks time-off with my bf. He wanted NC so he can think carefully whether we are right for each other. I, on the other hand, am too coward to pull the plug. I'm afraid I regret my decision and punish myself. We had our beautiful moments together. But in the past two months, things just go downhill. Like one of LS members describes in her thread, it's like opening a pandora box, things just go wrong uncontrollably. Now I feel like i'm waiting for my death sentence. I feel so helpless. It's so unfair, why must I be the one suffering in silence? Yet I can't control my feeling. I feel pain now and then. What do I do in the next two weeks. Another question. This is my 4th relationship. I feel like a failure as no one loves me. I know I should not compare myself to others but i can't help being envious of my frens who have their true love. I also know I should not focus on what I don't have but to be thankful for what I have. But I really can't help it! I feel like something is wrong with me, that's I can't find a man who loves me...
Geishawhelk Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Find a counsellor, tell them that you're needy and have low-self esteem. You need to build yourself up in your own eyes, because get this: Your happiness is not dependent on the inclusion in your life of a significant other. Your happiness is not dependent on life being great, wonderful, love-drenched and serene. Because it ever rarely is. Your happiness is not dependent on anything outside of yourself. Anything. The only way you can gain true happiness, serenity and lasting Joy is by accepting that you are absolutely, wonderfully, blissfully perfect just as you are right now. The most important person in your life - the one who deserves your love and Compassion - is You. And get this: You always will be. Until we can all come to terms with who we are, how great we are, and how just fine we are, AS we are - we'll always think we need some kind of validation and confirmation from someone else. We don't. Because if we can't completely accept ourselves and love us as we are - how can we logically expect anyone else to do just that?
Author iwanttolive Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Your happiness is not dependent on anything outside of yourself. Anything. Is that really possible? Sometimes, on rare occassions, I can. But most of the time I feel life is unfair. I don't want to consider those who are less fortunate. Why can't everyone be like Miss Universe? Why must she be the fortunate one, why does she deserve all the goodness while the rest of us do not?
Geishawhelk Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Is that really possible? Sometimes, on rare occassions, I can. But most of the time I feel life is unfair. I don't want to consider those who are less fortunate. Why can't everyone be like Miss Universe? Why must she be the fortunate one, why does she deserve all the goodness while the rest of us do not? Of course it's possible! And if you can do it on rare occasions, you can prolong that! It's all a question of attitude and changing your thinking. And you can. no doubt about it. Have you spoken to Miss universe? Have you any idea how happy she really is? I spoke to a beauty queen, who actually detested being so beautiful, because she got the wrong kind of attention. Based on her looks, not on her brains. But the moment people found out that she was a mathematical genius as well, their opinions changed to hostility. How dare she be beautiful AND have brains?! Wasn't one thing enough? How arrogant of her, to have both to her credit! get it out of your head that there is a perfect ideal, because it's a lie. A bare-faced lie perpetuated by media hype, advertising, women's magazines, the diet industry and the cosmetics industry. It's all boll-awks. Gob-shyte. Stop comparing yourself to other people, because take any cross-section of them, and ask them if there was anything they would change about themselves, and trust me, they would. (I would say a fair proportion of 'beautiful' people, have cosmetic surgery to keep their looks going... Look at Faye dunaway, Raquel Welch, Robert Redford, Nicole Kidman, Liza Minelli.... all there rich, beautiful talented people. The list is long. Too long. ) It's rubbish. The only person you need to evaluate and decide is absolutely top whack, and wonderful with it - is you. One of the happies and most beautiful people I have ever met was short, bald and covered in a sheet. She was a Buddhist nun. I have never seen such happiness and serenity over-flowing in a person, as much as I did in her. Now, I'm not for one moment suggesting you should drop everything and go join a nunnery. But you need to change your priorities. You need to see what's really important in your life, and focus on that. And that, would be you.
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