Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Have you exchanged messages tonite?y No, Lizzie. It's like we're in a stalemate. Just funny that he deleted me last night in his tantrum, and logged in seconds after I did tonight. You know he'll reach out eventually. And I enjoyed reading your dating history with the younger men. You're my new idol.
Lizzie60 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 y No, Lizzie. It's like we're in a stalemate. Just funny that he deleted me last night in his tantrum, and logged in seconds after I did tonight. You know he'll reach out eventually. And I enjoyed reading your dating history with the younger men. You're my new idol. Just ignore him.. I agree, he'll probably reach out eventually... most of the time they do.. they just hate to be 'ignored'.. works every time..
Jilly Bean Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I went out tonight, and got home and logged online. Guess who logged in about 30 seconds later? Yep - my 30 year old date. I so knew he would get over his tantrum. ha ha. Can't wait to see when he mans up and initiates conversation. I SO knew it! Did I call it, or what? He will cave, Alpha. I am sure he stewed over it all day, and then thought better of his childish behavior. I'd still blow him off, though.
Javelin Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Alpha, I hate to say it, but I think you are interested in seeing if another date with this guy would pan out for the better... You don't seem completely turned off by his behavior at all and it seems like, something about him, still has your curiosity! Why not set up another date with him, but this time, why don't you plan the events! ;p
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 You knew what? He would still use his computer after the date?
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Alpha, I hate to say it, but I think you are interested in seeing if another date with this guy would pan out for the better... You don't seem completely turned off by his behavior at all and it seems like, something about him, still has your curiosity! Why not set up another date with him, but this time, why don't you plan the events! ;p ha ha! Yes, his behavior didn't completely turn me off. And he did have some lovely qualities. I think I understand his mentality and actions so well. I really don't think I would go out with him again however. Though I understand why he is as he is, it doesn't change the fact that he still behaves like an infant. The whole delete me, then add me back to his IM illustrates that. I don't have the patience right now for the drama, and he has shown me that's what he'd be bringing. And lots of it! I find him entertaining though. And it's fun to sit back and see how this is unfolding now.
JP77 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I find him entertaining though. And it's fun to sit back and see how this is unfolding now. I suggest you visit Jeremy Kyle.
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Didn't turn you off? Lets recap what you said... Gag. What a freakin horror show. I felt like I was being blown off. Was he interested in booty only? I just wonder how much his Mormon upbringing has really screwed him up. I think his lack of planning was pretty lame. I didn't deserve being guilted about not enjoying a 1 1/4 hour date either. Poor tyke. Still makes me sad to meet someone so damaged. So, it was very much like babysitting for me. Why so hateful if he "didnt turn you off"? Maybe because you asked him to spend more public time with you, and he came back with " Want to go to your house"? Then he went home... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...
JP77 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... Angry women turn me on. The sex afterwards is always amazing.
Jilly Bean Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Alpha - did he write you last night? I find this story so fascinating, because you are EXACTLY like my sister and this story reminds me of a guy she went out with who was also a lot younger than her. So, I'm invested now. lol.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Hey what is the big deal about the date only lasting an hour and 15 minutes? You had dinner and you hadn't met in person before. It would make sense to me that the first date, and actual first meeting in person wouldn't be an all night affair.....just enjoy a meal together and see if there's any chemistry...then he calls if he wants to continue and get the opportunity to date you again. Then we can have the dinner, and the show, and the drinks afterward, and the makeout session..... I think you might have been giving him vibes that you weren't happy because he just saw it as a basic first date get to know you, not a major event lasting for 6 hours or more of the night. Since you gave him those vibes that what he planned (a nice dinner out) wasn't enough, then he was put off. I don't see why you couldn't have just enjoyed what it was, a dinner out to meet in person with the guy you had been communicating online with. Usually for a first online date for me, it is not a big major outing, it is just a meeting at Barnes and Noble for a coffee/dessert thing. You make some excellent points. To me if a date is shorter than previous phone conversations, it's not a very good sign. Dinner on a first date sets up more of an expectation than a quick coffee date/meet and greet at Starbucks. I'm used to my dates being far more sophisticated and being able to plan an evening out. Jilly Bean: I'd like to meet your sister! We could compare notes. ha ha. I actually have not been signing into messenger as I honestly don't want to deal with his drama anymore. I'm pretty well over it. I'll never know what his true game or intention was, and I really don't care anymore. ha ha.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 At age 20, he isn't used to a "sophisticated" date. ? He is a 30-year old man, not a 20-year old boy. If expecting more of a date experience from a grown man makes me a princess, then please crown me.
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 This isn't rocket science! If you meet a complete stranger, usually you know after 5 minutes what your interest is. If you plan on dinner, then you are stuck for an hour. HE DID NOT WANT TO CONTINUE THE DATE. You even ASKED HIM to do some window shopping and he said NO. That doesn't mean he is a mental case, was playing games, is crazy, insecure, a child etc. So at that point he thought maybe he could at least get laid, so he asked pretty obviously. You said no, he went home and blocked you. End of story.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I actually have not been signing into messenger as I honestly don't want to deal with his drama anymore. I'm pretty well over it. I'll never know what his true game or intention was, and I really don't care anymore. ha ha. Are you really over it? lol Aren't you a bit intrigued or at least frustrated enough to find out why? At the same time, it is a bit exasperating, I understand! I could always ask the younger guy I went out with what the hell happened when I see him at his job if I choose to, but would that even achieve anything? I am curious as to what his true game or intentions were as well, but he'd probably not even give it to me - if he had the balls, he would have already!
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Ok, I was confusing you with the other poster who had a date with a younger man. It was princessy because it was the first date and on top of that, he hadn't met you in person before, which is WAY different than chatting on the phone and IMs and such. What is wrong with a dinner out, I'll give you a call? Or "we had dinner. Do you want to go to a movie or call it a night?" You've lost him now, live and learn I guess. If dinner lasts one hour, it's not a good sign to me. And there was not an offer to go to a movie. He was clueless and admitted so much later on that night when we chatted again about the date. And you can't lose something you never had. I'm not losing sleep over it.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Are you really over it? lol Aren't you a bit intrigued or at least frustrated enough to find out why? At the same time, it is a bit exasperating, I understand! I could always ask the younger guy I went out with what the hell happened when I see him at his job if I choose to, but would that even achieve anything? I am curious as to what his true game or intentions were as well, but he'd probably not even give it to me - if he had the balls, he would have already! Naw, I'm really not that interested about it. I truly think he was completely clueless and totally out of his league. I misunderstood that you only had two dates, instead of 5. I wouldn't ask him after only 2 dates. He could have tweaked or felt like he was in over his head. I think a 20-year is a child still, and you are a far more mature woman at 29. Once you start going over 30's, age shouldn't mean that much. But a 20-year old guy? I think they're just all over the place. Let's just move on and know that we won't solve every mystery.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 If dinner lasts one hour, it's not a good sign to me. And there was not an offer to go to a movie. He was clueless and admitted so much later on that night when we chatted again about the date. And you can't lose something you never had. I'm not losing sleep over it. I find his lack of experience about dating to be rather cute in some ways... Did you feel a connection with him though? At the same time, although you mentioned he was younger, he IS 30, and should have enough dating skills under his belt to plan a proper date. Maybe his Mormonism ways kept him from having proper dating experiences? Who knows? But you are right, can't lose sleep over someone you never had - I am applying that to my sitch as well! Still a bit frustrating though because I'm sure they both had their charms...I know mine did....
bones1 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 So just yesterday when you saw him sign onto his computer hopoing he would contact you but didn't you were thinking "ha ha! Yes, his behavior didn't completely turn me off. And he did have some lovely qualities. I think I understand his mentality and actions so well. I find him entertaining though. And it's fun to sit back and see how this is unfolding now." Then he didn't contact you so now you are thinking .. "I actually have not been signing into messenger as I honestly don't want to deal with his drama anymore. I'm pretty well over it. I'll never know what his true game or intention was, and I really don't care anymore. ha ha." It was an internet meet. I hope you would FINALLY be over it 3 days later.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I find his lack of experience about dating to be rather cute in some ways... Did you feel a connection with him though? At the same time, although you mentioned he was younger, he IS 30, and should have enough dating skills under his belt to plan a proper date. Maybe his Mormonism ways kept him from having proper dating experiences? Who knows? But you are right, can't lose sleep over someone you never had - I am applying that to my sitch as well! Still a bit frustrating though because I'm sure they both had their charms...I know mine did.... Oh, I find his lack of experience to be annoying. ha ha! Honestly, I felt absolutely no connection with him. Not even physical. Which was a shame, as he was megawatt hot. He told me Mormon upbringing really screwed him up. He also went to Brigham and Young, so he had really no dating experience until he renounced the religion 5 years ago. And no sexual experience before then either! Yes, his real charm was that he was very sweet. But ridiculously insecure and childish. This guy will most likely continue to spin this cycle in his life. It's funny as he told me he always dates older women. Which I find hard to swallow, since he is so clueless. Older women tend to not have the patience. I know I don't. I'm not going to teach a guy how to date, nor how to shag. ha ha. Your guy has hope. Just not for another 10 years or so. He's still forming!
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Oh, I find his lack of experience to be annoying. ha ha! Honestly, I felt absolutely no connection with him. Not even physical. Which was a shame, as he was megawatt hot. He told me Mormon upbringing really screwed him up. He also went to Brigham and Young, so he had really no dating experience until he renounced the religion 5 years ago. And no sexual experience before then either! Yes, his real charm was that he was very sweet. But ridiculously insecure and childish. This guy will most likely continue to spin this cycle in his life. It's funny as he told me he always dates older women. Which I find hard to swallow, since he is so clueless. Older women tend to not have the patience. I know I don't. I'm not going to teach a guy how to date, nor how to shag. ha ha. Your guy has hope. Just not for another 10 years or so. He's still forming! My guy, at 20, probably planned a better date than yours....well if you felt absolutely no connection, then it really is no loss at all!!!! You didn't want to take it at the sexual angle as well - teach him a thing or two? Or no patience for that either? My guy talked big game - all the things he would do to me when we were ready....I also felt a HUGE connection with him, on many levels...wonder if he got scared of the age difference, but funny thing is, he ASKED ME if I was ok with his age.... Seemed ok with my profession... But you're right, at 20, they are still mentally and emotionally growing, so he would be an awesome guy in about 10 years' time! As for yours, hmmmm...I don't know what to say.....what would have been a better date for you? I think it's not a loss because in the long run, you would be totally bored and you seem much more sophisticated in your tastes and activities..... Are you done with younger guys or still gonna give them a chance? I can't help it because 99% of guys I meet or who approach me are younger since I look really young, and the other 1% are REALLY OLD dudes like in their late 40's and 50's!!!
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 My guy, at 20, probably planned a better date than yours....well if you felt absolutely no connection, then it really is no loss at all!!!! You didn't want to take it at the sexual angle as well - teach him a thing or two? Or no patience for that either? My guy talked big game - all the things he would do to me when we were ready....I also felt a HUGE connection with him, on many levels...wonder if he got scared of the age difference, but funny thing is, he ASKED ME if I was ok with his age.... Seemed ok with my profession... But you're right, at 20, they are still mentally and emotionally growing, so he would be an awesome guy in about 10 years' time! As for yours, hmmmm...I don't know what to say.....what would have been a better date for you? I think it's not a loss because in the long run, you would be totally bored and you seem much more sophisticated in your tastes and activities..... Are you done with younger guys or still gonna give them a chance? I can't help it because 99% of guys I meet or who approach me are younger since I look really young, and the other 1% are REALLY OLD dudes like in their late 40's and 50's!!! Sounds like he did! I have dated guys younger than this one who took me out on far better dates. This guy really had no clue, and as Tudor said early on, caved from the embarassment of knowing he didn't pull it off. I didn't feel a connection over the phone, nor in person, no. I was blinded by his hotness, but beyond that, he's kind of slow. Doesn't really have a sense of humor, except to say these really odd, random, non sequitor comments. Basically not the guy I could take to a business function by any stretch. But still hot as heck. ha ha I am open to all ages, I don't limit my dating options. But I happen to get hit on mainly by younger guys who don't know my real age as I get early 30's quite a bit. So that's who I tend to date it seems. Last boyfriend was 15 years younger and we were together over a year. He was great online, but the in-person was disappointing. But, Lizzie called that one, too! Sometimes you have to meet them anyhow to find out. But you're right. I know even if had continued on, it wouldn't have been for long. I just don't want to coach someone through life. The younger guys I date are very accomplished and together. Your guy? Yea, give him 10 years.
Star Gazer Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Hey, I think you're being a little unfair to this guy. Dinner shouldn't be such a short event. Also, it's not solely his task to entertain you, in that interesting conversation needs to be fueled by both people. It really sounds like he's shy and awkward. Perhaps you could have helped to put him at ease a bit by encouraging v. expecting? I couldn't agree more. It wasn't just a first date, but a first MEETING. Why is he responsible for "taking YOU out"? What effort did you put in to this venture, other than showing up? I get the feeling from his comments that you belittled his plans (or apparent lack thereof in your eyes) and his nervousness.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I couldn't agree more. It wasn't just a first date, but a first MEETING. Why is he responsible for "taking YOU out"? What effort did you put in to this venture, other than showing up? I get the feeling from his comments that you belittled his plans (or apparent lack thereof in your eyes) and his nervousness. I think he didn't have an extensive dating history, was nervous about meeting a hot older woman, and I totally forgot this was the first meeting so he probably felt the pressure and got nervous. Alpha Female did find his nervousness to be annoying! lol I found mine to be refreshing and sweet, so hence the difference I guess.... I think he is just embarrassed because not only was he nervous and insecure about the whole meeting, it didn't help that he knew you felt that way....poor guy...actually feel bad for him though!
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I couldn't agree more. It wasn't just a first date, but a first MEETING. Why is he responsible for "taking YOU out"? What effort did you put in to this venture, other than showing up? I get the feeling from his comments that you belittled his plans (or apparent lack thereof in your eyes) and his nervousness. Because I am a grown-up 42-year old woman who does not go out on 6PM, 1-hour dates. That's why. And I am sure he knew I was unhappy. It was such a bizarre ending to the date. And he did say it would occur to him later what he did wrong, but he knew it would be too late by the time he figured it out. Just means we weren't right for each other. Not a biggie.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I think he didn't have an extensive dating history, was nervous about meeting a hot older woman, and I totally forgot this was the first meeting so he probably felt the pressure and got nervous. Alpha Female did find his nervousness to be annoying! lol I found mine to be refreshing and sweet, so hence the difference I guess.... I think he is just embarrassed because not only was he nervous and insecure about the whole meeting, it didn't help that he knew you felt that way....poor guy...actually feel bad for him though! Right on. I know he was embarrassed. Heck, he was nervous even during our phone conversation! He went into this whole rant later on that night about how he was sorry for letting me down, and how he was sorry that he didn't know how to act around me, and how he was sorry he wasn't the right guy for me. I feel sorry for him in a way, too, but this is how young men grow and learn. Trial and error in the dating scene.
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