TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Trialbyfire does have a point. As the adult on this date it was your duty to coach him and show him how to let you have a good date. If we don't teach our young how to properly date how are they ever to get laid and continue to reproduce so that social security does not run out. No pun intended to Trialbyfire...her point has its merits.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Trialbyfire does have a point. As the adult on this date it was your duty to coach him and show him how to let you have a good date. If we don't teach our young how to properly date how are they ever to get laid and continue to reproduce so that social security does not run out. No pun intended to Trialbyfire...her point has its merits. Ha ha. No, I don't think the responsibility fell on me to carry the date as she suggested. First she said the conversation needs to be fueled by both people, then she said I should have carried the conversation. She's worse than McCain. ha ha. Like the other guy said, who was 25, he could have shown me a better time. I'm definitely bummed though. It seems like we miscommunicate, one of us overreacts, then we wait a day or so to reach out and try again. Will be interesting to see if he contacts me again at all, or if he continues to blame me for being discontent with a 1 1/4 hour first date.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Trialbyfire does have a point. As the adult on this date it was your duty to coach him and show him how to let you have a good date. If we don't teach our young how to properly date how are they ever to get laid and continue to reproduce so that social security does not run out. No pun intended to Trialbyfire...her point has its merits. He's 30, I didn't alpha needed to be his coach or anything like that.... Sorry the date went bad, but it does seem like he's a bit inexperienced. I had a sushi date once and even after that we managed to pass time with pool and dessert at a quaint little cafe. Was 3 before I got home. The guy was 19 of course. Maybe you should date someone in their late 20s?
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Ha ha. No, I don't think the responsibility fell on me to carry the date as she suggested. First she said the conversation needs to be fueled by both people, then she said I should have carried the conversation. She's worse than McCain. ha ha. Like the other guy said, who was 25, he could have shown me a better time. I'm definitely bummed though. It seems like we miscommunicate, one of us overreacts, then we wait a day or so to reach out and try again. Will be interesting to see if he contacts me again at all, or if he continues to blame me for being discontent with a 1 1/4 hour first date. You're not reading very well alpha. You need to help a shy and nervous guy relax first so he can participate more willingly, rather than feel like he's being examined under a microscope. This is just plain good manners.
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 As far as I am concerned the woman only needs to be herself on a date and only carrying a purse..(contents of said purse is a different topic all together). If you were yourself and the conversation was forced and not going any where then it is clear the commonalities where not as you had hoped. Throw your pole back in the water and keep fishing.
bones1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 As I stated before in your other thread about this guy, he wanted one thing from you. SEX! I have no idea what you imed each other about, but I am guessing sex DID come up. Which is why he then felt bad for not being invited to your home. Many many women use sex as a ploy to get internet dates. They send naked photos, chat about how much and what positions they want, etc, then say they want to go on a date. And news flash for everyone! I do not think he was "nervous" for the reasons you might think. He had little interest in dating you. He wanted to go through the motions of a date to then have sex. If he seemed nervous, it was most likely because he was in public with a woman who is 12 years older, and he wanted to end that part of the date quickly. Now you can go on thinking he is just weird and crazy, or believe me, even though it might not be exactly what you want to hear. After you did not have sex, his interest level went to zero. If a man likes a woman, they do not invite themselves over after a very quick date, then get offended if you say no, and block you from their im and myspace..
daphne Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 alpha, I think his comment on being broken side isn't a red flag but more like a bullhorn. His issues aside, I still think that you could benefit from lightening up in dating. You come across as a little overbearing and critical. This isn't going to enhance the experience and will basically leave most men a) floundering trying to make a good impression under harsh conditions b) wanting to walk because your expectations are too high. I'm not saying these things to be unkind. I had to learn this when I was younger, as my dating skills were pretty bad and I couldn't figure out why guys who seemed crazy about me to begin with would dwindle off. If you want to make the most of situations, don't be so quick to judge and be in control. You intimidate guys so you've got a double whammy. A lot of guys don't even want to date intimidating women so you'll need to soften your approach. Give men the benefit of the doubt and just sit back and watch. I think you're a little insecure, from your reactions and immediate assumptions that this guy was a gold digger, only wanting sex. TIme tells everything but you don't have to trust him. Just trust yourself. Or, you can avoid learning from this experience and just bash the guy for being human and having flaws. But you'll be doing this again, perhaps with a guy you really like next time.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 As far as I am concerned the woman only needs to be herself on a date and only carrying a purse..(contents of said purse is a different topic all together). If you were yourself and the conversation was forced and not going any where then it is clear the commonalities where not as you had hoped. Throw your pole back in the water and keep fishing. Ha ha! You seem to be the only one who gets me here. What are you doing saturday night?
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 As I stated before in your other thread about this guy, he wanted one thing from you. SEX! I have no idea what you imed each other about, but I am guessing sex DID come up. Which is why he then felt bad for not being invited to your home. Many many women use sex as a ploy to get internet dates. They send naked photos, chat about how much and what positions they want, etc, then say they want to go on a date. And news flash for everyone! I do not think he was "nervous" for the reasons you might think. He had little interest in dating you. He wanted to go through the motions of a date to then have sex. If he seemed nervous, it was most likely because he was in public with a woman who is 12 years older, and he wanted to end that part of the date quickly. Now you can go on thinking he is just weird and crazy, or believe me, even though it might not be exactly what you want to hear. After you did not have sex, his interest level went to zero. If a man likes a woman, they do not invite themselves over after a very quick date, then get offended if you say no, and block you from their im and myspace.. Not sure you slipped you a major bitter pill in life, but you couldn't be farther from the truth or reality, pal. Feel free to ignore my threads if this is the best you can do.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 He's 30, I didn't alpha needed to be his coach or anything like that.... Sorry the date went bad, but it does seem like he's a bit inexperienced. I had a sushi date once and even after that we managed to pass time with pool and dessert at a quaint little cafe. Was 3 before I got home. The guy was 19 of course. Maybe you should date someone in their late 20s? After hearing your story, maybe I should date someone who is 18! ha ha. Yes I don't go out with men expecting to play dating coach. If they can't keep up, then they get weeded out. That is what dating is about. It's not about trying to fix every broken soul that comes your way and try to form him into someone else. The women on here who think that's good policy make me wonder how successful their dating lives are. I have had plenty of dates in my life, but none that ended after 1 1/4 hours when a guy is interested. I told him that when we were chatting at my car. He seem flummoxed and ashamed that he hadn't thought much past dinner. I think he is ridiculously inexperienced as you said, and apologized later on when we were chatting on IM. I was trying to get some kind of answer out of him as to why things went this way (put it this way. Our phone conversation on monday night lasted longer than our date!), and he just said he was sorry for ruining my evening and for not having a clue how to act with me. How he was wrong for setting dinner too early and not planning anything afterwards. I honestly don't think he had a clue about how to plan a proper date and the impression you leave with his actions.
bones1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Too funny. He is 30 not 16 on his first date. So you think he really wanted to parade you all over town but he was just inexperienced! Yes that's it! He wanted a quick public meet and then an invite to your home. He wanted to end the public portion of the date quickly. You even said you thought booty call. If a man is interested or cared what you thought he would not ask to come to your home after 1 hour. But whatever makes you feel good It is not bitter it is the obvious reality of what happened.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Wow.. 30.. I thought he was in his early 20s.. this guy has too much personal issues.. don't waste your time on him.. I date younger men.. and if the guys have too much personal issues... I just let them go.. I'm not a child therapist... I have no patience for that kind of childish behaviour.. Good riddance..
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 That's why some of us older guys are a good catch. I couldn't agree with you more! Next time, perhaps I will pay more attention to the early warning signs. This guy was all over the place from the get-go. AND, when a guy tells you he is broken inside, you run at that point. I assume you are over 30. Even if your youngest of dating days, were you ever this clueless?
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Ha ha! You seem to be the only one who gets me here. What are you doing saturday night? ;) Ahh shucks... Sadly I am spoken for... but my alter ego would love to show you how a proper date should go on Sat. It would have a beginning, a middle and one gurantteed happy ending!!!
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Wow.. 30.. I thought he was in his early 20s.. this guy has too much personal issues.. don't waste your time on him.. I date younger men.. and if the guys have too much personal issues... I just let them go.. I'm not a child therapist... I have no patience for that kind of childish behaviour.. Good riddance.. Lizzie - aren't you the one who said if I met him we probably wouldn't have chemistry anyway? How right you were my friend! Physically he is stunning. But emotionally? Just couldn't connect. His insecurities oozed all over the place. Sad, really. We talked on the phone the other night for 2.5 hours. Even that was strained at times, as you could tell he has struggling with even basic conversation. The beginning he was painfully shy and it was actually the first time we had spoken! He had been one of these guys who relies on texting and IM's only. That was a sign as well. I am like you and tend to date younger men for the most part. This is the first one I ever encountered who was so blatantly riddled with issues. LMAO at your child therapist comment! I think this whole Mormon upbringing really did quite a number on him. Note to self: in the future when a guy tells you before you meet that he is "broken inside", you politely decline the ensuing date. I am usually so literal and don't play the fixer up game with men. I guess I needed the reminder.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Ahh shucks... Sadly I am spoken for... but my alter ego would love to show you how a proper date should go on Sat. It would have a beginning, a middle and one gurantteed happy ending!!! Yes and you are spoken for because you knew how to date a woman properly. Beginning, middle and happy ending included! :D
CaliGuy Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I couldn't agree with you more! Next time, perhaps I will pay more attention to the early warning signs. This guy was all over the place from the get-go. AND, when a guy tells you he is broken inside, you run at that point. I assume you are over 30. Even if your youngest of dating days, were you ever this clueless? No, not when I was 30. I am 39 now. Trust me when I say that just because some of us are older doesn't mean we're any less viril The ex found that out. She was 22 and couldn't keep up with me. haha. But yeah, he's totally clueless. And if someone is broken it means they are incapable of having a lasting, fruitful relationship. He needs to slay his demons first before he's capable of being with you or anyone.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 But yeah, he's totally clueless. And if someone is broken it means they are incapable of having a lasting, fruitful relationship. He needs to slay his demons first before he's capable of being with you or anyone. Yes, you're totally right. That's what was disturbing mostly. I could see all the signs of his sweetness and kindness. Too bad it is all masked in the "brokenness". Then again, it's also sad to me when I meet people who had a lot of potential in their lives, and can't break their chains.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 No, not when I was 30. I am 39 now. Trust me when I say that just because some of us are older doesn't mean we're any less viril The ex found that out. She was 22 and couldn't keep up with me. haha. P.S. Despite popular beliefs, my attraction to him wasn't for his virility. Perimenopause has killed my sex drive actually. I think younger men have all the spunk, but totally lack the technique of an older man.
Jilly Bean Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Interesting stuff, Alpha! I don't think his thing was about getting you into bed. If it was, he would have (Tudor pointed out) taken you for drinks afterwards. I think he really thought dinner at 6 was going to be great and that was enough for a first date. The pool thing makes me suspicious, though. I see why you're confused - he sent a lot of mixed messages. But who cares, really? He told you he was broken, and if that's not a waving red flag, I don't know what is. Judging your dynamic, I think you'll hear from him again.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 OK so that's the guy... I was right.. I have been seeing a 25 yr old for 2 yrs now.. he's my youngest MM... he is amazingly intelligent.. so interesting.. we can chat for hours.. we really have chemistry... and now this great looking 36 yr old.. sooo boring.. no conversation.. I don't think it has anything to do with age.. it's rather the way they were brought up, their culture (in my case I think).. he's EAST INDIAN (take notes Bones .. so it's a totally different world)... their personality, etc. etc. But I have to agree with the poster who said it's about sex, MOST of the times it is about sex... but not ALL the time.. Like my two young ones.. it's not about sex.. since the 36 yr old hasn't had sex with me yet (since we've been back together)... But they are a lot of FUN.. when they are interesting !!!!
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I don't think it has anything to do with age.. it's rather the way they were brought up, their culture But I have to agree with the poster who said it's about sex, MOST of the times it is about sex... but not ALL the time.. Like my two young ones.. it's not about sex.. since the 36 yr old hasn't had sex with me yet (since we've been back together)... But they are a lot of FUN.. when they are interesting !!!! Yes I concur, Lizzie. Some people always like to assume the least common denominator and assume relationships of this type only resort to sex. Small minds can't accept younger men dating older women for any reason behind sex, yet you and I know this to not be the case. Considering this guy and I had virtually no conversations about sex, and he actually took high offense when I suggested this was his interest, I don't think it was about it this time at all. I truly think he was entirely clueless about the date. I think he felt badly when he knew he disappointed me and then turned it around on me to make it my problem, rather than try to rally or admit he made a mistake. Just really shows his level of maturity, experience and emotional health. Like you, I have dated a lot of younger men. And a lot of men my own age. In all my years, I have never encountered anyone like this guy. Still makes me sad to meet someone so damaged.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Judging your dynamic, I think you'll hear from him again. Yea, I thought that as well, Jilly. He seemed to knee-jerk pretty hard, and I think once he calms down and sees the other side, he will reach out.
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