Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Gag. What a freakin horror show. I went to meet this guy tonight. He wanted to go for sushi, which is great. He picked a nice place. He wanted to meet at 6PM. Which I think is pretty early for a date. We had an OK time. He seemed very nervous. And sometimes he would say things that were a little odd. About an hour and 15 minutes later, he pays the check and walks me to my car. IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUT! I felt like I was being blown off. When we got to my car, he started asking if he could come see my pool. I said no and then it became very awkward as I couldn't get a read on him. Was he interested in booty only? We left on very strange terms. He asked me what I was looking for and then said that he felt like he disappointed me, and that it would occur to him later on what he did wrong when it was too late. I came home and he was on the site we met on. ha ha I sent him an IM and we got into this whole thing. He was telling me that now I can lump him in with all the other young guys who are only out for sex even though he says hes not like that. He said he was sorry for not being the right guy for me and for not having a clue how to act with me, which was evidenced by him selecting dinner too early and not planning something to do after dinner (that's what he said). He said he had only thought about dinner and didnt think about doing something afterwards. He said he genuinely wanted to see my pool (it has a feature he had never seen before) and that it wasnt about getting me home to have sex with me. Then he said I made him feel 1" tall when I called him weird (which I did, but thats because he was acting really weird at my car and I couldn't get a read on him). Then he said a bunch of other martyr stuff about how I didn't have a good time on the date, and how he is sorry for wasting my time, etc. , then blocked me on IM and deleted me as a myspace friend. Like within 10 seconds he had done that! He had told me the other night that he had been raised Mormon, and that caused all kinds of issues for him but he doesn' practice it now. He then said, "Kim, I am totally broken inside." I wonder how much that is true.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Lawdy! So he dumped all of HIS insecurites on you, and then tried to make YOU feel bad. Be grateful you got blocked. Wow, that's some pathological insecurity right there...
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Lawdy! So he dumped all of HIS insecurites on you, and then tried to make YOU feel bad. Be grateful you got blocked. Wow, that's some pathological insecurity right there... Yea exactly! It was like he totally blamed me for having a bad time and for me being disappointed. I told him for me, if a date ends after an hour, its because the guy didn't have a good time.
Krytie TV Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 He asked me what I was looking for and then said that he felt like he disappointed me, and that it would occur to him later on what he did wrong when it was too late. I came home and he was on the site we met on. ha ha He then said, "Kim, I am totally broken inside." I wonder how much that is true. Yes, if insecure guys are not your thing, then this is probably the time to exit stage left.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Yes, if insecure guys are not your thing, then this is probably the time to exit stage left. When I was pissed at his comment last week I deleted him from my IM and from myspace. I thought I was bad but I didnt see this coming. It was like he turned around his lack of skills on the date on me and then used it to exit. I have to think most women would feel rejected after a date lasting an hour. He then said he was sorry for not planning a better evening and thinking to do something after dinner. Who really thinks like this? Is this real? I just wonder how much his Mormon upbringing has really screwed him up.
Krytie TV Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 If it wasn't a Mormon upbringing it could just as easily be something else. He sounds like a real Eeyore... and that is draining on anyone around them.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Yes, you're right. I feel badly. He really had some lovely qualities. But how can anyone deal with this? I feel like his issues too much mirror and magnify mine.
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Rule #1 when meeting someone on line and taking it to a face to face date.....State your intentions. Did you the two of you talk about the date prior to the date...ie: you seem nice I would like to go on date to get to know you better and see where it goes from there but no expectations...or the other extreme, I want to go on date to see if there is a mutual attraction because I want to get laid, etc. So many people waste their time from lack of cummunication no matter how basic or how unnessary they may think it is....it matters. But from a male perspective...you haven't lost out on anything with this tool. Lack of confidense, no planning skills past dinner....come on even if his intent was to get laid an early dinner is hardly going to get you in the sack all by its self. Shrug it off and get back in there. "Tudor pats her on the butt as she returns to the game..."
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Rule #1 when meeting someone on line and taking it to a face to face date.....State your intentions. Did you the two of you talk about the date prior to the date...ie: you seem nice I would like to go on date to get to know you better and see where it goes from there but no expectations...or the other extreme, I want to go on date to see if their is a mutual attraction because I want to get laid, etc. So many people waste their time from lack of cummunication no matter how basic or how unnessary they may think it is....it matters. But from a male perspective...you haven't lost out on anything with this tool. Lack of confidense, no planning skills past dinner....come on even if his intent was to get laid and early dinner is hardly going to get you in he sack all by its self. Shrug it off and get back in there. "Tudor pats her on the butt as she returns to the game..." ha! thanks, Tudor. Yes, he knew I am looking for a relationship. He said he was in the same boat. Im just not sure if he was trying for booty, or just really clueless about how to date. But my suspicion is the latter.
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 At 30...his age has no impact on guys who are just looking to get laid. We do that at all ages. His age is not necessarily condusiIve of lack of experience either...many late 20's and 30's have been around the block enough to know how to plan a fun and eventful date, be it the first of 50th. His poor planning speaks to his own lack of experience and maturity rather then his age. But ask yourself, had the date been more eventful, lets say after dinner he took you to fun little jazz bar or something to your liking and continued the date....sounds to me the first part of the date was not all the conversational to begin with, so extending your torture would have only made you start drinking heavy to ease the pain and likely end with you making a bad descision in your druken state like indeed showing him the pool with you naked in it. Thank your lucky stars the little bastared blew it and saved you from making aforementioned bad decision. "Again Tudor pats the but this time because he liked how the first one went"
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 At 30...his age has no impact on guys who are just looking to get laid. We do that at all ages. His age is not necessarily condusiIve of lack of experience either...many late 20's and 30's have been around the block enough to know how to plan a fun and eventful date, be it the first of 50th. His poor planning speaks to his own lack of experience and maturity rather then his age. But ask yourself, had the date been more eventful, lets say after dinner he took you to fun little jazz bar or something to your liking and continued the date....sounds to me the first part of the date was not all the conversational to begin with, so extending your torture would have only made you start drinking heavy to ease the pain and likely end with you making a bad descision in your druken state like indeed showing him the pool with you naked in it. Thank your lucky stars the little bastared blew it and saved you from making aforementioned bad decision. "Again Tudor pats the but this time because he liked how the first one went" Ha ha! You're so funny, Tudor! and so right. I think his lack of planning was pretty lame. Even guys who are trying to get laid know better that a 1 1/4 hour sushi dinner isn't enough foreplay to bed a woman on a first date. I didn't deserve being guilted about not enjoying a 1 1/4 hour date either. How is it that a 30-year man can lack such social dating skills?
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Ha ha! You're so funny, Tudor! and so right. I think his lack of planning was pretty lame. Even guys who are trying to get laid know better that a 1 1/4 hour sushi dinner isn't enough foreplay to bed a woman on a first date. I didn't deserve being guilted about not enjoying a 1 1/4 hour date either. How is it that a 30-year man can lack such social dating skills? I once took a date to eat sushi just to see how she handled getting the big pieces in her mouth. LOL. It was kind of hot but clearly my intentions were not honorable. I'm a bad person. Dating skills can be learned but confidense you either have or not. Sounds to me his lack of social dating skills is more a product of his lack of confidense. Which means he may not have been on many dates because of his lack of confidense in asking for them. On the other hand maybe you intimidated him. Do you think you have that effect on men? I mean with a handle like AlphaFemale you are clearly a confident woman and some men just fall to pieces around that. And not sure how much older you are then him but some men are also intimidated by older women because they fear they lack the experience that an older women has come to expect. Many possible reasons for his inability to properly plan a good date. But his prompt removal of you from his IM and myspace, etc only illustrates his embarrasment for his failed date. With any luck you taught the lad a valuable lesson on what to do in order to not get laid and not get a 2nd date.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 We have a 12 year age difference. He told me last night on the phone that he was intimidated by me. I guess because he felt I had my stuff together. And yes, I used to get that alot, but since taking a break from dating, I hadn't heard it in a while. But I suppose there was a certain degree of that going on. But he told me he always dates older women. I removed him from myspace and IM last week when he made a total bonehead comment. I wasn't sure if tonight was in response to that, but youre probably right again that it was his embarrassment. Particularly since he had said before we parted that it would occur to him later where he went wrong. ha ha. Poor tyke.
Javelin Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Did you ever think that you may have made the kid nervous? I'm playing devils advocate here, but he does seem like a waste of time in terms of dating. I'm 25 and could show you a better time then he did. I once took a date to eat sushi just to see how she handled getting the big pieces in her mouth. LOL. It was kind of hot but clearly my intentions were not honorable. I'm a bad person. Your avatar makes sense now....
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 12 years....You little couger you! LOL So might I be so bold as to ask what was it about this 30 yr old that attracted you enough to venture a date?
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 12 years....You little couger you! LOL So might I be so bold as to ask what was it about this 30 yr old that attracted you enough to venture a date? He is extremely fit (which is my thing as well), comes from a good family, is not the partier type, and he was completely empathetic about a situation in my life that causes a good deal of angst and sadness (sick parent).
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Did you ever think that you may have made the kid nervous? Yes Tudor ventured that as an option. And yes, a 25 year old could have certainly have planned a better evening. I'm still trying to figure out if a 6PM dinner date was so he could try for sex later, or just total cluelessness. We met at 6:15 and even after our drama by my car, I was driving home at 7:37PM. ?
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 He is extremely fit (which is my thing as well), comes from a good family, is not the partier type, and he was completely empathetic about a situation in my life that causes a good deal of angst and sadness (sick parent). I can see how that would spark your interest. All I can is "ain't dating grand!" Unfortunately you have to go on some bad dates to get to the good ones. In his defense, I wouldn't let it jade your opinion on dating younger men. Not all of them are as lacking in their abilities to show you a good time. I hope to hear more about the dating aventures of Alpha Female....be sure to include the details on any happy endings.
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Hey, I think you're being a little unfair to this guy. Dinner shouldn't be such a short event. Also, it's not solely his task to entertain you, in that interesting conversation needs to be fueled by both people. It really sounds like he's shy and awkward. Perhaps you could have helped to put him at ease a bit by encouraging v. expecting?
TudorII Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Yes Tudor ventured that as an option. And yes, a 25 year old could have certainly have planned a better evening. I'm still trying to figure out if a 6PM dinner date was so he could try for sex later, or just total cluelessness. We met at 6:15 and even after our drama by my car, I was driving home at 7:37PM. ? This is just an observation but if he was truly just trying for sex I don't see why and early date would be the way to go. In my "player" days even I knew that sex on first date was only likely if their was plenty of booz, something to set the mood like hot dancing, and night time. Something about night time promotes sexual tendancies for most. And lets be honest, a lot of women are very self conscience about their bodies and if it is going to happen they perfer the cover of dark to start until they grow more comfortable. Just my take....but who knows, maybe it was all about sex for him and again his poor planning and thinking ahead lead him to ignore the rules of engagment on the likelyhood of getting laid at 6:00 PM. LOL
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Hey, I think you're being a little unfair to this guy. Dinner shouldn't be such a short event. Also, it's not solely his task to entertain you, in that interesting conversation needs to be fueled by both people. It really sounds like he's shy and awkward. Perhaps you could have helped to put him at ease a bit by encouraging v. expecting? No, dinner should not be an hour. I agree and that is the cause of the crappy date. The rest of what you had to say makes completely no sense to me, sorry. The conversation was OK, but he was so nervous, that he was sometimes all over the place. There wasn't much to be done. Why do you think I didn't encourage him? I supported his selection of restaurant and even agreed to dine during early bird special hour. When we left, I asked him if he wanted to go shopping (we were at a very upscale outdoor mall) to extend our time together, and he thought I was being sarcastic. Then he walked me to my car and asked to see my pool. I get the feeling that he got some coaching from the guys at work. We set up the date on saturday night for tuesday, but it wasn't until about 10:30AM on monday when he let me know where we were going. Like he asked the guys at work or something. And maybe they gave him the bad advice to try and get to see my pool. ha ha.
Author Alpha Female Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 his poor planning and thinking ahead lead him to ignore the rules of engagment on the likelyhood of getting laid at 6:00 PM. LOL Freakin hysterical! Yea, when you spell it out like that, you're right. No guy angling for sex would think sushi at 6PM during happy hour is the ticket to getting laid.
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 No, dinner should not be an hour. I agree and that is the cause of the crappy date. The rest of what you had to say makes completely no sense to me, sorry. The conversation was OK, but he was so nervous, that he was sometimes all over the place. There wasn't much to be done. Why do you think I didn't encourage him? I supported his selection of restaurant and even agreed to dine during early bird special hour. When we left, I asked him if he wanted to go shopping (we were at a very upscale outdoor mall) to extend our time together, and he thought I was being sarcastic. Then he walked me to my car and asked to see my pool. I get the feeling that he got some coaching from the guys at work. We set up the date on saturday night for tuesday, but it wasn't until about 10:30AM on monday when he let me know where we were going. Like he asked the guys at work or something. And maybe they gave him the bad advice to try and get to see my pool. ha ha. What I've found works best for someone this nervous is to help them relax by carrying the conversation with funny stories or pinpointing what he finds really interesting and encouraging him, by making his dialogue seem to be the most fascinating, funny or intensely interesting topic ever. Most often men will relax after awhile and run with it.
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