AcidDJx Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year now, and we've had several breaks from then until now. She used to text, talk to (on AIM), and get rides home from this guy named Bobby, but doesn't talk to him any more. We broke up once over him, but we ended up getting back together just after our anniversary would have been. Anyways, I need to ask. Before, around, oh, I don't know; say October or November or maybe December, we used to be able to talk about our problems and issues in the relationship. Openly. No fighting. Just a good talk. We can still do that in person, but we can't do it on the phone or on text or AIM any more. It always ends up in a fight or silence (she either stops talking on the phone until I apologize heavily for bringing it up, etc. or stops IMing me until I do so). I miss the old times where we used to be able to talk. What changed? We've even talked about how we can't talk any more, and we still can't figure out what's different. It's so confusing. I spend every waking minute with her that I can. She's my best friend, and I tell her everything. She knows all of my problems and thoughts, when they happen and what they are. For example. I recently went to a store called Pacsun (for those of you who don't know it, it's a clothing store based on surf-wear) and spoke with a girl in there. Just chatty-stuff, not even flirty. My girlfriend hadn't been there, but we talked for a few. Magically, this girl found my Myspace, and we talked once on there, via messages (not comments. No one can see these messages). She says "I need to go on your Myspace and see something." I said she could, and she did. She then told me her stomach hurt (on the phone), and I asked why. She said that the "pretty girl in your inbox who you had been talking with" had made her stomach hurt. Now come on, though. We had been talking about clothing and hair. Not even compliments. So we spoke about how it had made her jealous for a few, given her those "butterflies" (not the good kind) in her stomach, etc. I told her I was sorry, but the girl was just an aquaintance. I deleted the messages, and her as a friend, as to not complicate the situation. I just don't understand. We used to be able to talk about these problems. We've had issues just like this with guys+her and other girls+me (even though I've never even flirted with girls, but she has flirted with guys). Is there anything you guys can suggest to revive what we used to have? It seems every little problem causes a landslide that is slowly leading to our downfall.
sally4sara Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 You said the topic of opposite gender socializing has been a problem in this relationship. You also state that while both of you have had these problems, you did not flirt or act inappropriately but she did. The flirting with other people isn't right, but a little flirting isn't the end of the world. You call your partner out and if they can cop to it and cut it out, it is certainly forgivable. Right? So why would she get so distressed that she feels ill when she can see for herself that the conversation was not flirty? Especially when she is guilty of being inappropriate? It is because she HAS behaved inappropriately. She is just figuring you to be capable of what she has done. Right now you should be asking yourself why a little flirting is something worth feeling physically distressed over and if you know for certain all she is guilty of is a little flirting.
Author AcidDJx Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Yeah, but it's more than a little flirting on her end. I believe I have a right to talk to her about it. I don't flirt, but she does. I just don't see how that's fair. And when I bring it up, it's always a fight. So she strikes, trying to find ways to her to have leverage in a fight. Then again, maybe I should be more understanding.
Javelin Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 She used to text, talk to (on AIM), and get rides home from this guy named Bobby, but doesn't talk to him any more. We broke up once over him, but we ended up getting back together just after our anniversary would have been. I'm sure you were never apart of these conversations or rides, but she can freely log-in to your myspace account and check messages (which are innocent) and it all of a sudden becomes a 1-way street? I would be more firm with her if I were you.
sally4sara Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Yeah, but it's more than a little flirting on her end. I believe I have a right to talk to her about it. I don't flirt, but she does. I just don't see how that's fair. And when I bring it up, it's always a fight. So she strikes, trying to find ways to her to have leverage in a fight. Then again, maybe I should be more understanding. No dude, more understanding its whats needed here. I think you need to look at the implications. All you have to do is talk to a girl for her to feel physically ill at what it might lead to. Her only basis for comparison is her own actions and whatever level her own actions are amount to something that can cause physical anxiety. In short, my guess is she full out screwed around on you and because of it, is certain you'll do the same with any female you meet.
Author AcidDJx Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Thanks, sally4sara and Javelin. Sally4sara, your suggestion got me thinking, and I brought it up with my girlfriend, and she told me that's exactly it. She feels bad about Bobby, and she thinks because I was mad over it, I'll do it back to her. First serious conversation without a fight. Aww, thanks guys. You guys are the best.
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