popeyestoejam Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I've been trolling here a little and finally decided to see what others thought of my situation. I've been with my wife for over 8 years now (5 married) and I've suspected her of cheating off and on for a little while now. She used to be overweight and had low self esteem, but I loved here all the same. About 2 1/2 years ago she began a mad crazy diet/excersize program and dropped a lot of weight. However, not only did she lose weight, but it seemed to have awakened something inside of her because several months into it she began getting on chat rooms and meeting new people This went on for a while, but she then started asking me what I thought about swinging. Being a bit of a pervert myself I thought it sounded a little exciting, but scary at the same time. I was never serious about it, but fantasizing about it was a bit of a turn on. Eventually she quit talking about couples swinging and more into 3somes with another woman and she revealed to me she was bisexual. Then she just wanted to meet with another woman herself and not include me. I had a talk with her and let her know that I loved her and that this whole thing was not what I wanted and I didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize our marriage. During this time I found a free keylogger and installed it on her computer and it was on there for probably a few months. During which I read many many raunchy conversations with men and women. Before I uninstalled the program she seemed to be more into the women thing. She'd met a couple women. She met up with one in a town a couple hours away a few times, but from what I read it sounded like the other girl didn't want someone who was just experimenting. The other woman she met she is still friends with today. I don't recall every seeing any chat logs with her friend that would constitute proof of an affair, but I don't have keylogger anymore so I couldn't tell for sure. There have been a few times that I found the wifes phone with text messages that she'd forgot to delete where her friend and my wife told each other that they loved one another. However, I hear her say to all her friends that she loves them so is that any different? Once or twice a week my wife has tv show night where she goes out to watch her favorite shows. One is with her friend and she says that the other is with a different friend(who I personally know and there's nothing there). We've worked different schedules often over the last few years and although we see each other each day we don't always spend much time with one another every day. I know I'm rambling on a lot and there's certainly more detail I could give, but that is in a nutshell where I'm at with this. I don't have proof of infidelity, but there's a few things here and there to give me cause for concern. I want to install another keylogger onto her computer, but the problem is that the last time I tried a freebie keylogger the antivirus program detected it and went berserk. Secondly, I don't really have the money to get a good one that is completely invisible and third her friend (aka possible lover) is a computer nut so if she was every on my wife's computer she might know something was up? A couple year's ago when I installed the first keylogger my wife was not very knowedgable of computers, but she's picked up more over time and I'm worried if she'd detect it somehow. Does anyone have any advice how I could "spy" on her a bit to try to build up any hard proof (if any exists) before I ever decide to confront her? Maybe this whole thing is absolutely nothing, but I think I want to know for sure rather than bury my head in the sand any longer. Thanks for any help
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Check out websites from talk shows like Maury Povich and Montel Williams. There also various websites you probably can check out. Just try different word combinations like "cheap spy gear." But, know if you have to go to these lengths, don't you think you should spend the money on a marriage counselor first to address your concerns and see what you can do to work around these issues? DNR
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I've been trolling here a little and finally decided to see what others thought of my situation. I've been with my wife for over 8 years now (5 married) and I've suspected her of cheating off and on for a little while now. She used to be overweight and had low self esteem, but I loved here all the same. About 2 1/2 years ago she began a mad crazy diet/excersize program and dropped a lot of weight. However, not only did she lose weight, but it seemed to have awakened something inside of her because several months into it she began getting on chat rooms and meeting new people This went on for a while, but she then started asking me what I thought about swinging. Being a bit of a pervert myself I thought it sounded a little exciting, but scary at the same time. I was never serious about it, but fantasizing about it was a bit of a turn on. Eventually she quit talking about couples swinging and more into 3somes with another woman and she revealed to me she was bisexual. Then she just wanted to meet with another woman herself and not include me. I had a talk with her and let her know that I loved her and that this whole thing was not what I wanted and I didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize our marriage. During this time I found a free keylogger and installed it on her computer and it was on there for probably a few months. During which I read many many raunchy conversations with men and women. Before I uninstalled the program she seemed to be more into the women thing. She'd met a couple women. She met up with one in a town a couple hours away a few times, but from what I read it sounded like the other girl didn't want someone who was just experimenting. The other woman she met she is still friends with today. I don't recall every seeing any chat logs with her friend that would constitute proof of an affair, but I don't have keylogger anymore so I couldn't tell for sure. There have been a few times that I found the wifes phone with text messages that she'd forgot to delete where her friend and my wife told each other that they loved one another. However, I hear her say to all her friends that she loves them so is that any different? Once or twice a week my wife has tv show night where she goes out to watch her favorite shows. One is with her friend and she says that the other is with a different friend(who I personally know and there's nothing there). We've worked different schedules often over the last few years and although we see each other each day we don't always spend much time with one another every day. I know I'm rambling on a lot and there's certainly more detail I could give, but that is in a nutshell where I'm at with this. I don't have proof of infidelity, but there's a few things here and there to give me cause for concern. I want to install another keylogger onto her computer, but the problem is that the last time I tried a freebie keylogger the antivirus program detected it and went berserk. Secondly, I don't really have the money to get a good one that is completely invisible and third her friend (aka possible lover) is a computer nut so if she was every on my wife's computer she might know something was up? A couple year's ago when I installed the first keylogger my wife was not very knowedgable of computers, but she's picked up more over time and I'm worried if she'd detect it somehow. Does anyone have any advice how I could "spy" on her a bit to try to build up any hard proof (if any exists) before I ever decide to confront her? Maybe this whole thing is absolutely nothing, but I think I want to know for sure rather than bury my head in the sand any longer. Thanks for any help you can buy a hardware keylogger that just plugs into the usb at the back of your pc - unless they had a reason to look they would never notice it.
Curmudgeon Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 you can buy a hardware keylogger that just plugs into the usb at the back of your pc - unless they had a reason to look they would never notice it. Unless, of course, they were savvy enough to notice a Safely Remove Hardware icon that could show up on the toolbar.
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Unless, of course, they were savvy enough to notice a Safely Remove Hardware icon that could show up on the toolbar. that usually only happens if it's something like a flash or thumb drive with no installation requirement (plug n play). If you actually install it, that doesn't pop up
Owl Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 What more proof do you need???? You had/have plenty of evidence already...she's met and slept with other women, professed her love for this other woman... You might try a better keylogger. You might also consider a GPS device in her car, along with a voice activated digital recorder. Get two recorders, put one in her car, and put on on the house phone on an unused jack someplace where she's not likely to find it. When do you suspect she's 'hooking up' with this OW? Have a friend that she doesn't know keep an eye on her during those times. There are tons of ways you can work this.
Author popeyestoejam Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I appreciate the feedback from everyone. I agree that I've probably just sat back too long without doing anything. I hate to say that one of my faults I have is I really hate conflict and as stupid as it sounds I think I've just sat around "hoping" it would work itself out. As far as keyloggers go I'll check out that link, but hardware ones are out of the question since she uses a laptop. I'm not real familiar with "rigging" antivirus to ignore the stuff but that is a good idea and I'll try to do that. I don't think she's savvy enough to poke around antivirus settings. One think I know she is familiar with is going to "Add/Remove Programs" so I have a little fear that if she was in it for whatever reason she might see it there. We don't fight very often, but my wife is awfully good at arguing and usually has a knack for turning things around on me to make me look bad unless I have a completely legitimate case that I can adequately bring to the table. Before confronting her I just want to make sure that I have what I need to make a good argument. And by the way I use argument loosely because if it came to that I would try to come across as non-accusational as possible so we just talked rather than fought. Thanks again.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I appreciate the feedback from everyone. I agree that I've probably just sat back too long without doing anything. I hate to say that one of my faults I have is I really hate conflict and as stupid as it sounds I think I've just sat around "hoping" it would work itself out. As far as keyloggers go I'll check out that link, but hardware ones are out of the question since she uses a laptop. I'm not real familiar with "rigging" antivirus to ignore the stuff but that is a good idea and I'll try to do that. I don't think she's savvy enough to poke around antivirus settings. One think I know she is familiar with is going to "Add/Remove Programs" so I have a little fear that if she was in it for whatever reason she might see it there. We don't fight very often, but my wife is awfully good at arguing and usually has a knack for turning things around on me to make me look bad unless I have a completely legitimate case that I can adequately bring to the table. Before confronting her I just want to make sure that I have what I need to make a good argument. And by the way I use argument loosely because if it came to that I would try to come across as non-accusational as possible so we just talked rather than fought. Thanks again. Wow where the F is your spine? You dont like to argue? man where's your self respect. Dont be a freaking doormatQ your wife is a Fing lesbian!!!!! Yes I said it!!! she's a dyke continue being in your marriage where your the cuckholded husband! the minute you put your foot down and grow your manhood you can either find someone else who can love and respect you deeply or be stuck with a lying cheating slut for a wife, the choice is yours!!!
Bryanp Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I am sorry my friend but you are in such deep denial it is incomprehensible. Everything you have written makes it pretty clear she is bisexual if not lesbian totally; and she has been engaging in a lesbian affair. You sit back and wishes it will work itself out? If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would have been so complecent and easy going as you? She has humiliated and disrespected you and your marriage. She knows you are afraid of her. Clearly she has little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Do you really wish to spend the rest of your life with someone who thinks so little of you and is putting your health at risk?
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Go to a lawyer find out your rights! immediately. Yor wife is not your wife anymore. the woman your with isnt her. As soon as she got home my bags would be packed and I would just hand her my wedding ring and tell her goodbye. That chick is your husband now! and give both sides of your families the truth. let's see her deny it then. What kind of man are you to just sit back and allow this to happen?
whichwayisup Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 She's cheating on you, sleeping with other women - How can she turn that around and make it your fault? She's the one who is cheating, not you. Bottomline here - The longer you stay quiet and stew up anger about this, the more unhappy you'll be. It's up to you to take the bull by the horn and TELL her that you're sick of her behaviour and it's GOT to stop NOW or she can move out. Right now she is in an affair-fog, she isn't thinking clearly at all - She's created a fantasy bubble where she thinks you don't exist - Meaning she's detached enough from you that any guilt she feels is pushed away and is being justified in her own way. If you want your marriage, stand up for FIGHT for her. IF you don't feel you can forgive her and work through this, then tell her to move out and get divorced.
pelicanpreacher Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 If this question isn't too personal how is your love life currently and do you sense a growing distance from you as well as a growing eagerness when she's engaging with others? What do you notice about her moods, patterns of activity, and changes in behavior? Its the little things that get them busted so keep an observant eye on these issues and you'll be able to determine all that you need to know without hard evidence.
Author popeyestoejam Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Well, a lot of you beat me up pretty bad on this thread, but whatever I guess. So my wife and I had a talk last night and she's confided in me that she's been struggling inside for sometime and and confessed that she feels that she is a lesbian now. She said that she thought I am a good man and husband and does love me, but she doesn't feel that she can give me what I need nor can I give her what she needs. She said that she'd never cheated on me, but has been torn apart for a while now because of the way she feels. It hurts like hell and right now I don't even have a clue where to go from here, but it looks like our marriage is coming to an end. I never thought my marriage would end (especially this way), but I guess I just need to be as optimistic about it as possible. I'm not the only one to go through this and I know life goes on...just going to be lonely now. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice even if they were harsh.
Bryanp Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I am sorry to hear of your bad news. I don't think most people were harsh in that they wanted you to get out of the denial stage. From what you have written I think your wife has tried to let you down kindly about her telling you she has not cheated. It seems pretty clear that the opposite is true which is why she wishes to leave the message. The bottom line is that you deserve and will find happiness in the future. I wish you luck.
imagine Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Please note that these are typical WW blabber. You do not have to accept what she says. She may just be trying to justify her wayward actions by convincing herself that this her true nature. Intervention may be needed. Expose her to those that would be willing to help your cause. Do this without malice but with the firm conviction that you are protecting your woman and saving your marriage. Before this course of action is initiated, you must be convicted that this is what you have to do. The road may be long and hard. YOU must be fit for the task. READ "Surviving an Affair" - Dr Harley.
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