JackhammerGemma Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 How does one go about being "ok" with being alone without their significant other? I got attached to mine too fast and now when he's not around I just feel bored and/or lost. I think it has to do with the fact that since he cheated on me I'm always wondering what he's doing or who he's talking to or texting when I'm not around and my mind is always on that. If I trusted him I guess being alone would be ok. How can I un-focus on what he's doing? Seems like nothing is helping. No matter what I'm doing-whether hobby related or friends related, in the back of my mind I'm always wondering what he's really doing. Does that ever go away if you decide to work things out with someone who's cheated? Are there any meds out there that help with obsessive thoughts? Please no "Why are you still with him" or "dump the loser" replies. I'm not asking for anyone to sugar coat anything, just trying to cope with a situation I have chosen to remain in for reasons of my own. Thanks.
aubree1982 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I think when someone cheats it takes lots of time to regain their trust. I don't look bad upon someone who decides to go back to someone but you have to do it knowing that it will never happen again. It sounds like you don't trust this guy and maybe never will. If you always wondering where he is or what he's doing then I honestly don't think you are ready to want to trust him again. I went back to the same guy a dozen times he never cheated on me but he treated me like crap, and even though all my friends told me not to go back to him I still did. A true friend may make those comments because they don't want you to get hurt and they are only looking out for your best interest. Although, a true friend will also support your decisions no matter if they think they are not right. You have to decided for yourself if you can continue to live the way you are now...always questioning and wondering. You may have thought you could get over the cheating but maybe you can't.
jellyfarm Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Hey it's not easy to go through what you've gone through but there's always hope. Just think back to the days BEFORE you met your significant other and try to simulate those happy experiences you had with yourself then. Also, remember what you enjoy doing or indulging in most WITHOUT the significant other. Maybe you loved drawing, maybe you loved reading - whatever your hobbies are, it really helps to bring you closer in connection to you and your inner self. Also, a lot of people forget that before you enter a relationship, be sure you are reasonably comfortable with yourself as a person. All your perfections and flaws. Then instead of entering a relationship because of need and insecurity or even wanting to gain something, enter a relationship because you have something to offer, without expectations and without condition. That's true love, so even if there are differences and loss eventually in the relationship, if it didn't work out, you won't feel so bad or lost because you tried your best. Just forgive all parties involved (including yourself, if you had a part to play in it) and move on with your life. Listen, nothing in Life is forever, including marriage, or relationships or even people in your family. Those are merely man-made words. True life is evolution - a process. Everything is temporal so just enjoy what is today and in the moment. Don't think too much ahead and trust your inner instincts to make the wise decisions for you because no matter how lost/confused you are, no one else knows, only YOU know what's good for you at the end of the day. Best of luck!
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