Lizzie60 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I have this guy friend (I haven't seen him for quite a while, over 2 years)... we 'fooled around' once (about 3 years ago).. nothing too 'heavy'.. anyway he has called me once or twice a week since... we don't openly talk about sex..but he makes continuous 'passes' with a lot of subtility... He called me this morning at work... he is getting married in 3 weeks..WOW.. and he still would like to get together.. He swears he loves her, that he's happy with her... blablabla... but still wants to have sex with me.. says he's been obsessed with me since we fooled around... So.. I DO believe that loving someone has nothing to do with 'cheating'... they can love and cheat... the ba$tards... I will never understand men... really... I know that when I'm head over heels someone.. I don't even think about cheating... Men are strange animals..
jerbear Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Men are strange animals.. No we're not! Women are stranger animals! :p
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 No we're not! Women are stranger animals! :p I don't think so... I don't think that a woman would do that (extremely rare).. 3 weeks before her marriage... (if she is really in love with the guy).. but a man would. back at ya.
jerbear Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I don't think so... I don't think that a woman would do that (extremely rare).. 3 weeks before her marriage... (if she is really in love with the guy).. but a man would. back at ya. Extremely rare because she'll dump that guy, go out and have fun, then she'll call the dumpee, the dumpee would post on LS. So technically they are not together hence technically rare. Either that she'll be the bride in "Bridezilla V: Stressed booty call" So how are we stranger?
Curmudgeon Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I will never understand men... really... I know that when I'm head over heels someone.. I don't even think about cheating... Men are strange animals.. You've always claimed you understood us perfectly; that you can have any one of us you want and we all cheat. Of course, that couldn't be more wrong but you've certainly said it often enough. Collectively we're not strange at all, anymore than women are. I think perhaps it has to do with the character of the men you attract, or more specifically, the lack thereof.
luvstarved Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 You've always claimed you understood us perfectly; that you can have any one of us you want and we all cheat. Of course, that couldn't be more wrong but you've certainly said it often enough. Collectively we're not strange at all, anymore than women are. I think perhaps it has to do with the character of the men you attract, or more specifically, the lack thereof. Yeah Curmudgeon you nailed it. Lizzie, it almost sounds like you understand single guys screwing around, and married guys screwing around, but...not engaged guys? Isn't a guy a guy anymore? I was in an open marriage for 5 years and I know that many men can be persuaded to cheat, even where they might not if not approached/coerced. A lot more think about it but dare not. Some, though, will not go through with it even though they find other women sexually stimulating,because they honor and respect their wives and find more value in a deeper relationship with them than in a roll in the hay, however stellar it may be...
Ariadne Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 says he's been obsessed with me since we fooled around... ..............
underpants Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I don't think so... I don't think that a woman would do that (extremely rare).. 3 weeks before her marriage... (if she is really in love with the guy).. but a man would. back at ya. Actually, In my observations I've seen more women cheat then men. However, overall those who cheat (male or female) are a very small subset of the population. What you offer is a double standard based in a minority viewpoint. Very limiting. Yet, from what I have read it is what you have been drawn to from your first experience until now. You seek it out. Talk about a pattern. I guess we all cultivate our experiences and perspectives differently.
Woggle Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Women cheat just as much as men do and most men don't cheat. Lizzie may have no problem getting men but I would bet that she attracts the bottom of the barrel. Real men who are honest just look with amusement and then move on while the scumbags risk their marriages over her.
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 Lizzie.. Like I said, the quality of men you meet are not what men are really about. These guys only want to satisify themselves. He might 'love' her, but for all the wrong reasons. Once he marries her, are you going to have sex with him? Why do you keep in contact with guys like this? I know we come from two different sides right now, but I just don't see what you are getting out of all of this. I could never even think of wanting to have sex with another woman, 3 weeks before my wedding. The guy is a complete loser. When you go out with these types of men all the time, it's giving you a sense that all men are pigs. However, it's you that are picking these types of men out. So try not to paint all men like this. You seek these men out, it's what you have to expect to get in return. You got this one wrong.. this guy is a great person... very respectful... (I know.. I know).. he has absolutely no idea of my lifestyle... He is just a friend... and no I will not sleep with him once he gets married... but hey.. if you like to think that I only get the bottom of the barrel.. go ahead.. I know most men are all the same in the end..
Woggle Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 A snake can seem very likable and respectful on the outside and I would guess that this guy fits in that category. He is just a good actor. Most men are not the same as well. I have had plenty offers since I put on that wedding ring and I have turned down every single one.
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 A snake can seem very likable and respectful on the outside and I would guess that this guy fits in that category. He is just a good actor. Most men are not the same as well. I have had plenty offers since I put on that wedding ring and I have turned down every single one. Oh well.. good for you...
carhill Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 He is just a friend... and no I will not sleep with him once he gets married... Never say never Seriously, if he's been talking and flirting with you all the time he's been romancing and getting engaged to his here-to-now wife, his boxes really have good separation. In a way I envy him, primarily the way he can compartmentalize emotion, love and lust. He's likely attractive to a wide range of women and will make a great husband. I say that in the absolute sense, based on the reality that women are socialized to feel men like him are indeed the best men for them. I bet he will meet and exceed all his wife's standards. This opinion might sound sarcastic, but I assure you it is not. It is revelation, to me at least... Does he have further political aspirations? (yes, that's sarcastic )
SerenityX2 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 You got this one wrong.. this guy is a great person... very respectful... (I know.. I know).. he has absolutely no idea of my lifestyle... He is just a friend... and no I will not sleep with him once he gets married... but hey.. if you like to think that I only get the bottom of the barrel.. go ahead.. I know most men are all the same in the end.. He's very respectful but cheats? Seriously if you never even "met" a guy, not one that wouldn't cheat...I see that as limited perspective, and I understand why you would say what you do given those experiences. I don't think you get bottom of the barrel, I think you encounter guys that have an askewed idea of what true love and respect is, perhaps messed up b/c of how they were brought up, not necessarily bottom of the barrel, but definitely not loving and respectful of their SO's/W's. I've encountered that type too, but it's night and day from my H, and I'm sure other men. If it makes "you" feel better to believe guys are "all" the same in the end....whatever rocks your world. (I know )
bish Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 The stats for married men cheating is 70%. So....most men do cheat. If that is the case, then most married women DO cheat as well. This stat shows that the percentage of women that cheat is pretty close to men. http://menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html#infidelity
Hyperpen12000 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I have this guy friend (I haven't seen him for quite a while, over 2 years)... we 'fooled around' once (about 3 years ago).. nothing too 'heavy'.. anyway he has called me once or twice a week since... we don't openly talk about sex..but he makes continuous 'passes' with a lot of subtility... He called me this morning at work... he is getting married in 3 weeks..WOW.. and he still would like to get together.. He swears he loves her, that he's happy with her... blablabla... but still wants to have sex with me.. says he's been obsessed with me since we fooled around... So.. I DO believe that loving someone has nothing to do with 'cheating'... they can love and cheat... the ba$tards... I will never understand men... really... I know that when I'm head over heels someone.. I don't even think about cheating... Men are strange animals.. Well that's not true... Watch the show Cheaters... If you can't here's the website: http://www.cheaters.com/ YouTube it if you like. Women think about having sex with other men too. I can't say that the majority do though.
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 It's not that you can only get the bottom of the barrel, it's that you choose to. You could get someone really, really great. The whole package. However you seek out men who are not emotionally available, men that are taken. After your experiences with these men, you then generalize us all from your own experiences. Honestly, that's not fair to us men, to be stereotyped by someone who is looking for men who are taken. You remind me of my wife's mom, who ended up with the scum of the earth. She is on her second husband. Before meeting him, she had doctors (she is a RN) and really good men all around that wanted to date her bad, yet she turned them down. She married an alcoholic rage, who ended up molesting a child. He cheats on her and she still wants him back! She is the type to try to find the 'wounded' bird and nurse it back to health, however it's a relationship that will never work. You kind of are in the same boat, looking for a 'relationship' that you know deep down will end up in drama and problems. You want to continue to find the men like you are, go ahead. However some of us men are actually pretty classy with morals. I know I don't have a guilty conscious about my marriage. This guy was totally single when we fooled around years ago.. he always kept in touch with me... he said I make his day.. Anyway... we lost touch for a while.. he met this nurse... they fell in love .. he then called me out of the blue one day to tell me about her.. then he started to make passes at me.. blablabla.. and now he's getting married... I never slept with this guy.. we only 'fooled' around YEARS ago..
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Well that's not true... Watch the show Cheaters... If you can't here's the website: http://www.cheaters.com/ YouTube it if you like. Women think about having sex with other men too. I can't say that the majority do though. Of course.. but they don't act on it as much as men do... Men are still ahead on the cheating 'scale'.. sorrrrrry...
angie2443 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 So.. I DO believe that loving someone has nothing to do with 'cheating'... they can love and cheat... the ba$tards... He does not love or respect his girlfriend, but I don't if your statement refers to him loving her or you.
NoIDidn't Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 The stats for married men cheating is 70%. So....most men do cheat. Not true. This stat may prove that larger numbers of men cheat when in relationships than women, but not that most men cheat. It only goes for men in relationships. And I believe this stat is men in marriages. It doesn't account for common-law marriages, shacking couples, or people that are just 'dating'. I don't believe that all men cheat. But ones that are willing to cheat a mere three weeks before their wedding? What a loser! I would NOT admit to being called by this loser for a last-ditch booty call. Most men are certainly NOT like him.
Owl Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Lizzie, how did you meet this guy? Was he one of your "clients"? I agree with Jmargel...I think that you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your...profession...causes you to interact almost exclusively with a certain...caliber...of man. He then behaves exactly as you expect him to. You therefore firmly believe that ALL men are like this...because the men in your life choose to be this way. Its like trying to sample the quality of wine by deliberately buying the cheapest bottle you can find and stating that all wine must therefore be horrid. And as long as you deliberately limit your samples to that same cheap quality...you'll always get the same result. You see all men as cheaters...because you sleep with all the men you meet. And the majority of the men you meet are there deliberately with that intent....ergo...self-fulfilling. You get to see exactly what you WANT to see.
luvmy2ns Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Way to go Owl! From the first time I read that thread about how all men cheat and she could make everyone's man cheat with her, that is exactly what I thought. Of course you think all men cheat when you surround yourself with cheaters!
Touche Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Lizzie, how did you meet this guy? Was he one of your "clients"? I agree with Jmargel...I think that you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your...profession...causes you to interact almost exclusively with a certain...caliber...of man. He then behaves exactly as you expect him to. You therefore firmly believe that ALL men are like this...because the men in your life choose to be this way. Its like trying to sample the quality of wine by deliberately buying the cheapest bottle you can find and stating that all wine must therefore be horrid. And as long as you deliberately limit your samples to that same cheap quality...you'll always get the same result. You see all men as cheaters...because you sleep with all the men you meet. And the majority of the men you meet are there deliberately with that intent....ergo...self-fulfilling. You get to see exactly what you WANT to see. Excellent post! That's what I've always said but conveying that message felt like banging my head against a wall. I agree with every word. I've never had a husband (married for the second time) or b/f cheat on me. Never. But of course the women who only encounter those types will say "how do you know?" Puhleeze. Two ex-g/f's of my H's called him last week. I wrote about it on the off-topic thread. He told me about it. And we laughed about it. And it's not the first time that's happened (although it's been a few years now.) But women flirt with him in the courthouse. Clients too. He's oblivious to it but I see. He was cheated on in his first marriage and he'd never do that to me. Or to anyone else he would ever be married to. He's an honest man with integrity. They ARE out there if any one cares to really look.
Touche Posted July 14, 2008 Posted July 14, 2008 Oh I just wanted to add something. Someone said "most" men cheat. Well even if that's the case and you don't believe ALL men cheat that still means there are men who NEVER cheat. Who wants to be hooked up with the lowest common denominator? I never went for the type of man that fits into the "most" category. I always wanted the exception. The one who was the creme de la creme. And I got it. You can have "most" men.
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 Lizzie, how did you meet this guy? Was he one of your "clients"? Not at all.. I think I posted before that he has absolutely no idea about my lifestyle... Some men I date have no idea at all.. so your 'theory' doesn't apply... sorry. I met him many years ago... I think it was on a dating site.. he was single... he met this nurse about 2 years after we met.. but we didn't see each other for a few years. Your...profession...causes you to interact almost exclusively with a certain...caliber...of man. Again.. not at all.. He then behaves exactly as you expect him to. See.. it's not relevant in his case. You therefore firmly believe that ALL men are like this...because the men in your life choose to be this way. No.. I know most men are like him... maybe not 3 weeks before their wedding.. but after.. for sure.. I've been single only for the last 6-7 years.. so I get my 'theory' also from when I was in long term relationships.. I had coworkers, friends, neighbours.. etc..etc.. just like you.. and it's from my whole life's observations that I came up with MY stats. You can think whatever you want.. I know from what I've observed (all my life) that MOST men cheat... or would given the chance and knowing they would never get caught.. I've also done a few 'experiments' and they failed.. even the 'toughest'.. they miserably failed..
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