tkgirl Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I sort of posted about this already bit I tend to ramble sometimes and basically got one response.. mostly critizing my writing style.. thanks anyways! But this question is a little different... and I'll TRY to cut to the chase this time! An "ex" of mine has come back.. sort of! he emailed me after 6 months of NC... he was the one that ended it.. but now it seemed like he was having second thoughts. We emailed back and forth a bit.. he apologized.. I said maybe we could be friends again. Then we decide to go out and ended up having a really good time! Turns out we can't just be friends though... that old chemistry is still there... nothing too crazy though.. just "made out" for a bit! So the next day we email again.. saying what a good time we had, and how great we think each other are etc. I told him that no matter what happens, I hoped that we can always be friends... I really meant that. We call and email again for the next few days... then he goes out of town for ten days! We talked the night before he left.. he said he would try to call me while he was gone but I told him not to worry about it, that he'd be busy with his friends etc. I then went on to say "maybe we'll see each other when you get back then?" maybe? I was trying to play it so cool but now I'm wondering if I played it TOO cool... Well, he got back on Sunday and I still haven't heard from him. He didn't promise anything as far as when he would call, but when I threw that "maybe we'll see each other when you get back" thing he did say "yea, for sure!" But now I wonder... is he having second thoughts about his second thoughts? LOL! or maybe because I was trying to play it so cool that he's just following my lead now and thinking it's all casual with us or...? It was just my way of protecting myself though.. I was really sad when he left me before. But when he apologized again about what happened he seemed so sincere.. saying it wasn't anyting I did but that he was in a "weird place" and shouldn't have been dating. But I'm kind of thinking he may still be in "that place" and even though he might think that he wants something more serious now, he's really not sure or doesn't know how to go about it... anyways! I guess my question is.. should I be worried that he hasn't called yet? I know he has a really busy job and after being gone over a week I'm sure he's got a lot to catch up on.. still, a phone call takes two minutes... I don't know... I just hate feeling like this... waiting and wondering when or if I'll hear from him again. thanks for reading all of this... any input would be appreciated!
xpaperxcutx Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 It doesn't matter if he's having second thoughts or not, what's important is how you feel about this. Do you want to get back with him? Considering he broke up with you, I bet you have a bit of resentment towards him. Besides that whole emailing back and forth is gonna compromise your feelings towards him because he can email one day to say he misses you, and then go a week without contact. Personally I would never get back with an ex. They know how to toy with your emotions and that's not what you want.
Author tkgirl Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 It doesn't matter if he's having second thoughts or not, what's important is how you feel about this. Do you want to get back with him? Considering he broke up with you, I bet you have a bit of resentment towards him. Besides that whole emailing back and forth is gonna compromise your feelings towards him because he can email one day to say he misses you, and then go a week without contact. Personally I would never get back with an ex. They know how to toy with your emotions and that's not what you want. thanks for your response xpaperxcutx.... the truth is I've wanted this second chance with him for a long time.... I tried to move on before, but never really did. I felt like he and I had something really good and he just sort of gave up on it, got scared or something. So when he came back around.. and after the shock wore off... I was thrilled! I thought I was getting that chance with him again that I've been waiting so long for! But now I feel like he's "pulling back" again.. maybe I'm expecting too much too soon? but he was the one to contact me, asked me to go out etc... it just seemed like he wanted to try with us again.. but now... I don't know? Would life really be this cruel as to make me think he was back only to have him leave me again.. and so soon? a part of me wishes he never came back....
xpaperxcutx Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 thanks for your response xpaperxcutx.... the truth is I've wanted this second chance with him for a long time.... I tried to move on before, but never really did. I felt like he and I had something really good and he just sort of gave up on it, got scared or something. So when he came back around.. and after the shock wore off... I was thrilled! I thought I was getting that chance with him again that I've been waiting so long for! But now I feel like he's "pulling back" again.. maybe I'm expecting too much too soon? but he was the one to contact me, asked me to go out etc... it just seemed like he wanted to try with us again.. but now... I don't know? Would life really be this cruel as to make me think he was back only to have him leave me again.. and so soon? a part of me wishes he never came back.... That just says that you never really learned to let go in the first place. That's a bad position to be in. One email, and you're already scrutinizing his ever intentions. Delete the email and move on. Chances are he was looking for an ego boost.
Walk Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 he [ex] emailed me after 6 months of NC... he was the one that ended it.. So the next day we email again.. saying what a good time we had, and how great we think each other are etc. Who initiated the emails talking about what a great time you two had? Him or you? he goes out of town for ten days! anyways! I guess my question is.. should I be worried that he hasn't called yet? ..... after being gone over a week I'm sure he's got a lot to catch up on... 10 days is nearly 2 weeks. Especially if you consider he's back now and still hasn't called. So how many days are we up to at this point, 13? You didn't do anything wrong as far as I tell from what you posted. You expressed a bit of fear that you two wouldn't see each other after he got back. I think that's very normal for the situation you're in. And your fear about it turned out true at this point. I think the silence from him is because of his own problems, and not specifically related to what you said or didn't say. His reasons for leaving you the first time were so vague that they are worthless reasons. He has nothing concrete about why he left, or how he's changed since that time to show he's not the same guy that walked out on you before. He's still the same guy who ditches and runs because of being in a "weird" place. He swoops back into your life, says the things you want to hear, and then completely disappears again. He hasn't changed into who you need him to be. Its great he thought of you and contacted you. I think you should take that as a boost to your confidence... but he hasn't given you any reason for you to trust that he won't flake out and leave you heartbroken again. Protect yourself as far as this guy is concerned. Unless he shows some real effort to show he's not the same guy who left you before, then you know he's going to repeat the same behavior again. Why do you want to give him a second chance with you? I think you deserve someone a hell of a lot more respectful of your feelings then this guy has ever shown.
Ally Boo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Have you considered maybe he is playing it cool too?
Kamille Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Sounds to me like this guy just isn't relationship material. I don't think it's anything you did, and I don't even think the 'see you when you get back' comment sounds insecure. That's what people say to someone who is leaving for a few weeks. I think the problem is him, and the sooner you realize that, the better for you. Stop trying to read stuff into what he says and does: if he wants to be with you, he knows where to find you. And above all, your responsibility is to yourself: I have learned that we can assert a level of control on how fast we fall for somebody. Before you fall for a guy, make sure he is relationship material. This guy here? Flaky and inconsistent. Verdict: not relationship material.
Author tkgirl Posted July 10, 2008 Author Posted July 10, 2008 I appreciate all your support.... I did hear from him today... he emailed from work to see how was doing, what I've been up to etc. I haven't responded yet but will probably call him later tonight.. right now I have the worst headache and partly it's from (over?) thinking about all of this! I realize that I do really like him still and will put up with a little bit of "flakiness"... for now! from what I learned about him and what he's told me before is that he has a hard time letting himself get close to someone. I do think that he had.. and still does have... geniune feelings for me... but wants to take it slow... as do I. BTW he never promised anything as far as calling me by such and such time when he got back... just the comment about calling me from there and I told him not to worry about it. Sometimes I think he wants to do the "right" thing... but I'd rather he does things because he wants to. I knew he'd be really busy... so it's okay! really! And as to why I want him back... I've had these feelings for him for a long time... hard to explain but I think we've all been there at one time or another, right? I just think he and I could be really good together but he has to be open to it and I can't force the issue... that's kind of what I did the first time and I think I scared him off really! I don't think he just "bailed" because he got bored or whatever.. and the fact that he's made a point to contact me again says a lot about us too... I guess time will only tell now, right? okay, enough rambling... but thanks again everyone... SO MUCH!
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