divine1996 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I met my current boyfriend in March 2007 and fell HEAD OVER HEELS for him at that moment...He would come into the restaurant I worked in and we would laugh and talk for hours. It came to a point that when he came in for lunch, every knew I was done working until he left. He listened to me, he made me laugh, and his eyes wrapped themselves around me every time I looked at him. After a few months of flirting I told him he needed to ask me out already!!!! He was SHOCKED!! he had no idea I was interested in him...simply because I'm 10 years younger, he's divorced, he has 2 kids...All things that didn't matter because he made me feel special each and everyday we were together and I was not afraid to date outside of what people would expect of a 20 something woman. Long story short on October 31, 2007 I moved into his home (because he asked me and I knew it was forever). Prior to moving in I met the children who I LOVE TO PIECES, spent long hours on the phone talking with him about what we wanted out of life together, and we almost got married!!! SO...I'm living in the house for 2 weeks and I wanted to get new furniture...he told me he wants someone to decorate and make the home nice...well HE FLIPPED OUT on me...I see his point that he didn't like the idea of me getting rid of his stuff and it was an issue for him...I got that but he tells me I need to move out, he made a mistake, he's not ready to live with someone, or have a serious relationship...WOW...on top of that as time goes on i find out that he REALLY hates his ex wife and has MAJOR anger issues with dealing with her....THEN...we stopped having sex...he says he doesn't want anymore kids...so I say wear a condom and he says he doesn't like condoms...I can't take the pill for medical reasons..so OH WELL he says....I have not had any intimate contact with him in 7 months....I moved away from my friends, family, job, life to be with him and I'm adjusting...NOW he wants me to get a job...which I'm fine with but I just need time to adjust to everything and that's not good enough for him...He has asked me to move out more than once and when I was PACKED he tells me he doesn't want me to leave...WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE>>>
Karma101 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 How long has he been divorced and why did he get divorced (who initiated the divorce, etc.)?
Author divine1996 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 He has been divorced 7 years and living alone all that time. Which Iagain I completely ubderstand that he must get use to the change of not always being alone...What upsets me is he will not be patient with me and support my feelings the way I support his. I took a part time job just to give him time alone at home...I don't make very much money there and it's 49 miles from home....
Author divine1996 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 According to him she left him...they got back together for some time after they were divorced.
Curmudgeon Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 It sounds to me as if he's unstable on several counts. If I was you I'd insist on couples counseling. Failing that, I'd write this one off to experience and move.
stampdaddy Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 It sounds to me as if he's unstable on several counts. If I was you I'd insist on couples counseling. Failing that, I'd write this one off to experience and move. I agree.. It could be a one or two of a million things going on here, NONE of which anybody here can figure out for you.. Be PROACTIVE, and tell him as much.. Explain to him that you want a future with him, but the future starts TODAY...
2sunny Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 when the bad outweighs the good it's time to move on. he has some major issues to overcome... none of which involve you. i'd step aside and let him figure out how to be happy.
D-Lish Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I think getting a job IS a good way to adjust to your new surroundings... When he asked you to move in with him was it with the understanding you wouldn't work? I am not sure why 7 months isn't long enough to adjust and get a job. Besides that issue... I am not sure why you want to stay in a relationship where there is no sexual intimacy and he is wigging out and asking you to move out, then changing his mind. That's just not a sign of a great relationship in the making. It hasn't been that long that you've been together- this is usually the time when things are at their best. I assume you haven't seen the worst of this person yet.
stampdaddy Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I think getting a job IS a good way to adjust to your new surroundings... When he asked you to move in with him was it with the understanding you wouldn't work? I am not sure why 7 months isn't long enough to adjust and get a job. Besides that issue... I am not sure why you want to stay in a relationship where there is no sexual intimacy and he is wigging out and asking you to move out, then changing his mind. That's just not a sign of a great relationship in the making. It hasn't been that long that you've been together- this is usually the time when things are at their best. I assume you haven't seen the worst of this person yet. where is his Cowlick?
Author divine1996 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 Yes, when I moved in it was with the understanding that I would not work for quite a few reasons...I never said I wouldn't go back to work but I had some other projects in the fire...I do have a part time job and I have been working that job for about 4 months... Thanks for the suggestion about couples counseling because I do believe the realationship is worth trying he just has some hang ups that he never worked out...Can anyone suggest how I go about starting that conversation?
Author divine1996 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 I have not worked a full time job in 5 years. I owned my own business that I closed last year...the process took some time and I was in the middle of working out trying to save it...Again I never said I didn't want to work ...I went out and got a part time job...Another BIG issue is where we live...It's pretty much the middle of no where...He drives almost 2 hours everyday to work...He is well aware that I never plan to do that...Finding a GOOD job out here is not an easy task therefore I continued to focus on my small business and work part time (which is 1 hour away from here)
TheSilentType Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Your way more invested in him than he is in you And for that reason, it was a bad move (on top of him having his divorce issues) to move into his home In your specific situation, you shouldn't be living together unless your married. I would seriously leave this guy and find someone else. Its going to end up real messy for both of you....his infatuation looks like its ending and eventually yours will too
Recommended Posts