JP77 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I can understand why he'd hate me, but why not S too? Especially after all the favors if he's done for S with nothing in return. Because he has a screw lose? I don't know. You know him better than anyone.
Author shadowplay Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I think it's normal to rehash things, especially when they end this badly. You need to process the break up, and in due time, the relationship. One question about your previous College experience. Did you live with your parents? And what about in this new town... What will your living arrangements be like? Have you considered a dorm? (I lived in a dorm for the first few months of my first year of university and it allowed me to meet people easily). I actually lived far from home. About a thousand miles away. I was in a freshman dorm. It was good in terms of meeting people but also was a hotbed for cattiness and stress. More like a regression into childhood than a step toward maturity. I hooked up the first week with a group of three other girls. We were all close friends for most of the first semester and then they suddenly dumped me without ever giving an explanation. Looking back, I think I came off as too desperate and needy. I was always uncomfortable around them because I realized we didn't have much in common and I had just attached to them out of desperation. This was the third time I had been rejected in such a ruthless, sudden manner by a group of close girlfriends...and the last. I never befriended a girl again. Girls still totally intimidate me. The few and far between guys I became friendly with were lovers or turned into lovers. It's hard for me to be really close to somebody emotionally without wanting to be sexual. If I were best friends with a girl at this point in my life I'd probably want to jump her bones. It seems I only attach to one person at a time. This has been true all my life. I get really close to one person and the rest of the world disappears. My best friend and I growing up were inseparable. Completely inseparable. Then she moved away and it left this hole in my life that I never quite filled. We had a bizarre relationship. I'd like to write about it on here sometime just to get it out. Anyway, you can see how these scarring experiences would leave me with a fear of abandonment. The way my bf suddenly dumped me without warning is like my worst nightmare.
Author shadowplay Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I feel sad today, guys. Guess what, I took the day off from work to go down to the school with him and he forgot. I called him up at 9:30 last night after I got back from work because I was wondering what the plan was for the next day and he said, "Oh, I thought we were going on Thursday." I can't believe he routinely calls me irresponsible. I had a dream last night about him. We were flying at night over these cities that had beautiful colored lights and he told me "let's get married and I'll take you back to my castle." () I felt blissful and in love. He was a fugitive from the law and I met him in a secret underground tunnel to deliver him food. In the dream his parents were trying to keep us apart, which is probably a reflection of the fact that his dad told him to break up with me. When I woke up, I really missed him and was sad to see the bed next to me empty. My emotions in dreams are far more intense than when I'm awake. Does anyone else have this experience? I've never felt pure, unadulterated love the way I have in dreams. When I wake up the world seems bland by comparison. I wonder if it's possible to obtain that same kind of love in reality. It seems like it must be lying dormant somewhere inside me if I can at least tap into it when I'm asleep.
Author shadowplay Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Do you think maybe it's your beauty that intimidates female friends? A lot of women don't like to have prettier friends. That's a bit of a loaded question. I'm not sure how to answer it without sounding conceited. I guess I'm attractive, but it's hard for me to say whether jealousy plays a role. I have noticed that people tend to assume I'm unfriendly. Whenever I act natural I come off as unfriendly, and when I try to be friendly I come off as desperate.
gummybear Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Aw shadow, I'm sorry about what happened. You said you cheated, and I'm not what kind of cheating you did, how bad it was, or if you did it repeatedly, but I was also in a situation not too long ago where I lied to my bf and emotionally cheated on him (when things between us were rocky) and we broke up for about 1.5 months. After that, we got back together and it was good for awhile and he said he hated losing me and that he wanted to be with me and he loved me etc. But it lasted for only awhile and he started to resent me and get irrated and he broke up with me, saying he suppose he never was able to forgive me for what I did . Your bf probably resents you for the cheating, and alot of relatoinships crumble because to be honest, cheating really does do a lot of damage that is ususally irreparable. As much as it hurts now, you just have to realize that things happen for a reason and you should learn from it. Realize that it hurts now and yes allow yourself to feel the pain, but always know in the back of your mind that you will eventually move on and things will be fine again and you'll meet someone better. I was very miserable and even suciciidal (yes, I was this close to buying sleeping pills) but then I waited it out and I feel 10x better now.
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